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platonic gay straight friends?

innomen
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1/14/2011 2:50:38 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Once in a while my partner will have a friend that he knows from work or where ever, he (my partner) will say to me - after they find out he's gay - 'Dennis, they still want to be friends with me?!? Why would a straight guy want to be friends with me, knowing I'm gay?' Sounds like an odd thing to say, but not really. Way more often than not do i find barriers between myself and straight guys when they find out i am gay. I have a very good working relationship with many straight guys, and have a large number of acquaintances who are straight, all of whom know i'm gay, but almost always there exists an invisible barrier between us. There are exceptions among older men who really couldn't care less, but with my age or younger there is far less possibility of a platonic relationship with another guy because i am gay. I wonder how many straight guys here could conceive of having a close friend who is gay. When i was in high school and came out to my best friend he said to me "that's fine, just don't touch me". Stupidest thing he could have said at every level. We went on to continue in growing our relationship (and i never touched him - no worries ever there). Is there a fear that a gay guy will want more from a straight guy if they are close friends? Or is it just general deeper lack of acceptance? Is it fear of guilt by association? Or am i all wrong (which i doubt), most straight guys would have no trouble with a close friend that happens to be gay?

Now on the other hand...straight women are ridiculous. They sometimes find out that i am gay and i am their long lost brother. It's nice and all, but it seems really irrational at times. Seriously, i have nothing in common with these women who want to be REALLY close to me and share intimacies of our lives. I do understand the reasons for this, but don't understand the high frequency of occurrence.
CosmicAlfonzo
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1/14/2011 2:57:56 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Sure, I've had gay friends of both genders.

If I find out that the female is homosexual, I tend to lose interest completely. Waste of time and effort.

If I find out the male is homosexual.. Er.. Doesn't really change anything. I get hit on by guys all the time, and some have been pretty pushy, but I make it very clear that I'm not interested, and it won't happen.

Most straight guys probably don't like it when another guy hits on them, but I just take it as a compliment. I'm secure enough in my masculinity and sexuality to not let that sort of thing make me uncomfortable.
Official "High Priest of Secular Affairs and Transient Distributor of Sonic Apple Seeds relating to the Reptilian Division of Paperwork Immoliation" of The FREEDO Bureaucracy, a DDO branch of the Erisian Front, a subdivision of the Discordian Back, a Limb of the Illuminatian Cosmic Utensil Corp
Ren
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1/14/2011 3:48:52 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I've had platonic gay friends with varying degrees of closeness; it never really mattered that they were gay. I've lived with gay men before in roommate situations.

The fact is that, I understand that there is a possibility that a gay friend will be attracted to me, inasmuch as there is a possibility that a fat, gaunt, or ugly girl will be attracted to me, and I would not reciprocate the sentiments in either situation. That does not mean that it would compromise anything; as long as that particular person knows how to respect boundaries, there will be no problems.

I would imagine, though, that women react to you in that way, because they are attempting to avoid the very situation that I'm describing. Women tend to be far more discriminating than men, I notice, and this is largely because of the social dynamic of this society. Ergo, they end up in situations in which they attempt to maintain a high degree of platonic intimacy with absolutely no sexual intimacy with members of the opposite sex and the engagement fails much more frequently. So, they seek it from gay men that they feel would understand them with both an absence of the female social dynamic (between each other) as well as the male inclination to turn platonic intimacy into arousal. But, that's just an assumption; who knows what broads think.
annhasle
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1/14/2011 4:41:08 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I have a lot of gay friends. Usually I'm called a "dike" since there's not many metalhead girls. They automatically assume that I must be a tough lesbian. Nice, huh? Lol.

I hang out with about 14 people during school hours and out of that group, five are gay. Three guys and two girls. The girls are going out. :)

And out of my close friends from varying areas around the globe, I would say at least half are gay. <shrugs> It's completely normal to me. My family is always horrified when they find out I'm hanging out with "homosexual devils" (aren't they a nice family?) but I don't get it. If they have the same sense of humor as me, like the same music, have the same interests, etc. then why would I be concerned about something like sexual orientation? Plus, I'm usually their bodyguard against the abundance of homophobic @ssholes at my school. In November my friend was jumped because they saw him kissing another guy. Let's just say that I was not entirely happy with that.... D:<
I'm not back. This idiot just upset me which made me stop lurking.
PARADIGM_L0ST
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1/14/2011 5:06:09 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I wonder how many straight guys here could conceive of having a close friend who is gay... Is there a fear that a gay guy will want more from a straight guy if they are close friends? Or is it just general deeper lack of acceptance? Is it fear of guilt by association? Or am i all wrong (which i doubt), most straight guys would have no trouble with a close friend that happens to be gay?:

I don't have any real close gay friends (not by design, it just happened that way), but I certainly have some gay friends. Some of them are closeted gays and think I don't know they're gay, others are open. I could be close with a gay man, but I think in some respects it's viewed in the same department as a close female friend. I don't have really, really close female friends for the simple fact that friendship can, and often does, turn in to something more, either for one, the other, or both. And then it just ruins the friendship because there is this 2,000 lbs elephant in the room. Not really conducive to a friendship.

Plus, for me, I've been hit on by a lot of gay guys in my life (not trying to sound cool, just a statement of fact). Men who knew I wasn't gay, and it seemed to be some kind of conquest or fantasy to seduce a straight guy. I think that is on the mind of a lot of straight guys minds.

A friendship that lacks all sexual connotation is one that I think most people find most comfortable. So I think a lot of gay-friendly straight males don't want the weird factor to get in the way of what otherwise could be a perfectly good friendship.

I also think a lot of gay guys tone down their natural personalities as a self-defense mechanism. I think a lot of gay guys, having lived in a world that rejected them for so long have, in a sense, conditioned themselves to act a certain way that is unnatural for them. I think it's reflexive out of self-preservation.

So I wonder how many gay men could have a healthy friendship with a non-judgmental straight man for the exact same reasons, but in reverse.

Now on the other hand...straight women are ridiculous. They sometimes find out that i am gay and i am their long lost brother. It's nice and all, but it seems really irrational at times. Seriously, i have nothing in common with these women who want to be REALLY close to me and share intimacies of our lives. I do understand the reasons for this, but don't understand the high frequency of occurrence.:

Haha! I believe the politically incorrect term is "f@g hag." I think this goes back to what I was just saying earlier, that once the sexual component is removed, people can really be themselves since they aren't trying to impress anyone to get laid.
"Have you ever considered suicide? If not, please do." -- Mouthwash (to Inferno)
lovelife
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1/14/2011 5:07:47 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I have always been able to have good friends and play around, nothing serious.
Nobody has a problem with me but the second someone yells out that I'm bi, EVERYONE is repulsed by me, even my stalker briefly was (the next day he started coming on to me again saying stuff like "You should go straight with me" and BS things like that.) So basically I lose every friend, and its always because of some rumor someone would think was funny.
Hell one of my friends is bi, started the rumor, had kissed me twice, and then acted like she was repulsed by me because I was "flirting too much"
-shrugs- it happens to everyone inno. Even girls. Hell I went out in public (skating rink) and these three girls tried to kill me over it. My dad was there chased them off and they told the school me and my dad were bullying them so I got detention (for something that happened at a skating rink on a Saturday)
Sh!t isn't fair...
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
innomen
Posts: 10,052
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1/14/2011 5:14:16 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/14/2011 5:06:09 PM, PARADIGM_L0ST wrote:
I wonder how many straight guys here could conceive of having a close friend who is gay... Is there a fear that a gay guy will want more from a straight guy if they are close friends? Or is it just general deeper lack of acceptance? Is it fear of guilt by association? Or am i all wrong (which i doubt), most straight guys would have no trouble with a close friend that happens to be gay?:

I don't have any real close gay friends (not by design, it just happened that way), but I certainly have some gay friends. Some of them are closeted gays and think I don't know they're gay, others are open. I could be close with a gay man, but I think in some respects it's viewed in the same department as a close female friend. I don't have really, really close female friends for the simple fact that friendship can, and often does, turn in to something more, either for one, the other, or both. And then it just ruins the friendship because there is this 2,000 lbs elephant in the room. Not really conducive to a friendship.

Plus, for me, I've been hit on by a lot of gay guys in my life (not trying to sound cool, just a statement of fact). Men who knew I wasn't gay, and it seemed to be some kind of conquest or fantasy to seduce a straight guy. I think that is on the mind of a lot of straight guys minds.

A friendship that lacks all sexual connotation is one that I think most people find most comfortable. So I think a lot of gay-friendly straight males don't want the weird factor to get in the way of what otherwise could be a perfectly good friendship.

I also think a lot of gay guys tone down their natural personalities as a self-defense mechanism. I think a lot of gay guys, having lived in a world that rejected them for so long have, in a sense, conditioned themselves to act a certain way that is unnatural for them. I think it's reflexive out of self-preservation.

So I wonder how many gay men could have a healthy friendship with a non-judgmental straight man for the exact same reasons, but in reverse.

Now on the other hand...straight women are ridiculous. They sometimes find out that i am gay and i am their long lost brother. It's nice and all, but it seems really irrational at times. Seriously, i have nothing in common with these women who want to be REALLY close to me and share intimacies of our lives. I do understand the reasons for this, but don't understand the high frequency of occurrence.:

Haha! I believe the politically incorrect term is "f@g hag." I think this goes back to what I was just saying earlier, that once the sexual component is removed, people can really be themselves since they aren't trying to impress anyone to get laid.

In all honesty, you would be a problem for most gay guys.
innomen
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1/14/2011 5:16:19 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/14/2011 5:07:47 PM, lovelife wrote:
I have always been able to have good friends and play around, nothing serious.
Nobody has a problem with me but the second someone yells out that I'm bi, EVERYONE is repulsed by me, even my stalker briefly was (the next day he started coming on to me again saying stuff like "You should go straight with me" and BS things like that.) So basically I lose every friend, and its always because of some rumor someone would think was funny.
Hell one of my friends is bi, started the rumor, had kissed me twice, and then acted like she was repulsed by me because I was "flirting too much"
-shrugs- it happens to everyone inno. Even girls. Hell I went out in public (skating rink) and these three girls tried to kill me over it. My dad was there chased them off and they told the school me and my dad were bullying them so I got detention (for something that happened at a skating rink on a Saturday)
Sh!t isn't fair...

Bisexuals have it even worse. A man (or woman) without a country. Bi-sexual men are commonly rejected by the gay "community", and thought of as traitors. Lots of resentments on the straight side too, because they prove to them that it's a choice after all.
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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1/14/2011 5:21:01 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/14/2011 5:16:19 PM, innomen wrote:
At 1/14/2011 5:07:47 PM, lovelife wrote:
I have always been able to have good friends and play around, nothing serious.
Nobody has a problem with me but the second someone yells out that I'm bi, EVERYONE is repulsed by me, even my stalker briefly was (the next day he started coming on to me again saying stuff like "You should go straight with me" and BS things like that.) So basically I lose every friend, and its always because of some rumor someone would think was funny.
Hell one of my friends is bi, started the rumor, had kissed me twice, and then acted like she was repulsed by me because I was "flirting too much"
-shrugs- it happens to everyone inno. Even girls. Hell I went out in public (skating rink) and these three girls tried to kill me over it. My dad was there chased them off and they told the school me and my dad were bullying them so I got detention (for something that happened at a skating rink on a Saturday)
Sh!t isn't fair...

Bisexuals have it even worse. A man (or woman) without a country. Bi-sexual men are commonly rejected by the gay "community", and thought of as traitors. Lots of resentments on the straight side too, because they prove to them that it's a choice after all.

Thats pretty ridiculous, on both sides.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
PARADIGM_L0ST
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1/14/2011 5:21:29 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
In all honesty, you would be a problem for most gay guys.:

Why is that? Because they'd assume I was homophobic or because they're attracted to me?
"Have you ever considered suicide? If not, please do." -- Mouthwash (to Inferno)
PARADIGM_L0ST
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1/14/2011 5:23:41 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Bisexuals have it even worse. A man (or woman) without a country. Bi-sexual men are commonly rejected by the gay "community", and thought of as traitors.:

Come on... You serious?
"Have you ever considered suicide? If not, please do." -- Mouthwash (to Inferno)
gavin.ogden
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1/14/2011 5:25:33 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I have, and have had many gay friends. I just really don't see too many differences except sexual preference. I've had gay friends who you would never guess were gay, and I've had a few that are so obvious, it's funny. The beauty of our species is the vast differences in personalities, interests, and instincts. I dare say, the main reason why people see this as a taboo, is what they have been taught. Whether it's religion(which it usually is, I think) or just the community one grows up in, some outside influence is the culprit. My parents raised me to believe that all people are... well, people. There are some things that would keep me from befriending someone, but sexual preference is certainly NOT one of those things.
innomen
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1/14/2011 5:26:56 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/14/2011 5:21:29 PM, PARADIGM_L0ST wrote:
In all honesty, you would be a problem for most gay guys.:

Why is that? Because they'd assume I was homophobic or because they're attracted to me?

Not exactly. I'm generalizing of course, but i'm guessing many would be very insecure around you, (most gay guys have some feeling of insecurity of their masculinity - and i think you would provoke that), and some others would be idiotic and still think they have a chance. I did say "most" though. I can be pretty merciless with gay guys and how they tend to behave by my perspective.
innomen
Posts: 10,052
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1/14/2011 5:27:56 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/14/2011 5:23:41 PM, PARADIGM_L0ST wrote:
Bisexuals have it even worse. A man (or woman) without a country. Bi-sexual men are commonly rejected by the gay "community", and thought of as traitors.:

Come on... You serious?

Absolutely. Among guys, i cannot speak of women, bi's are not really part of the 'club'.
Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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1/14/2011 5:34:23 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/14/2011 5:26:56 PM, innomen wrote:
I can be pretty merciless with gay guys and how they tend to behave by my perspective.

Lol. Me too.
President of DDO
Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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1/14/2011 5:38:00 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/14/2011 2:57:56 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
If I find out that the female is homosexual, I tend to lose interest completely. Waste of time and effort.

I wish more guys were like that.
President of DDO
belle
Posts: 4,113
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1/14/2011 5:42:23 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/14/2011 5:23:41 PM, PARADIGM_L0ST wrote:
Bisexuals have it even worse. A man (or woman) without a country. Bi-sexual men are commonly rejected by the gay "community", and thought of as traitors.:

Come on... You serious?

you don't think so?

on the female side its associated with being slutty and making out with other girls just to get the attention of guys...

i imagine on the male side its even worse though, because male bisexuals are really rare, and men, even gay men (i think), tend to be less open when it comes to sexuality.
evidently i only come to ddo to avoid doing homework...
PARADIGM_L0ST
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1/14/2011 5:50:12 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Not exactly. I'm generalizing of course, but i'm guessing many would be very insecure around you, (most gay guys have some feeling of insecurity of their masculinity - and i think you would provoke that):

I don't understand, how would I provoke someone's feelings of insecurity?
"Have you ever considered suicide? If not, please do." -- Mouthwash (to Inferno)
PARADIGM_L0ST
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1/14/2011 5:59:33 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/14/2011 5:42:23 PM, belle wrote:
At 1/14/2011 5:23:41 PM, PARADIGM_L0ST wrote:
Bisexuals have it even worse. A man (or woman) without a country. Bi-sexual men are commonly rejected by the gay "community", and thought of as traitors.:

Come on... You serious?

you don't think so?

on the female side its associated with being slutty and making out with other girls just to get the attention of guys...

i imagine on the male side its even worse though, because male bisexuals are really rare, and men, even gay men (i think), tend to be less open when it comes to sexuality.:

I could see the straight world having a problem with it, but not the gay community. If they hate being treated differently so much, I would think they'd have more compassion with bi-sexuals
"Have you ever considered suicide? If not, please do." -- Mouthwash (to Inferno)
innomen
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1/14/2011 6:02:28 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/14/2011 5:50:12 PM, PARADIGM_L0ST wrote:
Not exactly. I'm generalizing of course, but i'm guessing many would be very insecure around you, (most gay guys have some feeling of insecurity of their masculinity - and i think you would provoke that):

I don't understand, how would I provoke someone's feelings of insecurity?

Gay guys are very often insecure as a result of experience within a heterosexual world where guys liking other guys is hard enough, but traits of a woman is the worst. Don't let this go to your head, but you're a good looking, intelligent, very masculine, military guy, and most gay guys (and probably a few hetero guys) would feel intimated by you, at least initially. The male ego is just as present in gay guys as in straight guys.
innomen
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1/14/2011 6:05:00 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/14/2011 5:59:33 PM, PARADIGM_L0ST wrote:
At 1/14/2011 5:42:23 PM, belle wrote:
At 1/14/2011 5:23:41 PM, PARADIGM_L0ST wrote:
Bisexuals have it even worse. A man (or woman) without a country. Bi-sexual men are commonly rejected by the gay "community", and thought of as traitors.:

Come on... You serious?

you don't think so?

on the female side its associated with being slutty and making out with other girls just to get the attention of guys...

i imagine on the male side its even worse though, because male bisexuals are really rare, and men, even gay men (i think), tend to be less open when it comes to sexuality.:

I could see the straight world having a problem with it, but not the gay community. If they hate being treated differently so much, I would think they'd have more compassion with bi-sexuals

Ha, they are more brutal to each other than the straight world could ever be to them. I think that so many are in therapy now, not because of the trials and tribulations that are caused by straights, but by the horrendous treatment among the "community".
PARADIGM_L0ST
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1/14/2011 6:32:57 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Gay guys are very often insecure as a result of experience within a heterosexual world where guys liking other guys is hard enough, but traits of a woman is the worst.:

Are you saying that feminine homosexuals have it worse than homosexuals who display normative, masculine traits?

Don't let this go to your head:

Oh, don't worry, I'm already egotistical as it is ;)

but you're a good looking, intelligent, very masculine, military guy, and most gay guys (and probably a few hetero guys) would feel intimated by you, at least initially. The male ego is just as present in gay guys as in straight guys.:

What??? So you're saying that certain gay men would feel threatened by me and attracted at the same time? I would have never guessed that would be the response. I never realized that dichotomy was going on, nor would I have ever guessed that. That's very interesting. Is this common among gay men, or is this the exception to the rule?

Wait, so does this mean that a gay couple sort of "competes" with one another for the affection of other gay men?

How do any couples survive?!
"Have you ever considered suicide? If not, please do." -- Mouthwash (to Inferno)
PARADIGM_L0ST
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1/14/2011 6:41:53 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Ha, they are more brutal to each other than the straight world could ever be to them. I think that so many are in therapy now, not because of the trials and tribulations that are caused by straights, but by the horrendous treatment among the "community"."

Fascinating, and unexpected. How have you adjusted so well?

Let me ask you something. I'm very seriously considering getting out of the military. I'm tired of working for The Man and being under his thumb, especially as a libertarian.

Quite a few people over the years have suggested that I strip at a gay club, saying I could make money hand over fist. I've heard this from straight women, straight men, and gay men. My band (at the time) even tried to shamelessly prostitute me for money to fund the band.

I've never really contemplated it seriously and just kind of laughed. But given the economy, the money is appealing, and obviously it would be a temporary solution until I could get a more respectable job. I have very serious reservations about it, but cannot deny that the money is appealing.

Knowing what you do of me, do you think that would be opening a door that shouldn't be opened. If so, why? If not, why?
"Have you ever considered suicide? If not, please do." -- Mouthwash (to Inferno)
lovelife
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1/14/2011 6:52:14 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Why is it so surprising that bi's have it worse?
My experience is that the straight world pretty much shut me down "lesbians are only 'like that' for attention" and things like that.
A couple years ago whe me and kitty first started going out, I confided in my closest lesbian friend and she completely rejected me and ran away like I was some gay military guy trying to hit on the leader of westboro.

I think its especially hard for women because if you like other women then you just want attention. If you like guys then your one of them if you like both, BOTH sides accuse you of being an attention whoring slut and will completely shut you down.
Alot of guys actually don't like it because they either
1) don't want to compete with the sexy market
2) feel like its a joke
3) think your just a slut
4) are jealous of other girls too and aren't really sure what boundaries are okay to have

Women don't like it because they automatically assume that just cause you play around in a sexual way you were just trying to get a handful of boobies or something.

The gays hate it because apparently it "tarnishes" their rep.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
CosmicAlfonzo
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1/14/2011 7:38:31 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Why are people so afraid of getting into relationships with their friends anyway?
Official "High Priest of Secular Affairs and Transient Distributor of Sonic Apple Seeds relating to the Reptilian Division of Paperwork Immoliation" of The FREEDO Bureaucracy, a DDO branch of the Erisian Front, a subdivision of the Discordian Back, a Limb of the Illuminatian Cosmic Utensil Corp
PARADIGM_L0ST
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1/14/2011 8:13:32 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/14/2011 7:38:31 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
Why are people so afraid of getting into relationships with their friends anyway?:

It's risky. If you're really great friend's with someone and you divulge to them your true feelings and it's unrequited, it may irreparably damage the friendship.
"Have you ever considered suicide? If not, please do." -- Mouthwash (to Inferno)
Cerebral_Narcissist
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1/15/2011 2:26:41 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
I'd have no issue with having a close gay friend, some time ago I was introduced to an old gay friend of my g/f... (or ex, its complicated) and we got on like a house on fire. Apart from me suggesting that homosexuality was caused by socialisation (apparently its a faux pa) we got on really well, if he lived closer we could probably be good friends.

As I have a low self-esteem and gay people don't fully exist in my world the thought never crosses my mind that one would fancy me, but surely that would be no more uncomfortable than being fancied by a female friend in which you had no interest and I've weathered that one before.

And I consider myself residually homophobic (I am a straight guy with limited exposure gays, just being honest, I'll also add I am probably the least homophobic person in my immediate circles).
I am voting for Innomen because of his intelligence, common sense, humility and the fact that Juggle appears to listen to him. Any other Presidential style would have a large sub-section of the site up in arms. If I was President I would destroy the site though elitism, others would let it run riot. Innomen represents a middle way that works, neither draconian nor anarchic and that is the only way things can work. Plus he does it all without ego trips.
innomen
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1/15/2011 3:30:10 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/14/2011 6:32:57 PM, PARADIGM_L0ST wrote:
Gay guys are very often insecure as a result of experience within a heterosexual world where guys liking other guys is hard enough, but traits of a woman is the worst.:

Are you saying that feminine homosexuals have it worse than homosexuals who display normative, masculine traits?

The more flamboyant feminine ones can be the most brutal and superficial (all based on personal experience, not any sort of study). Do they have it worse? Depends on how you look at it. Let's say their world tends to be more limited.
Don't let this go to your head:

Oh, don't worry, I'm already egotistical as it is ;)

but you're a good looking, intelligent, very masculine, military guy, and most gay guys (and probably a few hetero guys) would feel intimated by you, at least initially. The male ego is just as present in gay guys as in straight guys.:

What??? So you're saying that certain gay men would feel threatened by me and attracted at the same time? I would have never guessed that would be the response. I never realized that dichotomy was going on, nor would I have ever guessed that. That's very interesting. Is this common among gay men, or is this the exception to the rule?

That would be the bulk of gay men, then those who would still think they had a chance.
Wait, so does this mean that a gay couple sort of "competes" with one another for the affection of other gay men?

I don't think so, at least we don't.
How do any couples survive?!
Most don't. We're the exception to the rule, 8 years now.
innomen
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1/15/2011 3:39:03 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/14/2011 6:41:53 PM, PARADIGM_L0ST wrote:
Ha, they are more brutal to each other than the straight world could ever be to them. I think that so many are in therapy now, not because of the trials and tribulations that are caused by straights, but by the horrendous treatment among the "community"."

Fascinating, and unexpected. How have you adjusted so well?

There have been some pretty terrible years, and i have had to divorce myself largely from the "community". A recent dip into the "scene" has caused some serious thinking along these lines. Every time i take a trip to Provincetown i am deeply discouraged and disappointed by what i experience - which i do a couple times a year.

Let me ask you something. I'm very seriously considering getting out of the military. I'm tired of working for The Man and being under his thumb, especially as a libertarian.

Quite a few people over the years have suggested that I strip at a gay club, saying I could make money hand over fist. I've heard this from straight women, straight men, and gay men. My band (at the time) even tried to shamelessly prostitute me for money to fund the band.

I've never really contemplated it seriously and just kind of laughed. But given the economy, the money is appealing, and obviously it would be a temporary solution until I could get a more respectable job. I have very serious reservations about it, but cannot deny that the money is appealing.

Knowing what you do of me, do you think that would be opening a door that shouldn't be opened. If so, why? If not, why?

Wow. Well, i don't know you that well, so i can't tell you how you'd hold up. From what i do know of you, i would never think you would consider this. Gay guys are harmless by and large, they are more destructive to themselves than any straight guy. You will see the worst of who gay men are, but i doubt it would be any different than a straight strip club in what a woman would experience. If you have an open mind, all experiences can help make you more than you are, and perhaps help you understand others better. - Kripes you could help me get over my irritation with the gay scene.

In all honesty (again), i fear more about your perception of gay men more so than others here, and not for reasons that you might think, not for my sake or your sake. It has more to do with a post that you wrote a long while ago - a bit personal, and i'm not sure you would want me to bring it up now.
innomen
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1/15/2011 3:41:09 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/15/2011 2:26:41 AM, Cerebral_Narcissist wrote:
I'd have no issue with having a close gay friend, some time ago I was introduced to an old gay friend of my g/f... (or ex, its complicated) and we got on like a house on fire. Apart from me suggesting that homosexuality was caused by socialisation (apparently its a faux pa) we got on really well, if he lived closer we could probably be good friends.

As I have a low self-esteem and gay people don't fully exist in my world the thought never crosses my mind that one would fancy me, but surely that would be no more uncomfortable than being fancied by a female friend in which you had no interest and I've weathered that one before.

And I consider myself residually homophobic (I am a straight guy with limited exposure gays, just being honest, I'll also add I am probably the least homophobic person in my immediate circles).

Actually, i think you would be a positive influence on most gay guys.