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The Atheist Church

Jovian
Posts: 1,720
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3/12/2016 2:37:34 PM
Posted: 9 months ago
After having heard atheism is a religion, I decided we could just make the most out of it and start a church right here, right now. In the room next to us, we have a club for those who share the hobby of non-How The West Was Won-watching. But I'm glad you chose this room instead. So, do you have any ideas on how to organize this splendid church?
AWSM0055
Posts: 751
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3/12/2016 2:50:48 PM
Posted: 9 months ago
At 3/12/2016 2:37:34 PM, Jovian wrote:
After having heard atheism is a religion, I decided we could just make the most out of it and start a church right here, right now. In the room next to us, we have a club for those who share the hobby of non-How The West Was Won-watching. But I'm glad you chose this room instead. So, do you have any ideas on how to organize this splendid church?

Every Sunday, we have a sermon of how stupid theism is. Then we do a weekly study of the Bible/Quran/BOM to see how hard we can laugh without closing our eyes...

Then after that, we have tea, cake, and an intense orgy, followed by a regular blaspheming of the Holy Spirit, such as "f*ck you bitch". This is all accompanied by a a cow, to represent the middle finger we send to Hindus...

Then we kick each other in the gonads of a Monday, to remind ourselves of how precious life is, and to prevent weak, stupid children from being born...

Then we kidnap a Muslim woman, and jack off to her naked ankles.

And then we hold her up for ransom to a random farmer for piggy tails...very important ritual to represent peace and harmony.

After that, we burn the bible and sing kumbaya on its ashes.

And then we plunder and kill every creationist American in America that is American, and rape every woman that is a creationist American, but not really because we're humanists.

And then we'll send a rocket to the moon with Pope Francis on it...send him back home, if you will.

And repeat...

It's gonna be a merry old time!
"Evolution proves necessity is the mother of invention" - David Henson

"Calling my atheism a religion, is like calling my non-stamp-collecting a hobby" - MagicAintReal 2016

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Matt8800: "When warring men kidnap damsels of the enemy, what do they do?"

Jerry947: "They give them the option of marriage."

Matt8800: "Correct! You won idiot of the year award!"

http://explosm.net...
tarantula
Posts: 858
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3/12/2016 2:54:40 PM
Posted: 9 months ago
At 3/12/2016 2:37:34 PM, Jovian wrote:
After having heard atheism is a religion, I decided we could just make the most out of it and start a church right here, right now. In the room next to us, we have a club for those who share the hobby of non-How The West Was Won-watching. But I'm glad you chose this room instead. So, do you have any ideas on how to organize this splendid church?

Non belief isn't a religion, just the default position until the existence of a god is actually verified.
Deb-8-A-Bull
Posts: 2,181
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3/12/2016 3:02:25 PM
Posted: 9 months ago
At 3/12/2016 2:37:34 PM, Jovian wrote:
After having heard atheism is a religion, I decided we could just make the most out of it and start a church right here, right now. In the room next to us, we have a club for those who share the hobby of non-How The West Was Won-watching. But I'm glad you chose this room instead. So, do you have any ideas on how to organize this splendid church?

Well before you start organizing things, please note their will be a small fee of $ 17* from each member. * Prices subject to change. Tax free.
OK go on.
AWSM0055
Posts: 751
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3/12/2016 3:35:28 PM
Posted: 9 months ago
At 3/12/2016 3:02:25 PM, Deb-8-A-Bull wrote:
At 3/12/2016 2:37:34 PM, Jovian wrote:
After having heard atheism is a religion, I decided we could just make the most out of it and start a church right here, right now. In the room next to us, we have a club for those who share the hobby of non-How The West Was Won-watching. But I'm glad you chose this room instead. So, do you have any ideas on how to organize this splendid church?

Well before you start organizing things, please note their will be a small fee of $ 17* from each member. * Prices subject to change. Tax free.
OK go on.

Meh, bump it up to $25, and throw in a crappy happy meal toy...
"Evolution proves necessity is the mother of invention" - David Henson

"Calling my atheism a religion, is like calling my non-stamp-collecting a hobby" - MagicAintReal 2016

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Matt8800: "When warring men kidnap damsels of the enemy, what do they do?"

Jerry947: "They give them the option of marriage."

Matt8800: "Correct! You won idiot of the year award!"

http://explosm.net...
DanneJeRusse
Posts: 12,623
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3/12/2016 5:14:46 PM
Posted: 9 months ago
At 3/12/2016 2:37:34 PM, Jovian wrote:
After having heard atheism is a religion, I decided we could just make the most out of it and start a church right here, right now. In the room next to us, we have a club for those who share the hobby of non-How The West Was Won-watching. But I'm glad you chose this room instead. So, do you have any ideas on how to organize this splendid church?

Sure, and atheist's can go door to door where they offer pamphlets on atheism. Of course, the pamphlets are just blank pieces of paper. (;
Marrying a 6 year old and waiting until she reaches puberty and maturity before having consensual sex is better than walking up to
a stranger in a bar and proceeding to have relations with no valid proof of the intent of the person. Muhammad wins. ~ Fatihah
If they don't want to be killed then they have to subdue to the Islamic laws. - Uncung
Without God, you are lower than sh!t. ~ SpiritandTruth
Jovian
Posts: 1,720
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3/12/2016 5:19:21 PM
Posted: 9 months ago
At 3/12/2016 5:14:46 PM, DanneJeRusse wrote:
At 3/12/2016 2:37:34 PM, Jovian wrote:
After having heard atheism is a religion, I decided we could just make the most out of it and start a church right here, right now. In the room next to us, we have a club for those who share the hobby of non-How The West Was Won-watching. But I'm glad you chose this room instead. So, do you have any ideas on how to organize this splendid church?

Sure, and atheist's can go door to door where they offer pamphlets on atheism. Of course, the pamphlets are just blank pieces of paper. (;

Oh yes that shows the indeed very much inevitable sequitur from atheism to nihilism very perfectly. While knocking, they also could ask "Do you have some minutes to talk about the insignificant dark little godless void we are living in?".
brontoraptor
Posts: 11,685
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3/30/2016 6:45:56 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 3/12/2016 2:37:34 PM, Jovian wrote:
After having heard atheism is a religion, I decided we could just make the most out of it and start a church right here, right now. In the room next to us, we have a club for those who share the hobby of non-How The West Was Won-watching. But I'm glad you chose this room instead. So, do you have any ideas on how to organize this splendid church?

Tactical nucleur weapons?
"What Donald Trump is doing is representing the absolute heartbreak, and anger, and frustration at a government gone mad."

http://youtu.be...
bulproof
Posts: 25,250
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3/30/2016 7:36:41 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 3/12/2016 3:08:18 PM, Deb-8-A-Bull wrote:
I've always wanted to try priest meat. If we can work that in somehow.
Become an altar boy. LOL
Religion is just mind control. George Carlin
Casten
Posts: 391
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3/30/2016 7:53:05 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 3/12/2016 3:25:58 PM, Jovian wrote:
Yearly trips to the holy land of Richard Dawkins's real property.

Unwise. I'm so sick of hearing theists say he's my Fuhrer that I may set fire to his house and stand laughing maniacally before the roaring flames. He doesn't need that crap.
Jovian
Posts: 1,720
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3/30/2016 9:47:36 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 3/30/2016 7:53:05 PM, Casten wrote:
At 3/12/2016 3:25:58 PM, Jovian wrote:
Yearly trips to the holy land of Richard Dawkins's real property.

Unwise. I'm so sick of hearing theists say he's my Fuhrer that I may set fire to his house and stand laughing maniacally before the roaring flames. He doesn't need that crap.

Sorry. Atheism follows automatically a blind worship for Richard Dawkins and submitting to 100% of what Dawkins is saying. This is a natural law which can be breached as much as the law of gravity. There are elements withib our church who disagree with some things Dawkins do, but these people will soon be expulsed from our church.

So make room in your calendar for the first week of July and book your flight to the UK immediately.
Jovian
Posts: 1,720
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3/30/2016 9:49:54 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 3/30/2016 6:45:56 PM, brontoraptor wrote:
At 3/12/2016 2:37:34 PM, Jovian wrote:
After having heard atheism is a religion, I decided we could just make the most out of it and start a church right here, right now. In the room next to us, we have a club for those who share the hobby of non-How The West Was Won-watching. But I'm glad you chose this room instead. So, do you have any ideas on how to organize this splendid church?

Tactical nucleur weapons?

HUSH! Where did you get that information from? Damn, our plans have been leaked. Must have been from one of those who only agrees with Dawkins to 95%. These are no true atheists.
brontoraptor
Posts: 11,685
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3/30/2016 9:54:50 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 3/30/2016 9:49:54 PM, Jovian wrote:
At 3/30/2016 6:45:56 PM, brontoraptor wrote:
At 3/12/2016 2:37:34 PM, Jovian wrote:
After having heard atheism is a religion, I decided we could just make the most out of it and start a church right here, right now. In the room next to us, we have a club for those who share the hobby of non-How The West Was Won-watching. But I'm glad you chose this room instead. So, do you have any ideas on how to organize this splendid church?

Tactical nucleur weapons?

HUSH! Where did you get that information from? Damn, our plans have been leaked. Must have been from one of those who only agrees with Dawkins to 95%. These are no true atheists.

We are watching you...

No. seriously. You are in jammies with batman slippers right now. Correct? If not, then I got the wrong house.
"What Donald Trump is doing is representing the absolute heartbreak, and anger, and frustration at a government gone mad."

http://youtu.be...
Casten
Posts: 391
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3/30/2016 10:03:01 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 3/30/2016 9:47:36 PM, Jovian wrote:
At 3/30/2016 7:53:05 PM, Casten wrote:
At 3/12/2016 3:25:58 PM, Jovian wrote:
Yearly trips to the holy land of Richard Dawkins's real property.

Unwise. I'm so sick of hearing theists say he's my Fuhrer that I may set fire to his house and stand laughing maniacally before the roaring flames. He doesn't need that crap.

Sorry. Atheism follows automatically a blind worship for Richard Dawkins and submitting to 100% of what Dawkins is saying. This is a natural law which can be breached as much as the law of gravity. There are elements withib our church who disagree with some things Dawkins do, but these people will soon be expulsed from our church.

So make room in your calendar for the first week of July and book your flight to the UK immediately.

*cries*
Jovian
Posts: 1,720
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3/30/2016 10:19:16 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 3/30/2016 9:54:50 PM, brontoraptor wrote:
At 3/30/2016 9:49:54 PM, Jovian wrote:
At 3/30/2016 6:45:56 PM, brontoraptor wrote:
At 3/12/2016 2:37:34 PM, Jovian wrote:
After having heard atheism is a religion, I decided we could just make the most out of it and start a church right here, right now. In the room next to us, we have a club for those who share the hobby of non-How The West Was Won-watching. But I'm glad you chose this room instead. So, do you have any ideas on how to organize this splendid church?

Tactical nucleur weapons?

HUSH! Where did you get that information from? Damn, our plans have been leaked. Must have been from one of those who only agrees with Dawkins to 95%. These are no true atheists.

We are watching you...

No. seriously. You are in jammies with batman slippers right now. Correct? If not, then I got the wrong house.

Are you trying to minimize our church, boy?! You will eventually know of the truth. When we have served our non-purpose hear on Earth, His Royal Highness King Richard Dawkins I will judge us and ship us in a boat to the Mortal Kingdom of Nothingatall. NOTHINGATALL. NOTHINGATALL. (Simpsons reference)
Jovian
Posts: 1,720
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3/30/2016 10:32:09 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 3/30/2016 10:03:01 PM, Casten wrote:
At 3/30/2016 9:47:36 PM, Jovian wrote:
At 3/30/2016 7:53:05 PM, Casten wrote:
At 3/12/2016 3:25:58 PM, Jovian wrote:
Yearly trips to the holy land of Richard Dawkins's real property.

Unwise. I'm so sick of hearing theists say he's my Fuhrer that I may set fire to his house and stand laughing maniacally before the roaring flames. He doesn't need that crap.

Sorry. Atheism follows automatically a blind worship for Richard Dawkins and submitting to 100% of what Dawkins is saying. This is a natural law which can be breached as much as the law of gravity. There are elements withib our church who disagree with some things Dawkins do, but these people will soon be expulsed from our church.

So make room in your calendar for the first week of July and book your flight to the UK immediately.

*cries*

There there. You don't know yet what an euphoria it will be when we all lie in tents surrounding Sir Dawkins's house and listen to bedtime stories of how he will free us of this earthly life and send us once and for all to a void of nothing.
Fly
Posts: 2,045
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3/30/2016 11:33:53 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 3/12/2016 2:37:34 PM, Jovian wrote:
After having heard atheism is a religion, I decided we could just make the most out of it and start a church right here, right now. In the room next to us, we have a club for those who share the hobby of non-How The West Was Won-watching. But I'm glad you chose this room instead. So, do you have any ideas on how to organize this splendid church?

Make sure that your first priority is establishing your tax exempt status with the IRS. Otherwise, why bother?
"You don't have a right to be a jerk."
--Religion Forum's hypocrite extraordinaire serving up lulz
newnature
Posts: 150
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3/30/2016 11:41:39 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 3/12/2016 2:37:34 PM, Jovian wrote:
After having heard atheism is a religion, I decided we could just make the most out of it and start a church right here, right now. In the room next to us, we have a club for those who share the hobby of non-How The West Was Won-watching. But I'm glad you chose this room instead. So, do you have any ideas on how to organize this splendid church?

Debate the Trinity, they think they are a church. I made a thread just for the Atheist Church which is called "Come Here Trinity, I Will Expose You". This church can use that thread and embarrass the Trinity. It is packed full of the good stuff to debate the Trinity.
Jovian
Posts: 1,720
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3/30/2016 11:55:54 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 3/30/2016 11:41:39 PM, newnature wrote:
At 3/12/2016 2:37:34 PM, Jovian wrote:
After having heard atheism is a religion, I decided we could just make the most out of it and start a church right here, right now. In the room next to us, we have a club for those who share the hobby of non-How The West Was Won-watching. But I'm glad you chose this room instead. So, do you have any ideas on how to organize this splendid church?

Debate the Trinity, they think they are a church. I made a thread just for the Atheist Church which is called "Come Here Trinity, I Will Expose You". This church can use that thread and embarrass the Trinity. It is packed full of the good stuff to debate the Trinity.

Ah Trinity! Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and Daniel Dennett
newnature
Posts: 150
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3/31/2016 12:08:05 AM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 3/30/2016 11:55:54 PM, Jovian wrote:
At 3/30/2016 11:41:39 PM, newnature wrote:
At 3/12/2016 2:37:34 PM, Jovian wrote:
After having heard atheism is a religion, I decided we could just make the most out of it and start a church right here, right now. In the room next to us, we have a club for those who share the hobby of non-How The West Was Won-watching. But I'm glad you chose this room instead. So, do you have any ideas on how to organize this splendid church?

Debate the Trinity, they think they are a church. I made a thread just for the Atheist Church which is called "Come Here Trinity, I Will Expose You". This church can use that thread and embarrass the Trinity. It is packed full of the good stuff to debate the Trinity.

Ah Trinity! Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and Daniel Dennett

All JW's and Catholics and evangelical and other religious persuasions, your church can take them to school about their man made belief's. Look at your churches strength, you don't believe in any of this stuff. Look at Trinities weakness, they do. Study that thread, you will see.
bulproof
Posts: 25,250
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3/31/2016 12:47:11 AM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 3/31/2016 12:08:05 AM, newnature wrote:
At 3/30/2016 11:55:54 PM, Jovian wrote:
At 3/30/2016 11:41:39 PM, newnature wrote:
At 3/12/2016 2:37:34 PM, Jovian wrote:
After having heard atheism is a religion, I decided we could just make the most out of it and start a church right here, right now. In the room next to us, we have a club for those who share the hobby of non-How The West Was Won-watching. But I'm glad you chose this room instead. So, do you have any ideas on how to organize this splendid church?

Debate the Trinity, they think they are a church. I made a thread just for the Atheist Church which is called "Come Here Trinity, I Will Expose You". This church can use that thread and embarrass the Trinity. It is packed full of the good stuff to debate the Trinity.

Ah Trinity! Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and Daniel Dennett

All JW's and Catholics and evangelical and other religious persuasions, your church can take them to school about their man made belief's. Look at your churches strength, you don't believe in any of this stuff. Look at Trinities weakness, they do. Study that thread, you will see.
Imagine what it will be like when the lowest levels of the asylum are breached.
Religion is just mind control. George Carlin
newnature
Posts: 150
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3/31/2016 12:57:47 AM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 3/31/2016 12:47:11 AM, bulproof wrote:
At 3/31/2016 12:08:05 AM, newnature wrote:
At 3/30/2016 11:55:54 PM, Jovian wrote:
At 3/30/2016 11:41:39 PM, newnature wrote:
At 3/12/2016 2:37:34 PM, Jovian wrote:
After having heard atheism is a religion, I decided we could just make the most out of it and start a church right here, right now. In the room next to us, we have a club for those who share the hobby of non-How The West Was Won-watching. But I'm glad you chose this room instead. So, do you have any ideas on how to organize this splendid church?

Debate the Trinity, they think they are a church. I made a thread just for the Atheist Church which is called "Come Here Trinity, I Will Expose You". This church can use that thread and embarrass the Trinity. It is packed full of the good stuff to debate the Trinity.

Ah Trinity! Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and Daniel Dennett

All JW's and Catholics and evangelical and other religious persuasions, your church can take them to school about their man made belief's. Look at your churches strength, you don't believe in any of this stuff. Look at Trinities weakness, they do. Study that thread, you will see.
Imagine what it will be like when the lowest levels of the asylum are breached.

The Atheist Church rules the Trinity!
Casten
Posts: 391
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3/31/2016 1:31:30 AM
Posted: 8 months ago
How much will the tithe be, and what exactly am I paying for?

Can you describe what rituals we'll be doing, and how much of my time it will take up?

Also, exactly what images will our stained glass windows depict?
bulproof
Posts: 25,250
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3/31/2016 1:39:16 AM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 3/31/2016 1:31:30 AM, Casten wrote:
How much will the tithe be, and what exactly am I paying for?

Can you describe what rituals we'll be doing, and how much of my time it will take up?

Also, exactly what images will our stained glass windows depict?

You ask too many questions.
Who sent you?
I do not trust you.
Religion is just mind control. George Carlin
Casten
Posts: 391
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3/31/2016 2:04:27 AM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 3/31/2016 1:39:16 AM, bulproof wrote:
At 3/31/2016 1:31:30 AM, Casten wrote:
How much will the tithe be, and what exactly am I paying for?

Can you describe what rituals we'll be doing, and how much of my time it will take up?

Also, exactly what images will our stained glass windows depict?

You ask too many questions.
Who sent you?
I do not trust you.

Don't you judge me! Only Dawkins can judge me!

I'm being religiously persecuted! I demand to split off into a separate church with almost identical beliefs but that still manages to squabble with the old church over trivial differences!

And I DEMAND to know what that new church's stained glass windows will depict!