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Males complimenting males

innomen
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8/3/2010 7:39:49 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
There seems to be great protocol around this with variables in age, region and specifics to the actual compliment. After the age of 35 things loosen up, but around the age of 5-19 the protocols seem to be far more tight. There is a great fear of being accused of or thought of as being a homosexual if you compliment another guy, but even that depends. If you compliment a guy on their athletic ability it's okay, but i wouldn't compliment their eyes. Dress is iffy, and may depend on one to the next and the familiarity of the subject. Now generally any part of the body being complimented on is taboo, the hair is a possibility.

Qualifiers are often needed as well. The other day a straight guy told me I have nice legs (odd), but then said that's what we look for when we are recruiting for softball. The qualifier is important.

Do most guys think it's a big deal if they are complimented? There are obvious times when it's a come on, and unwanted with ulterior motives involved, and then there is simply a kind word from someone. Personally, i pay compliments when deserved, and not with ulterior motives; although they may not always be seen as such, but almost always are.

Women seem to have far less problem in this, and are quite willing to accept a compliment happily without much suspicion (unless those ulterior motives are quite apparent, and even then?).

Thoughts?
Ragnar_Rahl
Posts: 19,297
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8/3/2010 8:05:25 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
"Woah dude, nice _________."

The proper response in such a situation is always

http://media.comicvine.com...

Just the way it goes, sorry.
It came to be at its height. It was commanded to command. It was a capital before its first stone was laid. It was a monument to the spirit of man.
Zeitgeist
Posts: 430
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8/3/2010 8:17:19 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Here in the UK we have established a foolproof way of establishing the sexual orientation of another male.

You put your hand on his backside and whisper "Niiiiice!"

If he shuts his eyes, he's a poof. If he shuts YOIUR eyes he isn't.
brian_eggleston
Posts: 3,347
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8/3/2010 8:29:24 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 8/3/2010 7:39:49 AM, innomen wrote:

The other day a straight guy told me I have nice legs (odd), but then said that's what we look for when we are recruiting for softball.

"Ooooh, haven't you got nice legs, innomen?"

"You what?"

"Er, I mean, haven't you got nice legs for playing softball….er…that is, I like looking at boys' legs when they are playing softball…er, no...what I mean is, I go about picking up boys with nice legs…er…picking them up for the softball team, I mean. Ahem!"

Are you sure he's straight?
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I-am-a-panda
Posts: 15,380
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8/3/2010 9:10:32 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Compliments I use include "May a platoon of virgins find your crotch by the day end" and "Hat tip to your magnificence". Both get straight to the point.
Pizza. I have enormous respect for Pizza.
kelly224
Posts: 952
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8/3/2010 1:10:43 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 8/3/2010 7:39:49 AM, innomen wrote:
There seems to be great protocol around this with variables in age, region and specifics to the actual compliment. After the age of 35 things loosen up, but around the age of 5-19 the protocols seem to be far more tight. There is a great fear of being accused of or thought of as being a homosexual if you compliment another guy, but even that depends. If you compliment a guy on their athletic ability it's okay, but i wouldn't compliment their eyes. Dress is iffy, and may depend on one to the next and the familiarity of the subject. Now generally any part of the body being complimented on is taboo, the hair is a possibility.

Qualifiers are often needed as well. The other day a straight guy told me I have nice legs (odd), but then said that's what we look for when we are recruiting for softball. The qualifier is important.

Do most guys think it's a big deal if they are complimented? There are obvious times when it's a come on, and unwanted with ulterior motives involved, and then there is simply a kind word from someone. Personally, i pay compliments when deserved, and not with ulterior motives; although they may not always be seen as such, but almost always are.

Women seem to have far less problem in this, and are quite willing to accept a compliment happily without much suspicion (unless those ulterior motives are quite apparent, and even then?).

Thoughts?

Men ARE less likely to receive compliments well. I have no problem with it, but complimenting on someone's legs would definitely be out of the question. I think that being macho is a big part of the male persona, but I have found that alot of guys who play macho all the time are really out of touch with their true self. Men are expected to be tough, and never show emotion in most cases, but that is the immature version of what masculinity is about.

Some women are just as worst, but on average women do compliment more. I think it all depends on the particular person's self esteem.
mattrodstrom
Posts: 12,028
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8/3/2010 1:27:47 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
I don't compliment people...

why would you?

I mean I can understand complimenting people as a way of flirting/"hitting on" someone... but otherwise I don't see why.
"He who does not know how to put his will into things at least puts a meaning into them: that is, he believes there is a will in them already."

Metaphysics:
"The science.. which deals with the fundamental errors of mankind - but as if they were the fundamental truths."
badger
Posts: 11,793
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8/3/2010 1:30:23 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
it's good for a lot more than that.. but i can't really see why you'd be complimenting a man, unless you're gay of course.
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mattrodstrom
Posts: 12,028
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8/3/2010 1:33:37 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 8/3/2010 1:27:47 PM, mattrodstrom wrote:
I don't compliment people...

why would you?

I mean I can understand complimenting people as a way of flirting/"hitting on" someone... but otherwise I don't see why.

well... I can be encouraging like if I'm teaching someone... I might say that they're doing well...

or if someone is being all depressed I might tell'em how I see it.... that they're not too bad off :)

but... just randomly complimenting people is not usually something I do. They usually know if they do something well... and people don't need to hear "you have nice eyes" lol...

Plus... usually that's BS and really translates to: "I want to get in your pants"
"He who does not know how to put his will into things at least puts a meaning into them: that is, he believes there is a will in them already."

Metaphysics:
"The science.. which deals with the fundamental errors of mankind - but as if they were the fundamental truths."
mattrodstrom
Posts: 12,028
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8/3/2010 1:36:30 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 8/3/2010 7:39:49 AM, innomen wrote:
Women seem to have far less problem in this, and are quite willing to accept a compliment happily without much suspicion (unless those ulterior motives are quite apparent, and even then?).

Thoughts?

women are BIG social BS'ers....

though since they care about social BS I guess it makes them sincere... and so it's no longer BS.... it's just social grooming.
"He who does not know how to put his will into things at least puts a meaning into them: that is, he believes there is a will in them already."

Metaphysics:
"The science.. which deals with the fundamental errors of mankind - but as if they were the fundamental truths."
PARADIGM_L0ST
Posts: 6,958
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8/3/2010 1:41:06 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 8/3/2010 7:39:49 AM, innomen wrote:
There seems to be great protocol around this with variables in age, region and specifics to the actual compliment. After the age of 35 things loosen up, but around the age of 5-19 the protocols seem to be far more tight. There is a great fear of being accused of or thought of as being a homosexual if you compliment another guy, but even that depends. If you compliment a guy on their athletic ability it's okay, but i wouldn't compliment their eyes. Dress is iffy, and may depend on one to the next and the familiarity of the subject. Now generally any part of the body being complimented on is taboo, the hair is a possibility.

Qualifiers are often needed as well. The other day a straight guy told me I have nice legs (odd), but then said that's what we look for when we are recruiting for softball. The qualifier is important.

Do most guys think it's a big deal if they are complimented? There are obvious times when it's a come on, and unwanted with ulterior motives involved, and then there is simply a kind word from someone. Personally, i pay compliments when deserved, and not with ulterior motives; although they may not always be seen as such, but almost always are.

Women seem to have far less problem in this, and are quite willing to accept a compliment happily without much suspicion (unless those ulterior motives are quite apparent, and even then?).

Thoughts?:

Eh, it's all a social construct. 500 years ago it was probably customary to do so without anyone thinking there was some homosexual, ulterior motive.

But you're right... If some random guy complimented me on my eyes, I'd probably question the motive. But wouldn't straight men do the same thing with women? If a woman complimented me on my eyes, I might wonder if he was hitting on me, so I guess it goes both ways.

Men tend to compliment abilities, not looks. They have no compunction letting someone know if they think they're an amazing drummer/tennis player/chess player/guitarist/bassist/ tada, yada, yada (insert compliment ________ ).

And even then there are ways men compliment one another without overtly complimenting them.

"Dude, what kind of workout routine do you have? I can't get that shredded."

It happens, it's just not all ghey

http://www.urbandictionary.com...
"Have you ever considered suicide? If not, please do." -- Mouthwash (to Inferno)
belle
Posts: 4,113
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8/3/2010 3:37:10 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 8/3/2010 1:36:30 PM, mattrodstrom wrote:
At 8/3/2010 7:39:49 AM, innomen wrote:
Women seem to have far less problem in this, and are quite willing to accept a compliment happily without much suspicion (unless those ulterior motives are quite apparent, and even then?).

Thoughts?

women are BIG social BS'ers....

though since they care about social BS I guess it makes them sincere... and so it's no longer BS.... it's just social grooming.

lol. you're an idiot. or do men care for nothing but sports, beer and getting laid?

also i will complement someone if they pleasantly surprise me in some way. it used to feel really awkward but i am getting used to it. i can't say i've noticed men are weirder about complements than women, but then getting a complement from a woman (as a man) is probably different than getting one from another man.
evidently i only come to ddo to avoid doing homework...
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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8/3/2010 3:43:14 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 8/3/2010 1:36:30 PM, mattrodstrom wrote:
At 8/3/2010 7:39:49 AM, innomen wrote:
Women seem to have far less problem in this, and are quite willing to accept a compliment happily without much suspicion (unless those ulterior motives are quite apparent, and even then?).

Thoughts?

women are BIG social BS'ers....

Don't incude a whole group like that. There are some decent women.


though since they care about social BS I guess it makes them sincere... and so it's no longer BS.... it's just social grooming.

Again I'm not like that and not every woman is.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
innomen
Posts: 10,052
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8/3/2010 5:21:12 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Clarifications: the guy that said that about my legs is very straight - but it was a little strange, and i would never ever compliment a guy on his legs or any other body part. But, people (straight men) often compliment my partner's - whatever muscle at the gym and ask what he is doing to get it like that. Apparently that's okay.

Also, i never do it to throw BS, i do it sometimes to improve a relationship in business, not because i want to get in their pants, but because i want their business "Vanity is my favorite sin".

I also do it because it's a nice thing to do, and it makes people happy when you are sincere about it.
Xer
Posts: 7,776
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8/3/2010 6:18:04 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 8/3/2010 5:21:12 PM, innomen wrote:
Clarifications: the guy that said that about my legs is very straight

Exactly what Ted Haggard and Larry Craig said.
J.Kenyon
Posts: 4,194
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8/3/2010 6:24:47 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 8/3/2010 8:17:19 AM, Zeitgeist wrote:
Here in the UK we have established a foolproof way of establishing the sexual orientation of another male.

You put your hand on his backside and whisper "Niiiiice!"

If he shuts his eyes, he's a poof. If he shuts YOIUR eyes he isn't.

Sigged.
mattrodstrom
Posts: 12,028
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8/3/2010 6:41:14 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 8/3/2010 3:37:10 PM, belle wrote:
At 8/3/2010 1:36:30 PM, mattrodstrom wrote:
At 8/3/2010 7:39:49 AM, innomen wrote:
Women seem to have far less problem in this, and are quite willing to accept a compliment happily without much suspicion (unless those ulterior motives are quite apparent, and even then?).

Thoughts?

women are BIG social BS'ers....

though since they care about social BS I guess it makes them sincere... and so it's no longer BS.... it's just social grooming.

lol. you're an idiot.
8)
or do men care for nothing but sports, beer and getting laid?
and... yep.

well... no. But I certainly don't care about the color of my friends eyes...

I couldn't even tell you what my "bestest buds" eye colors are...

well.. I think I could guess and be right, but I'm not sure.
"He who does not know how to put his will into things at least puts a meaning into them: that is, he believes there is a will in them already."

Metaphysics:
"The science.. which deals with the fundamental errors of mankind - but as if they were the fundamental truths."
mattrodstrom
Posts: 12,028
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8/3/2010 6:42:27 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 8/3/2010 3:43:14 PM, lovelife wrote:
At 8/3/2010 1:36:30 PM, mattrodstrom wrote:
At 8/3/2010 7:39:49 AM, innomen wrote:
Women seem to have far less problem in this, and are quite willing to accept a compliment happily without much suspicion (unless those ulterior motives are quite apparent, and even then?).

Thoughts?

women are BIG social BS'ers....


Don't incude a whole group like that. There are some decent women.

lol.

I don't find it indecent (I did said they're sincere).... though I guess you do.

though since they care about social BS I guess it makes them sincere... and so it's no longer BS.... it's just social grooming.

Again I'm not like that and not every woman is.
"He who does not know how to put his will into things at least puts a meaning into them: that is, he believes there is a will in them already."

Metaphysics:
"The science.. which deals with the fundamental errors of mankind - but as if they were the fundamental truths."
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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8/3/2010 7:24:07 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 8/3/2010 6:42:27 PM, mattrodstrom wrote:
At 8/3/2010 3:43:14 PM, lovelife wrote:
At 8/3/2010 1:36:30 PM, mattrodstrom wrote:
At 8/3/2010 7:39:49 AM, innomen wrote:
Women seem to have far less problem in this, and are quite willing to accept a compliment happily without much suspicion (unless those ulterior motives are quite apparent, and even then?).

Thoughts?

women are BIG social BS'ers....


Don't incude a whole group like that. There are some decent women.

lol.

I don't find it indecent (I did said they're sincere).... though I guess you do.


Then what are you saying?

though since they care about social BS I guess it makes them sincere... and so it's no longer BS.... it's just social grooming.

Again I'm not like that and not every woman is.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
mattrodstrom
Posts: 12,028
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8/3/2010 7:38:19 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 8/3/2010 7:24:07 PM, lovelife wrote:
Then what are you saying?

I guess women, generally, care a lot more about the social gains of reciprocally patting each others backs....
"He who does not know how to put his will into things at least puts a meaning into them: that is, he believes there is a will in them already."

Metaphysics:
"The science.. which deals with the fundamental errors of mankind - but as if they were the fundamental truths."
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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8/3/2010 8:51:10 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 8/3/2010 7:38:19 PM, mattrodstrom wrote:
At 8/3/2010 7:24:07 PM, lovelife wrote:
Then what are you saying?

I guess women, generally, care a lot more about the social gains of reciprocally patting each others backs....

Yeah, the norm kinda pisses me off, and I hate it when ppl (dad) wants me to be the norm.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
kelly224
Posts: 952
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8/5/2010 9:48:36 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 8/3/2010 1:27:47 PM, mattrodstrom wrote:
I don't compliment people...

why would you?

I mean I can understand complimenting people as a way of flirting/"hitting on" someone... but otherwise I don't see why.

Because it helps your sense of self too. You don't have to fawn over people.
Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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8/5/2010 12:17:31 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Lol, I think straight guys can comment on another guy's looks if it's in context. My stepdad lifts weights and he's always criticizing guys for working out their chest and arms but never their legs. So, if he sees a guy with okay legs, he'll say "Yeah his calves are pretty decent..." in an awkward manly way lol.

They've also done studies on similar subject matter though. For instance, if during a first meeting a guy says to a woman, "You're so hot" she may lose interest and/or feel uncomfortable. However, in almost every first meeting when a cute girl said, "You're so hot" to a guy, he was like ZING. They've done studies with various compliments and how different sexes perceive them. Meh - maybe I'll find em.
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Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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8/5/2010 12:24:10 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
I think male sexuality is extremely interesting though and it's a subject matter I really like talking about with my friends.

I've done a lot of reading on the subject, and from what I've gathered, men are nearly obsessive about their masculinity and ensuring others know that they're not gay (that's why being macho is very important). This is because thoughout history, women have always been seen and treated as inferior. Women = femininity. That's why guys being called a sissy, girly, etc. is offensive to them. It emasculates them meaning it takes away from their prestige, power and perceived social status. Being an alpha male is what makes a guy attractive to females and respectable among peers. So, the "bottoms" in gay relationships or ones who are seemingly "dominated" are placed in that role of feminine inferiority. If a man feels his masculinity threatened, he freaks out because he's insecure about how that makes him appear (inferior). That's why I personally think it's very attractive when a guy is comfortable with his sexulity -- most of my guy friends are the kind of guys who are really secure and I love that. I know a lot of straight girls find that sexy too.
President of DDO
Veridas
Posts: 733
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8/5/2010 2:34:58 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Compliments don't have to be about physicality, I got into an argument once with a street preacher who, in short, wouldn't leave me the hell alone, so I stole his sign (he fell into the sign-carrying weirdo category) and threw it onto the roof of a nearby building and told him to ask God to get it back from him. A guy at a nearby stall (it was market day, the street preachers are always out on market day) laughed and said he wished more people acted like me. I took it as a compliment, the preacher, the source of his power now removed, decided it was best to go back to his little circlejerk of preaching buddies stood all huddled together like a phalanx of annoyance.

I got a free banana from the stall guy. Score.
What fresh dickery is the internet up to today?
InsertNameHere
Posts: 15,699
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8/5/2010 2:38:15 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 8/5/2010 2:34:58 PM, Veridas wrote:
Compliments don't have to be about physicality, I got into an argument once with a street preacher who, in short, wouldn't leave me the hell alone, so I stole his sign (he fell into the sign-carrying weirdo category) and threw it onto the roof of a nearby building and told him to ask God to get it back from him. A guy at a nearby stall (it was market day, the street preachers are always out on market day) laughed and said he wished more people acted like me. I took it as a compliment, the preacher, the source of his power now removed, decided it was best to go back to his little circlejerk of preaching buddies stood all huddled together like a phalanx of annoyance.

I got a free banana from the stall guy. Score.

Hmm...that was funny. However, as much as I hate preachers I wouldn't do anything like that as it's just simply disrespectful.
lastrequest691
Posts: 339
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8/5/2010 7:48:22 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
If a male complimented me then I know it is time to run because he is a gay.

There are ways to find out a gay person as I had read in that Psychology book:

1) They have a good fashion sense (They always wear the latest trends)
2) They like to watch womenly shows (Oprah, Ellen Dengree etc)
3) They will shave everything (Yes, Everything) Their face looks like a smooth desk.
4) They listen to Poop and Hard Rock (I mean Pop) Studies show that gay people are more likely attracted to songs in Locrian mode- Isn't that Heavy Metal?
5) Gay people are social people
6) Gay people are good around women (Because they think they are One) lol
7) Gay people are proud of other Gay people. (Just tell them something about Elton John and they will start a war)
8) Gay people's favourite colour are black and blue. (No, just because a man likes pink does not make him gay)
9) Gay people read woman's Magazine (Disgusting I know)
10) And last but not the least- Closet gays will always bash gay people. I don't know why but maybe because they are afraid that other people will find the truth about them. Closet gays rarely support their own kind.

I do not mean to say seeing one of these signs make a person gay but since the Books can never be wrong. So, if you see one or two signs in a cleanly shaved man then run for the hills.

Books cannot be Wrong.
"That song was absolutely waste of talent; you sounded like a wounded animal and who told you to play the guitar by yourself." Simon Cowell
Ragnar_Rahl
Posts: 19,297
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8/5/2010 8:03:09 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
10) And last but not the least- Closet gays will always bash gay people. I don't know why but maybe because they are afraid that other people will find the truth about them. Closet gays rarely support their own kind.
Irony.
It came to be at its height. It was commanded to command. It was a capital before its first stone was laid. It was a monument to the spirit of man.
Puck
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8/5/2010 10:06:45 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 8/5/2010 12:24:10 PM, theLwerd wrote:
I think male sexuality is extremely interesting though and it's a subject matter I really like talking about with my friends.

I've done a lot of reading on the subject, and from what I've gathered, men are nearly obsessive about their masculinity and ensuring others know that they're not gay (that's why being macho is very important).

I'm mostly opposite to that. :P