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Bankers' Statements

brian_eggleston
Posts: 3,347
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2/17/2011 11:09:37 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
So, the investment bankers have once more pocketed obscene bonuses, having yet again ignored calls from governments and regulators to show restraint in their remuneration (at least until the economy recovers from the financial crisis they created) and they have also successfully resisted any major increases in taxes.

Bankers may be good avoiding paying their fair share of tax but they don't mind paying vast sums for luxury cars. Why? Well, generally speaking, bankers do not possess much in the way of personality or charisma so the only way they can impress people is by flaunting their wealth by lavishly spec their prestige cars up with wildly extravagant and totally unnecessary optional extras.

For instance, a Mercedes S-Class comes very generously equipped as standard with, for example, automatic transmission which saves you the trouble of changing gear yourself, but filthy rich bankers with more money than sense can, and do, opt for some or all of the following incredibly frivolous accessories:

PARKTRONIC – saves you the effort of turning the steering wheel by parking the car for you

DISTRONIC - saves you the effort of taking any notice of what the car in front of you is doing by automatically matching its speed

Active Lane Keeping Assist - saves you the trouble of steering the car between the white lines

Automatic windscreen wipers - saves you the effort of twisting the stalk when it starts raining

Cruise control - saves you the effort of resting your foot on the accelerator

Automatic lights - saves you the effort of twisting the lights switch when it gets dark

Closing aid for doors – saves you the effort of opening and closing the doors yourself

Remote boot- (hood-) lid closing - saves you the effort of lifting your arm up slightly in order to shut the boot (hood)

Heated seats – saves you the effort of getting dressed in the wintertime if the car's heating system is broken

Heated steering wheel – saves you the effort of putting on gloves in the wintertime if the car's heating system is broken

Automatic garage door opener - saves you the effort of phoning your butler to tell him you'll be home in a few minutes and to open the garage doors so you don't have to get out the car and do it yourself

Reversing camera with guidelines – saves you the effort of looking behind you when reversing out of the garage the next morning


Of course, people who spec their cars up with the above items are making a statement; to be specific, one of the following statements:

"I cannot drive a car myself, I am totally incompetent"

"I am severely handicapped, this car has been funded by the taxpayer"

"I am a complete wimp, kick my head in"

"I am an investment banker, I am totally incompetent, this car has been funded by the taxpayer, kick my head in"
Visit the burglars' bulletin board: http://www.break-in-news.com...
mattrodstrom
Posts: 12,028
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2/17/2011 12:27:38 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I've got a couple:

"fighting as a nation is going to war.!! and war is only one thing "killing".! is it morally right to kill.? no..!! do we have to kill for liberty.? yes.!!
no one ever had liberty if he was not ready to fight for it..!! "give me liberty or give me death" was what patric Henry said..!! of curse liberty is moral right.!!

factually its proving that killing killers is moral just and a act to promote freedom for the righteous..!!

Economic Sanctions is a diplomatic way to and more liberal way to solve issues"


and:

"allah should hire dale carnegie instead of muhammud -since no one sluaghtered people, after reading dale,s book... - so the best excuse allah has is having a major communication problem... so using a book thats so guilty of bieng mis understood is non appropriate..!!"
"He who does not know how to put his will into things at least puts a meaning into them: that is, he believes there is a will in them already."

Metaphysics:
"The science.. which deals with the fundamental errors of mankind - but as if they were the fundamental truths."
Caramel
Posts: 855
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2/19/2011 11:31:51 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 2/19/2011 9:04:09 AM, innomen wrote:
And i thought this was going to be a look at some of banker's past statements. I miss him.

Yeah I was expecting that too. I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did.
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