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The Online Stigma

ConservativePolitico
Posts: 8,210
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5/17/2013 9:03:35 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
There is a prevalent stigma in today's society for people who meet online. When someone says "oh we met online" they immediately get a brief frown (mostly from adults). When I thought about why this was I could get no solid answer.

How is meeting online different than hitting on someone in a bar? Or bumping into someone at market in the 13th century? Or commenting on someone's book on the train? They are all ways of meeting someone random in circumstances you normally wouldn't meet them. How is the internet different?

I just don't understand the stigma.
Smithereens
Posts: 5,512
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5/17/2013 9:32:35 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Meeting online is different from meeting in person. For a start, nobody knows anything about you, and rely on what you say to be true. You can call yourself a 23 year old guy and be a 70 year old grandma. Conversation never goes as deep as it should in a real life conversation. We don't have body language to read, we don't have tones of voice to read, we don't have subtle social speak to rely on. Conversation never gets more intimate than an exchange of words. Its very different from talking to someone in person at a bar. The vast majority of people would prefer a personal conversation as opposed to an online one, so you may notice a stigma of people not considering online conversation as good as a personal one.
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tulle
Posts: 4,445
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5/17/2013 10:03:44 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
There really is no difference. You can't lie about your age or gender anymore than you can do so meeting someone in real life, due to online face-to-face communication, like Skype.

It makes sense to meet someone where you spend the majority of your time.

The stigma is interesting, and I think for a lot of people they still have that perception of it being for weirdos and losers and people who can't do any better---even people who DO join online dating websites. Everyone's a weirdo but them :p
yang.
ConservativePolitico
Posts: 8,210
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5/17/2013 11:24:18 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/17/2013 9:32:35 AM, Smithereens wrote:
Meeting online is different from meeting in person. For a start, nobody knows anything about you, and rely on what you say to be true. You can call yourself a 23 year old guy and be a 70 year old grandma. Conversation never goes as deep as it should in a real life conversation. We don't have body language to read, we don't have tones of voice to read, we don't have subtle social speak to rely on. Conversation never gets more intimate than an exchange of words. Its very different from talking to someone in person at a bar. The vast majority of people would prefer a personal conversation as opposed to an online one, so you may notice a stigma of people not considering online conversation as good as a personal one.

I'm saying just the initial meeting. I'm not vouching for online relationships here (those are stupid) I'm saying if someone initially meets someone online then proceeds to interact with them on a deeper level outside of the internet context. There should be no issue with that and yet there is. And it might just be the anti-tech generation clinging to old values but I don't know.
slo1
Posts: 4,324
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5/17/2013 12:17:49 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/17/2013 9:03:35 AM, ConservativePolitico wrote:
There is a prevalent stigma in today's society for people who meet online. When someone says "oh we met online" they immediately get a brief frown (mostly from adults). When I thought about why this was I could get no solid answer.

How is meeting online different than hitting on someone in a bar? Or bumping into someone at market in the 13th century? Or commenting on someone's book on the train? They are all ways of meeting someone random in circumstances you normally wouldn't meet them. How is the internet different?

I just don't understand the stigma.

You are exactly right, it does not make any logical sense. Getting to know someone a little bit before the hormones kick in can be a very good thing to a start of a relationship.

Done right, I would assume that it is a great way to cut through the chaff and find better compatibility before expending too much time/energy.

With that said, I'm guessing most people don't do it right so they struggle with online dating just like in person dating.

I think the stigma is slowly changing, but people are weird about grasping on what is "normal" and making sure their beliefs match "normal" for no apparent logical reason.
tBoonePickens
Posts: 3,266
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5/17/2013 1:11:50 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/17/2013 9:03:35 AM, ConservativePolitico wrote:
There is a prevalent stigma in today's society for people who meet online. When someone says "oh we met online" they immediately get a brief frown (mostly from adults).
I'm guessing it's mostly older people (60+ or so.)

When I thought about why this was I could get no solid answer.
I guess that depends on how long you know that person online versus how long you know them in person.

How is meeting online different than hitting on someone in a bar?
I think that's rather obvious.

Or bumping into someone at market in the 13th century?
Also painfully obvious.

Or commenting on someone's book on the train?
Also different from above.

They are all ways of meeting someone random in circumstances you normally wouldn't meet them. How is the internet different?
It's VERY different when you meet someone face-to-face vs correspondence or internet.

I just don't understand the stigma.
I can't understand how you cannot tell that these methods of meeting are all quite different.
WOS
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philochristos
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5/17/2013 1:59:41 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/17/2013 9:03:35 AM, ConservativePolitico wrote:
There is a prevalent stigma in today's society for people who meet online. When someone says "oh we met online" they immediately get a brief frown (mostly from adults). When I thought about why this was I could get no solid answer.

The stigma in the late 90's used to be a lot worse. Back then it was embarrassing to tell anybody you met on line. But these days, I don't get the impression there's any stigma about it at all. At least not among the people I know.
"Not to know of what things one should demand demonstration, and of what one should not, argues want of education." ~Aristotle

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YYW
Posts: 36,282
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5/17/2013 3:02:53 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/17/2013 9:03:35 AM, ConservativePolitico wrote:
There is a prevalent stigma in today's society for people who meet online. When someone says "oh we met online" they immediately get a brief frown (mostly from adults). When I thought about why this was I could get no solid answer.

How is meeting online different than hitting on someone in a bar? Or bumping into someone at market in the 13th century? Or commenting on someone's book on the train? They are all ways of meeting someone random in circumstances you normally wouldn't meet them. How is the internet different?

I just don't understand the stigma.

Whenever a new technology develops, it's use is in more or less received with some angst by people because people are inherently averse to change. I think the stigma against online dating sites is almost non-existant among 18-30 year olds, and especially so among working adults. Of the people I've dated, I have met a fair percentage on OkCupid... and I see no shame in that whatsoever.
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wrichcirw
Posts: 11,196
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5/17/2013 3:37:25 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I think it deals with the purpose of the online interaction.

If the purpose of meeting online is indeed to facilitate in-person contact, then of course it wouldn't make any sense to stigmatize that.

Maybe someone you know sent you someone else's email address for networking. You guys "meet online" and arrange an in-person venue to continue networking.

I just don't see that here. The purpose of DDO is to exchange ideas, in an adversarial manner. Sometimes the anonymity is helpful, because the topics can easily be someone's hot-button. Furthermore, I for one did not come here with the intention of meeting the people with whom I interact. I still value the exchange of information, and develop friendships here, just not with the intent of meeting people in person.
At 8/9/2013 9:41:24 AM, wrichcirw wrote:
If you are civil with me, I will be civil to you. If you decide to bring unreasonable animosity to bear in a reasonable discussion, then what would you expect other than to get flustered?
twocupcakes
Posts: 2,748
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5/17/2013 5:51:41 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Does anyone do those "speed dating" things like in movies and t.v shows? According to my bias, that would be the most stigmatized way to meet someone, not online.
twocupcakes
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5/17/2013 5:56:29 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I think it might have to do with the idea of an online meeting to be less romantic. People want a cool "first meet" story. But, it seems odd that asking out a random girl you meet on the street is fine, but meeting someone online is not?
OMGJustinBieber
Posts: 3,484
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5/17/2013 5:57:12 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/17/2013 9:32:35 AM, Smithereens wrote:
Meeting online is different from meeting in person. For a start, nobody knows anything about you, and rely on what you say to be true. You can call yourself a 23 year old guy and be a 70 year old grandma. Conversation never goes as deep as it should in a real life conversation. We don't have body language to read, we don't have tones of voice to read, we don't have subtle social speak to rely on. Conversation never gets more intimate than an exchange of words. Its very different from talking to someone in person at a bar. The vast majority of people would prefer a personal conversation as opposed to an online one, so you may notice a stigma of people not considering online conversation as good as a personal one.

I sort of agree, but I think online conversations can be really deep. Sure, we lack the body language and so forth, but as long as you're a decent writer you shouldn't have any trouble communicating ideas. Additionally, when you have the actual words in front of you you can really dig into what someone is saying unlike in face-to-face where it can be much more difficult to catch people.

tl;dr: evaluating writing > evaluating speaking in terms of producing good thought.
bladerunner060
Posts: 7,126
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5/17/2013 5:58:53 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I think that stigma is definitely fading. I met Mrs. Bladerunner online; I think I read a statistic that said something like half of all relationships start online. Probably a BS statistic, but even if so, they thought it would sound plausible!
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twocupcakes
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5/17/2013 5:59:23 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I think often people are way to judgmental when it comes to dating. As soon as someone starts dating everyone has all these judgement. People should be more chill.
Smithereens
Posts: 5,512
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5/17/2013 11:13:45 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/17/2013 11:24:18 AM, ConservativePolitico wrote:
At 5/17/2013 9:32:35 AM, Smithereens wrote:
Meeting online is different from meeting in person. For a start, nobody knows anything about you, and rely on what you say to be true. You can call yourself a 23 year old guy and be a 70 year old grandma. Conversation never goes as deep as it should in a real life conversation. We don't have body language to read, we don't have tones of voice to read, we don't have subtle social speak to rely on. Conversation never gets more intimate than an exchange of words. Its very different from talking to someone in person at a bar. The vast majority of people would prefer a personal conversation as opposed to an online one, so you may notice a stigma of people not considering online conversation as good as a personal one.

I'm saying just the initial meeting. I'm not vouching for online relationships here (those are stupid) I'm saying if someone initially meets someone online then proceeds to interact with them on a deeper level outside of the internet context. There should be no issue with that and yet there is. And it might just be the anti-tech generation clinging to old values but I don't know.

They and all their values shall die.
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FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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5/18/2013 4:34:44 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
I'd say it's far preferable, if only due to the higher likelihood of finding people you actually have things in common with. But I guess that only applies to weird people like me.
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fnord
Prodigenius
Posts: 209
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5/18/2013 5:37:22 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
I actually prefer to meet people online because they are the real selves then. Anonymity takes away fakeness. If you are going to say it doesn't then you probably are referring to trolls. :)
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Buddamoose
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5/18/2013 5:51:45 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/18/2013 4:34:44 AM, FREEDO wrote:
I'd say it's far preferable, if only due to the higher likelihood of finding people you actually have things in common with. But I guess that only applies to weird people like me.
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
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wrichcirw
Posts: 11,196
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5/18/2013 8:43:26 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/18/2013 4:34:44 AM, FREEDO wrote:
I'd say it's far preferable, if only due to the higher likelihood of finding people you actually have things in common with.

Strongly agree.

But I guess that only applies to weird people like me.

Agree that you're weird. :)
At 8/9/2013 9:41:24 AM, wrichcirw wrote:
If you are civil with me, I will be civil to you. If you decide to bring unreasonable animosity to bear in a reasonable discussion, then what would you expect other than to get flustered?
tulle
Posts: 4,445
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5/18/2013 6:39:26 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/18/2013 4:34:44 AM, FREEDO wrote:
I'd say it's far preferable, if only due to the higher likelihood of finding people you actually have things in common with. But I guess that only applies to weird people like me.

Quoted for truth :)
yang.