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Over Parenting and Sexuality

PalinFan
Posts: 322
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7/30/2010 3:52:59 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Last weekend something quite curious happened to me. I was talking with my 19 year old nephew and I asked him why he hasn't had a girlfriend yet. I was surprised with how frank he was with me. He said "I have had girlfriends in the past I have just never told my mom about them?"
This puzzled me, so I asked for some clarity. He responded by saying "My mom can be overbearing and I worry that if I were to tell her I had a girlfriend she would feel sad or even jealous. Every time something happens that forces her to accept I am not a child anymore she responds in a negative way."

Can anyone share similar stories or provide an explanation? He asked if there was a simple way he could introduce any girlfriends to his mom quick and painlessly. I drew a blank as I never encountered this problem before.
Super Man does not come close to the power of Jesus Christ - GodSands
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/30/2010 5:12:29 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/30/2010 3:52:59 PM, PalinFan wrote:
Last weekend something quite curious happened to me. I was talking with my 19 year old nephew and I asked him why he hasn't had a girlfriend yet. I was surprised with how frank he was with me. He said "I have had girlfriends in the past I have just never told my mom about them?"
This puzzled me, so I asked for some clarity. He responded by saying "My mom can be overbearing and I worry that if I were to tell her I had a girlfriend she would feel sad or even jealous. Every time something happens that forces her to accept I am not a child anymore she responds in a negative way."

Can anyone share similar stories or provide an explanation? He asked if there was a simple way he could introduce any girlfriends to his mom quick and painlessly. I drew a blank as I never encountered this problem before.

Its a really hard situation, and I'm thinking about maybe telling my dad I'm bi in the next couple of weeks.

My dad always wants me to be 9 years old, wants to force me to like pink and stay a little girly firl. (I was never a girly girl, I acted the part to please him.)
Last summer he got into my email and had an IM conversation with my bf.
Hegot REALLY mad that I was dating someone and stole every account I had on every website, and told me he was going to kill him and me too if I tried to stop him.

It was a really hard time. He told my mom and she started questioning me. It was the hardest time in my life, and idk how to handle telling parents like that.

All I know is its best to find a way to tell that parentthe most direct way possible.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
Cody_Franklin
Posts: 9,483
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7/30/2010 5:37:28 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/30/2010 5:12:29 PM, lovelife wrote:
At 7/30/2010 3:52:59 PM, PalinFan wrote:
Last weekend something quite curious happened to me. I was talking with my 19 year old nephew and I asked him why he hasn't had a girlfriend yet. I was surprised with how frank he was with me. He said "I have had girlfriends in the past I have just never told my mom about them?"
This puzzled me, so I asked for some clarity. He responded by saying "My mom can be overbearing and I worry that if I were to tell her I had a girlfriend she would feel sad or even jealous. Every time something happens that forces her to accept I am not a child anymore she responds in a negative way."

Can anyone share similar stories or provide an explanation? He asked if there was a simple way he could introduce any girlfriends to his mom quick and painlessly. I drew a blank as I never encountered this problem before.

Its a really hard situation, and I'm thinking about maybe telling my dad I'm bi in the next couple of weeks.

My dad always wants me to be 9 years old, wants to force me to like pink and stay a little girly firl. (I was never a girly girl, I acted the part to please him.)
Last summer he got into my email and had an IM conversation with my bf.
Hegot REALLY mad that I was dating someone and stole every account I had on every website, and told me he was going to kill him and me too if I tried to stop him.

It was a really hard time. He told my mom and she started questioning me. It was the hardest time in my life, and idk how to handle telling parents like that.

All I know is its best to find a way to tell that parentthe most direct way possible.

You have bad parents. You ought to leave and stay with someone else.
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/30/2010 5:44:45 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/30/2010 5:37:28 PM, Cody_Franklin wrote:

You have bad parents. You ought to leave and stay with someone else.

Yeah, I'm staying with them until I graduate tho. Less drama that way. I think.

May dad also thinks that guys and girls should not communicate or see each other until they are 20, and shouldn't date until their 25. But any sexuality thats not hetero is wrong. I don't understand him and I'm just glad he isn't the main parent cause he'd prolly send me to a girls only catholic school. (I'd kill myself btw cause girls are freaking annoying.)
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/30/2010 5:46:22 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Anyway good parenting, bad parenting its always best to tell the parents before they find out and have added hatred for you sneaking around and lying. (in your case your nephew)
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
Kleptin
Posts: 5,095
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7/30/2010 11:32:28 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
I too have an overbearing mother who can't let go. The thing I regret most is not going away for college, that's the best and most natural way for the mother to let go. I feel that things would be very different if I went away for college.
: At 5/2/2010 2:43:54 PM, innomen wrote:
It isn't about finding a theory, philosophy or doctrine and thinking it's the answer, but a practical application of one's experiences that is the answer.

: At 10/28/2010 2:40:07 PM, jharry wrote: I have already been given the greatest Gift that anyone could ever hope for [Life], I would consider myself selfish if I expected anything more.
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/30/2010 11:34:26 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/30/2010 11:32:28 PM, Kleptin wrote:
I too have an overbearing mother who can't let go. The thing I regret most is not going away for college, that's the best and most natural way for the mother to let go. I feel that things would be very different if I went away for college.

My mom says I'm a horrible and stupid person for wanting to move out a few months after high school graduation and maybe go to canadian college or online Oklahoma college in canada if I can.

The name calling is part of the reason I want to.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
Cerebral_Narcissist
Posts: 10,806
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7/30/2010 11:38:45 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/30/2010 5:12:29 PM, lovelife wrote:
At 7/30/2010 3:52:59 PM, PalinFan wrote:
Last weekend something quite curious happened to me. I was talking with my 19 year old nephew and I asked him why he hasn't had a girlfriend yet. I was surprised with how frank he was with me. He said "I have had girlfriends in the past I have just never told my mom about them?"
This puzzled me, so I asked for some clarity. He responded by saying "My mom can be overbearing and I worry that if I were to tell her I had a girlfriend she would feel sad or even jealous. Every time something happens that forces her to accept I am not a child anymore she responds in a negative way."

Can anyone share similar stories or provide an explanation? He asked if there was a simple way he could introduce any girlfriends to his mom quick and painlessly. I drew a blank as I never encountered this problem before.

Its a really hard situation, and I'm thinking about maybe telling my dad I'm bi in the next couple of weeks.

My dad always wants me to be 9 years old, wants to force me to like pink and stay a little girly firl. (I was never a girly girl, I acted the part to please him.)
Last summer he got into my email and had an IM conversation with my bf.
Hegot REALLY mad that I was dating someone and stole every account I had on every website, and told me he was going to kill him and me too if I tried to stop him.

It was a really hard time. He told my mom and she started questioning me. It was the hardest time in my life, and idk how to handle telling parents like that.

All I know is its best to find a way to tell that parentthe most direct way possible.

I don't mean to be rude but with parents like that I'd suggest you move out as soon as you can and when you are settled inform them of anything they need to know via a phonecall, text or email. I am not even sure having them know your new address is a good idea.
I am voting for Innomen because of his intelligence, common sense, humility and the fact that Juggle appears to listen to him. Any other Presidential style would have a large sub-section of the site up in arms. If I was President I would destroy the site though elitism, others would let it run riot. Innomen represents a middle way that works, neither draconian nor anarchic and that is the only way things can work. Plus he does it all without ego trips.
Kleptin
Posts: 5,095
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7/30/2010 11:42:05 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/30/2010 11:34:26 PM, lovelife wrote:
At 7/30/2010 11:32:28 PM, Kleptin wrote:
I too have an overbearing mother who can't let go. The thing I regret most is not going away for college, that's the best and most natural way for the mother to let go. I feel that things would be very different if I went away for college.

My mom says I'm a horrible and stupid person for wanting to move out a few months after high school graduation and maybe go to canadian college or online Oklahoma college in canada if I can.

The name calling is part of the reason I want to.

I think it kind of shows how desperate your mother is for validation for her own existence. She's been a mother for such a huge part of her life, it's no wonder that she's redirecting it at you. It's like you're tearing her soul out >.>

But the best you can do is insist on going out of state and then being a wonderful, supportive child and visiting as much as you can. Then, less frequently. And eventually, maybe only on holidays. She'll be better off that way. Children need to help their parents grow too.
: At 5/2/2010 2:43:54 PM, innomen wrote:
It isn't about finding a theory, philosophy or doctrine and thinking it's the answer, but a practical application of one's experiences that is the answer.

: At 10/28/2010 2:40:07 PM, jharry wrote: I have already been given the greatest Gift that anyone could ever hope for [Life], I would consider myself selfish if I expected anything more.
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/30/2010 11:48:28 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/30/2010 11:42:05 PM, Kleptin wrote:
At 7/30/2010 11:34:26 PM, lovelife wrote:
At 7/30/2010 11:32:28 PM, Kleptin wrote:
I too have an overbearing mother who can't let go. The thing I regret most is not going away for college, that's the best and most natural way for the mother to let go. I feel that things would be very different if I went away for college.

My mom says I'm a horrible and stupid person for wanting to move out a few months after high school graduation and maybe go to canadian college or online Oklahoma college in canada if I can.

The name calling is part of the reason I want to.

I think it kind of shows how desperate your mother is for validation for her own existence. She's been a mother for such a huge part of her life, it's no wonder that she's redirecting it at you. It's like you're tearing her soul out >.>


LOL she has 4 others the oldest is 8 (other than me) Plus I'm her least fave.

But the best you can do is insist on going out of state and then being a wonderful, supportive child and visiting as much as you can. Then, less frequently. And eventually, maybe only on holidays. She'll be better off that way. Children need to help their parents grow too.

Yeah I was planning on that. Well kitty wanted to move in with his dad in Canada prolly in Alberta but uh since he's dead now, I guess there's not a huge reason to go directly to Canada other than he gets free college and he knows what he wants to be. (apparently if you have native blood in canada you get free school)
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
Zeitgeist
Posts: 430
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7/31/2010 1:55:08 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Maybe time, (it was the early 60's) maybe society, maybe my mother had lived a somewhat bohemian lifestyle as an artist, whatever, but when I started taking an interest in girls her advice to me came as two bits. (and this is true).

Firstly, never engage in sex with any girl you would not be prepared to wed

Secondly if you decide to break a relationship that involved sex wait until immediately after her period before doing so.

My old mum was someone very special. I miss her tremendously even after 40 years now without her.
innomen
Posts: 10,052
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7/31/2010 2:08:04 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/30/2010 5:12:29 PM, lovelife wrote:


Its a really hard situation, and I'm thinking about maybe telling my dad I'm bi in the next couple of weeks.

My dad always wants me to be 9 years old, wants to force me to like pink and stay a little girly firl. (I was never a girly girl, I acted the part to please him.)
Last summer he got into my email and had an IM conversation with my bf.
Hegot REALLY mad that I was dating someone and stole every account I had on every website, and told me he was going to kill him and me too if I tried to stop him.

It was a really hard time. He told my mom and she started questioning me. It was the hardest time in my life, and idk how to handle telling parents like that.

All I know is its best to find a way to tell that parentthe most direct way possible.

That's a really really bad idea. Trust me on this.
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/31/2010 7:13:28 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/31/2010 2:08:04 AM, innomen wrote:
At 7/30/2010 5:12:29 PM, lovelife wrote:


Its a really hard situation, and I'm thinking about maybe telling my dad I'm bi in the next couple of weeks.

My dad always wants me to be 9 years old, wants to force me to like pink and stay a little girly firl. (I was never a girly girl, I acted the part to please him.)
Last summer he got into my email and had an IM conversation with my bf.
Hegot REALLY mad that I was dating someone and stole every account I had on every website, and told me he was going to kill him and me too if I tried to stop him.

It was a really hard time. He told my mom and she started questioning me. It was the hardest time in my life, and idk how to handle telling parents like that.

All I know is its best to find a way to tell that parentthe most direct way possible.

That's a really really bad idea. Trust me on this.

Yeah I suppose. He's been getting really.....weird lately. Mom blames that he's addicted to ambien (he takes 2-3 every night sometimes more he took 6 once and stepmom freaked and took him to the hospital but it showed that he was fine somehow) but he got sent to jail for spazzing on my stepmom don't know details and he's pissed that anyone even knows.
He wont take stepmom and stepsis to pick me up at the airport and go to frontier days but he'll take my stepbro (we don't get along at all.)
He's even hiring a babysitter for me for like 2-3 hours that I might be at that house alone. wtf I spend like 9 hours a day babysitting...He's prolly only doing it to keep me off the computer, or cause he wants me to be 9 again. Oh wait he left me alone for a few hours all the time when I was 9. and from 3 30 to 12 30 semi frequently when I was like 13 I think 7th grade lets do some math. Yeah 13 last half of the school year.
I'm really kinda scared to go but I think telling him at some point might pull his head out of his @ss and bring him to reality.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/31/2010 7:53:39 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Actually it is a bad idea. He thinks bi girls are just attention whores and sluts :(

I just wish I knew i was going to find out anyway. If I knew then I'd know whether or not I should tell him. Plus he'd tell mom and none of my friends would spend the night ever again. And especially not share my twin sized bed with me. She wont even let me in the same room with my cousin (thats a guy) without watching over my shoulder.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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8/1/2010 10:13:36 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
I'm at his house now and if he sti has the spt software he's about to find out about me. He might hate me or fee ike sh*t for taking bad aboit bi/ez girs. And yea I give up on using the l key in my writing.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
Vi_Veri
Posts: 4,487
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8/1/2010 10:17:12 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/30/2010 5:37:28 PM, Cody_Franklin wrote:

You have bad parents. You ought to leave and stay with someone else.

LOL Do you think that's actually that simply possible? Or that his parents are truly "bad"?
I could give a f about no haters as long as my ishes love me.
twsurber
Posts: 505
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8/2/2010 6:55:16 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Maybe they are not so much "bad" but rather overprotective and sheltering. I think parents do need to give some rope to explore.

Later, when you are out on your own, you won't know much if you weren't allowed to explore some as a teen, and then have to learn some things the hard way.

I had an overprotective mom as well. Looking back, she probably meant well, but I was really socially clumsy in school, and even into my freshmen year of college.

I spent a lot of time learning things I felt that I should have already known. I enlisted into the Army to basically "hide" for a while. All of my physical needs were provided (food, clothing, shelter, a paying job), and it gave me a chance to explore with many less restricitions than you'd think.

Try sticking it out at home til you graduate kiddo. Try having REAL conversations. It may actually work. :o)