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Sport Haiku - Please Enjoy

CrazyPerson
Posts: 1,114
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10/13/2012 1:16:33 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Sports are to the sport
Fanatic as Heroin's
To the dope addict.
But we try to pretend, you see, that the external world exists altogether independently of us.
- - - Watts
The moralist is the person who tells people that they ought to be unselfish, when they still feel like egos, and his efforts are always and invariably futile.
- - - Watts
bossyburrito
Posts: 14,075
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10/13/2012 1:57:06 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Isn't dope weed?
#UnbanTheMadman

"Some will sell their dreams for small desires
Or lose the race to rats
Get caught in ticking traps
And start to dream of somewhere
To relax their restless flight
Somewhere out of a memory of lighted streets on quiet nights..."

~ Rush
CrazyPerson
Posts: 1,114
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10/13/2012 3:00:07 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/13/2012 1:57:06 PM, bossyburrito wrote:
Isn't dope weed?

Sigh. Dope is the name of a rock band, the title of a person who is stupid, and has most notably been used as slang for just about every mainstream drug in different areas at different times.

So yes, i guess "dope is weed".

Just not in this case.
But we try to pretend, you see, that the external world exists altogether independently of us.
- - - Watts
The moralist is the person who tells people that they ought to be unselfish, when they still feel like egos, and his efforts are always and invariably futile.
- - - Watts
R0b1Billion
Posts: 3,733
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10/13/2012 5:04:29 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/13/2012 1:16:33 PM, CrazyPerson wrote:
Sports are to the sport
Fanatic as Heroin's
To the dope addict.

I think you missed the point of haiku. You should use independent statements for each line. Correct me if I'm wrong...
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
CrazyPerson
Posts: 1,114
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10/13/2012 5:15:22 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/13/2012 5:04:29 PM, R0b1Billion wrote:
At 10/13/2012 1:16:33 PM, CrazyPerson wrote:
Sports are to the sport
Fanatic as Heroin's
To the dope addict.

I think you missed the point of haiku. You should use independent statements for each line. Correct me if I'm wrong...

Ok, Correction:

haiku: Japanese style of poem consisting of 3 things -

1.) Juxtaposition of two images or ideas
2.) 17 syllables (or morae) arranged in 3 lines in the 5 - 7 - 5 format
3.) Ideas taken from the Saijiki (japanese term denoting a list of 'seasonal terms') which is comprised of the following elements:

The Season
The Heavens
The Earth
Humanity
Observances
Animals
Plants

(So basically the Saijiki encompasses everything)

So no, i didn't miss any points :D
But we try to pretend, you see, that the external world exists altogether independently of us.
- - - Watts
The moralist is the person who tells people that they ought to be unselfish, when they still feel like egos, and his efforts are always and invariably futile.
- - - Watts
R0b1Billion
Posts: 3,733
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10/13/2012 11:06:21 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
OK but you just took a long sentence and chopped it up into the shape of a haiku... I think the point of the 5-7-5 format is that there is at least a slight break before each new line, if not a comma or period.

The summer breeze blows
salty sea air fills my nose
So bright I am blind

That would be more of a haiku than just say,

I would just love to
be out on a bright summer's
day at the beach, man!

Like your haiku, the second example is just a sentence that was chopped unnaturally into the syllabic form. Adding the apostrophe-s to cut out a syllable only added insult to injury...
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
CrazyPerson
Posts: 1,114
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10/13/2012 11:11:31 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Both of your examples are Haikus, man. It's a poem, not a format letter.
But we try to pretend, you see, that the external world exists altogether independently of us.
- - - Watts
The moralist is the person who tells people that they ought to be unselfish, when they still feel like egos, and his efforts are always and invariably futile.
- - - Watts
CrazyPerson
Posts: 1,114
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10/13/2012 11:11:52 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
The format is the whole point.
But we try to pretend, you see, that the external world exists altogether independently of us.
- - - Watts
The moralist is the person who tells people that they ought to be unselfish, when they still feel like egos, and his efforts are always and invariably futile.
- - - Watts
CrazyPerson
Posts: 1,114
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10/13/2012 11:12:48 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/13/2012 11:06:21 PM, R0b1Billion wrote:
OK but you just took a long sentence and chopped it up into the shape of a haiku... I think the point of the 5-7-5 format is that there is at least a slight break before each new line, if not a comma or period.

The summer breeze blows
salty sea air fills my nose
So bright I am blind


That would be more of a haiku than just say,

: I would just love to
be out on a bright summer's
day at the beach, man!


Like your haiku, the second example is just a sentence that was chopped unnaturally into the syllabic form. Adding the apostrophe-s to cut out a syllable only added insult to injury...

the bolded are perfect haikus. congratulations.
But we try to pretend, you see, that the external world exists altogether independently of us.
- - - Watts
The moralist is the person who tells people that they ought to be unselfish, when they still feel like egos, and his efforts are always and invariably futile.
- - - Watts
CrazyPerson
Posts: 1,114
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10/14/2012 12:09:18 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/13/2012 11:28:39 PM, Wallstreetatheist wrote:
Make one about physics

Physics are easy
To calculate properly.
But, metaphysics...

Symmetry is fun.
Transformations are, also.
Rotation is too.
But we try to pretend, you see, that the external world exists altogether independently of us.
- - - Watts
The moralist is the person who tells people that they ought to be unselfish, when they still feel like egos, and his efforts are always and invariably futile.
- - - Watts