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Potential Partner Appraisal

brian_eggleston
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7/7/2010 4:17:12 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
How do you evaluate a potential partner when you first meet them?

I have a very simple mental formula:

Non-starter
Too fat and ugly to consider sleeping with.

Doable
Acceptable body; acceptable face - possible one-night-stand.

Babe
Nice body with acceptable face or visa versa – might see her again sometime.

Mega-babe
Nice body and nice face – might keep her on the go until something better comes along.

Total, unmitigated mega-babe
Nice body and nice face plus nice personality – this could be the one.
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innomen
Posts: 10,052
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7/7/2010 4:25:22 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Initial evaluation = shallow
Then, there should be a progression of depth (mental, spiritual values etc.) that follows (in my expectation).

Amount of depth + sync of values, correlates to the duration of the relationship.
innomen
Posts: 10,052
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7/7/2010 4:50:01 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 4:33:02 AM, Puck wrote:
I don't evaluate people I first meet as potential partners. Seems quite the silly notion. :)

How is that even possible? Everyone begins to make mental judgments on those that they meet (unless they are psychotically egocentric - and i doubt you are) it's normal, necessary and practical.
Puck
Posts: 6,457
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7/7/2010 5:03:52 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 4:50:01 AM, innomen wrote:
At 7/7/2010 4:33:02 AM, Puck wrote:
I don't evaluate people I first meet as potential partners. Seems quite the silly notion. :)

How is that even possible? Everyone begins to make mental judgments on those that they meet (unless they are psychotically egocentric - and i doubt you are) it's normal, necessary and practical.

There is a difference between making appraisals/judgments and making them in reference to "potential partners".
innomen
Posts: 10,052
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7/7/2010 5:07:58 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 5:03:52 AM, Puck wrote:
At 7/7/2010 4:50:01 AM, innomen wrote:
At 7/7/2010 4:33:02 AM, Puck wrote:
I don't evaluate people I first meet as potential partners. Seems quite the silly notion. :)

How is that even possible? Everyone begins to make mental judgments on those that they meet (unless they are psychotically egocentric - and i doubt you are) it's normal, necessary and practical.

There is a difference between making appraisals/judgments and making them in reference to "potential partners".

I'm still not sure how that can be. Assuming you are single (and even then?) and you meet someone that meets basic criteria of age and sex - there is no immediate, almost involuntary, dalliance with what could be? You are a guy yes?
Puck
Posts: 6,457
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7/7/2010 5:16:24 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 5:07:58 AM, innomen wrote:
I'm still not sure how that can be. Assuming you are single (and even then?) and you meet someone that meets basic criteria of age and sex - there is no immediate, almost involuntary, dalliance with what could be? You are a guy yes?

If you are implying my decisions should be ruled by the desire to have sex, then no, that's not how it is.

A judgement of aesthetics is simply that. A judgement of a person's values/virtues is simply that. To relate that to 'I want' or 'I desire' is an extra step (unnecessary for the most part, but that might be just how I organise what I value).

Interaction should not be a continual kaiten-zushi of attraction, unless your standards or how you view a relationship should be based upon is set a certain way. Not something I value in any event. :)
innomen
Posts: 10,052
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7/7/2010 5:24:37 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 5:16:24 AM, Puck wrote:
At 7/7/2010 5:07:58 AM, innomen wrote:
I'm still not sure how that can be. Assuming you are single (and even then?) and you meet someone that meets basic criteria of age and sex - there is no immediate, almost involuntary, dalliance with what could be? You are a guy yes?

If you are implying my decisions should be ruled by the desire to have sex, then no, that's not how it is.

A judgement of aesthetics is simply that. A judgement of a person's values/virtues is simply that. To relate that to 'I want' or 'I desire' is an extra step (unnecessary for the most part, but that might be just how I organise what I value).

Interaction should not be a continual kaiten-zushi of attraction, unless your standards or how you view a relationship should be based upon is set a certain way. Not something I value in any event. :)

Most everyone proceeds in a relationship through the gate of initial attraction (even a certain amount of arousal - which would be the evaluation) - it's biological.

So what would your process be, particularly in the initial stage?
Puck
Posts: 6,457
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7/7/2010 5:37:27 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 5:24:37 AM, innomen wrote:
At 7/7/2010 5:16:24 AM, Puck wrote:
At 7/7/2010 5:07:58 AM, innomen wrote:
I'm still not sure how that can be. Assuming you are single (and even then?) and you meet someone that meets basic criteria of age and sex - there is no immediate, almost involuntary, dalliance with what could be? You are a guy yes?

If you are implying my decisions should be ruled by the desire to have sex, then no, that's not how it is.

A judgement of aesthetics is simply that. A judgement of a person's values/virtues is simply that. To relate that to 'I want' or 'I desire' is an extra step (unnecessary for the most part, but that might be just how I organise what I value).

Interaction should not be a continual kaiten-zushi of attraction, unless your standards or how you view a relationship should be based upon is set a certain way. Not something I value in any event. :)

Most everyone proceeds in a relationship through the gate of initial attraction (even a certain amount of arousal - which would be the evaluation) - it's biological.

Physiological reactions that are automatic are not appraisals, nor are they directed intent. It's easy to make aesthetic judgements - it's then applying those judgements with added meaning that's the issue.

So what would your process be, particularly in the initial stage?

A thing called friendship. I frankly find the whole idea of dating before friendship silly and valueless.
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/7/2010 5:41:41 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 4:50:01 AM, innomen wrote:
At 7/7/2010 4:33:02 AM, Puck wrote:
I don't evaluate people I first meet as potential partners. Seems quite the silly notion. :)

How is that even possible? Everyone begins to make mental judgments on those that they meet (unless they are psychotically egocentric - and i doubt you are) it's normal, necessary and practical.

Depends on if your even thinking about that. There are many people I see that I don't judge "omg no I wouldn't" or "yep I'll go for that"
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
innomen
Posts: 10,052
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7/7/2010 5:45:14 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 5:37:27 AM, Puck wrote:
At 7/7/2010 5:24:37 AM, innomen wrote:
At 7/7/2010 5:16:24 AM, Puck wrote:
At 7/7/2010 5:07:58 AM, innomen wrote:
I'm still not sure how that can be. Assuming you are single (and even then?) and you meet someone that meets basic criteria of age and sex - there is no immediate, almost involuntary, dalliance with what could be? You are a guy yes?

If you are implying my decisions should be ruled by the desire to have sex, then no, that's not how it is.

A judgement of aesthetics is simply that. A judgement of a person's values/virtues is simply that. To relate that to 'I want' or 'I desire' is an extra step (unnecessary for the most part, but that might be just how I organise what I value).

Interaction should not be a continual kaiten-zushi of attraction, unless your standards or how you view a relationship should be based upon is set a certain way. Not something I value in any event. :)

Most everyone proceeds in a relationship through the gate of initial attraction (even a certain amount of arousal - which would be the evaluation) - it's biological.

Physiological reactions that are automatic are not appraisals, nor are they directed intent. It's easy to make aesthetic judgements - it's then applying those judgements with added meaning that's the issue.

So what would your process be, particularly in the initial stage?

A thing called friendship. I frankly find the whole idea of dating before friendship silly and valueless.

Even in a friendship, the initial acceptance of a person comes from a shallow evaluation unless there is a sustained exposure between the two people - which is less usual. Attraction doesn't have to be based aesthetics for it to be shallow. Shallow before deep is a normal progression in any relationship - in fact i am unable to see it differently except in rare occasions.
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/7/2010 5:47:49 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 5:45:14 AM, innomen wrote:
At 7/7/2010 5:37:27 AM, Puck wrote:
At 7/7/2010 5:24:37 AM, innomen wrote:
At 7/7/2010 5:16:24 AM, Puck wrote:
At 7/7/2010 5:07:58 AM, innomen wrote:
I'm still not sure how that can be. Assuming you are single (and even then?) and you meet someone that meets basic criteria of age and sex - there is no immediate, almost involuntary, dalliance with what could be? You are a guy yes?

If you are implying my decisions should be ruled by the desire to have sex, then no, that's not how it is.

A judgement of aesthetics is simply that. A judgement of a person's values/virtues is simply that. To relate that to 'I want' or 'I desire' is an extra step (unnecessary for the most part, but that might be just how I organise what I value).

Interaction should not be a continual kaiten-zushi of attraction, unless your standards or how you view a relationship should be based upon is set a certain way. Not something I value in any event. :)

Most everyone proceeds in a relationship through the gate of initial attraction (even a certain amount of arousal - which would be the evaluation) - it's biological.

Physiological reactions that are automatic are not appraisals, nor are they directed intent. It's easy to make aesthetic judgements - it's then applying those judgements with added meaning that's the issue.

So what would your process be, particularly in the initial stage?

A thing called friendship. I frankly find the whole idea of dating before friendship silly and valueless.

Even in a friendship, the initial acceptance of a person comes from a shallow evaluation unless there is a sustained exposure between the two people - which is less usual. Attraction doesn't have to be based aesthetics for it to be shallow. Shallow before deep is a normal progression in any relationship - in fact i am unable to see it differently except in rare occasions.

You only have friends that look a certain way, and think thats normal or healthy? Sorry just saying any relationshiip founded on shallowness, wont last.
Beauty leaves, interest in sex begins to fade, what is the relationship based on 20 years later?
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
Puck
Posts: 6,457
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7/7/2010 5:50:08 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 5:45:14 AM, innomen wrote:
Even in a friendship, the initial acceptance of a person comes from a shallow evaluation unless there is a sustained exposure between the two people - which is less usual.

Friendships are shallow unless they are not shallow? There is a distinct difference between a friendship and 'I want to date you' - compatibility as friends =/= 'potential partner appraisal'.

Attraction doesn't have to be based aesthetics for it to be shallow. Shallow before deep is a normal progression in any relationship - in fact i am unable to see it differently except in rare occasions.

Never stated otherwise. The issue is skipping ahead to the 'potential partnership appraisal' based upon initial judgements.
innomen
Posts: 10,052
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7/7/2010 7:09:51 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 5:50:08 AM, Puck wrote:
At 7/7/2010 5:45:14 AM, innomen wrote:
Even in a friendship, the initial acceptance of a person comes from a shallow evaluation unless there is a sustained exposure between the two people - which is less usual.

Friendships are shallow unless they are not shallow? There is a distinct difference between a friendship and 'I want to date you' - compatibility as friends =/= 'potential partner appraisal'.
I'm thinking of two who may work together for years, know each other well, and then began dating.

Attraction doesn't have to be based aesthetics for it to be shallow. Shallow before deep is a normal progression in any relationship - in fact i am unable to see it differently except in rare occasions.

Never stated otherwise. The issue is skipping ahead to the 'potential partnership appraisal' based upon initial judgements.

Well, the word 'potential' is different than 'likely' or 'considering'.
Puck
Posts: 6,457
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7/7/2010 7:18:29 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 7:09:51 AM, innomen wrote:
At 7/7/2010 5:50:08 AM, Puck wrote:
At 7/7/2010 5:45:14 AM, innomen wrote:
Even in a friendship, the initial acceptance of a person comes from a shallow evaluation unless there is a sustained exposure between the two people - which is less usual.

Friendships are shallow unless they are not shallow? There is a distinct difference between a friendship and 'I want to date you' - compatibility as friends =/= 'potential partner appraisal'.
I'm thinking of two who may work together for years, know each other well, and then began dating.

Totally unrelated to the OP. Either the issue is with initial judgements or it's irrelevant here. :P

Attraction doesn't have to be based aesthetics for it to be shallow. Shallow before deep is a normal progression in any relationship - in fact i am unable to see it differently except in rare occasions.

Never stated otherwise. The issue is skipping ahead to the 'potential partnership appraisal' based upon initial judgements.

Well, the word 'potential' is different than 'likely' or 'considering'.

Not exactly. To be potential partner appraisal requires the recognition of it as such, hence appraisal, which is considering.
badger
Posts: 11,793
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7/7/2010 7:18:53 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 5:50:08 AM, Puck wrote:
There is a distinct difference between a friendship and 'I want to date you' - compatibility as friends =/= 'potential partner appraisal'.

you must be one of those homosexuals.
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badger
Posts: 11,793
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7/7/2010 7:23:10 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 7:21:39 AM, Puck wrote:
Ya quoted the wrong person in that case. :P

funny isn't it... still though, i have no female friends that i wouldn't be with in a heartbeat. the only reason i make friends with girls in the first place is because i need a hint.
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Ragnar_Rahl
Posts: 19,297
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7/7/2010 7:26:20 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 7:23:10 AM, badger wrote:
i have no female friends that i wouldn't be with in a heartbeat.

I'm gonna alter this to my case:

I have no friends in real life. I don't meet people often. Certainly not often enough to systematically note their attractiveness.
It came to be at its height. It was commanded to command. It was a capital before its first stone was laid. It was a monument to the spirit of man.
Vi_Veri
Posts: 4,487
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7/7/2010 7:31:37 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 7:23:10 AM, badger wrote:
At 7/7/2010 7:21:39 AM, Puck wrote:
Ya quoted the wrong person in that case. :P

funny isn't it... still though, i have no female friends that i wouldn't be with in a heartbeat. the only reason i make friends with girls in the first place is because i need a hint.

That's because you have a small brain.
I could give a f about no haters as long as my ishes love me.
badger
Posts: 11,793
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7/7/2010 7:37:32 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 7:31:37 AM, Vi_Veri wrote:
At 7/7/2010 7:23:10 AM, badger wrote:
At 7/7/2010 7:21:39 AM, Puck wrote:
Ya quoted the wrong person in that case. :P

funny isn't it... still though, i have no female friends that i wouldn't be with in a heartbeat. the only reason i make friends with girls in the first place is because i need a hint.

That's because you have a small brain.

haha... not really. i'm not very learned in fairness, but i've, apparently, genius level aptitude. and it's not true for all cases: i have a few that i've met through work, or lived with, and things like that.
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badger
Posts: 11,793
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7/7/2010 7:38:13 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 7:26:20 AM, Ragnar_Rahl wrote:
At 7/7/2010 7:23:10 AM, badger wrote:
i have no female friends that i wouldn't be with in a heartbeat.


I'm gonna alter this to my case:

I have no friends in real life. I don't meet people often. Certainly not often enough to systematically note their attractiveness.

alcohol is a beautiful thing.
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Vi_Veri
Posts: 4,487
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7/7/2010 7:47:40 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 7:37:32 AM, badger wrote:
At 7/7/2010 7:31:37 AM, Vi_Veri wrote:
At 7/7/2010 7:23:10 AM, badger wrote:
At 7/7/2010 7:21:39 AM, Puck wrote:
Ya quoted the wrong person in that case. :P

funny isn't it... still though, i have no female friends that i wouldn't be with in a heartbeat. the only reason i make friends with girls in the first place is because i need a hint.

That's because you have a small brain.

haha... not really. i'm not very learned in fairness, but i've, apparently, genius level aptitude. and it's not true for all cases: i have a few that i've met through work, or lived with, and things like that.

Your type of "man" is the reason why I feel sorry for straight women.
I could give a f about no haters as long as my ishes love me.
JustCallMeTarzan
Posts: 1,922
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7/7/2010 8:01:12 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 4:17:12 AM, brian_eggleston wrote:
How do you evaluate a potential partner when you first meet them?

I'm a fan of the simple immediate yes/no - trust your animal instincts.
innomen
Posts: 10,052
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7/7/2010 8:07:51 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 7:26:20 AM, Ragnar_Rahl wrote:
At 7/7/2010 7:23:10 AM, badger wrote:
i have no female friends that i wouldn't be with in a heartbeat.


I'm gonna alter this to my case:

:I have no friends in real life. I don't meet people often. Certainly not often enough to systematically note their attractiveness.

Maybe that heartless bastard thing isn't working for you so much.
badger
Posts: 11,793
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7/7/2010 9:02:21 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 7:47:40 AM, Vi_Veri wrote:
At 7/7/2010 7:37:32 AM, badger wrote:
At 7/7/2010 7:31:37 AM, Vi_Veri wrote:
At 7/7/2010 7:23:10 AM, badger wrote:
At 7/7/2010 7:21:39 AM, Puck wrote:
Ya quoted the wrong person in that case. :P

funny isn't it... still though, i have no female friends that i wouldn't be with in a heartbeat. the only reason i make friends with girls in the first place is because i need a hint.

That's because you have a small brain.

haha... not really. i'm not very learned in fairness, but i've, apparently, genius level aptitude. and it's not true for all cases: i have a few that i've met through work, or lived with, and things like that.

Your type of "man" is the reason why I feel sorry for straight women.

it's hard for me too.
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ravenwaen
Posts: 96
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7/8/2010 4:41:13 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 4:17:12 AM, brian_eggleston wrote:
How do you evaluate a potential partner when you first meet them?

I have a very simple mental formula

Sometimes, when I'm in class and really bored, I look around and rate all the men as either a 1, 2, or 3 on the "I'd hit that" scale.
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/8/2010 5:01:54 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/8/2010 4:41:13 AM, ravenwaen wrote:
At 7/7/2010 4:17:12 AM, brian_eggleston wrote:
How do you evaluate a potential partner when you first meet them?

I have a very simple mental formula

Sometimes, when I'm in class and really bored, I look around and rate all the men as either a 1, 2, or 3 on the "I'd hit that" scale.

I'd do the same with girls but theirs already rumors questioning my sexuality. I'm comfortable with who I am but ppl at school and the fact that it will get back to my parents, not so much. I just focus on doing my work, exting in free time since it all too easy and too much wasted time, and getting back to the house where I can charge my phone. Also buying some chicken from Braums or Sonic. although I prefer Dairy Queen, theres not one for 100s of miles.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
Ragnar_Rahl
Posts: 19,297
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7/8/2010 6:41:39 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/7/2010 8:07:51 AM, innomen wrote:
At 7/7/2010 7:26:20 AM, Ragnar_Rahl wrote:
At 7/7/2010 7:23:10 AM, badger wrote:
i have no female friends that i wouldn't be with in a heartbeat.


I'm gonna alter this to my case:

:I have no friends in real life. I don't meet people often. Certainly not often enough to systematically note their attractiveness.

Maybe that heartless bastard thing isn't working for you so much.

Probably more to do with the "on the computer all day" thing.
It came to be at its height. It was commanded to command. It was a capital before its first stone was laid. It was a monument to the spirit of man.