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Sexual Preferences, Racism, and Heightism

FourTrouble
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4/10/2016 6:19:34 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
It pains me to see racism and heightism reduced to mere "sexual preferences." The reality is that over 90% of people prefer a white sexual partner, and over 90% of people prefer a tall sexual partner. That is not a preference. It is not personal. This is a a cultural problem. There are racist/heightist social forces shaping our sexual preferences.

This is a massive problem because of the way people enforce these preferences. It is especially prevalent in online dating, but even in-person dating exposes these preferences. I have seen men turn down an attractive black woman solely because she was black, without even giving her a chance, and I have seen women turn down an attractive dude, solely because he was short. That sort of categorization of people is fvcked up. It perpetuates racism and heightism in fvcked up ways.

Unfortunately, most folks hear the words "sexual attraction" or "sexual preference," and they think it's outside their control. But the reality is we have a great deal of control over the sorts of people we are attracted to. I'm not saying you're going to become straight if you're gay - but you can certainly open yourself up to dating blacks or shorties. We have the ability to challenge our own internalized biases, in large part because these biases aren't biological, they're societal.

I testify from personal experience here. I used to find black women unattractive, in large part because that is what everyone else thought. I realized this was racist when I started college, so I started exposing myself to more black women. I dated one. The more I challenged my internal biases, and the more I exposed myself to black women, the more I became I attracted to them. The reality is that things like racial preference sand height preferences aren't biological, they're not set in stone, and anyone who gives two fvcks about justice should be challenging their own internalized racism/heightism.
FourTrouble
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4/10/2016 6:21:28 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
I'll also note that there is a racial component to the heightism. In general, asians and hispanics tend to be shorter than whites, and one of way of enforcing racial stereotypes against asians/hispanics is through heightist sexual preferences.
Daedal
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4/10/2016 6:35:39 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
I'm attracted to attractive people regardless of colour or height. Sometimes it depends on my mood, too. I've found black men and women, and white men and women, and Asian men and women very attractive, height I don't care. I do have a problem with gingers though, I don't know why.
Vox_Veritas
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4/10/2016 6:42:04 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
Actually, I've heard that the single group which is the most likely to choose partners from "their own kind" is black women. Black men will choose to date white women but black women will generally choose black men exclusively.
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dylancatlow
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4/11/2016 6:16:16 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
I think less emphasis should be placed on physical appearance to begin with, so I agree that people should be willing to challenge their natural tendencies to date only within their own race, but I don't accept that sexual preference is as amenable to change as the OP is letting on. I just don't see any evidence for it, and it also just lacks plausibility. I mean, are we to believe that evolution changed the physical features of peoples who migrated out of Africa but neglected to update their sexual preferences to keep up with these changes? Please. It doesn't take much to go from "attractive" to "unattractive" within someone's own race; people are quite sensitive to pretty small differences already. The differences between the races are at least as big as those differences, if not more.

Intermarriage patterns indicate that there is more to the story than just "racism". For every one white woman who marries an Asian man, two marry a black man; for every one white man who marries a black woman, four marry an Asian woman. It's completely inverted. http://www.prb.org... (see figure 2) Why should this be? Well, one explanation, which I think is very likely correct, is that races have slightly different levels of testosterone, which makes some races seem more masculine and some seem more feminine. Blacks are the most masculine, Asians the least, and whites are somewhere in the middle. Black males benefit from this, since masculinity is attractive in males, while black women are put at a disadvantage, since masculinity is unattractive in females (they're "too macho" basically). Conversely, Asian males are put a disadvantage since they are perceived as "too feminine" while Asian females are thought to be attractive because of their femininity. Hence the intermarriage patterns.

On the other hand, there's evidence that culture plays a role as well. For instance, blacks are more willing to date whites than whites are willing to date blacks. That's probably due to culture. Moreover, racist attitudes seem to be correlated with "racist sexual preferences" which suggests that racism influences sexual preferences, although it's not conclusive evidence by any means.
janesix
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4/11/2016 8:37:23 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 4/10/2016 6:19:34 PM, FourTrouble wrote:
It pains me to see racism and heightism reduced to mere "sexual preferences." The reality is that over 90% of people prefer a white sexual partner, and over 90% of people prefer a tall sexual partner. That is not a preference. It is not personal. This is a a cultural problem. There are racist/heightist social forces shaping our sexual preferences.

This is a massive problem because of the way people enforce these preferences. It is especially prevalent in online dating, but even in-person dating exposes these preferences. I have seen men turn down an attractive black woman solely because she was black, without even giving her a chance, and I have seen women turn down an attractive dude, solely because he was short. That sort of categorization of people is fvcked up. It perpetuates racism and heightism in fvcked up ways.

Unfortunately, most folks hear the words "sexual attraction" or "sexual preference," and they think it's outside their control. But the reality is we have a great deal of control over the sorts of people we are attracted to. I'm not saying you're going to become straight if you're gay - but you can certainly open yourself up to dating blacks or shorties. We have the ability to challenge our own internalized biases, in large part because these biases aren't biological, they're societal.

I testify from personal experience here. I used to find black women unattractive, in large part because that is what everyone else thought. I realized this was racist when I started college, so I started exposing myself to more black women. I dated one. The more I challenged my internal biases, and the more I exposed myself to black women, the more I became I attracted to them. The reality is that things like racial preference sand height preferences aren't biological, they're not set in stone, and anyone who gives two fvcks about justice should be challenging their own internalized racism/heightism.

I disagree. I think sexual preference is completely biological. Can you force yourself to like chocolate? You either do or you don't.
SpiritandTruth
Posts: 2,315
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4/11/2016 10:53:10 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
I think people would be less picky about vain things if they weren't so perverted.
And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. As many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of the will of God. The hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth,
F-16_Fighting_Falcon
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4/11/2016 11:26:03 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 4/10/2016 6:19:34 PM, FourTrouble wrote:
It pains me to see racism and heightism reduced to mere "sexual preferences." The reality is that over 90% of people prefer a white sexual partner, and over 90% of people prefer a tall sexual partner. That is not a preference. It is not personal. This is a a cultural problem. There are racist/heightist social forces shaping our sexual preferences.

This is a massive problem because of the way people enforce these preferences. It is especially prevalent in online dating, but even in-person dating exposes these preferences. I have seen men turn down an attractive black woman solely because she was black, without even giving her a chance, and I have seen women turn down an attractive dude, solely because he was short. That sort of categorization of people is fvcked up. It perpetuates racism and heightism in fvcked up ways.

Unfortunately, most folks hear the words "sexual attraction" or "sexual preference," and they think it's outside their control. But the reality is we have a great deal of control over the sorts of people we are attracted to. I'm not saying you're going to become straight if you're gay - but you can certainly open yourself up to dating blacks or shorties. We have the ability to challenge our own internalized biases, in large part because these biases aren't biological, they're societal.

I testify from personal experience here. I used to find black women unattractive, in large part because that is what everyone else thought. I realized this was racist when I started college, so I started exposing myself to more black women. I dated one. The more I challenged my internal biases, and the more I exposed myself to black women, the more I became I attracted to them. The reality is that things like racial preference sand height preferences aren't biological, they're not set in stone, and anyone who gives two fvcks about justice should be challenging their own internalized racism/heightism.

Insightful OP. I've thought at some point that biological preferences are shaped by social preferences + evolution. If tall men are more successful, and women want what is best for their children, their best bet is to marry a tall guy so their children are tall and reap the societal benefits of being tall. If whites are privileged and a woman is white, she'd know that marrying a white guy and having white children will set them up for life better than marrying someone of a different race and having multi-ethnic children. If societal pressures change, what a women would find attractive might also change. Because we're all conditioned to want what's best for our children.

Even as men, we want successful, healthy off-spring to continue our line. Our best shot at doing that is to marry a healthy women. Good health translates to attractiveness (attractive people are healthy in general - or rather it is highly unlikely an unhealthy person is considered attractive). So, because we want what's best for our children, evolution programmed us to have intense pleasure when having sexual intercourse with an attractive woman - because our subconscious, biological impulses know that what's best for our children. So, our goal should be to have sex with an attractive woman.

Consider a different viewpoint, would you sacrifice attractiveness for someone you can connect with and have fun with? If you would, you are sacrificing the health of your children for having a good life and your biological impulses would be against it. But there's also the fact that someone is genuinely a good person would raise their children better. Just musing on the possibilities...

Anyways, onto your OP, I think eradicating racism and heightism will consequently lead to sexual preferences shifting away from privileged groups (tall, white, etc). It feels somewhat like a vicious/virtuous cycle.
PetersSmith
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4/12/2016 2:55:36 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 4/10/2016 6:19:34 PM, FourTrouble wrote:
It pains me to see racism and heightism reduced to mere "sexual preferences." The reality is that over 90% of people prefer a white sexual partner, and over 90% of people prefer a tall sexual partner. That is not a preference. It is not personal. This is a a cultural problem. There are racist/heightist social forces shaping our sexual preferences.

This is a massive problem because of the way people enforce these preferences. It is especially prevalent in online dating, but even in-person dating exposes these preferences. I have seen men turn down an attractive black woman solely because she was black, without even giving her a chance, and I have seen women turn down an attractive dude, solely because he was short. That sort of categorization of people is fvcked up. It perpetuates racism and heightism in fvcked up ways.

Unfortunately, most folks hear the words "sexual attraction" or "sexual preference," and they think it's outside their control. But the reality is we have a great deal of control over the sorts of people we are attracted to. I'm not saying you're going to become straight if you're gay - but you can certainly open yourself up to dating blacks or shorties. We have the ability to challenge our own internalized biases, in large part because these biases aren't biological, they're societal.

I testify from personal experience here. I used to find black women unattractive, in large part because that is what everyone else thought. I realized this was racist when I started college, so I started exposing myself to more black women. I dated one. The more I challenged my internal biases, and the more I exposed myself to black women, the more I became I attracted to them. The reality is that things like racial preference sand height preferences aren't biological, they're not set in stone, and anyone who gives two fvcks about justice should be challenging their own internalized racism/heightism.

I have a feeling you're not heterosexual, short, and not white.
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FourTrouble
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4/12/2016 4:35:13 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 4/12/2016 2:55:36 PM, PetersSmith wrote:
At 4/10/2016 6:19:34 PM, FourTrouble wrote:
It pains me to see racism and heightism reduced to mere "sexual preferences." The reality is that over 90% of people prefer a white sexual partner, and over 90% of people prefer a tall sexual partner. That is not a preference. It is not personal. This is a a cultural problem. There are racist/heightist social forces shaping our sexual preferences.

This is a massive problem because of the way people enforce these preferences. It is especially prevalent in online dating, but even in-person dating exposes these preferences. I have seen men turn down an attractive black woman solely because she was black, without even giving her a chance, and I have seen women turn down an attractive dude, solely because he was short. That sort of categorization of people is fvcked up. It perpetuates racism and heightism in fvcked up ways.

Unfortunately, most folks hear the words "sexual attraction" or "sexual preference," and they think it's outside their control. But the reality is we have a great deal of control over the sorts of people we are attracted to. I'm not saying you're going to become straight if you're gay - but you can certainly open yourself up to dating blacks or shorties. We have the ability to challenge our own internalized biases, in large part because these biases aren't biological, they're societal.

I testify from personal experience here. I used to find black women unattractive, in large part because that is what everyone else thought. I realized this was racist when I started college, so I started exposing myself to more black women. I dated one. The more I challenged my internal biases, and the more I exposed myself to black women, the more I became I attracted to them. The reality is that things like racial preference sand height preferences aren't biological, they're not set in stone, and anyone who gives two fvcks about justice should be challenging their own internalized racism/heightism.

I have a feeling you're not heterosexual, short, and not white.

Most people would say I'm heterosexual, white, and average height.
FourTrouble
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4/12/2016 5:02:03 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 4/11/2016 11:26:03 PM, F-16_Fighting_Falcon wrote:
Insightful OP. I've thought at some point that biological preferences are shaped by social preferences + evolution.

I disagree that our preferences are shaped by "evolution." We have evolved past that point. I also think "evolutionary biology/psychology" is dangerous, because lots of folks often justify their sexual preferences by saying, "I like tall men because of evolution," or "I like white men because of evolution," at which point you're shifting responsibility for your own behaviors/decisions. Yes, your preferences are largely the result of social forces that exceed you, but internalized biases can be and should be challenged/changed.

If tall men are more successful, and women want what is best for their children, their best bet is to marry a tall guy so their children are tall and reap the societal benefits of being tall. If whites are privileged and a woman is white, she'd know that marrying a white guy and having white children will set them up for life better than marrying someone of a different race and having multi-ethnic children. If societal pressures change, what a women would find attractive might also change. Because we're all conditioned to want what's best for our children.

The problem is that tall men and white women are viewed as more attractive because of arbitrary social forces, because people have historically viewed these groups as inherently/objectively superior, not because these groups are actually inherently/objectively superior. Short men, and black women, are not objectively inferior to others, but that is the message sent by our socially-sanctioned sexual preferences.

Even as men, we want successful, healthy off-spring to continue our line. Our best shot at doing that is to marry a healthy women. Good health translates to attractiveness (attractive people are healthy in general - or rather it is highly unlikely an unhealthy person is considered attractive). So, because we want what's best for our children, evolution programmed us to have intense pleasure when having sexual intercourse with an attractive woman - because our subconscious, biological impulses know that what's best for our children. So, our goal should be to have sex with an attractive woman.

I'm not sure if this is true. But even if it is, the problem is that what qualifies as "attractive" has nothing to do with biology or evolution. Evolutionary biology/psychology has little relevance to contemporary notions of attraction.

Consider a different viewpoint, would you sacrifice attractiveness for someone you can connect with and have fun with? If you would, you are sacrificing the health of your children for having a good life and your biological impulses would be against it. But there's also the fact that someone is genuinely a good person would raise their children better. Just musing on the possibilities...

"Attractiveness" isn't determined by what's healthy for your children. If that were the case, 90% of people wouldn't prefer tall (objectively shown to be less healthy) and wouldn't prefer white (objectively shown to be no more healthy than black, hispanic, asian, etc.).

Anyways, onto your OP, I think eradicating racism and heightism will consequently lead to sexual preferences shifting away from privileged groups (tall, white, etc). It feels somewhat like a vicious/virtuous cycle.

Yes, kinda. The problem is that the only way to eradicate racism/heightism is to expand our sexual preferences. As a practical matter, the problem is that folks rely on evolution/biology to justify their preferences, when the reality is that evolution/biology has little to do with it. Or people say their preferences are "personal," rather than recognizing that they're complicit in a racist/heightist system, rather than recognizing that their "personal" preference is the result of internalized biases.
FourTrouble
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4/12/2016 5:03:15 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 4/12/2016 2:55:36 PM, PetersSmith wrote:
I have a feeling you're not heterosexual, short, and not white.

But this is also irrelevant. It shouldn't matter "who" wrote the above. The substance speaks for itself.
Skepsikyma
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4/12/2016 8:34:29 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 4/10/2016 6:19:34 PM, FourTrouble wrote:
It pains me to see racism and heightism reduced to mere "sexual preferences." The reality is that over 90% of people prefer a white sexual partner, and over 90% of people prefer a tall sexual partner. That is not a preference. It is not personal. This is a a cultural problem. There are racist/heightist social forces shaping our sexual preferences.

This is a massive problem because of the way people enforce these preferences. It is especially prevalent in online dating, but even in-person dating exposes these preferences. I have seen men turn down an attractive black woman solely because she was black, without even giving her a chance, and I have seen women turn down an attractive dude, solely because he was short. That sort of categorization of people is fvcked up. It perpetuates racism and heightism in fvcked up ways.

Unfortunately, most folks hear the words "sexual attraction" or "sexual preference," and they think it's outside their control. But the reality is we have a great deal of control over the sorts of people we are attracted to. I'm not saying you're going to become straight if you're gay - but you can certainly open yourself up to dating blacks or shorties. We have the ability to challenge our own internalized biases, in large part because these biases aren't biological, they're societal.

I testify from personal experience here. I used to find black women unattractive, in large part because that is what everyone else thought. I realized this was racist when I started college, so I started exposing myself to more black women. I dated one. The more I challenged my internal biases, and the more I exposed myself to black women, the more I became I attracted to them. The reality is that things like racial preference sand height preferences aren't biological, they're not set in stone, and anyone who gives two fvcks about justice should be challenging their own internalized racism/heightism.

Most of what people consider 'attractive' is pure Pavlovian conditioning. Stances and actions which the brain interprets as sexual are paired with certain physical attributes, and eventually the response of erotic cogitation is paired to those stimuli. Pretty much the only 'revulsion' responses which are hardwired are to severe assymetry and signs of unhealth (sores/boils, morbid obesity, missing limbs).

Trying to fight this conditioning won't only expand someone's chances of having a meaningful relationship, they will also improve their relationship with themselves. The oldest reason for this imagery and conditioning is to reinforce dominance of a particular group, and to build in-group loyalty. But a newer facet is to sell you the illusory self which everyone is taught is the only you worthy of love. That sentiment is reinforced by everyone around you, who are also holding everyone around them to the same lofty and often unattainable standard.

I think that this is totally independent from the 'body image' movement, and I think that it's a shame that 'self-love' movements have a tendency to be absorbed by science-denying radical 'body image' movements, and are discredited because of the symbiosis which develops.
"The Collectivist experiment is thoroughly suited (in appearance at least) to the Capitalist society which it proposes to replace. It works with the existing machinery of Capitalism, talks and thinks in the existing terms of Capitalism, appeals to just those appetites which Capitalism has aroused, and ridicules as fantastic and unheard-of just those things in society the memory of which Capitalism has killed among men wherever the blight of it has spread."
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coal
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4/13/2016 3:42:37 AM
Posted: 7 months ago
At 4/10/2016 6:19:34 PM, FourTrouble wrote:
It pains me to see racism and heightism reduced to mere "sexual preferences."

Heightism? That's a thing now? How dumb are we as a society...

The reality is that over 90% of people prefer a white sexual partner, and over 90% of people prefer a tall sexual partner. That is not a preference. It is not personal. This is a a cultural problem. There are racist/heightist social forces shaping our sexual preferences.

This is a massive problem because of the way people enforce these preferences. It is especially prevalent in online dating, but even in-person dating exposes these preferences. I have seen men turn down an attractive black woman solely because she was black, without even giving her a chance, and I have seen women turn down an attractive dude, solely because he was short. That sort of categorization of people is fvcked up. It perpetuates racism and heightism in fvcked up ways.

Unfortunately, most folks hear the words "sexual attraction" or "sexual preference," and they think it's outside their control. But the reality is we have a great deal of control over the sorts of people we are attracted to. I'm not saying you're going to become straight if you're gay - but you can certainly open yourself up to dating blacks or shorties. We have the ability to challenge our own internalized biases, in large part because these biases aren't biological, they're societal.

I testify from personal experience here. I used to find black women unattractive, in large part because that is what everyone else thought. I realized this was racist when I started college, so I started exposing myself to more black women. I dated one. The more I challenged my internal biases, and the more I exposed myself to black women, the more I became I attracted to them. The reality is that things like racial preference sand height preferences aren't biological, they're not set in stone, and anyone who gives two fvcks about justice should be challenging their own internalized racism/heightism.
FourTrouble
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4/13/2016 3:37:07 PM
Posted: 7 months ago
At 4/13/2016 3:42:37 AM, coal wrote:
At 4/10/2016 6:19:34 PM, FourTrouble wrote:
It pains me to see racism and heightism reduced to mere "sexual preferences."

Heightism? That's a thing now? How dumb are we as a society...

Yes, it's thing. I agree that heightist societies are pretty dumb.
coal
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4/13/2016 5:34:07 PM
Posted: 7 months ago
At 4/13/2016 3:37:07 PM, FourTrouble wrote:
At 4/13/2016 3:42:37 AM, coal wrote:
At 4/10/2016 6:19:34 PM, FourTrouble wrote:
It pains me to see racism and heightism reduced to mere "sexual preferences."

Heightism? That's a thing now? How dumb are we as a society...

Yes, it's thing. I agree that heightist societies are pretty dumb.

No I think you misunderstood. If we as a society are recognizing "heightism" as a form of discrimination, that is pretty dumb.

(especially in the context you suggested)
FourTrouble
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4/13/2016 6:05:56 PM
Posted: 7 months ago
At 4/13/2016 5:34:07 PM, coal wrote:
No I think you misunderstood. If we as a society are recognizing "heightism" as a form of discrimination, that is pretty dumb.

Yes, I agree that heightism is dumb. But it exists. It's pervasive. And it's a massive problem.
j50wells
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4/13/2016 10:37:24 PM
Posted: 7 months ago
I agree. For some wild and crazy sex, I'd rather be with a black woman. For marriage, I'd pick Asian. But, I've dated white women too. It's really about personality and attraction if you ask me.
RyuuKyuzo
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4/17/2016 2:14:10 AM
Posted: 7 months ago
is preferring white partners immoral because it's in-line with the majority, or is it immoral because having racial preferences at all is immoral?
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Fernyx
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4/22/2016 2:23:44 PM
Posted: 7 months ago
At 4/10/2016 6:19:34 PM, FourTrouble wrote:
It pains me to see racism and heightism reduced to mere "sexual preferences." The reality is that over 90% of people prefer a white sexual partner, and over 90% of people prefer a tall sexual partner. That is not a preference. It is not personal. This is a a cultural problem. There are racist/heightist social forces shaping our sexual preferences.

This is a massive problem because of the way people enforce these preferences. It is especially prevalent in online dating, but even in-person dating exposes these preferences. I have seen men turn down an attractive black woman solely because she was black, without even giving her a chance, and I have seen women turn down an attractive dude, solely because he was short. That sort of categorization of people is fvcked up. It perpetuates racism and heightism in fvcked up ways.

Unfortunately, most folks hear the words "sexual attraction" or "sexual preference," and they think it's outside their control. But the reality is we have a great deal of control over the sorts of people we are attracted to. I'm not saying you're going to become straight if you're gay - but you can certainly open yourself up to dating blacks or shorties. We have the ability to challenge our own internalized biases, in large part because these biases aren't biological, they're societal.

I testify from personal experience here. I used to find black women unattractive, in large part because that is what everyone else thought. I realized this was racist when I started college, so I started exposing myself to more black women. I dated one. The more I challenged my internal biases, and the more I exposed myself to black women, the more I became I attracted to them. The reality is that things like racial preference sand height preferences aren't biological, they're not set in stone, and anyone who gives two fvcks about justice should be challenging their own internalized racism/heightism.

You cannot force someone to like someone. I think the biggest problem is something you said 'I realized this was racist when I started college'. It is not racist if you like someone because of height or color, look at the peacock in nature, females are naturally attracted to some based off their size. It isn't abnormal to have preference, and also it is not racist because often black males do not date black females in america. When you listen to college professors realize they are highly moved by their students, this is because they do not want to lose their jobs. Now there is a high value on being a victim, and because of this people will point out 'racism', 'sexism', what ever 'ism' because they need some way to be a victim. College professors will often play in this victim narrative as they have to please students to keep a job.
Maikuru
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4/26/2016 3:14:40 AM
Posted: 7 months ago
At 4/10/2016 6:19:34 PM, FourTrouble wrote:

Do you think short guys should wear lifts in their shoes?
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FourTrouble
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4/26/2016 7:35:37 PM
Posted: 7 months ago
At 4/26/2016 3:14:40 AM, Maikuru wrote:
Do you think short guys should wear lifts in their shoes?

No. Or at least not for the reasons implied by your question. It's like a black person using makeup to look whiter. It's precisely the sort of self-hatred that perpetuates the notion that shortness (or blackness) is an objective flaw (it's not).
Hiu
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4/28/2016 12:06:45 AM
Posted: 7 months ago
At 4/10/2016 6:19:34 PM, FourTrouble wrote:
It pains me to see racism and heightism reduced to mere "sexual preferences." The reality is that over 90% of people prefer a white sexual partner, and over 90% of people prefer a tall sexual partner. That is not a preference. It is not personal. This is a a cultural problem. There are racist/heightist social forces shaping our sexual preferences.

This is a massive problem because of the way people enforce these preferences. It is especially prevalent in online dating, but even in-person dating exposes these preferences. I have seen men turn down an attractive black woman solely because she was black, without even giving her a chance, and I have seen women turn down an attractive dude, solely because he was short. That sort of categorization of people is fvcked up. It perpetuates racism and heightism in fvcked up ways.

Unfortunately, most folks hear the words "sexual attraction" or "sexual preference," and they think it's outside their control. But the reality is we have a great deal of control over the sorts of people we are attracted to. I'm not saying you're going to become straight if you're gay - but you can certainly open yourself up to dating blacks or shorties. We have the ability to challenge our own internalized biases, in large part because these biases aren't biological, they're societal.

I testify from personal experience here. I used to find black women unattractive, in large part because that is what everyone else thought. I realized this was racist when I started college, so I started exposing myself to more black women. I dated one. The more I challenged my internal biases, and the more I exposed myself to black women, the more I became I attracted to them. The reality is that things like racial preference sand height preferences aren't biological, they're not set in stone, and anyone who gives two fvcks about justice should be challenging their own internalized racism/heightism.

Where did you get your percentages (as noted in the following):

" The reality is that over 90% of people prefer a white sexual partner, and over 90% of people prefer a tall sexual partner."
FourTrouble
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4/28/2016 12:13:58 AM
Posted: 7 months ago
At 4/28/2016 12:06:45 AM, Hiu wrote:
Where did you get your percentages (as noted in the following):

" The reality is that over 90% of people prefer a white sexual partner, and over 90% of people prefer a tall sexual partner."

I made them up. It's probably more like 99%.
Hiu
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4/28/2016 1:01:19 AM
Posted: 7 months ago
At 4/28/2016 12:13:58 AM, FourTrouble wrote:
At 4/28/2016 12:06:45 AM, Hiu wrote:
Where did you get your percentages (as noted in the following):

" The reality is that over 90% of people prefer a white sexual partner, and over 90% of people prefer a tall sexual partner."

I made them up. It's probably more like 99%.

I actually think you're wrong. Anecdotal truths are not valid enough, Truth be told I don't prefer a white sexual partner and I'm sure there are millions that don't. If you count white women in this factor your percentage is way less than 70%. If you count cultural appropriation there are plenty of white women, latin women, asian women, arab women, and other types of women that may prefer a person of color, e.g "Black man/woman."
Hiu
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4/28/2016 1:12:00 AM
Posted: 7 months ago
To directly answer the OP as a member of the African-American demographic I think largely intra-group relationships such as ones in the black community are more so on the basis of socialization based on the common cultural experience. Because of systemic racism such as segregation, these generational experiences have socialized many within the black community to choose a member of the same cultural group. You can find the same typical behavior in the Japanese community, Arab community Latin community. Many cultures outside of the U.S tend to emphasize intra-group relationship due to common cultural experience.

With respect to the height requirements, this is largely a gender requirement for women as opposed to men, (not saying men do not have this height requirement but it does exist). I find that women largely want a "tall" man on the basis of some sort of idea of security. I always tell women with these height requirements on that particular basis that in the age of guns, a bullet trumps a man's tallness and his muscular physique any day. However women have become socialized into wanting a taller man and I think it's largely due to some sort of biopsychosocial element that has become a generational element in human attraction.

I think these desires are both shallow, petty and sometimes unrealistic especially if your dating pool is limited and that is all it is when you've become so selective in the type of mate you want.
Diqiucun_Cunmin
Posts: 2,710
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4/29/2016 5:55:51 PM
Posted: 7 months ago
At 4/10/2016 6:19:34 PM, FourTrouble wrote:
It pains me to see racism and heightism reduced to mere "sexual preferences." The reality is that over 90% of people prefer a white sexual partner, and over 90% of people prefer a tall sexual partner. That is not a preference. It is not personal. This is a a cultural problem. There are racist/heightist social forces shaping our sexual preferences.
I think there are pretty good reasons to be 'racist' when you choose a romantic partner. You're more likely to share common values, cultural heritage, outlooks on life, etc. While I admit that these are probably not the real reasons why I am not attracted to black or white people, they do show that it is not necessarily undesirable to stick to your own race when you look for a romantic partner.

As for height, I don't have figures but is 'heightism' really that serious? I'm short, and I'd actually prefer someone roughly my height or shorter. I think girls in general prefer guys that are slightly taller, and boys the opposite, unless I'm mistaken. But in any case, I conjecture that people of any height will attract people of similar heights. Since women are, on the average, shorter than men, this means nobody is really at a significant disadvantage. Are there statistics to show the opposite?
This is a massive problem because of the way people enforce these preferences. It is especially prevalent in online dating, but even in-person dating exposes these preferences. I have seen men turn down an attractive black woman solely because she was black, without even giving her a chance, and I have seen women turn down an attractive dude, solely because he was short. That sort of categorization of people is fvcked up. It perpetuates racism and heightism in fvcked up ways.

Unfortunately, most folks hear the words "sexual attraction" or "sexual preference," and they think it's outside their control. But the reality is we have a great deal of control over the sorts of people we are attracted to. I'm not saying you're going to become straight if you're gay - but you can certainly open yourself up to dating blacks or shorties. We have the ability to challenge our own internalized biases, in large part because these biases aren't biological, they're societal.

I testify from personal experience here. I used to find black women unattractive, in large part because that is what everyone else thought. I realized this was racist when I started college, so I started exposing myself to more black women. I dated one. The more I challenged my internal biases, and the more I exposed myself to black women, the more I became I attracted to them. The reality is that things like racial preference sand height preferences aren't biological, they're not set in stone, and anyone who gives two fvcks about justice should be challenging their own internalized racism/heightism.
The thing is, I hate relativism. I hate relativism more than I hate everything else, excepting, maybe, fibreglass powerboats... What it overlooks, to put it briefly and crudely, is the fixed structure of human nature. - Jerry Fodor

Don't be a stat cynic:
http://www.debate.org...

Response to conservative views on deforestation:
http://www.debate.org...

Topics I'd like to debate (not debating ATM): http://tinyurl.com...
Diqiucun_Cunmin
Posts: 2,710
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4/29/2016 5:56:41 PM
Posted: 7 months ago
At 4/29/2016 5:55:51 PM, Diqiucun_Cunmin wrote:
At 4/10/2016 6:19:34 PM, FourTrouble wrote:
It pains me to see racism and heightism reduced to mere "sexual preferences." The reality is that over 90% of people prefer a white sexual partner, and over 90% of people prefer a tall sexual partner. That is not a preference. It is not personal. This is a a cultural problem. There are racist/heightist social forces shaping our sexual preferences.
I think there are pretty good reasons to be 'racist' when you choose a romantic partner. You're more likely to share common values, cultural heritage, outlooks on life, etc. While I admit that these are probably not the real reasons why I am not attracted to black or white people, they do show that it is not necessarily undesirable to stick to your own race when you look for a romantic partner.

As for height, I don't have figures but is 'heightism' really that serious? I'm short, and I'd actually prefer someone roughly my height or shorter. I think girls in general prefer guys that are slightly taller than themselves, and boys the opposite, unless I'm mistaken. But in any case, I conjecture that people of any height will attract people of similar heights. Since women are, on the average, shorter than men, this means nobody is really at a significant disadvantage. Are there statistics to show the opposite?
This is a massive problem because of the way people enforce these preferences. It is especially prevalent in online dating, but even in-person dating exposes these preferences. I have seen men turn down an attractive black woman solely because she was black, without even giving her a chance, and I have seen women turn down an attractive dude, solely because he was short. That sort of categorization of people is fvcked up. It perpetuates racism and heightism in fvcked up ways.

Unfortunately, most folks hear the words "sexual attraction" or "sexual preference," and they think it's outside their control. But the reality is we have a great deal of control over the sorts of people we are attracted to. I'm not saying you're going to become straight if you're gay - but you can certainly open yourself up to dating blacks or shorties. We have the ability to challenge our own internalized biases, in large part because these biases aren't biological, they're societal.

I testify from personal experience here. I used to find black women unattractive, in large part because that is what everyone else thought. I realized this was racist when I started college, so I started exposing myself to more black women. I dated one. The more I challenged my internal biases, and the more I exposed myself to black women, the more I became I attracted to them. The reality is that things like racial preference sand height preferences aren't biological, they're not set in stone, and anyone who gives two fvcks about justice should be challenging their own internalized racism/heightism.
The thing is, I hate relativism. I hate relativism more than I hate everything else, excepting, maybe, fibreglass powerboats... What it overlooks, to put it briefly and crudely, is the fixed structure of human nature. - Jerry Fodor

Don't be a stat cynic:
http://www.debate.org...

Response to conservative views on deforestation:
http://www.debate.org...

Topics I'd like to debate (not debating ATM): http://tinyurl.com...