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Tell your nerdy science jokes here!

SNP1
Posts: 2,403
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3/18/2014 10:15:41 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
Tell nerdy science jokes, but do not explain them. Let the nerds have their fun for once!

Here are three!

A gravitational wave walks into a bar...but a laser interferometer would be better

A neutrino walks into a bar. "We don't allow faster-than-light neutrinos in here," said the bartender. "That's why I'm here", said the neutrino.

A cosmic string walks into a bar.
Barman: "Are you a topological defect?"
String: "No, I'm a frayed knot".
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whiteflame
Posts: 1,378
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3/18/2014 10:20:20 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
Well, I don't know any jokes off hand, but I've got a good nerdy pickup line:

If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA Helicase, so I could unzip your genes.
SNP1
Posts: 2,403
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3/18/2014 10:25:46 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/18/2014 10:20:20 AM, whiteflame wrote:
Well, I don't know any jokes off hand, but I've got a good nerdy pickup line:

If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA Helicase, so I could unzip your genes.

Lol, I actually heard one of my friends use that before...
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Sidewalker
Posts: 3,713
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3/18/2014 11:38:36 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/18/2014 10:15:41 AM, SNP1 wrote:
Tell nerdy science jokes, but do not explain them. Let the nerds have their fun for once!

Here are three!

A gravitational wave walks into a bar...but a laser interferometer would be better

A neutrino walks into a bar. "We don't allow faster-than-light neutrinos in here," said the bartender. "That's why I'm here", said the neutrino.

You blew the neutrino joke....here's how it goes:

The bartender says "We don't serve neutrinos here", a neutrino walks into a bar.

A cosmic string walks into a bar.
Barman: "Are you a topological defect?"
String: "No, I'm a frayed knot".
"It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive." " C. W. Leadbeater
Floid
Posts: 751
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3/18/2014 11:47:46 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
A doctor, lawyer, and engineer are playing golf and getting held up by a really slow group in front of them. The group is hitting golf balls all over the place and taking forever to find their shots. Getting tired of waiting they complain to the golf pro. The golf pro explains to them that the group is firefighters who lost their eye sight saving the lives of some members during a fire at the clubhouse some years ago.

The doctor says "That is awful, I will treat them for free since they are so brave."

The lawyer says "That is awful, I will represent them against the insurance companies to try to get them more disability money."

The engineer thinks for a second and asks "Why can't they play at night?"
SNP1
Posts: 2,403
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3/18/2014 12:54:33 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/18/2014 11:38:36 AM, Sidewalker wrote:
You blew the neutrino joke....here's how it goes:

>>>Joke

>>>Your head
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Sidewalker
Posts: 3,713
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3/18/2014 6:46:51 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/18/2014 12:54:33 PM, SNP1 wrote:
At 3/18/2014 11:38:36 AM, Sidewalker wrote:
You blew the neutrino joke....here's how it goes:

>>>Joke

>>>Your head

SNP1 once got punched so hard it knocked him conscious.

SNP1 is immune from any serious head injury, caffeine and all other stimulants.

SNP1 once fell into a tub of Preparation H and shrunk down thumb size.

If you stand close to SNP1 you can hear the ocean.

If what you don't know can't hurt you, SNP1 is practically invulnerable.

If you give SNP1 a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.
"It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive." " C. W. Leadbeater
Sidewalker
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3/18/2014 6:48:59 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexia Association

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the other"ummmm, oh never mind.

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Argon walks into a bar, the bartender says "We don"t serve noble gases here", the Argon doesn"t react.
"It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive." " C. W. Leadbeater
Enji
Posts: 1,022
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3/18/2014 7:19:32 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/18/2014 12:54:33 PM, SNP1 wrote:
At 3/18/2014 11:38:36 AM, Sidewalker wrote:
You blew the neutrino joke....here's how it goes:

>>>Joke

>>>Your head

tbh, I liked Sidewalker's better. Yours doesn't flow well.
SNP1
Posts: 2,403
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3/18/2014 7:37:01 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/18/2014 7:19:32 PM, Enji wrote:
At 3/18/2014 12:54:33 PM, SNP1 wrote:
At 3/18/2014 11:38:36 AM, Sidewalker wrote:
You blew the neutrino joke....here's how it goes:

>>>Joke

>>>Your head

tbh, I liked Sidewalker's better. Yours doesn't flow well.

Except that his doesn't work.

"he bartender says "We don't serve neutrinos here", a neutrino walks into a bar."

There isn't anything about this "joke" that works for neutrinos. Mine at least followed into what was falsely believed and what is fact. Neutrinos do not ignore quantum laws/theories. The Joke doesn't work.
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#WarOnDDO
Enji
Posts: 1,022
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3/18/2014 7:48:41 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/18/2014 7:37:01 PM, SNP1 wrote:
At 3/18/2014 7:19:32 PM, Enji wrote:
At 3/18/2014 12:54:33 PM, SNP1 wrote:
At 3/18/2014 11:38:36 AM, Sidewalker wrote:
You blew the neutrino joke....here's how it goes:

>>>Joke

>>>Your head

tbh, I liked Sidewalker's better. Yours doesn't flow well.

Except that his doesn't work.

"The bartender says "We don't serve neutrinos here", a neutrino walks into a bar."

There isn't anything about this "joke" that works for neutrinos. Mine at least followed into what was falsely believed and what is fact. Neutrinos do not ignore quantum laws/theories. The Joke doesn't work.

His is a fairly common presentation of faster than light neutrino jokes.
SNP1
Posts: 2,403
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3/18/2014 7:53:06 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/18/2014 7:48:41 PM, Enji wrote:
At 3/18/2014 7:37:01 PM, SNP1 wrote:
At 3/18/2014 7:19:32 PM, Enji wrote:
At 3/18/2014 12:54:33 PM, SNP1 wrote:
At 3/18/2014 11:38:36 AM, Sidewalker wrote:
You blew the neutrino joke....here's how it goes:

>>>Joke

>>>Your head

tbh, I liked Sidewalker's better. Yours doesn't flow well.

Except that his doesn't work.

"The bartender says "We don't serve neutrinos here", a neutrino walks into a bar."

There isn't anything about this "joke" that works for neutrinos. Mine at least followed into what was falsely believed and what is fact. Neutrinos do not ignore quantum laws/theories. The Joke doesn't work.

His is a fairly common presentation of faster than light neutrino jokes.

Except that neutrinos do not actually go faster than light, it was debunked! He doesn't even mention light or anything!
#TheApatheticNihilistPartyofAmerica
#WarOnDDO
Enji
Posts: 1,022
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3/18/2014 7:56:38 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/18/2014 7:53:06 PM, SNP1 wrote:
At 3/18/2014 7:48:41 PM, Enji wrote:

His is a fairly common presentation of faster than light neutrino jokes.

Except that neutrinos do not actually go faster than light, it was debunked! He doesn't even mention light or anything!

You're right, but that hasn't stopped the old jokes from persisting. Some presentations of the joke specify "faster-than-light" neutrinos which he could have done simply enough, but when you add too much (or enough) detail it becomes clunky to read through. Admittedly it's no less funny because it wasn't remotely amusing to begin with.
SNP1
Posts: 2,403
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3/18/2014 8:00:49 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/18/2014 7:56:38 PM, Enji wrote:
At 3/18/2014 7:53:06 PM, SNP1 wrote:
At 3/18/2014 7:48:41 PM, Enji wrote:

His is a fairly common presentation of faster than light neutrino jokes.

Except that neutrinos do not actually go faster than light, it was debunked! He doesn't even mention light or anything!

You're right, but that hasn't stopped the old jokes from persisting. Some presentations of the joke specify "faster-than-light" neutrinos which he could have done simply enough, but when you add too much (or enough) detail it becomes clunky to read through. Admittedly it's no less funny because it wasn't remotely amusing to begin with.

I do get annoyed with the outdated jokes though...
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R0b1Billion
Posts: 3,720
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3/18/2014 11:44:23 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/18/2014 6:48:59 PM, Sidewalker wrote:

Argon walks into a bar, the bartender says "We don"t serve noble gases here", the Argon doesn"t react.

This one gets my vote - LOL
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
v3nesl
Posts: 4,460
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3/19/2014 10:28:25 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/18/2014 11:47:46 AM, Floid wrote:
A doctor, lawyer, and engineer are playing golf and getting held up by a really slow group in front of them. The group is hitting golf balls all over the place and taking forever to find their shots. Getting tired of waiting they complain to the golf pro. The golf pro explains to them that the group is firefighters who lost their eye sight saving the lives of some members during a fire at the clubhouse some years ago.

The doctor says "That is awful, I will treat them for free since they are so brave."

The lawyer says "That is awful, I will represent them against the insurance companies to try to get them more disability money."

The engineer thinks for a second and asks "Why can't they play at night?"

I like it! Can I tell my kind of dopey engineer joke?

It's the French Revolution and the guillotine is in full swing (!). They take the first rich bastard who has to die for being a rich bastard. "You want the hood?" "Yes". They pull the cord and chunk! the blade freezes up halfway down. The pond scum revolutionaries scurry about and think they've fixed it, but with their little bit of remaining humanity, a failed guillotine means the rich bastard goes free. The next guy is an engineer, who must die for making management's life miserable. "You want the hood?" "No, this thing fascinates me!" "Face up or face down?" "Face up!". As he lays there looking up, the engineer says "Ach, you idiots, I see what's wrong with this thing!"
This space for rent.
Subutai
Posts: 3,145
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3/19/2014 5:03:44 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/18/2014 11:47:46 AM, Floid wrote:
A doctor, lawyer, and engineer are playing golf and getting held up by a really slow group in front of them. The group is hitting golf balls all over the place and taking forever to find their shots. Getting tired of waiting they complain to the golf pro. The golf pro explains to them that the group is firefighters who lost their eye sight saving the lives of some members during a fire at the clubhouse some years ago.

The doctor says "That is awful, I will treat them for free since they are so brave."

The lawyer says "That is awful, I will represent them against the insurance companies to try to get them more disability money."

The engineer thinks for a second and asks "Why can't they play at night?"

I've actually heard that joke before, but it is with a social worker, worker at a retirement home (I think) and an economist (who, I think you can guess, said the funny line).
I'm becoming less defined as days go by, fading away, and well you might say, I'm losing focus, kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself.
chui
Posts: 507
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3/20/2014 11:41:10 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/18/2014 6:48:59 PM, Sidewalker wrote:


There are only 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who don't.

..and those who were surprised this joke was in base three.
Sidewalker
Posts: 3,713
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3/20/2014 2:08:37 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/20/2014 11:41:10 AM, chui wrote:
At 3/18/2014 6:48:59 PM, Sidewalker wrote:


There are only 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who don't.

..and those who were surprised this joke was in base three.

No, it was binary.
"It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive." " C. W. Leadbeater