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How to Not Be Gay

Lordknukle
Posts: 12,788
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8/5/2012 1:39:05 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
I came across this hilarious site while researching religious institutions that don't believe in evolution and noticed this: http://www.landoverbaptist.org...

It tells parents how not to let their children be gay and is a must comedic read.

Samples:

" It is a scientific fact that when needing to use the restroom, a male is called upon to engage in the unpleasant undertaking of extruding a poopy in only 1 out of every 3 visits. But homosexuals use all three visits to practice squatting, to limber the cheeks of their bottom in preparation for even the most enormous (Negro) penises. Such calisthenics are neither necessary nor advisable for men who have no intention of squatting over an engorged penis."

" A boy must not be allowed to watch cartoons of any kind. He should spend Saturday mornings sitting quietly by his Father's side (with a respectful 3" between the male bodies), watching sports that don't involved male leotards. He must watch Football, Basketball, Baseball and Boxing."

"A boy must not refer to his parents as "Mommy" or "Daddy." As soon as your boy is old enough to speak, he must be taught to call his Mother, "Ma," or "Momma" or "Mommie Dearest." When addressing his Father, he should refer to him as, "Sir," "Dad," or "Commander." "Mommy" and "Daddy" are what fey, spoiled boys weaned on effeminacy coo, embarrassing you in front of the neighbors by never keeping the palms of their hands below their waists."
"Easy is the descent to Avernus, for the door to the Underworld lies upon both day and night. But to retrace your steps and return to the breezes above- that's the task, that's the toil."
1dustpelt
Posts: 1,970
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8/5/2012 1:49:37 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
You do realize that is a joke website?
Wall of LOL
"Infanticide is justified as long as the infants are below two" ~ RoyalPaladin
"Promoting female superiority is the only way to establish equality." ~ RoyalPaladin
"Jury trials should be banned. They're nothing more than opportunities for racists to destroy lives." ~ RoyalPaladin after the Zimmerman Trial.
Lordknukle
Posts: 12,788
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8/5/2012 2:00:37 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/5/2012 1:49:37 PM, 1dustpelt wrote:
You do realize that is a joke website?

Even if it is, it's still funny as hell.
"Easy is the descent to Avernus, for the door to the Underworld lies upon both day and night. But to retrace your steps and return to the breezes above- that's the task, that's the toil."
1dustpelt
Posts: 1,970
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8/5/2012 2:10:56 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/5/2012 2:00:37 PM, Lordknukle wrote:
At 8/5/2012 1:49:37 PM, 1dustpelt wrote:
You do realize that is a joke website?

Even if it is, it's still funny as hell.

Yeah, look at this: http://www.landoverbaptist.org...

"When you are on the date, use awkward moments of silence to quote scripture, or sing a favorite hymn. All women are impressed with such things. If she is not woo'd by this, it is a sign that she might be possessed by a demon. Take her to your church and drop her off by the back gate with a note to the pastor taped to her forehead. Be sure to secure her to a tree or post using chains or rope so that she won't get away during the night."
Wall of LOL
"Infanticide is justified as long as the infants are below two" ~ RoyalPaladin
"Promoting female superiority is the only way to establish equality." ~ RoyalPaladin
"Jury trials should be banned. They're nothing more than opportunities for racists to destroy lives." ~ RoyalPaladin after the Zimmerman Trial.
Maikuru
Posts: 9,112
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8/5/2012 2:33:00 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/5/2012 2:10:56 PM, 1dustpelt wrote:
At 8/5/2012 2:00:37 PM, Lordknukle wrote:
At 8/5/2012 1:49:37 PM, 1dustpelt wrote:
You do realize that is a joke website?

Even if it is, it's still funny as hell.

Yeah, look at this: http://www.landoverbaptist.org...

"When you are on the date, use awkward moments of silence to quote scripture, or sing a favorite hymn. All women are impressed with such things. If she is not woo'd by this, it is a sign that she might be possessed by a demon. Take her to your church and drop her off by the back gate with a note to the pastor taped to her forehead. Be sure to secure her to a tree or post using chains or rope so that she won't get away during the night."

I always like to have some ropes and chains handy before a date.
"You assume I wouldn't want to burn this whole place to the ground."
- lamerde

https://i.imgflip.com...
OllerupMand
Posts: 375
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8/5/2012 2:48:01 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/5/2012 1:49:37 PM, 1dustpelt wrote:
You do realize that is a joke website?

Worst thing is that it just take one that little bit of time to realise it.
ConservativePolitico
Posts: 8,210
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8/5/2012 5:20:40 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
A boy must always wear thick, white underwear. White boxers, and/or briefs are acceptable. Your child must be taught that men who wear colored underwear or undergarments that are cut within one inch of the outer periphery of their pubic region or the trough of the valley between the cheeks of their bottom are either European or Homosexual – and in America there is no difference between the two.

LOL
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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8/5/2012 6:20:35 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
The best part about these things is that no matter how much you mock an opinion with satire, there are still people out there who would say the exact same thing and mean it.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
1dustpelt
Posts: 1,970
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8/6/2012 5:04:11 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/5/2012 6:20:35 PM, FREEDO wrote:
The best part about these things is that no matter how much you mock an opinion with satire, there are still people out there who would say the exact same thing and mean it.

"A boy must always wear thick, white underwear. White boxers, and/or briefs are acceptable. Your child must be taught that men who wear colored underwear or undergarments that are cut within one inch of the outer periphery of their pubic region or the trough of the valley between the cheeks of their bottom are either European or Homosexual – and in America there is no difference between the two."

Someone would really believe it?
Wall of LOL
"Infanticide is justified as long as the infants are below two" ~ RoyalPaladin
"Promoting female superiority is the only way to establish equality." ~ RoyalPaladin
"Jury trials should be banned. They're nothing more than opportunities for racists to destroy lives." ~ RoyalPaladin after the Zimmerman Trial.
Ragnar_Rahl
Posts: 19,297
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8/6/2012 10:37:27 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
. If your boy has a young sister, forbid him from entering her room except for the purposes of the type of ordinary heterosexual experimentation that occurs in any Christian household.
I love this one
It came to be at its height. It was commanded to command. It was a capital before its first stone was laid. It was a monument to the spirit of man.
16kadams
Posts: 10,497
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8/12/2012 11:35:12 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/5/2012 1:49:37 PM, 1dustpelt wrote:
You do realize that is a joke website?

It is, though the sports thing creates father son time preventing homosexuality from environmental theory standpoint
https://www.youtube.com...
https://rekonomics.wordpress.com...
"A trend is a trend, but the question is, will it bend? Will it alter its course through some unforeseen force and come to a premature end?" -- Alec Cairncross
johnnyboy54
Posts: 6,362
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8/13/2012 5:37:28 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/13/2012 5:34:18 PM, Mirza wrote:
"How to Not Be Gay"

Chemical castration, to start with.

Is that like burning a guy's penis off with acid?
I didn't order assholes with my whiskey.
Mirza
Posts: 16,992
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8/13/2012 5:42:06 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/13/2012 5:37:28 PM, johnnyboy54 wrote:
Is that like burning a guy's penis off with acid?
Uh, nope. The goal is to reduce the production of testosterone, limiting one's sexual desires. It is not as effective as physical castration (this is where you cut the testicles off, not the penis). The chemicals are injected.
johnnyboy54
Posts: 6,362
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8/13/2012 5:48:23 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/13/2012 5:42:06 PM, Mirza wrote:
At 8/13/2012 5:37:28 PM, johnnyboy54 wrote:
Is that like burning a guy's penis off with acid?
Uh, nope. The goal is to reduce the production of testosterone, limiting one's sexual desires. It is not as effective as physical castration (this is where you cut the testicles off, not the penis). The chemicals are injected.

I love it when people answer a joke question with a straight answer.
I didn't order assholes with my whiskey.
R0b1Billion
Posts: 3,733
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8/14/2012 3:03:55 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Rule #11... Do not let your son watch this video
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
1dustpelt
Posts: 1,970
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8/14/2012 3:44:28 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/5/2012 5:20:40 PM, ConservativePolitico wrote:
A boy must always wear thick, white underwear. White boxers, and/or briefs are acceptable. Your child must be taught that men who wear colored underwear or undergarments that are cut within one inch of the outer periphery of their pubic region or the trough of the valley between the cheeks of their bottom are either European or Homosexual – and in America there is no difference between the two.

LOL
Wall of LOL
"Infanticide is justified as long as the infants are below two" ~ RoyalPaladin
"Promoting female superiority is the only way to establish equality." ~ RoyalPaladin
"Jury trials should be banned. They're nothing more than opportunities for racists to destroy lives." ~ RoyalPaladin after the Zimmerman Trial.
R0b1Billion
Posts: 3,733
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8/14/2012 5:33:09 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/14/2012 3:44:28 PM, 1dustpelt wrote:
At 8/5/2012 5:20:40 PM, ConservativePolitico wrote:
A boy must always wear thick, white underwear. White boxers, and/or briefs are acceptable. Your child must be taught that men who wear colored underwear or undergarments that are cut within one inch of the outer periphery of their pubic region or the trough of the valley between the cheeks of their bottom are either European or Homosexual – and in America there is no difference between the two.

LOL

LOL x2
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
1dustpelt
Posts: 1,970
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8/21/2012 3:52:07 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/12/2012 11:35:12 PM, 16kadams wrote:
At 8/5/2012 1:49:37 PM, 1dustpelt wrote:
You do realize that is a joke website?

It is, though the sports thing creates father son time preventing homosexuality from environmental theory standpoint

LOL!
Wall of LOL
"Infanticide is justified as long as the infants are below two" ~ RoyalPaladin
"Promoting female superiority is the only way to establish equality." ~ RoyalPaladin
"Jury trials should be banned. They're nothing more than opportunities for racists to destroy lives." ~ RoyalPaladin after the Zimmerman Trial.
DetectableNinja
Posts: 6,043
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8/23/2012 9:18:05 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/12/2012 11:35:12 PM, 16kadams wrote:
At 8/5/2012 1:49:37 PM, 1dustpelt wrote:
You do realize that is a joke website?

It is, though the sports thing creates father son time preventing homosexuality from environmental theory standpoint

That sentence literally has no coherence to it.
Think'st thou heaven is such a glorious thing?
I tell thee, 'tis not half so fair as thou
Or any man that breathes on earth.

- Christopher Marlowe, Doctor Faustus