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Monogamy is a failed society trap.

thisisit1
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4/8/2014 2:55:33 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
Monogamy is a failed society trap. Polyamory can revolutionize how we love and live for the better. This challenges western society's ideal, and may require a paradigm shift.

Polyamory is an umbrella term for any relationship that is not monogamous, restricted to two people. Often when we here polyamory many think of polygamy, which is a man with many wives, because it is in the spotlight on reality TV and the ill behaviours on such dynamic in eastern traditions. I'm not talking about either, though not oppose to polygamy if it is truly what all partners desire. I'm talking about looking at polyamory and monogamy for what they are, with no disrespect to those who truly choose monogamy for their life at the end of the debate. Its about talking about what we are trained to be uncomfortable with, ending the taboo. 5-10% are open about it, how many are in the closet?

Lets look at jealousy.
In general, jealousy should not, but often is mistaken for envy. Envy is to want what the other has in an inspiring manner, with no ill feelings. Jealousy is to want what the other has all to yourself, even at the expense of others. It comes from a place of fear and/or insecurity, selfishness and it often best to be resolved.
In monogamy it is perceived as normal and healthy, as well as painful and damaging to the relationship and those involved. Often seen, or excused as a sign of love, but still a negative feeling or trait overall.
In Polyamory, jealousy is perceived as a sign that something is wrong, as all negative emotions should. When it occurs it is discussed and resolved, which is possible as it is the core concept to having the genuinely loving and open relationships. To achieve this all individuals should have confidence to self assert and ability to empathize, a trait men seem to achieve as they mature at different rates.

Lets look at Love.
Love is an intense feeling of deep affection, sometimes romantic and/or sexual.
In monagamy love is ideally accepted with one person only, and loving others is perceived as betrayal. Even deep affection is often seen as "emotional cheating". The traditions and ideals we are raised with become programmed into our thinking and belief system, such as the fairytales of Disany movies instilled onto our daughters creating unrealistic expectations of men. Monagamy is not a hard wired natural occurrence in humans, which can inevitably cause hurt and stress in relationships and the partners. Many monogamous people are not open enough to resolve and free themselves of the pain from jealousy of their partner sharing deep affection with someone else (emotional cheating). Cheers to those who are and do.. I am not discounting those who are successfully only sexually monogamous.

In polyamory love is perceived as -truly- finding happiness in your partners happiness, which is not an odd idea to us generally, except when it is deep affection with someone they could be romantic and/or sexual with. Polyamory is about being genuinely loving and appreciating fellow humans and partners alike, humanism. Its about experiencing more loving, richer relationships in your lifetime, free of the negative aspects of limited loving we've been taught by society. 'Its OK and natural to love others, but you cannot fulfil needs or share happiness with anyone but your partner. Look, even fantasize, emotionally and/or sexually, but don"t invoke. That is what we are taught about love, sounds churchy. A Polygamous society would be a loving one.

How about paternity and raising children.
In monogamy two people, in many places not limited to a man and a women, raise children together, or more often than not, eventually separated. Why do they separate? I dont feel the I need to take up characters going there. Look up the many reasons if need be, most stem back to needs not being met and "cheating".
In polyamory the options are wide. Children would inevitably have more, and varied loving adults in their lives, which has never proven to be a bad thing. In most cases they would not need to loose paternity if wished so. Homosexuals are proving they can raise children wonderfully, so if that dynamic occurs, its actually a positive.

We have an overload of male energy in the world for various reasons. Mainly because they have led the way primarily up until recently. It is simply easier for females to be masculine than it is for males to be feminine. Unfortunately feminists are becoming masculine in their pursuit and thus, here we are.. theres the ultimate answer to the state of the world. We need more femininity to have a comfortable balance. We're yet to find a system that works. But polyamory will give men the opportunity to become more emotionally mature and loving in general. We joke that men cannot be monogamous, I don't think women are so equip either, but its society that has perceives us to be more moral and/or perhaps have lower sex drives. Society perceives a lot that does not balance out.

Humans created monogamy to create paternity and the structure of society. To keep wealth together, families of power. Look at what that has done for us. When we walk over the poor on the streets in our expensive outfits with our $5 coffee, on our way to our job that feeds the very system that put them there. Again, we lack empathy, and have become selfish creatures. But, again, we've been raised this way. My point is, the whole reason for beginning monogamy is nothing to be proud of or stand by in the end.

Cheating, this is a normal concept for us to dread when it comes to relationships, because the difficulties we face meeting the standards that are not aligned with our beings makes it a game. Those who have never cheated know its not easy and proudly stand by monogamy, which I do not discredit. Considering they have stayed to their agreement, it is honer-able, but is it the best way for relationships to occur?

Ashley Madison alone has over 25,165,000 members. I have more to add but, Ill open this with what I've said so far. I am a 28 year old, bisexual female for the record. I began exploring polyamory after examining my own jealousy and urges to get close with more people than my partner, or, 'cheat'. I am yet to have a serious open relationship, but have an over all knowing that doing the work to strip away at my programming and experience more love would be very rewarding. Polymory is not for those who are not self assured and confident with themselves.
Sswdwm
Posts: 1,398
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4/8/2014 8:07:07 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
This actually has an increasing scientific backing, we're not built to be monogamous as a species. I'm not too familiar with the studies, but this TED talk gave me a pretty decent overview.

http://www.ted.com...
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Ore_Ele
Posts: 25,980
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4/8/2014 8:52:13 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
First off, welcome to the site. I will love going into this, but it will have to wait until I get some so I can give it a proper response.
"Wanting Red Rhino Pill to have gender"
Ore_Ele
Posts: 25,980
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4/8/2014 9:12:26 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Let me start by saying that I am not arguing that anything is immoral or wrong, I am only going to be arguing that the idea that monogamy is a "social construct" is false. Again, I am not saying that it is morally correct or anything of the like, just that it is beyond society.

1) Oxytocin

There is a nifty chemical in our brains called Oxytocin [1]. Oxytocin does a number of things but in relation to this topic, it is for Pair Bonding. It is a chemical that is naturally released after sex (it is released at other points as well, like child birth and breastfeeding, but we're not going to be looking into that) and is often called the cuddling hormone. This hormone has an effect of making the individual that one is pair bonded with more attractive and all others less attractive [2][3].

Studies going as far back as the mid 90's [4] (if not further, I didn't dig too deep as the sources are plenty), but unless you believe that ancient society created and implanted this hormone in us, then Monogamy is not a social construct and is a naturally occurring feature of our species.

[1] http://en.wikipedia.org...
[2] http://www.sciencedaily.com...
[3] http://www.medicalnewstoday.com...
[4] http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov...
"Wanting Red Rhino Pill to have gender"