Rape. (warning)

Warning - this is about rape. Not "ooh, I have a fantasy" ... no, its about actual rape, of the sort my late wife suffered at the hands of her own father when she was a girl.

Its not an easy subject at all. Certainly I can't get too graphic, and even avoiding getting graphic, I worry about whether just bringing the subject up will cause problems for the forum.

I guess the first thing I want to know, from the other members of the forum, is whether anyone has been the wife/husband/significant other of a rape survivor, and any issues they've had trying to deal with it?

Of course anyone's okay to participate and ask questions. If you think it'd be too disturbing for the forum, feel free to PM me and ask. I have not really dealt very well with it ... my wife was actually raped by two different people -- her father, before I met her, and by a friend of mine that I trusted while she, he and another were living in the same house with me. That one was very difficult for me, as I refused to believe what my wife (not my wife at the time, but someone I was in love with) said about my friend.

My wife, rest her soul, did not hate me for not believing her. Ever since then, when she was alive and after she passed away in 2006, its been a very difficult thing for me to come to terms with -- not just that someone I called a friend would do that, but much more strongly that I refused to believe it for an entire month afterward though it should have been plain-as-day obvious that my wife did not make it up, that she had been truthful, that my "friend" had done this to her.

Man, this is a hard topic, but I would really like to get it off my chest and pick the brains and the fortitudes of this forum to help me work through it. Has anyone else on the forum gone through it? Or can someone do their best to imagine it and offer thoughts?

I'm sure you weren't malicious in your disbelief; surely you were confused. Your guilt -- the guilt you are showing right now -- means that you care deeply, and it means you are deeply sorry. We all cannot be 'correct' all the time about our reactions, and I'm sure your a good person at heart. That seems to trivialize the issue, but one has to get over such trauma. Again, I'm sure you weren't being malicious.

Yeah. I was one of those who laughed on 9/11. I still don't know why that was my reaction.

At 4/11/2009 9:57:12 PM, PervRat wrote:
Yeah. I was one of those who laughed on 9/11. I still don't know why that was my reaction.

Children laugh when they play London bridge is falling down. You are not alone.

It's really not the topic that is disturbing, but the combination of your name and the topic that creep me out...

At 4/12/2009 12:54:45 PM, Xie-Xijivuli wrote:
It's really not the topic that is disturbing, but the combination of your name and the topic that creep me out...

OI! Pervrat is a rockstar!

At 4/12/2009 12:54:45 PM, Xie-Xijivuli wrote:
It's really not the topic that is disturbing, but the combination of your name and the topic that creep me out...

Its probably for the best that you feel creeped out about me ...

At 4/12/2009 4:35:47 AM, I-am-a-panda wrote:

Children laugh when they play London bridge is falling down. You are not alone.

Only Irish kids! :P

At 4/13/2009 1:04:45 AM, Nik wrote:

At 4/12/2009 4:35:47 AM, I-am-a-panda wrote:

Children laugh when they play London bridge is falling down. You are not alone.

Only Irish kids! :P

True, we await a similar rhyme for the Omagh, Manchester and London bombings.

Pervrat,

Wow.
It would seem as though you have quite a few difficulties in your life. As to your guilt, I will have to echo PoeJoe+1's sentiments. The important thing is that you eventually learned the fact of the matter before it was too late.

The only experience I have with the issue is that my current girlfriend escaped two attempts. One by an ex-boyfriend where she physically escaped. Another time someone slipped something into her drink, but she was with close friends and ended up in the hospital instead of someone's bedroom.

I can't relate with the issue in the same way that you can, but I can still address the subject if there are specific topics you wish to discuss.