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In praise of masculinity--a contest

thett3
Posts: 14,348
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11/13/2014 1:07:59 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Today as I was doing my accounting homework, I was overwhelmed with emotion. I could feel the shame and disapproval of my ancestors as they looked down with disgust at my chosen career path. They'd fought and bled to get me to this country and I repay them by choosing perhaps the least manly profession ever.

There are very few jobs, probably only a couple dozen, befitting of a man. Firefighters, soldiers, pre-2000s country singers, sailors/pirates, truckers, ranchers, farmers, oil riggers, explorers, and boxers are a few that come to mind. Accounts ought to be tarred and feathered.

My self reflection extended to my manner of dressing. Real men wear socks and underwear made of only wool, and if their shirts are not plain colored, they're plaid.

I was so overwhelmed that I needed to get a snack to ward off my anxiety, but then I realized how unmanly my food choices were. When the hell did it become acceptable in this country for a man to eat anything other than sausage, onions, jerky, and grits, and to drink beverages other than whiskey?

This got me thinking: who are the most manly men to ever exist? Because the arbitrary standards of a scrawny 20 year old college student should be considered the final authority on manliness, the people I've chosen are the manliest men to ever live. I need your help to decide who should be considered the manliest, though.

Meet the candidates:

George Washington: The father of our country never wore a shirt while staying at Valley Forge. He gave his garments to the lesser men. Why? He had so much hair on his chest, that he was fully insulated from the harsh cold. Legend has it that Washington was so strong that he could bend a horseshoe. This is utter nonsense. I reality, he was so strong that he could turn a horseshoe into dust just by squeezing it. The Germans surrendered in WWII due to rumors that the scientific community had succeeded in their quest to resurrect Washington but, sadly, this was just a rumor.

Lao Tzu- This man got tired of all the bureaucratic nonsense in the emperors court, that he just up and left, starting the long and noble tradition of men riding off into the sunset. Before he left forever, he was persuaded to write down some of his wisdom by an agent working at the border. This man was so wise that his hasty writings kick started an entire philosophical/religious movement that survives to this day, 4000 years later. According to legend, Lao Tzu is like King Arthur and is set to return and save China upon its darkest hour. I have little doubt that this is true, and it's for that reason that I sincerely fear for the US when the inevitable Sino-American war occurs.

George Strait- Everything about this man screams manly. He grew up ranching in Texas, later to become the closest thing to a living legend country music has. Strait managed to convey deep love and emotion while still sounding manly--a feat that seems impossible, until one listens to his music. One of the few people to successfully engage in two of the most manly professions, Strait is a veritable king of manliness. Indeed, even his name sounds tough. Strait, like an arrow flying into the heart of it's victim.

Johnny Cash- It's said that when Chuck Norris and Johnny Cash bump into each other on the street, Chuck Norris steps aside. This is false--in actuality, Chuck Norris says "What can I do for you, sir?" I think this alone says enough for the man in black.

Daniel Inouye- In WWII, Inouye was doing what he does best, fighting the Nazis, when his unit stumbled upon a series of enemy entrenchments. In the ensuing fighting, Inouye was shot by a sniper and had his right arm shattered by a grenade. Did that stop him? HELL NO! His arm was holding a primed grenade when it was shattered. Recognizing that his men could be blown to pieces if his dead hand relaxed its grip, Inouye told them to stay back and took on the Germans alone. He pried the grenade from his dead hand and threw it into the bunker. He then stumbled up and killed another German with a one handed machine gun blast. When his men tried to carry him to safety, he told yelled at them that "no one called off the war". This man is a god amongst men! Oh yeah, he later became a US senator.

Blackbeard- That he is a pirate speaks volumes for how amazing this man was and the respect he is deserved just by default. But even among pirates he was amazing, his fierce black beard lit on fire as he stormed enemy ships and pretty much ruined their days.
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"Don't quote me, ever." -Max

"My name is max. I'm not a big fan of slacks"- Max rapping

"Walmart should have the opportunity to bribe a politician to it's agenda" -Max

"Thett, you're really good at convincing people you're a decent person"-tulle

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: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right
Ore_Ele
Posts: 25,980
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11/13/2014 1:44:15 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/13/2014 1:17:36 PM, Khaos_Mage wrote:
But do you know what all those manly men needed?
A good accountant.

Damn straight!

A "real" man lives by the country song "That's something to be proud of" (even though it is a 2004 country song).
"Wanting Red Rhino Pill to have gender"
neptune1bond
Posts: 400
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11/13/2014 4:06:15 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
The OP made me laugh, but to be serious I personally think that each man needs to define manliness for himself. I personally think that old fashioned (or even modern) ideas of "macho" are frequently a ridiculous way to measure "manliness". I personally think that a person's masculinity is really measured by the good they do in the world and the value they provide to others. A real man has the qualities of a hero in the way that he stands for what's right, regardless of the opposition. Someone can lift a million pounds or strut around singing country songs in a southern accent, but if they don't provide value to others, then they don't really have any worth to anyone but themselves. That pretty much makes them worthless as a person and even more worthless as a man through their worthlessness to other people and society in general. There are ideas on manliness that actually ascribe worth and value and there are ideas on manliness that are simply ridiculous traditions that really have no meaning. I think the best ideas of manliness are the ones based solely on worth and value (and I don't mean the worth and value it has for the man himself, but for others). Obviously, you must first take care of yourself to a degree before you can even be capable of taking care of others, so don't mistaken what I'm saying here as demonizing caring for yourself. But you essentially should only use preparing and taking care of yourself as the stepping stone for the value you can provide other people and the world. If it stops at you, then you don't really have worth.

I should also point out that I personally consider "manliness" to be completely different from "masculinity". Masculinity is simply the traits, personal portrayals, and mannerisms consistent with biological qualities typical of the level of "maleness" of a person genetically and hormonally. Either women or men (or any other gender) can be masculine or feminine or some level of both. Masculinity has become quite demonized in our culture (which is absolutely ridiculous, horrible, and very sad) and attributed to qualities and actions that really have nothing at all to do with masculinity in any way, shape, or form. Masculinity has just as much value as femininity and vice versa. I think that any person that thinks that masculinity (or femininity for that matter) is bad, wrong, toxic, victimizing, or wrong in any way is a vile bigot and doesn't deserve to have even one ounce of anyone's respect any more than a person who vilifies someone of a different race or someone with an alternate sexuality.
neptune1bond
Posts: 400
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11/13/2014 6:02:14 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/13/2014 4:06:15 PM, neptune1bond wrote:
I personally think that a person's masculinity is really measured by the good they do in the world and the value they provide to others.
Whoops, in this case I meant,"I personally think that a person's manliness is really measured by the good they do in the world and the value they provide to others.

I actually think that manliness and masculinity are two different qualities.
Vox_Veritas
Posts: 7,074
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11/13/2014 6:36:57 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
With different cultures, what is considered masculine and feminine varies. However, I believe that whatever that culture considers to be masculine is what men should be like and what that culture considers to be feminine is what women should be like.
Call me Vox, the Resident Contrarian of debate.org.

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thett3
Posts: 14,348
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5/16/2015 1:07:28 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
bump
DDO Vice President

#StandwithBossy

#UnbanTheMadman

#BetOnThett

"Don't quote me, ever." -Max

"My name is max. I'm not a big fan of slacks"- Max rapping

"Walmart should have the opportunity to bribe a politician to it's agenda" -Max

"Thett, you're really good at convincing people you're a decent person"-tulle

"You fit the character of Regina George quite nicely"- Sam

: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right
SeventhProfessor
Posts: 5,086
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5/16/2015 2:57:32 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/16/2015 1:07:28 PM, thett3 wrote:
bump

How dare you leave off the manliest man of all time?
http://th03.deviantart.net...
#UnbanTheMadman

#StandWithBossy

#BetOnThett

"bossy r u like 85 years old and have lost ur mind"
~mysteriouscrystals

"I've honestly never seen seventh post anything that wasn't completely idiotic in a trying-to-be-funny way."
~F-16

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Vox_Veritas
Posts: 7,074
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5/16/2015 3:25:47 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/16/2015 2:57:32 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 5/16/2015 1:07:28 PM, thett3 wrote:
bump

How dare you leave off the manliest man of all time?
http://th03.deviantart.net...

Proven fact: he was shooting at a million-man horde of Nazi zombies allied with the Reds. Seconds after that picture was taken he charged head-first on his raptor into the mob, hacking off his left arm and using it as a club to knock heads off. When the battle was over, his servant Chuck Norris bowed to the floor and wiped Reagan's feet with a towel, before giving the towel to Reagan.
Call me Vox, the Resident Contrarian of debate.org.

The DDO Blog:
https://debatedotorg.wordpress.com...

#drinkthecoffeenotthekoolaid
thett3
Posts: 14,348
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11/13/2015 6:17:53 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
1 year anniversary bump
DDO Vice President

#StandwithBossy

#UnbanTheMadman

#BetOnThett

"Don't quote me, ever." -Max

"My name is max. I'm not a big fan of slacks"- Max rapping

"Walmart should have the opportunity to bribe a politician to it's agenda" -Max

"Thett, you're really good at convincing people you're a decent person"-tulle

"You fit the character of Regina George quite nicely"- Sam

: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right
Rosalie
Posts: 4,612
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11/13/2015 6:19:25 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 11/13/2015 6:17:53 AM, thett3 wrote:
1 year anniversary bump

I like skinny nerdy guys....
" We need more videos of cat's playing the piano on the internet" - My art professor.

"Criticism is easier to take when you realize that the only people who aren't criticized are those who don't take risks." - Donald Trump

Officially Mrs. 16Kadams 8-30-16
BlackFlags
Posts: 904
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11/13/2015 6:56:24 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 11/13/2014 1:07:59 PM, thett3 wrote:
Blackbeard- That he is a pirate speaks volumes for how amazing this man was and the respect he is deserved just by default. But even among pirates he was amazing, his fierce black beard lit on fire as he stormed enemy ships and pretty much ruined their days.

Blackbeard is an inspiration. To command a mighty crew and ship and instill fear into the hearts of men throughout the colonies, you really got to hand it to the guy! The thing was that he wasn't even barbaric. His fame proceeded him.
Wylted
Posts: 21,167
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11/13/2015 11:16:59 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
I'd vote Blackbeard. I have started using a safety razor because it's more manly. All the scents I choose for myself in terms of shampoo, soap, deodorant and cologne are things that smell like trees. Real men smell like trees. I also refuse to dress nice, because real men have no concern for their appearance. I fail at being a man when I walk into a gas station, because I choose that fake cappuccino over real coffee. I also spend a little too much time on entertainment to be a real man. No way would a real man be on DDO this much of would have watched all of Breaking Bad. Sometimes I don't bathe for several days, so I have that going for me.
thett3
Posts: 14,348
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11/13/2015 6:39:07 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 11/13/2015 6:19:25 AM, Rosalie wrote:
At 11/13/2015 6:17:53 AM, thett3 wrote:
1 year anniversary bump

I like skinny nerdy guys....

That sucks for you because most skinny nerdy guys, like me, prefer 2D women to 3D women
DDO Vice President

#StandwithBossy

#UnbanTheMadman

#BetOnThett

"Don't quote me, ever." -Max

"My name is max. I'm not a big fan of slacks"- Max rapping

"Walmart should have the opportunity to bribe a politician to it's agenda" -Max

"Thett, you're really good at convincing people you're a decent person"-tulle

"You fit the character of Regina George quite nicely"- Sam

: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right
thett3
Posts: 14,348
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11/13/2015 6:53:44 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 11/13/2015 11:16:59 AM, Wylted wrote:
I'd vote Blackbeard. I have started using a safety razor because it's more manly. All the scents I choose for myself in terms of shampoo, soap, deodorant and cologne are things that smell like trees. Real men smell like trees. I also refuse to dress nice, because real men have no concern for their appearance. I fail at being a man when I walk into a gas station, because I choose that fake cappuccino over real coffee. I also spend a little too much time on entertainment to be a real man. No way would a real man be on DDO this much of would have watched all of Breaking Bad. Sometimes I don't bathe for several days, so I have that going for me.

How much chest hair do you have?
DDO Vice President

#StandwithBossy

#UnbanTheMadman

#BetOnThett

"Don't quote me, ever." -Max

"My name is max. I'm not a big fan of slacks"- Max rapping

"Walmart should have the opportunity to bribe a politician to it's agenda" -Max

"Thett, you're really good at convincing people you're a decent person"-tulle

"You fit the character of Regina George quite nicely"- Sam

: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right
Wylted
Posts: 21,167
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11/13/2015 11:54:56 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 11/13/2015 6:53:44 PM, thett3 wrote:
At 11/13/2015 11:16:59 AM, Wylted wrote:
I'd vote Blackbeard. I have started using a safety razor because it's more manly. All the scents I choose for myself in terms of shampoo, soap, deodorant and cologne are things that smell like trees. Real men smell like trees. I also refuse to dress nice, because real men have no concern for their appearance. I fail at being a man when I walk into a gas station, because I choose that fake cappuccino over real coffee. I also spend a little too much time on entertainment to be a real man. No way would a real man be on DDO this much of would have watched all of Breaking Bad. Sometimes I don't bathe for several days, so I have that going for me.

How much chest hair do you have?

Not enough, but so,e. Oddly I have too much nipple hair