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The Real Illuminati

FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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5/19/2012 4:38:59 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
It's actually a serious thread!
You are let down, I know.
But I'd like to divulge to you my privileged knowledge about the Illuminati.
Their structure.
Their goals.
Their methods.
Why the fuck am I making every sentence it's own paragraph?
Stop that.
Ok.

The truth is, there is any number of "Illuminati"s. You could generalize them into one big one but that would eliminate any meaning to the word since they all have their own wildly differing characteristics. So we're going to have to narrow down the criteria. Lets say they are required to have some level of thorough organization, actively conspiring, and that they need to have an influential presence in the world stage by any normal persons standard. For instance, you could call the process by which people are elected to office in the United States a "conspiracy", since only people who are under the approval of certain business interests are capable of getting in. But you couldn't call it an Illuminati because it isn't necessarily an organized effort.

By these standards, I can reveal to you there are in-fact 5 distinct Illuminati. I will go by level of significance.

1. The most powerful of these Illuminati is that which is defined by being the banking monopoly and the military industrial complex. They are not involved in Communist plots. They are not involved in a 9/11 inside job. They are not involved in aliens. They are not involved in a depopulation plot. They are not involved in fluoridated water and chemtrails. They ARE involved in over-throwing governments or otherwise acting in a supervise manor that further establishes their control of the money supply. There are only five countries in the world that do not have a privately owned central bank which is under the network of their influence. Those countries are Iran, North Korea, Cuba, Venezuela, and, just recently, Iceland. There used to be more until recently, among them, Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya.

2. This one might make you laugh but I kid you not. The next most powerful Illuminati are occultists, they act in both malicious and benevolent ways and they are run by--yes, really--Discordians. Most of the more wild conspiracy theories come from them. They feed the flames of paranoia. Though they pranksters, don't be fooled. Their power is very real. Primarily, their influence comes through their monopoly of the entertainment industry. Their monopoly of entertainment is almost as thorough as the larger Illuminati's monopoly of the banking system. They often are under several layers of veils, most notably Satanism, cause that's just fucking hilarious. This Illuminati also offers the largest degree of evidence for their existence out of the five, mostly because they are the only one that actually publicizes themselves (or rather false perceptions of themselves) instead keeping secretive. They are CONSTANTLY hiding symbols, gestures and references inside entertainment. They actively practice how hidden they can be in plain site. This Illuminati is also the one with most points of divergence with the others on the list. The largest part of their influence, aside from that of the entertainment industry, is the level of direction they have over Anonymous. Anonymous, too, is filled with their symbolism, most notably the Guy Fawkes mask. They have a few spheres of influence that reach into the political realm like the Ordo Templi Orientis.

3. The next Illuminati is run exclusively by Communists, Socialists, Anarchists and other radical left-wingers. It is an order of magnitude smaller than the first two. Their largest sphere of influence is that which they have over US and European collages. Not much else to say about them.

4. This is an esoteric and cabalistic association of rich people involving several secret societies like Free-Masonry and Skull n' Bones. Their primary influence is in business and politics but they are not nearly as influential as they are portrayed.

5. The last is run by aliens and it's primary field of influence is over a terrorist center known as debate.org through an elite class there.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
Oryus
Posts: 8,280
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5/19/2012 5:00:18 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
You don't post serious threads very often, Freedo. But when you do, it's worth the read.
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
: :
: : The Fool: It's my English writing. Either way It's okay have a larger vocabulary then you, and a better grasp of language, and you're a woman.
:
: I'm just going to leave this precious struggle nugget right here.
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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5/19/2012 5:05:23 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 5/19/2012 5:00:18 PM, Oryus wrote:
You don't post serious threads very often, Freedo. But when you do, it's worth the read.

It's the butter. I cover it in butter.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
CosmicAlfonzo
Posts: 5,955
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5/19/2012 5:45:26 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
The aliens are smelly, and not very good when it comes to table manners... they chew really loud... it's maddening...
Official "High Priest of Secular Affairs and Transient Distributor of Sonic Apple Seeds relating to the Reptilian Division of Paperwork Immoliation" of The FREEDO Bureaucracy, a DDO branch of the Erisian Front, a subdivision of the Discordian Back, a Limb of the Illuminatian Cosmic Utensil Corp
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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5/19/2012 5:52:33 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 5/19/2012 5:45:26 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
The aliens are smelly, and not very good when it comes to table manners... they chew really loud... it's maddening...

SSSHHHH. THEYY WILLL HEARR YOUU.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
Oryus
Posts: 8,280
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5/19/2012 5:56:00 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 5/19/2012 5:05:23 PM, FREEDO wrote:
At 5/19/2012 5:00:18 PM, Oryus wrote:
You don't post serious threads very often, Freedo. But when you do, it's worth the read.

It's the butter. I cover it in butter.

That and the salt. I don't know what it is. It's irresistible.
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
: :
: : The Fool: It's my English writing. Either way It's okay have a larger vocabulary then you, and a better grasp of language, and you're a woman.
:
: I'm just going to leave this precious struggle nugget right here.
Chrysippus
Posts: 2,173
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5/19/2012 6:13:56 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 5/19/2012 4:38:59 PM, FREEDO wrote:

5. The last is run by aliens and it's primary field of influence is over a terrorist center known as debate.org through an elite class there.

*GUNSHOT*

*drags FREEDO away...*
Cavete mea inexorabilis legiones mimus!
Chrysippus
Posts: 2,173
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5/19/2012 6:14:56 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 5/19/2012 6:13:56 PM, Chrysippus wrote:
At 5/19/2012 4:38:59 PM, FREEDO wrote:

5. The last is run by aliens and it's primary field of influence is over a terrorist center known as debate.org through an elite class there.

*GUNSHOT*

*drags FREEDO away...*

Oops; I was supposed to let OberHerr do that.

Ignore this; no-one saw anything here.
Cavete mea inexorabilis legiones mimus!
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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5/19/2012 6:27:40 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 5/19/2012 6:14:00 PM, Ren wrote:
You're a brilliant kid, Freedo.

THIS is why I am such a huge narcissist. I literally get a compliment on my mind every day. Thank you.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
Oryus
Posts: 8,280
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5/19/2012 9:38:18 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 5/19/2012 6:14:56 PM, Chrysippus wrote:
At 5/19/2012 6:13:56 PM, Chrysippus wrote:
At 5/19/2012 4:38:59 PM, FREEDO wrote:

5. The last is run by aliens and it's primary field of influence is over a terrorist center known as debate.org through an elite class there.

*GUNSHOT*

*drags FREEDO away...*

Oops; I was supposed to let OberHerr do that.

Ignore this; no-one saw anything here.

That's what we pay him for. shhhh..

>.>
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
: :
: : The Fool: It's my English writing. Either way It's okay have a larger vocabulary then you, and a better grasp of language, and you're a woman.
:
: I'm just going to leave this precious struggle nugget right here.
Oryus
Posts: 8,280
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5/19/2012 9:39:40 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 5/19/2012 6:27:40 PM, FREEDO wrote:
At 5/19/2012 6:14:00 PM, Ren wrote:
You're a brilliant kid, Freedo.

THIS is why I am such a huge narcissist. I literally get a compliment on my mind every day. Thank you.

Freedo, you are the light of my life. I have an altar to you in my closet that I pray to.

Do you hear my prayers, freedo? Do you?
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
: :
: : The Fool: It's my English writing. Either way It's okay have a larger vocabulary then you, and a better grasp of language, and you're a woman.
:
: I'm just going to leave this precious struggle nugget right here.
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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5/19/2012 11:10:40 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 5/19/2012 9:39:40 PM, Oryus wrote:
At 5/19/2012 6:27:40 PM, FREEDO wrote:
At 5/19/2012 6:14:00 PM, Ren wrote:
You're a brilliant kid, Freedo.

THIS is why I am such a huge narcissist. I literally get a compliment on my mind every day. Thank you.

Freedo, you are the light of my life. I have an altar to you in my closet that I pray to.

Do you hear my prayers, freedo? Do you?

Yes, it goes a little something like this.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
Oryus
Posts: 8,280
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5/20/2012 1:18:40 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 5/19/2012 11:10:40 PM, FREEDO wrote:
At 5/19/2012 9:39:40 PM, Oryus wrote:
At 5/19/2012 6:27:40 PM, FREEDO wrote:
At 5/19/2012 6:14:00 PM, Ren wrote:
You're a brilliant kid, Freedo.

THIS is why I am such a huge narcissist. I literally get a compliment on my mind every day. Thank you.

Freedo, you are the light of my life. I have an altar to you in my closet that I pray to.

Do you hear my prayers, freedo? Do you?

Yes, it goes a little something like this.


First world problems.
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
: :
: : The Fool: It's my English writing. Either way It's okay have a larger vocabulary then you, and a better grasp of language, and you're a woman.
:
: I'm just going to leave this precious struggle nugget right here.
GeoLaureate8
Posts: 12,252
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5/21/2012 12:59:18 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
Very insightful post from a brilliant mind, but a bit off the mark.
"We must raise the standard of the Old, free, decentralized, and strictly limited Republic."
-- Murray Rothbard

"The worst thing that can happen to a good cause is, not to be skillfully attacked, but to be ineptly defended."
-- Frederic Bastiat
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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5/21/2012 1:26:53 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 5/21/2012 12:59:18 AM, GeoLaureate8 wrote:
Very insightful post from a brilliant mind, but a bit off the mark.

Oh, yes, off the mark indeed, my friend. *wink, wink*
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
Platypus666
Posts: 262
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5/21/2012 1:46:34 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
Sounds legit.
NEVER LOGGING IN UNLESS I AM HIGH

Official "The (Weed) Aquatic (Weed) and (Weed) Egg (Weed) Laying (Weed) Mammalian (Weed) Enforceress (Weed) of (Weed) Liberty (Weed), Cuddliness (Weed), and (Weed) Involuntary (Weed) Administration (Weed) of (POT) Psychoactive (Weed) Substances (Weed) To (Weed) All (Weed) The (Weed) Masses (Weed) Under (Weed?) The (Weed!) Control (Weed) of (Weed) The (Weed) All (Weed) High (Weed) FREEDO (Weed) and (Weed) Yyyyyyyyyyyyeah (WEED)" of the FREEDO Bureaucracy.
OberHerr
Posts: 13,062
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5/21/2012 6:16:32 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 5/19/2012 6:13:56 PM, Chrysippus wrote:
At 5/19/2012 4:38:59 PM, FREEDO wrote:

5. The last is run by aliens and it's primary field of influence is over a terrorist center known as debate.org through an elite class there.

*GUNSHOT*

*drags FREEDO away...*

*ehem*

*pushs Chrysippus away*

*drags FREEDO away*
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OBERHERR'S SIGNATURE-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Official Enforcer for the DDO Elite(if they existed).

"Cases are anti-town." - FourTrouble

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bossyburrito
Posts: 14,075
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7/4/2012 3:19:36 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 5/21/2012 12:59:18 AM, GeoLaureate8 wrote:
Very insightful post from a brilliant mind, but a bit off the mark.

I love you Geo.
#UnbanTheMadman

"Some will sell their dreams for small desires
Or lose the race to rats
Get caught in ticking traps
And start to dream of somewhere
To relax their restless flight
Somewhere out of a memory of lighted streets on quiet nights..."

~ Rush