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Holding Open Doors for Gurlz

PoeJoe
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3/19/2010 9:08:35 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
I'd been taught to hold open d00rs 4 gurlz and let them enter first, simply because it's the polite thing to do. But now I hear it's anti-feminist to do this. Others tell me it's corny and outdated.

Discuss.
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Koopin
Posts: 12,090
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3/19/2010 9:10:57 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
I do it, and it's different something. Some girls are like "i can do it by myself" and others look like its the kindest thing ever done to them. I will keep on doing it though.
kfc
Ragnar_Rahl
Posts: 19,297
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3/19/2010 9:14:44 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
lol@women making up their minds on whether they want to be consistently feminist in the egalitrian sense or get special privileges.
It came to be at its height. It was commanded to command. It was a capital before its first stone was laid. It was a monument to the spirit of man.
Ragnar_Rahl
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3/19/2010 9:16:03 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
And yeah, I generally hold the door open a reasonable length of time if I hear footsteps behind me, without bothering to look who it is. Why? Classically conditioned to avoid my mom b***ing at me about not holding the door open for a lady and too lazy to look back and be selective.
It came to be at its height. It was commanded to command. It was a capital before its first stone was laid. It was a monument to the spirit of man.
PoeJoe
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3/19/2010 9:19:21 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 3/19/2010 9:16:03 PM, Ragnar_Rahl wrote:
And yeah, I generally hold the door open a reasonable length of time if I hear footsteps behind me, without bothering to look who it is. Why? Classically conditioned to avoid my mom b***ing at me about not holding the door open for a lady and too lazy to look back and be selective.

What I meant is, holding open doors to let the girl in first.

Of course you don't slam the door behind you. Doing otherwise is just douchey.
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wjmelements
Posts: 8,206
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3/19/2010 9:30:51 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 3/19/2010 9:22:35 PM, True2GaGa wrote:
I ... want to recieve.

Selective reading.

Holding doors open for women and not men is reverse sexism. It's common courtesy, but it's certainly not the end of the world if someone doesn't do it.
in the blink of an eye you finally see the light
True2GaGa
Posts: 1,574
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3/19/2010 9:31:51 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 3/19/2010 9:30:51 PM, wjmelements wrote:
At 3/19/2010 9:22:35 PM, True2GaGa wrote:
I ... want to recieve.

Selective reading.

Holding doors open for women and not men is reverse sexism. It's common courtesy, but it's certainly not the end of the world if someone doesn't do it.

Shut the front door!
belle
Posts: 4,113
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3/19/2010 9:37:58 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
i get annoyed when people go out of their way to open doors for me, but really, if you're in the doorway and you can see someone coming its common courtesy...
evidently i only come to ddo to avoid doing homework...
PoeJoe
Posts: 3,822
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3/19/2010 9:38:11 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 3/19/2010 9:30:51 PM, wjmelements wrote:
Holding doors open for women and not men is reverse sexism.

Here's the thing. If you open a door and let another man go in first, you are indirectly implying that that other person is your b1tch. Some take offense at that. But if you just go in yourself, slightly holding the door out for the man behind you, that's OK. It's also OK if you don't hold the door at all

But if you have a girl behind you and you hold open the door and let her in first, that feels slightly corny and, like I said, some feminists take offense. But if you have a girl behind you and you don't let her go in first, sometimes that feels, to me anyway, like a really douchey thing to do.

I need societal clarification!!!
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wjmelements
Posts: 8,206
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3/19/2010 9:40:11 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Everything is different in the South. My mom's always told me that. Everyone's friendlier. We hold doors open for everyone and I've never encountered anyone that's taken offense.
in the blink of an eye you finally see the light
PoeJoe
Posts: 3,822
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3/19/2010 9:44:17 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 3/19/2010 9:40:11 PM, wjmelements wrote:
Everything is different in the South. My mom's always told me that. Everyone's friendlier. We hold doors open for everyone and I've never encountered anyone that's taken offense.

By "holding doors open for everyone," do you mean holding doors open for everyone so that they go in first before you?
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FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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3/19/2010 9:47:32 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
I live in a very small town of California which is basically apart of the south and we always open doors for each-other to walk through first.
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fnord
wjmelements
Posts: 8,206
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3/19/2010 10:23:07 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 3/19/2010 9:44:17 PM, PoeJoe wrote:
At 3/19/2010 9:40:11 PM, wjmelements wrote:
Everything is different in the South. My mom's always told me that. Everyone's friendlier. We hold doors open for everyone and I've never encountered anyone that's taken offense.

By "holding doors open for everyone," do you mean holding doors open for everyone so that they go in first before you?

I don't see any other interpretation.
in the blink of an eye you finally see the light
Xer
Posts: 7,776
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3/19/2010 10:37:25 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Depends. Let's take school for example, which is the time I most often hold doors, or at least have the opportunity to do so. I always hold the door open and let people through if (a) I am walking with one of my friends that are girls (b) I am walking with one of my closer guy friends and (c) I am walking in front of a girl or girls that I don't know or somewhat know, yet are relatively attractive. I'll sometimes wait a relatively extended period of time for some of the above. If none of the above, I'll walk through the door and hold the door long enough for the person behind me to at least touch it.
Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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3/19/2010 10:48:23 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Not only do I hold the door open for everybody, but I always give up my seat on the bus or subway if someone who looks 15 or more years older than me is standing regardless of their gender. If the person appears over 50, it's automatic. Is that necessary or even expected in today's society? Probably not, but it's what personally makes me feel comfortable. Now if I hold the door open for someone and they don't say thank you, I very rudely (and sarcastically) say "You're welcome" as they enter regardless of who it is.

Anyway, regarding Ragnar's "lol@women making up their minds on whether they want to be consistently feminist in the egalitrian sense or get special privileges" I'll just point out the obvious: women want to be taken seriously in the work force, and avoid gender stereotyping that projects them as weak, passive, etc. Chivalry is something entirely different - a set of manners/conduct that girls find polite and usually sexy, and while it often requires the guy to do something like open a door, I think it's a pretty fair exchange to have a door opened for them when girls let guys inside of them - don't you think? Just sayin. Btw, tales of women finding it "annoying" to have a guy open a door for her sounds like a myth to me. I have yet to meet a girl irl who EVER felt that way.
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Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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3/19/2010 10:54:14 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 3/19/2010 9:38:11 PM, PoeJoe wrote:
At 3/19/2010 9:30:51 PM, wjmelements wrote:
Holding doors open for women and not men is reverse sexism.

Here's the thing. If you open a door and let another man go in first, you are indirectly implying that that other person is your b1tch. Some take offense at that. But if you just go in yourself, slightly holding the door out for the man behind you, that's OK. It's also OK if you don't hold the door at all

I highly doubt that the guy is thinking either of you is the other's b-tch for trying to be polite. If so, who gives a sh-t? Why do you care what they think anyway?

But if you have a girl behind you and you hold open the door and let her in first, that feels slightly corny and, like I said, some feminists take offense. But if you have a girl behind you and you don't let her go in first, sometimes that feels, to me anyway, like a really douchey thing to do.

I need societal clarification!!!

I love women and I ALWAYS hold the door for them and let them go first lol. This has usually worked to my advantage and never to my disadvantage. It's really not a big deal if you let her go first, so why not just do it? What's the worst that could happen? I'm also a gigantic feminist and don't necessarily EXPECT someone to hold a door for me just because I'm a woman, but I wouldn't penalize or think poorly of someone for trying to be polite regardless of what I think is or isn't PC. If you think someone's a tool for trying to be nice then you're the giant d-bag -- not them.
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Ragnar_Rahl
Posts: 19,297
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3/19/2010 11:07:48 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
avoid gender stereotyping that projects them as weak, passive, etc. Chivalry is something entirely different

Um, no. Chivalry is a code of action that resulted from nothing more and nothing less than regarding women as weak and passive.

I think it's a pretty fair exchange to have a door opened for them when girls let guys inside of them - don't you think?
Hey, if a girl wants to make that deal I will abide by it even and I will shut up if she later talks about feminism. But that doesn't make it any less silly.

Btw, does that mean that guys who get pegged should not engage in chivalry?
It came to be at its height. It was commanded to command. It was a capital before its first stone was laid. It was a monument to the spirit of man.
PoeJoe
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3/19/2010 11:20:43 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 3/19/2010 10:23:07 PM, wjmelements wrote:
At 3/19/2010 9:44:17 PM, PoeJoe wrote:
At 3/19/2010 9:40:11 PM, wjmelements wrote:
Everything is different in the South. My mom's always told me that. Everyone's friendlier. We hold doors open for everyone and I've never encountered anyone that's taken offense.

By "holding doors open for everyone," do you mean holding doors open for everyone so that they go in first before you?

I don't see any other interpretation.

As Nags said, "If none of the above, I'll walk through the door and hold the door long enough for the person behind me to at least touch it."

At 3/19/2010 10:48:23 PM, theLwerd wrote:
Not only do I hold the door open for everybody, but I always give up my seat on the bus or subway if someone who looks 15 or more years older than me is standing regardless of their gender. If the person appears over 50, it's automatic. Is that necessary or even expected in today's society? Probably not, but it's what personally makes me feel comfortable. Now if I hold the door open for someone and they don't say thank you, I very rudely (and sarcastically) say "You're welcome" as they enter regardless of who it is.

I actually have a story about this.

I was at a national park in which they took you around from site to site via a bus. My family was on this bus, ready to get back to the entrance and leave, when, at one of the stops, two elderly women got on. Immediately as if on cue, almost everyone stood up. And after the two elderly women sat down, there were many seats still left open.

At the next stop, a photographer got on--mid-thirties male--who pointed to the seat next to mine in confusion. (I was sitting near the front.) I shook my head no. He looked around at all the empty seats and at all the people standing up. Then he shrugged and took his seat.

At 3/19/2010 10:54:14 PM, theLwerd wrote:
At 3/19/2010 9:38:11 PM, PoeJoe wrote:
At 3/19/2010 9:30:51 PM, wjmelements wrote:
Holding doors open for women and not men is reverse sexism.

Here's the thing. If you open a door and let another man go in first, you are indirectly implying that that other person is your b1tch. Some take offense at that. But if you just go in yourself, slightly holding the door out for the man behind you, that's OK. It's also OK if you don't hold the door at all

I highly doubt that the guy is thinking either of you is the other's b-tch for trying to be polite. If so, who gives a sh-t? Why do you care what they think anyway?

I've seen many times a guy open a door for another guy, letting him in first and saying sarcastically, "My lady..."

Homophobic, yeah. But what if you don't want to accidentally by associated with these homophobic people? What if you are just genuinely being nice? Maybe things are just weird in Southern California.

But if you have a girl behind you and you hold open the door and let her in first, that feels slightly corny and, like I said, some feminists take offense. But if you have a girl behind you and you don't let her go in first, sometimes that feels, to me anyway, like a really douchey thing to do.

I need societal clarification!!!

I love women and I ALWAYS hold the door for them and let them go first lol. This has usually worked to my advantage and never to my disadvantage. It's really not a big deal if you let her go first, so why not just do it? What's the worst that could happen? I'm also a gigantic feminist and don't necessarily EXPECT someone to hold a door for me just because I'm a woman, but I wouldn't penalize or think poorly of someone for trying to be polite regardless of what I think is or isn't PC. If you think someone's a tool for trying to be nice then you're the giant d-bag -- not them.

I think you misunderstand my position.

I have been holding doors for women to let them go in first for a long time, but recently, many females have interpreted this as anti-feminist: "You think I need a man to open a door for me?!"

And like I said, many are starting to interpret this, at least in Southern California, as too traditional.
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Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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3/19/2010 11:24:14 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
I think it's pretty obvious that while the origins of chivalry may have been to indicate women's passivity and weakness, that it generally requires more effort from the man than the woman and that's what women like about it - the effort. Also, the social implications of chivalry have changed to now indicate some sort of 'respect.' To bring up how it's "unfair" to treat a women differently on the basis that she's a woman just makes you sound like a whino. If you don't want to be chivalrous, then don't. If a woman chooses to judge you for it, so be it. If she doesn't, then whatever. People should do what makes them feel comfortable when it comes to chivalry and accept the judgment of their company be it positive or negative.
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Ragnar_Rahl
Posts: 19,297
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3/19/2010 11:26:28 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Dinnae answer me question ^_^.
It came to be at its height. It was commanded to command. It was a capital before its first stone was laid. It was a monument to the spirit of man.
Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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3/19/2010 11:29:25 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
PoeJoe - After the 2 older ladies sat down, I don't see why the others didn't take their original seats. If they chose to remain standing even after the elderly ladies had sat, then that's their prerogative.

Regarding the "my lady" comment, that's not a homophobic comment but a sexist one. Regardless, who gives a crap? If some guy opens the door for you and says "My lady" then at the end of the day he's the one holding the door open for you and nobody gives a flying f-ck about his comment. Assuming anyone else besides the 2 of you heard it anyway, in the grand scheme of things it really means nothing and you're the one who gets to walk through the door with little to no effort... so who's the sucker now? You giving it so much thought doesn't say anything about So Cal but just the HS mentality of caring too much about things that are completely useless.

Also, as I said, I've never heard a girl actually complain about a guy holding a door for her. If that ever happened in my presence, I would make said girl feel like a total idiot by pointing out the obvious: perhaps the person was holding the door JUST TO BE NICE and not necessarily because she was a female. In fact, assuming that it was done specifically because she was a female is really exemplifying that SHE'S the sexist one, is it not?
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Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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3/19/2010 11:30:06 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 3/19/2010 11:26:28 PM, Ragnar_Rahl wrote:
Dinnae answer me question ^_^.

What was the question? Should gay guys be treated like women?
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Ragnar_Rahl
Posts: 19,297
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3/19/2010 11:31:33 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Not, ahem, exactly, though you were warm at least.

http://www.urbandictionary.com...
It came to be at its height. It was commanded to command. It was a capital before its first stone was laid. It was a monument to the spirit of man.
Xer
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3/19/2010 11:36:05 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
I can't see what's sexist or anti-feminist about holding a door for a female. It's gentleman-like and polite. Of course, I'm not a complete gentleman, as I only hold the door for attractive females or female friends (who are all attractive anyway).
popculturepooka
Posts: 7,924
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3/19/2010 11:39:20 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
I do it all the time - that's how my parents raised me and I see no reason to change that.
At 10/3/2016 11:49:13 PM, thett3 wrote:
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Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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3/19/2010 11:47:29 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 3/19/2010 11:31:33 PM, Ragnar_Rahl wrote:
Not, ahem, exactly, though you were warm at least.

http://www.urbandictionary.com...

Well, my biased view is that chivalry is a really nice thing again because it requires unnecessary effort from the man. The fact that we're trying to promote gender equality further proves that chivalry is 'unnecessary' which means any continuance of it is just polite, similar to how saying "Bless you" isn't necessary or beneficial in any way but we consider it polite when it's done anyway.

I don't think girls feel the need to go out of their way to give guys special treatment because traditionally we have always been the ones who were oppressed and stigmatized by stereotypes, double standards, etc. many of which still exist today. Meanwhile, even guys who get pegged don't have to deal with that which is why girls don't take it upon themselves to show 'respect' or any extra effort in the politeness department even if they're the ones doing the screwing. However, on average it's the woman who typically is more thoughtful in every other scenario so a little effort from a guy in that respect is just seen or considered the right or nice thing to do to show appreciation of sort for women, or just to indicate that they're not oblivious and are consciously being polite just to be nice. If a woman did the same for a man, it wouldn't considered chivalrous - just nice. The same should be thought of a man doing it for a woman.

All in all, it's just kind of lol that we not only give guys doing something nice for women a NAME like chivalrous (when women do nice things for guys all the time) but that some guys would even complain about having to hold open a door in the first place as if it's a huge inconvenience. If it's not, then instead of "making a point" about gender inequality then just be polite to everyone and treat everyone that way if it'll make you feel better. If you don't want to be polite in general then just don't. But don't make it sound like a feminist double standard when in reality the aims of feminism are not about maintaining chivalrous behavior.
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