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Let's do a radical critique of diet coke

YYW
Posts: 43,527
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11/29/2012 10:51:07 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
Diet coke causes cancer and death. We know this because aspartame has been connected in various studies to rotting the brains of lab rats. Forget it's non-sugary deliciousness, that sh!t is awful. You may think it's harmless, but YOU ARE WRONG!

Diet coke has become a cultural phenomenon. Men drink it. Women drink it. 100% of all people who consume diet coke will die. This is a scientifically incontrovertible fact.

The meaning of all of this is simple. Diet coke is symbolic of the capitalist oppression by the cola industry. It is a drink towards death of the mind, death of the spirit and death of society. It's vast consumption has perpetuated a diabolical phenomenon of warfare waged by the evil cola companies against its consumers. It is emblematic of the pain and suffering and woe and other sh!t that businesses wage on consumers and workers.

The new path foreword is is simple. We must storm the cola companies! No longer should they be allowed to make profit on the brain rotting horror of their product!

Viva la revolution!

*sips diet coke*
Thaddeus
Posts: 6,985
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11/29/2012 5:47:11 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
6/10. Good idea, solid execution. Lost points because its been done several times before and because it was far too short to be reasonable parody.
YYW
Posts: 43,527
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11/29/2012 5:50:16 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 11/29/2012 5:47:11 PM, Thaddeus wrote:
6/10. Good idea, solid execution. Lost points because its been done several times before and because it was far too short to be reasonable parody.

This makes twice by me, targeted at charlesb.
sadolite
Posts: 9,574
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11/29/2012 6:08:36 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
What doesn't cause cancer. Anything can cause cancer in a lab rat.

Meh, I'll drink it if there is nothing else.
R0b1Billion
Posts: 3,932
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11/29/2012 11:18:25 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
I was just having a conversation with a customer today about how startled I am at how much Diet Coke people drink. I always thought regular soda was the main product of soda companies, but where-ever I've worked serving food, Diet Coke always is far and away the best seller. It's kind of sick if you think about it... these people even LIKE the taste of it better, they've been drinking it so long.
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kawaii_crazy
Posts: 580
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12/12/2014 7:35:13 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Additionally, there is the fact that one of the main causes of the Mentos-Diet Coke experiment's success is the aspartame from the Diet Coke.
"Being called weird is like being called Limited Edition. Meaning you're something people don't see that often." -Ashley Purdy

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Wocambs
Posts: 1,505
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12/12/2014 11:07:05 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/29/2012 10:51:07 AM, YYW wrote:
Diet coke causes cancer and death. We know this because aspartame has been connected in various studies to rotting the brains of lab rats. Forget it's non-sugary deliciousness, that sh!t is awful. You may think it's harmless, but YOU ARE WRONG!

Diet coke has become a cultural phenomenon. Men drink it. Women drink it. 100% of all people who consume diet coke will die. This is a scientifically incontrovertible fact.

The meaning of all of this is simple. Diet coke is symbolic of the capitalist oppression by the cola industry. It is a drink towards death of the mind, death of the spirit and death of society. It's vast consumption has perpetuated a diabolical phenomenon of warfare waged by the evil cola companies against its consumers. It is emblematic of the pain and suffering and woe and other sh!t that businesses wage on consumers and workers.

The new path foreword is is simple. We must storm the cola companies! No longer should they be allowed to make profit on the brain rotting horror of their product!

Viva la revolution!

*sips diet coke*

It does seem pretty f*cking stupid that you deserve to have thousands of times more wealth than anyone else because you have a magical right of ownership over the work of thousands of people who actually bottle, transport and distribute coke. If you wanted to do a real radical critique you'd probably start by looking at how their advertising has absolutely nothing to do with the product.
headphonegut
Posts: 4,135
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12/12/2014 11:11:29 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
...Why are you reviving threads from 2 years ago?
crying to soldiers coming home to their dogs why do I torment myself with these videos?