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My Gay-Positive Children's Story

brian_eggleston
Posts: 3,347
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12/14/2010 11:06:17 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
Boys with sensitive natures, delicate dispositions or effeminate manners are often the subjects of enormous amounts of homophobic abuse at school - and are routinely labelled as ‘cissies' and ‘mummy's boys' or are given cruel monikers such as ‘Justin Bieber' or ‘Billy Elliot'.

Part of the reason for this bullying is that there are no positive gay role models in children's stories - just blatantly heterosexual characters such as Tarzan and Jane, Cinderella and Prince Charming, and Robin Hood and Maid Marion.

That's why I've decided to write my own gay-positive children's story - but I need your help to finish it - thanks in advance for your kind contributions.

Anyway, this is how it begins:

Sheerluck the Sh!t-Stabbing Sheepdog and the Homosexual Hounds of the Baskervilles

Many years ago, when Queen Victoria was still on the throne, a camp canine criminologist called Sheerluck the Sh!t-Stabbing Sheepdog co-habited with his same-sex partner: Dog Terwoofter the Poodle Poofter; in a kennel located in the backyard of 101 Barker Street, London.

Now, one particularly cold and damp November evening, there was a scraping at the kennel door and Dog Terwoofter opened it to find their friend Montmorency the Mincing Mongrel standing there shivering, so he ushered the dainty little doggie inside.

"My dear Monty!" exclaimed Sheerluck "You are in a dither, aren't you? Whatever can be the matter, my dear boy?"

"Well there's been some very queer goings on, Sheerluck," replied Monty as he sat down on the rug.

"Ooh!" said Sheerluck, "Queer goings on? I like the sound of that!"

"Oh no, Sheerluck" said Monty, "there's something very frightening afoot."

And he explained the how his master's country house on the wild and desolate moors of Devonshire was being terrorised by a baying pack of homosexual hounds.

"At nights," said Monty "the house is surrounded by every type of sexually-deviant dog you can think of. There's pillow-biting pointers; bent beagles; gay gundogs; rentboy retrievers; limp-wristed Labradors; shirt-lifting spaniels; fairy foxhounds; mattress-munching mastiffs; Airdale arse-bandits – the lot – it's all very scary Sheerluck."

"Ah, it sounds like Dog Terwoofter and I should make a trip to Devonshire to investigate, don't you think Monty?"

"I'd be most grateful, Sheerluck, but you understand it could be dangerous – these dogs can be very aggressive, especially the working dogs…"

"Oh, don't you worry about that," interrupted Dog Terwooftah, "Sheerluck's quite used to ‘ruff trade', aren't you sweetie?"

"Ooh, get her!" quipped Sheerluck, "Don't you worry Monty, we'll be on the next train down."
Visit the burglars' bulletin board: http://www.break-in-news.com...
m93samman
Posts: 2,685
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12/22/2010 11:40:29 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 12/14/2010 11:06:17 AM, brian_eggleston wrote:
Boys with sensitive natures, delicate dispositions or effeminate manners are often the subjects of enormous amounts of homophobic abuse at school - and are routinely labelled as ‘cissies' and ‘mummy's boys' or are given cruel monikers such as ‘Justin Bieber' or ‘Billy Elliot'.

Part of the reason for this bullying is that there are no positive gay role models in children's stories - just blatantly heterosexual characters such as Tarzan and Jane, Cinderella and Prince Charming, and Robin Hood and Maid Marion.

That's why I've decided to write my own gay-positive children's story - but I need your help to finish it - thanks in advance for your kind contributions.

Anyway, this is how it begins:

Sheerluck the Sh!t-Stabbing Sheepdog and the Homosexual Hounds of the Baskervilles

Many years ago, when Queen Victoria was still on the throne, a camp canine criminologist called Sheerluck the Sh!t-Stabbing Sheepdog co-habited with his same-sex partner: Dog Terwoofter the Poodle Poofter; in a kennel located in the backyard of 101 Barker Street, London.

Now, one particularly cold and damp November evening, there was a scraping at the kennel door and Dog Terwoofter opened it to find their friend Montmorency the Mincing Mongrel standing there shivering, so he ushered the dainty little doggie inside.

"My dear Monty!" exclaimed Sheerluck "You are in a dither, aren't you? Whatever can be the matter, my dear boy?"

"Well there's been some very queer goings on, Sheerluck," replied Monty as he sat down on the rug.

"Ooh!" said Sheerluck, "Queer goings on? I like the sound of that!"

"Oh no, Sheerluck" said Monty, "there's something very frightening afoot."

And he explained the how his master's country house on the wild and desolate moors of Devonshire was being terrorised by a baying pack of homosexual hounds.

"At nights," said Monty "the house is surrounded by every type of sexually-deviant dog you can think of. There's pillow-biting pointers; bent beagles; gay gundogs; rentboy retrievers; limp-wristed Labradors; shirt-lifting spaniels; fairy foxhounds; mattress-munching mastiffs; Airdale arse-bandits – the lot – it's all very scary Sheerluck."

"Ah, it sounds like Dog Terwoofter and I should make a trip to Devonshire to investigate, don't you think Monty?"

"I'd be most grateful, Sheerluck, but you understand it could be dangerous – these dogs can be very aggressive, especially the working dogs…"

"Oh, don't you worry about that," interrupted Dog Terwooftah, "Sheerluck's quite used to ‘ruff trade', aren't you sweetie?"

"Ooh, get her!" quipped Sheerluck, "Don't you worry Monty, we'll be on the next train down."

The troubled trio arrived at Devonshire, only to be appalled. Sheerluck and Dog Terwooftah had not expected to see such menacing mayhem.

"We had not expected to see such menacing mayhem!" proclaimed Sheerluck and Dog Terwooftah, expressing their emotions. Lost in the moment, they thought that acting quick would be the best route of action.

After analyzing the situation, Sheerluck came up with a witty and clever plan. Since all the dogs are engaged in their queer goings on, they would be too distracted to notice him prepare for his master plan. Pulling out a dog whistle he stole from his old master, he dashed atop a mound of sawdust that had been compiled from the expelled waste of a nearby lumber mill.

With a shrill sound vibrating down the vertebra of every one of the haughty hounds, they dashed atop the mound, looking for the sound. As they gathered around, pound by pound, the hounds on the mound came crashing to the ground. The weight was too much for the sawdust to handle, so they sunk like quicksand.

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PS I just need someone to elaborate on the "problem". I didn't quite get that part.
: At 4/15/2011 5:29:37 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
: Pascal's wager is for poosies.
:
: I mean that sincerly, because it's basically an argument from poooosie.
:
: I'm pretty sure that's like a fallacy.. Argument ad Pussium or something like that.