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In the beginning.

keithprosser
Posts: 2,025
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11/9/2016 6:22:44 PM
Posted: 4 weeks ago
I thought it might be an idea to put things into language believers seem to prefer.

In the beginning the universe was void.

On the first day, the void sundered and matter spewed from the void, making space for the multitude of particles as it spewed.

On the second day, particle began to cling to particle and they crowded themsleves, making clouds, and those clouds were of hydrogen.

On the third day, the hearts of the clouds grew excessive hot, from the crowding of the hydrogen. Hydrogen smote hydrogen mightily, and those that smote became helium. of less weight that hydrogen. Great was the power that simiting wrought, and there was light, and heat.

On the fourth day the hydrogen had all given place to helium, and lo! there was no more hydrogen to smite. Yet helium smote helium and lithium was born, and boron. Thus began the elements and the elements begat more elements in furnaces, upto iron. All the elments of life were made that way.

On the fifth day, many stars exploded, and the atoms of life they had made were spread into the larger void. There they gathered, with hydrogen and helium of the former void and formed new stars, and the planets that gird them had the atoms of life.

On the sixth day, the elements of life on the planets of the new stars gathered themselves into cells, and those cells went forth and multiplied.
Geogeer
Posts: 4,274
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11/9/2016 8:59:33 PM
Posted: 4 weeks ago
At 11/9/2016 6:22:44 PM, keithprosser wrote:
I thought it might be an idea to put things into language believers seem to prefer.

In the beginning the universe was void.

On the first day, the void sundered and matter spewed from the void, making space for the multitude of particles as it spewed.

On the second day, particle began to cling to particle and they crowded themsleves, making clouds, and those clouds were of hydrogen.

On the third day, the hearts of the clouds grew excessive hot, from the crowding of the hydrogen. Hydrogen smote hydrogen mightily, and those that smote became helium. of less weight that hydrogen. Great was the power that simiting wrought, and there was light, and heat.

On the fourth day the hydrogen had all given place to helium, and lo! there was no more hydrogen to smite. Yet helium smote helium and lithium was born, and boron. Thus began the elements and the elements begat more elements in furnaces, upto iron. All the elments of life were made that way.

On the fifth day, many stars exploded, and the atoms of life they had made were spread into the larger void. There they gathered, with hydrogen and helium of the former void and formed new stars, and the planets that gird them had the atoms of life.

On the sixth day, the elements of life on the planets of the new stars gathered themselves into cells, and those cells went forth and multiplied.

Obviously wrong. The universe was still too dense on day 6 for even light to escape the gravitational pull.
Skeptical1
Posts: 689
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11/10/2016 5:27:01 AM
Posted: 3 weeks ago
At 11/10/2016 5:00:21 AM, keithprosser wrote:
I'd call it a pastiche.

I think it's just dandy. Especially the smiting parts - those are the best. Well, except for the begatting parts, those are even better, but you left those out.

<skipping a few generations>

"... and homo georgicus begat homo egaster and homo erectus, and homo erectus begat homo cepranensis, unto whom homo antecessor was born. Then did they begat homo heidelbergensis, who begat homo sapien and homo neanderthalensis, whose loins did produce homo kardashianis.

And thus they filled the Earth, and it was good."

No offence to any fundamentalist is intended by the repeated use of the word "homo".
keithprosser
Posts: 2,025
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11/10/2016 7:24:07 PM
Posted: 3 weeks ago
At 11/10/2016 5:27:01 AM, Skeptical1 wrote:
Well, except for the begatting parts, those are even better, but you left those out.

I did manage to get one 'begat' into it. Wouldn't be right without a good 'begat' - rather like a 18-30 holiday.
Skeptical1
Posts: 689
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11/11/2016 4:18:41 AM
Posted: 3 weeks ago
At 11/10/2016 7:24:07 PM, keithprosser wrote:
At 11/10/2016 5:27:01 AM, Skeptical1 wrote:
Well, except for the begatting parts, those are even better, but you left those out.

I did manage to get one 'begat' into it. Wouldn't be right without a good 'begat' - rather like a 18-30 holiday.

Oops, how did I miss that one? I love the begatting bits - although I always need a cold shower after reading them.
MagicAintReal
Posts: 591
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11/25/2016 2:09:51 AM
Posted: 1 week ago
At 11/9/2016 6:22:44 PM, keithprosser wrote:
I thought it might be an idea to put things into language believers seem to prefer.

In the beginning the universe was void.

On the first day, the void sundered and matter spewed from the void, making space for the multitude of particles as it spewed.

On the second day, particle began to cling to particle and they crowded themsleves, making clouds, and those clouds were of hydrogen.

On the third day, the hearts of the clouds grew excessive hot, from the crowding of the hydrogen. Hydrogen smote hydrogen mightily, and those that smote became helium. of less weight that hydrogen. Great was the power that simiting wrought, and there was light, and heat.

On the fourth day the hydrogen had all given place to helium, and lo! there was no more hydrogen to smite. Yet helium smote helium and lithium was born, and boron. Thus began the elements and the elements begat more elements in furnaces, upto iron. All the elments of life were made that way.

On the fifth day, many stars exploded, and the atoms of life they had made were spread into the larger void. There they gathered, with hydrogen and helium of the former void and formed new stars, and the planets that gird them had the atoms of life.

On the sixth day, the elements of life on the planets of the new stars gathered themselves into cells, and those cells went forth and multiplied.

Haha, well done.