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Best Friends 4 Life!

tulle
Posts: 4,445
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9/11/2013 9:22:16 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
We all make snap judgments of people we see, and I"m curious about what it is you see in other people that makes you decide "I want to be friends with that person".

What is it you look for in the friend selection process? --I'm talking about first impressions, and not people you know over time.

If you"re in high school, think about your first day and who you sit with (or want to sit with) in the cafeteria. Who do you gravitate toward?

If you"re in university, who do you see around campus or in class and think to yourself "that person looks like they"d be a cool friend to have", or if you have to do group work, who do you see and just know you want to work with?

If you"re not in school at all, just in everyday life"when you see someone on the street, when you"re put in a context where you have to meet people, who do you see and just know you"d like to be friends with them?

Is there a discrepancy between who you"d like to be friends with and who you actually become friends with? Why do you think that is?
yang.
Mysterious_Stranger
Posts: 1,562
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9/11/2013 10:28:15 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Are they a person? Yes- acquaintance.
Do they exist? Yes- known acquaintance.
Are they an idiot? No-friend.
Are they Bible basher? No-best friend.
Turn around, go back.
Cermank
Posts: 3,773
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9/11/2013 12:31:49 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/11/2013 9:22:16 AM, tulle wrote:
We all make snap judgments of people we see, and I"m curious about what it is you see in other people that makes you decide "I want to be friends with that person".

What is it you look for in the friend selection process? --I'm talking about first impressions, and not people you know over time.

If you"re in high school, think about your first day and who you sit with (or want to sit with) in the cafeteria. Who do you gravitate toward?

If you"re in university, who do you see around campus or in class and think to yourself "that person looks like they"d be a cool friend to have", or if you have to do group work, who do you see and just know you want to work with?

If you"re not in school at all, just in everyday life"when you see someone on the street, when you"re put in a context where you have to meet people, who do you see and just know you"d like to be friends with them?

Personally, I don't really like approaching people. My approach usually is sitting deliberately at various places and just talking to anyone. Friends, then, just happen, more by circumstances than choice.

But I deliberately snub people who are overbearing in their demeanor.

Is there a discrepancy between who you"d like to be friends with and who you actually become friends with? Why do you think that is?

YES. All the 'close friends' (yes, ALL) I have are the ones I wrote off in the beginning. I guess that's because I'm usually polite to people I like, and that doesn't really build relationships. Peoples I write off, I'm generally a little more sarcastic to them, and that's more endearing, I suppose. It's weird. You're more open to people you don't really like, while you are sweet to others. But I just can't be sarcastic / rude to people I like, so I just let it be.
Maikuru
Posts: 9,112
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9/11/2013 4:35:33 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
A sense of humor, especially sarcasm. I tend to be the one introducing myself first to people, as I detest awkward silences and tend to have something funny in my head begging to get out. If they respond with something equally humorous or, better yet, cutting and dry, forget it. Besties.
"You assume I wouldn't want to burn this whole place to the ground."
- lamerde

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Maikuru
Posts: 9,112
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9/11/2013 4:38:26 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I should add that I am far more likely to gravitate toward females than males, as ideally I would like to develop deep friendships (I'm for quality over quantity) and I have better luck in that department with women.
"You assume I wouldn't want to burn this whole place to the ground."
- lamerde

https://i.imgflip.com...
Buddamoose
Posts: 19,448
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9/11/2013 10:38:52 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I honestly dont know, I've never really thought about it before. It seems my friends in life, looking back, havent come about through careful calculation, but rather, just going with the flow. I guess it helps that I'm rather sociable and likeable of a person. Not to sound egotistical.
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

-Kazekirion
rross
Posts: 2,772
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9/11/2013 10:41:43 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/11/2013 9:22:16 AM, tulle wrote:
We all make snap judgments of people we see, and I"m curious about what it is you see in other people that makes you decide "I want to be friends with that person".

What is it you look for in the friend selection process? --I'm talking about first impressions, and not people you know over time.

If you"re in high school, think about your first day and who you sit with (or want to sit with) in the cafeteria. Who do you gravitate toward?

If you"re in university, who do you see around campus or in class and think to yourself "that person looks like they"d be a cool friend to have", or if you have to do group work, who do you see and just know you want to work with?

If you"re not in school at all, just in everyday life"when you see someone on the street, when you"re put in a context where you have to meet people, who do you see and just know you"d like to be friends with them?

Is there a discrepancy between who you"d like to be friends with and who you actually become friends with? Why do you think that is?

I want to be friends with people who are really different from me, so that I can have insight to a range of perspectives, but it hardly ever works out unless I've got something they want, or if they're invested in having a friend of exactly my demographic. But it does sometimes work out, and I really value those friendships although they can be hard work.

I find it easiest to get along with my "type" of person - someone from a similar cultural background to me - because the things i say are agreeable to them and we usually have a shared sense of humor. And it can be a relief, after struggling with people from different cultures, to talk to someone and it's no effort at all.

I recognize those people at sight, usually. I'm not sure exactly how, maybe in the way they dress and their body language. Then, usually we exchange a few remarks and it becomes obvious very quickly whether we're sharing cultural scripts or not.

In terms of whether I actually like someone or not, though, I'm a terrible judge of character at first. There's absolutely no correlation between how much I like someone at first and how much I like them long term.
Buddamoose
Posts: 19,448
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9/11/2013 10:45:23 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/11/2013 4:35:33 PM, Maikuru wrote:
A sense of humor, especially sarcasm. I tend to be the one introducing myself first to people, as I detest awkward silences

I just think ur thirsty bro

and tend to have something funny in my head begging to get out. If they respond with something equally humorous or, better yet, cutting and dry, forget it. Besties.
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

-Kazekirion
AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
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9/18/2013 6:18:03 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
It depends on who you want to be. I've been friends with pretty much every sort of person and I thought they were all awesome. I'm very much a drifter, though, even if I've had rather sustained friendships. No Best Friends 4 Life 4 Me.

I had like fifty two-minute conversations today. Got off the bus from school, went to a big race meeting completely out of whim, ate well, drank well, and enjoyed everyone. They enjoyed me, too.

I actually got on well with every single sort of person today, young and old, 'scummy' and 'respectable,' all besides one teacher I have for intercultural studies who had me seething with her obvious prejudice towards one girl in my class. Hey, maybe it was out of spite of her that I went to that race meeting today, but that's not taking from how I feel about my day. Ended up almost passed out sitting up against a wall at about 6 in the day, paid homage to by the hardest guy in the town supposedly. Yeah, I own. Life's awesome and people shouldn't be bitches about it.
The_Fool_on_the_hill
Posts: 6,071
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9/18/2013 10:29:42 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
The Fool: We tend to gravitate towards people who share our likes and dislikes.

For starters, the condition to meet is a shared interest, place, function or person;
School, work on the Internet, a party, friend of a friend Etc.

And synonymously similar interests, serve to spark, entertain and maintain conversation. Conversely, conflicting values and connotations through communication, create aversion via conditioning. While positive affect promotes attraction, and must surpass the former to stay in action to prolonged passion.

The degree and conviction of the belief or interest, corresponds intrinsically to the confirmation or disagreement.

So considering factors constant, somebody with strong religious/ideological convictions, will be more turned away from someone they conceive in contrast to their opinions, and sway similarly the other way in curiosity, when concurring is continuous.

For better or for worse, a good first impression can be a curse, which curtains thin covers, casing in greatness, what otherwise, would be recognized as obtrusive obvious protruding problems.

On the other hand, grand first negative impressions, Bias our ability, to see through to subsidiary but surpassing superb qualities evident under other circumstances.

For its traits which stand strong tightly with us under storms and over after seas, that truly stick us together to stay, I say. And I have so much more to say. But I think most would say that a fool's words on friendship are fruitless. As nobody likes a fool and so I'm discouraged to finish. Perhaps I have been fooling myself.
"The bud disappears when the blossom breaks through, and we might say that the former is refuted by the latter; in the same way when the fruit comes, the blossom may be explained to be a false form of the plant's existence, for the fruit appears as its true nature in place of the blossom. These stages are not merely differentiated; they supplant one another as being incompatible with one another." G. W. F. HEGEL
Truth_seeker
Posts: 1,811
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7/22/2014 7:28:45 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 9/11/2013 9:22:16 AM, tulle wrote:
We all make snap judgments of people we see, and I"m curious about what it is you see in other people that makes you decide "I want to be friends with that person".

What is it you look for in the friend selection process? --I'm talking about first impressions, and not people you know over time.

If you"re in high school, think about your first day and who you sit with (or want to sit with) in the cafeteria. Who do you gravitate toward?

If you"re in university, who do you see around campus or in class and think to yourself "that person looks like they"d be a cool friend to have", or if you have to do group work, who do you see and just know you want to work with?

If you"re not in school at all, just in everyday life"when you see someone on the street, when you"re put in a context where you have to meet people, who do you see and just know you"d like to be friends with them?

Is there a discrepancy between who you"d like to be friends with and who you actually become friends with? Why do you think that is?

I'm cool with everyone, no matter what background. I try to bond with everyone. I look for common interests (cuz it's superficial if that's all you look for), but i stopped doing that. I now look for common values: respect, loyalty, honor, honesty, perseverance, friendliness, etc. I can tell who's my real friends and who is just there to kill time. I don't understand why some people just won't talk to me even though i try to be a great friend (I never pushed my beliefs on them, never said anything wrong, etc.)

I really don't want new friends, cuz it's just too much to keep up with and drama. I mean, i lost friends before and i don't want to go through that pain again (some i have to deal with for life). I had 1 friend who i thought was worth it and i invested alot into the friendship, but she hated my Christian beliefs. She blocked me and it hurt alot because i really wanted to fix things. I drowned out the pain by listening to music so loud, i suffered from depression, emotional scars just a bit, tinnitus and permanent hearing loss...it was really depressing, cuz i wanted that friend back. It sucks cuz i just wanted to forgive and be stronger friends, but eventually, it dies off over time if that person doesn't talk to me. Yea, they can talk to me 20 years down the road, but i mean, the friendship won't be the same anymore than if they did it sooner. At least that's what i think.

So i'm careful who i hang with.