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Is slut shaming wrong?

Shanice_Maria
Posts: 5
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11/23/2013 10:11:55 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Slut shaming is a phrase used to describe the act of making any person feel guilty or inferior for certain sexual behaviours or desires that deviate from traditional or orthodox gender expectations, or that which may be considered to be contrary to what society classes as 'the norm'.

I am particularly talking about the fact that this seems to be particularly rife for young girls, whereas guys seem to receive a kind of legendary status if they sleep with a lot of people.

What do you guys think?
Wren_cyborg
Posts: 241
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11/23/2013 7:39:59 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Well for starters, every other person in relation to you is either a prude or a freak. It all depends on what you are willing to do, and then the bar is set and you can make your judgments. There is definitely a certain relativity about what you are willing to do in the bedroom and that in and of itself is worthy of lengthy conversation.

As far as the amount of people you have sex with, that is a different subject. Again there is definitely a certain relativity to it, as anyone who has slept with less people than yourself is a prude and anybody who has slept with more is promiscuous.

I say "certain" relativity in both cases because they are not perfectly relative, but only relative along some specific spectrum of answers. For example, sleeping with zero or only one person in your life is comfortably prudish. These type of people either have some sexual disfunction or just don't value having sex that highly. There are a small percentage of individuals who by happenstance find somebody super-compatible with themselves and never get confused or screw up the relationship their whole lives, but if this were true in more than a small number of cases then musicians would have nothing to talk about.

I'm 32 and have slept with about 20 females in my life. I can't even begin to judge what is prudish or promiscuous because there are so many conflicting variables. I can say for certain that the vast majority of these women were very questionable decisions on my part, and I've only had meaningful relationships with four of them. I would suppose that the other dozen and a half girls were mistakes in the sense that I was just trying to make myself feel better (without consideration for their feelings) and I knew that the relationships were never going to end in love.

As far as men vs. women, I see no meaningful difference. Sure, there is the cultural shame on a woman because they have so much easier access than men do, but I would think that, in any case, the level of prudishness of a man or woman is going to be about the same in any relationship. There will be instances of imbalance, but they will be the exception, and any girl that's saved herself is probably not going to be looking for a guy who's playing the field every weekend.
suttichart.denpruektham
Posts: 1,115
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11/24/2013 11:25:52 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/23/2013 10:11:55 AM, Shanice_Maria wrote:
Slut shaming is a phrase used to describe the act of making any person feel guilty or inferior for certain sexual behaviours or desires that deviate from traditional or orthodox gender expectations, or that which may be considered to be contrary to what society classes as 'the norm'.

I am particularly talking about the fact that this seems to be particularly rife for young girls, whereas guys seem to receive a kind of legendary status if they sleep with a lot of people.

What do you guys think?

Perhaps it is cultural trait, being able to penetrate many people is a masculine trait when excused by a guys it make those guy look very manly but when it is done by a girls it essentially make those girls bitchy (maculined girl).

Girl like a guy and guy like a girl so it comes natural for a guy who are super-manly to be like by a lot of girl. It also comes to no strange that girls who are "bitchy" will not be like by a lot of guy because guy like a girl and she doesn't behave like one.
themohawkninja
Posts: 816
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11/27/2013 8:55:28 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/23/2013 10:11:55 AM, Shanice_Maria wrote:
Slut shaming is a phrase used to describe the act of making any person feel guilty or inferior for certain sexual behaviours or desires that deviate from traditional or orthodox gender expectations, or that which may be considered to be contrary to what society classes as 'the norm'.

I am particularly talking about the fact that this seems to be particularly rife for young girls, whereas guys seem to receive a kind of legendary status if they sleep with a lot of people.

What do you guys think?

Well of course it's wrong. We need to show girls that being the sluttiest person in the school is a pretty good thing. The word 'slut' needs to be a compliment, and not an insult.
"Morals are simply a limit to man's potential."~Myself

Political correctness is like saying you can't have a steak, because a baby can't eat one ~Unknown
Beverlee
Posts: 721
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11/27/2013 9:33:14 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Slut-shaming is awful, and is an attempt to delegitimize women and female sexual authority. Here is why it works:

1. Women are threatened by a sexually competitive woman who might lure away a spouse or provider
2. Men are threatened by an untrustworthy spouse or child bearer, and by the thought of another man sexually dominating/humiliating them by having sex with their spouse or co-parent
THEREFORE promiscuous females are "controlled" by slut-shaming by both men and women.

Why doesn't this happen to men? Because it is MUCH harder for a generic man to have sex with a generic girl than the other way around. Seducing a girl is often a challenge, and represents a victory and a conquest. Talking a boy into sex takes a few minutes, and can be destructive emotionally to several parties.
THEREFORE guys are right to celebrate their few, hard-earned encounters, and girls are weird for doing it all the time, and shooting a bunch of fish in a barrel like its an achievement or something.

Mainly, slut shaming is just more Sex-Shaming, and it is wrong. It uses sexual humiliation to try and police sex habits of other people. I compare it to Sex Shaming guys who are virgins and people who buy contraceptives, and also LGBT discrimination. The truth is, human sexuality is incredibly diverse, and cannot be easily categorized with words like "slut" and stuff.
Shanice_Maria
Posts: 5
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11/27/2013 1:50:23 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
'The word 'slut' needs to be a compliment, and not an insult.'

I don't think that the word slut should actually be used at all! It's stupid and it's one of those words that exists for a pointless reason. But yes, if it has to be used, better to turn it in to a positive than a negative.
themohawkninja
Posts: 816
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11/27/2013 2:02:35 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/27/2013 1:50:23 PM, Shanice_Maria wrote:
'The word 'slut' needs to be a compliment, and not an insult.'

I don't think that the word slut should actually be used at all! It's stupid and it's one of those words that exists for a pointless reason. But yes, if it has to be used, better to turn it in to a positive than a .

Well, since we have a word for a sexually promiscuous male, why not have one for a sexually promiscuous female?
"Morals are simply a limit to man's potential."~Myself

Political correctness is like saying you can't have a steak, because a baby can't eat one ~Unknown
Beverlee
Posts: 721
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11/27/2013 2:03:39 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/27/2013 1:51:19 PM, Shanice_Maria wrote:
That whole post Beverly, was absolutely perfect! I could not agree more!

Aww! Thank you! Let's push it a little further, then: what about also saying that sexually humiliating women (slut shaming) is a way to introduce negative consequences for otherwise harmless sexual expression? In other words - the idea that a woman can have sex, enjoy it, not get a disease, not get pregnant, not get her heart broken, and not get hurt in any way is terrifying for some people. So: slut shaming is a way to hurt sexually unashamed women when the sex itself is a benefit to her.

The fact is, that most women are perfectly capable of having a fulfilling and satisfying sex life... With absolutely no negative consequences. And that is a terrible thing for some people to contemplate, like it can't be allowed.

I feel like where we fall on the sexual spectrum has to be an individualized process. We need to respect the fact that other women (and guys) will not make the same decisions that we do.
Shanice_Maria
Posts: 5
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11/27/2013 5:18:35 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
'Well, since we have a word for a sexually promiscuous male, why not have one for a sexually promiscuous female?'

What is this word and you've completely missed the point. I'm saying that there should be no such words in existence at all, whether to describe males or females. Other people's sex lives have nothing to do with anyone else!
Shanice_Maria
Posts: 5
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11/27/2013 5:28:29 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
You're very welcome, this was my whole point pretty much in one actually! It doesn't matter what other people do, if everyone just accepted that others are different to themselves then the whole world would be pretty much great :)

Your reasoning is so good too haha, glad to find someone who's on the same page as I am ^_^
themohawkninja
Posts: 816
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11/27/2013 6:05:49 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/27/2013 5:18:35 PM, Shanice_Maria wrote:
'Well, since we have a word for a sexually promiscuous male, why not have one for a sexually promiscuous female?'

What is this word and you've completely missed the point. I'm saying that there should be no such words in existence at all, whether to describe males or females. Other people's sex lives have nothing to do with anyone else!

Most people would term the sexually promiscuous men to be either 'players' or 'man whores'.

Unless you wish to include a persons' masturbation habits as part of their sex life, a person's sex life does have to do with other people. You might want to know a persons sexual habits if you are deciding whether or not to pursue a relationship with them, as for example I would much rather be with a sexually promiscuous person then a person who has a 'no sex before marriage' philosophy.
"Morals are simply a limit to man's potential."~Myself

Political correctness is like saying you can't have a steak, because a baby can't eat one ~Unknown
themohawkninja
Posts: 816
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11/27/2013 6:16:48 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/27/2013 9:33:14 AM, Beverlee wrote:
Slut-shaming is awful, and is an attempt to delegitimize women and female sexual authority. Here is why it works:

Oh jeez, this is already starting to sound like misandry.

1. Women are threatened by a sexually competitive woman who might lure away a spouse or provider

Well then, maybe the threatened women should be a bit more assertive with her sexual desires? Secondly, psychologically speaking, a woman would most likely only be threatened on the grounds of a lured away spouse or provider if she has already accepted that person as a viable spouse or provider. Women are much more picky about their mates then a male would be, so this point would be much better suited for a man worrying about a female being taken away from him.

2. Men are threatened by an untrustworthy spouse or child bearer, and by the thought of another man sexually dominating/humiliating them by having sex with their spouse or co-parent

Men are always going to have that fear. It's a natural part of male behavior to never be 100% trustworthy, because while a female knows she is a mother (she is witness to the birth of her own child), a father can never be sure if it was his sperm that fertilized his mates egg.

THEREFORE promiscuous females are "controlled" by slut-shaming by both men and women.

Yep, misandry. your assertion of control is a non-sequitur.

Why doesn't this happen to men? Because it is MUCH harder for a generic man to have sex with a generic girl than the other way around. Seducing a girl is often a challenge, and represents a victory and a conquest. Talking a boy into sex takes a few minutes, and can be destructive emotionally to several parties.

Um... it does. Just as a males greatest fear is adultery, a woman's greatest fear is desertion, as if a male were to desert the female, the female (and her newborn child) would be vulnerable to attack. Therefore females will naturally dislike a male interacting sexually with another female, as that shows signs of desertion.

THEREFORE guys are right to celebrate their few, hard-earned encounters, and girls are weird for doing it all the time, and shooting a bunch of fish in a barrel like its an achievement or something.

Girls should be to. It's really not all that weird for girls to do it all the time.

Mainly, slut shaming is just more Sex-Shaming, and it is wrong. It uses sexual humiliation to try and police sex habits of other people. I compare it to Sex Shaming guys who are virgins and people who buy contraceptives, and also LGBT discrimination. The truth is, human sexuality is incredibly diverse, and cannot be easily categorized with words like "slut" and stuff.

Now you are baselessly putting gays into the situation, asserting non-existent policing, and completely ignoring how humans naturally categorize things (i.e. stereotypes).
"Morals are simply a limit to man's potential."~Myself

Political correctness is like saying you can't have a steak, because a baby can't eat one ~Unknown
Beverlee
Posts: 721
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11/27/2013 6:31:41 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/27/2013 6:16:48 PM, themohawkninja wrote:
At 11/27/2013 9:33:14 AM, Beverlee wrote:
Slut-shaming is awful, and is an attempt to delegitimize women and female sexual authority. Here is why it works:

Oh jeez, this is already starting to sound like misandry.

It is NOT COOL to make me look up definitions, mister!

1. Women are threatened by a sexually competitive woman who might lure away a spouse or provider

Well then, maybe the threatened women should be a bit more assertive with her sexual desires? Secondly, psychologically speaking, a woman would most likely only be threatened on the grounds of a lured away spouse or provider if she has already accepted that person as a viable spouse or provider. Women are much more picky about their mates then a male would be, so this point would be much better suited for a man worrying about a female being taken away from him.

See below:

2. Men are threatened by an untrustworthy spouse or child bearer, and by the thought of another man sexually dominating/humiliating them by having sex with their spouse or co-parent

Men are always going to have that fear. It's a natural part of male behavior to never be 100% trustworthy, because while a female knows she is a mother (she is witness to the birth of her own child), a father can never be sure if it was his sperm that fertilized his mates egg.


Yep!

THEREFORE promiscuous females are "controlled" by slut-shaming by both men and women.

Yep, misandry. your assertion of control is a non-sequitur.

It is not. I am trying to explain my views on the subject of why sex shaming happens. I think it allows those people (of both genders) to create a negative consequence for sexual activity when the woman gets too close to not having any negative consequences for that activity.

Why doesn't this happen to men? Because it is MUCH harder for a generic man to have sex with a generic girl than the other way around. Seducing a girl is often a challenge, and represents a victory and a conquest. Talking a boy into sex takes a few minutes, and can be destructive emotionally to several parties.

Um... it does. Just as a males greatest fear is adultery, a woman's greatest fear is desertion, as if a male were to desert the female, the female (and her newborn child) would be vulnerable to attack. Therefore females will naturally dislike a male interacting sexually with another female, as that shows signs of desertion.

Pretty much agree here...

THEREFORE guys are right to celebrate their few, hard-earned encounters, and girls are weird for doing it all the time, and shooting a bunch of fish in a barrel like its an achievement or something.

Girls should be to. It's really not all that weird for girls to do it all the time.

It isn't; I was just explaining it from the viewpoint of the sex-shaming person.

Mainly, slut shaming is just more Sex-Shaming, and it is wrong. It uses sexual humiliation to try and police sex habits of other people. I compare it to Sex Shaming guys who are virgins and people who buy contraceptives, and also LGBT discrimination. The truth is, human sexuality is incredibly diverse, and cannot be easily categorized with words like "slut" and stuff.

Now you are baselessly putting gays into the situation, asserting non-existent policing, and completely ignoring how humans naturally categorize things (i.e. stereotypes).

I still think that sex-shaming IS sexual policing, and parallels these other things.
Citrakayah
Posts: 1,500
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11/27/2013 10:10:55 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/24/2013 11:25:52 AM, suttichart.denpruektham wrote:
At 11/23/2013 10:11:55 AM, Shanice_Maria wrote:
Slut shaming is a phrase used to describe the act of making any person feel guilty or inferior for certain sexual behaviours or desires that deviate from traditional or orthodox gender expectations, or that which may be considered to be contrary to what society classes as 'the norm'.

I am particularly talking about the fact that this seems to be particularly rife for young girls, whereas guys seem to receive a kind of legendary status if they sleep with a lot of people.

What do you guys think?

Perhaps it is cultural trait, being able to penetrate many people is a masculine trait when excused by a guys it make those guy look very manly but when it is done by a girls it essentially make those girls bitchy (maculined girl).

Girl like a guy and guy like a girl so it comes natural for a guy who are super-manly to be like by a lot of girl. It also comes to no strange that girls who are "bitchy" will not be like by a lot of guy because guy like a girl and she doesn't behave like one.

Rather amusingly, I actually find masculine women more sexually attractive.

Human sexual tastes are weird, and I think we all need to lighten up about it. We should be more zen!
suttichart.denpruektham
Posts: 1,115
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11/29/2013 11:16:06 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Rather amusingly, I actually find masculine women more sexually attractive.

Human sexual tastes are weird, and I think we all need to lighten up about it. We should be more zen!

I know, even many of my friends also like a western girl more than an asian one because she is more reasonable and independent (a masculine trait). Asian girls around here are super-girly sometime (and that is a code for acting like a brat)
wrichcirw
Posts: 11,196
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11/29/2013 11:21:36 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/27/2013 8:27:04 PM, RyuuKyuzo wrote:
Sluts should be shamed. Male-sluts, too.

I find this quite reasonable. Bitches too.
At 8/9/2013 9:41:24 AM, wrichcirw wrote:
If you are civil with me, I will be civil to you. If you decide to bring unreasonable animosity to bear in a reasonable discussion, then what would you expect other than to get flustered?
Khaos_Mage
Posts: 23,214
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11/29/2013 3:14:15 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I would assume the reason for the double standard is, outside of rape, men have to work (to varying degrees, depending on the woman) to have sex, because the woman is the sole decider 99% of the time.

Thus, for men, it is a conquest.
For women, it is something they have that they just give out.

There is gray area. For example, a 30-yr old that sleeps with 18 year olds exclusively is often frowned upon, IMO. They are easy prey, and this suggests that the man cannot get a "woman" but merely teens.
My work here is, finally, done.
KBShop
Posts: 3
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12/8/2013 9:57:47 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
I am particularly talking about the fact that this seems to be particularly rife for young girls, whereas guys seem to receive a kind of legendary status if they sleep with a lot of people.

Because getting laid for a girl is incredibly easy, and it's far more difficult for a guy
Wren_cyborg
Posts: 241
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12/8/2013 11:22:16 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/27/2013 2:03:39 PM, Beverlee wrote:
At 11/27/2013 1:51:19 PM, Shanice_Maria wrote:
That whole post Beverly, was absolutely perfect! I could not agree more!

Aww! Thank you! Let's push it a little further, then: what about also saying that sexually humiliating women (slut shaming) is a way to introduce negative consequences for otherwise harmless sexual expression? In other words - the idea that a woman can have sex, enjoy it, not get a disease, not get pregnant, not get her heart broken, and not get hurt in any way is terrifying for some people.

These calamities are all very real and are a factor in anybody's life that has multiple partners.

So: slut shaming is a way to hurt sexually unashamed women when the sex itself is a benefit to her.

I wouldn't agree that it is used against unashamed women - it is often successfully for the very fact that these women ARE ashamed. An unashamed woman in theory is not going to care about the label anyway.

The fact is, that most women are perfectly capable of having a fulfilling and satisfying sex life... With absolutely no negative consequences. And that is a terrible thing for some people to contemplate, like it can't be allowed.

Relationships always have negative consequences - the perfect relationship doesn't exist.

I feel like where we fall on the sexual spectrum has to be an individualized process. We need to respect the fact that other women (and guys) will not make the same decisions that we do.
CarefulNow
Posts: 780
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12/11/2013 1:41:17 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Slut shamer shaming is wrong. It seems like girls can call each other sluts and it's all in good fun, but as soon as I give my girlfriend a Dutch oven she goes out and cheats on me. It's a double standard to the max.
AliciaMarie
Posts: 5
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12/15/2013 8:34:59 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Of course slut- shaming is good. Women need to realize that just because men do it, doesn't make it right. As women, we are to be more composed, self-controlled, and self-respecting than men. We can't justify our being sluts and hoes because men do it. Of course, there's nothing wrong with having sex, though. It's just the amount of people you do it with. F*ck everyone who thinks being a slut (man or woman) is respectable.
themohawkninja
Posts: 816
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12/15/2013 8:45:20 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 12/15/2013 8:34:59 PM, AliciaMarie wrote:
Of course slut- shaming is good. Women need to realize that just because men do it, doesn't make it right. As women, we are to be more composed, self-controlled, and self-respecting than men. We can't justify our being sluts and hoes because men do it. Of course, there's nothing wrong with having sex, though. It's just the amount of people you do it with. F*ck everyone who thinks being a slut (man or woman) is respectable.

Or you can just have sex with everyone you want, because this isn't the Victorian era, so women don't need to be anymore self-respected than guys are.
"Morals are simply a limit to man's potential."~Myself

Political correctness is like saying you can't have a steak, because a baby can't eat one ~Unknown