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How do you deal with holier-than-thou people?

Axiom
Posts: 239
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8/4/2012 8:59:27 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Especially parents or family members?
They tell you what to do. They tell you what's right. They are in constant judgement of you and your beliefs. What do you do?
Lordknukle
Posts: 12,788
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8/4/2012 9:01:56 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Reason doesn't help so:

http://images.wikia.com...

or

http://eduncovered.com...
"Easy is the descent to Avernus, for the door to the Underworld lies upon both day and night. But to retrace your steps and return to the breezes above- that's the task, that's the toil."
EvanK
Posts: 599
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8/4/2012 9:13:44 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/4/2012 8:59:27 PM, Axiom wrote:
Especially parents or family members?
They tell you what to do. They tell you what's right. They are in constant judgement of you and your beliefs. What do you do?

Haha, by family members, I'm assuming you mean parents? In which case, I kinda know what you're going through. There is no changing them. I am a "closet" agnostic with catholic parents. I've dropped hints that I may not believe exactly what they do, and I can tell that when the day of reckoning comes, it won't be pretty. XD

All you can really do is find out what you really believe, why you believe it, and be able to back up your beliefs logically so they don't just walk all over you. Other than that, not much else you can do, sad to say :P
The problem with socialism is that, sooner or later, you run out of people's money."_Margaret Thatcher

"The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."_Thomas Jefferson

"The beauty of the Second Amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it."_Thomas Jefferson

"It is easier to fool someone than to convince them that they have been fooled."-Mark Twain
Axiom
Posts: 239
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8/4/2012 9:18:13 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/4/2012 9:07:22 PM, Koopin wrote:
Aww you poor poor thing...

I'm not asking for sympathy. And your sarcasm suggest you have a tenuous grasp on a very delicate situation. I'm asking so that I can still be honest about what I believe, without hurting them. And that I can still be confident in what I believe and maintain a relationship even while everything I do is 'the devil's work.'

I'm no petulant child. It'd be easy to say 'to hell with them.' I ask this for any insight on how to handle a situation like this from others who have in the past. Evan gives some good advice and I thank him for it.
TheFogHorn
Posts: 183
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8/4/2012 9:18:36 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Point out to them that their wrath is 'group narcissism' born out of a cult mentality, said cult being a volcano worshipping one. That should shut them up for.....oh.....three minutes. Then there will be a long silence and you might find the next time they speak to you they are far more humble and forgiving. At which point they can honestly call themselves Christians and everyone will live in peace.
Axiom
Posts: 239
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8/4/2012 9:19:25 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/4/2012 9:13:44 PM, EvanK wrote:
At 8/4/2012 8:59:27 PM, Axiom wrote:
Especially parents or family members?
They tell you what to do. They tell you what's right. They are in constant judgement of you and your beliefs. What do you do?

Haha, by family members, I'm assuming you mean parents? In which case, I kinda know what you're going through. There is no changing them. I am a "closet" agnostic with catholic parents. I've dropped hints that I may not believe exactly what they do, and I can tell that when the day of reckoning comes, it won't be pretty. XD

All you can really do is find out what you really believe, why you believe it, and be able to back up your beliefs logically so they don't just walk all over you. Other than that, not much else you can do, sad to say :P

Parents, uncles, grandparents, cousins, brother, sister. Not just parents. But that is some sound advice and I wish being logical was all it took. But it's hard to argue 'faith-based' beliefs.
EvanK
Posts: 599
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8/4/2012 9:28:07 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/4/2012 9:19:25 PM, Axiom wrote:
At 8/4/2012 9:13:44 PM, EvanK wrote:
At 8/4/2012 8:59:27 PM, Axiom wrote:
Especially parents or family members?
They tell you what to do. They tell you what's right. They are in constant judgement of you and your beliefs. What do you do?

Haha, by family members, I'm assuming you mean parents? In which case, I kinda know what you're going through. There is no changing them. I am a "closet" agnostic with catholic parents. I've dropped hints that I may not believe exactly what they do, and I can tell that when the day of reckoning comes, it won't be pretty. XD

All you can really do is find out what you really believe, why you believe it, and be able to back up your beliefs logically so they don't just walk all over you. Other than that, not much else you can do, sad to say :P

Parents, uncles, grandparents, cousins, brother, sister. Not just parents. But that is some sound advice and I wish being logical was all it took. But it's hard to argue 'faith-based' beliefs.

Yep. It sure is. I've already tried some minor things that we disagree on, ssm, capital punishment, even religious roles in history, and yeah, the arguments don't really contain logic. Basically, it's my belief is right, you're belief is wrong because you're young and don't know anything, so believe what I believe. Not to be disrespectful to my parents, but it is how it goes :P Just gotta get through it until you can move out I guess lol :P
The problem with socialism is that, sooner or later, you run out of people's money."_Margaret Thatcher

"The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."_Thomas Jefferson

"The beauty of the Second Amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it."_Thomas Jefferson

"It is easier to fool someone than to convince them that they have been fooled."-Mark Twain
EvanK
Posts: 599
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8/4/2012 9:30:53 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/4/2012 9:18:13 PM, Axiom wrote:
At 8/4/2012 9:07:22 PM, Koopin wrote:
Aww you poor poor thing...

I'm not asking for sympathy. And your sarcasm suggest you have a tenuous grasp on a very delicate situation. I'm asking so that I can still be honest about what I believe, without hurting them. And that I can still be confident in what I believe and maintain a relationship even while everything I do is 'the devil's work.'

I'm no petulant child. It'd be easy to say 'to hell with them.' I ask this for any insight on how to handle a situation like this from others who have in the past. Evan gives some good advice and I thank him for it.

No problem :D

It is hard disagreeing with your parents/other family members and still remaining respectful and maintaining a good relationship, but really, I think that if you argue your stance well, after the initial shock of things, it should get better as they grow to accept it. That seems to sorta be my case anyway, although it's still not pretty :P Hopefully in your case it'll get better!
The problem with socialism is that, sooner or later, you run out of people's money."_Margaret Thatcher

"The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."_Thomas Jefferson

"The beauty of the Second Amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it."_Thomas Jefferson

"It is easier to fool someone than to convince them that they have been fooled."-Mark Twain
johnnyboy54
Posts: 6,351
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8/4/2012 9:44:41 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Just ignore them. People are stupid and you shouldn't care what they think. And yes that includes for friends and family members.
I didn't order assholes with my whiskey.
RoyLatham
Posts: 4,171
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8/4/2012 10:09:12 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Don't pick fights with your family. Family is more import than winning an argument. Just be cheerful and evade.

If someone in the family really wants to press you, learn some Buddhist sayings. Do you think God exists? "If you were shot by a poisoned arrow, would you refuse to remove the arrow until you knew who shot you? The question of God is unimportant." I little of that will discourage conventional Western religious people.
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thett3
Posts: 8,179
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8/4/2012 10:11:00 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Be holier than them
I have shown incredible restraint in the face of unrelenting stupidity- Izbo

Procrastination binds us all, cutting across geographical borders. - Cermank

Don't quote me, ever. -Airmax

My name is Airmax. I'm not a big fan of slacks.- Airmax rapping.

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MouthWash
Posts: 2,607
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8/4/2012 10:20:35 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/4/2012 9:18:36 PM, TheFogHorn wrote:
Point out to them that their wrath is 'group narcissism' born out of a cult mentality, said cult being a volcano worshipping one. That should shut them up for.....oh.....three minutes. Then there will be a long silence and you might find the next time they speak to you they are far more humble and forgiving. At which point they can honestly call themselves Christians and everyone will live in peace.

What the hell is it with you and religion? The thread that had absolutely nothing to do with it, yet again, here you are, being more obnoxious than any religious person on this site. You assume that your idiotic volcano theory somehow leaves a deep and unhealable gash on all theistic beliefs. Try reading the OP, and you'll see remarkable similarities between what he is referring to and your own conduct. Had I known that you would be the sort of pretentious little fuck I go on DDO to get away from I would not have forfeited our debate.
"Well, that gives whole new meaning to my assassination. If I was going to die anyway, perhaps I should leave the Bolsheviks' descendants some Christmas cookies instead of breaking their dishes and vodka bottles in their sleep." -Tsar Nicholas II (YYW)
drafterman
Posts: 18,870
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8/4/2012 10:27:26 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/4/2012 8:59:27 PM, Axiom wrote:
Especially parents or family members?
They tell you what to do. They tell you what's right. They are in constant judgement of you and your beliefs. What do you do?

Outlive them.
000ike
Posts: 10,215
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8/4/2012 10:32:18 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
The holier than thou thing only works on other Christians. If you're an atheist, just shake your head and walk away.
"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance"
- Derek Bok

"A sect or party is an elegant incognito devised to save a man from the vexation of thinking"
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
TheFogHorn
Posts: 183
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8/4/2012 10:43:32 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/4/2012 10:20:35 PM, MouthWash wrote:
At 8/4/2012 9:18:36 PM, TheFogHorn wrote:
Point out to them that their wrath is 'group narcissism' born out of a cult mentality, said cult being a volcano worshipping one. That should shut them up for.....oh.....three minutes. Then there will be a long silence and you might find the next time they speak to you they are far more humble and forgiving. At which point they can honestly call themselves Christians and everyone will live in peace.

What the hell is it with you and religion? The thread that had absolutely nothing to do with it, yet again, here you are, being more obnoxious than any religious person on this site. You assume that your idiotic volcano theory somehow leaves a deep and unhealable gash on all theistic beliefs. Try reading the OP, and you'll see remarkable similarities between what he is referring to and your own conduct. Had I known that you would be the sort of pretentious little fuck I go on DDO to get away from I would not have forfeited our debate.

You didn't forfeit our debate. I sank you in the first round. You admited you accepted the challenge because you believe it would be a walk in the park. Little did you know that there is in fact a lot going for the theory, and you quickly slunked off with your tail between your legs.

I'm on this thread talking about holier than thou people. What group of people in the world believes they were holier than everyone else? What group, born out of a localised 'Pagan' volcano worshipping racial purity obsessed cult, could possibly be more 'holier than thou' in this supposedly modern world if not 'God's CHOSEN people? Talk about a free pass to commit personal and group narcissim!

No wonder you find it so offensive that I speak out against 'holier than thou' religiously motivated 'group-speak' characteristics. That is Judaism in a nutshell.

The truth hurts but it will set you free if you let it.
Maikuru
Posts: 5,474
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8/4/2012 11:30:37 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/4/2012 11:26:42 PM, Axiom wrote:
Meh, you're probably right. This should have been posted in a different forum.

lol I was being serious. I thought you were just doing a little word play and I was too slow to get it. Take the win, you've earned it.
yin.
MouthWash
Posts: 2,607
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8/5/2012 12:29:51 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/4/2012 10:43:32 PM, TheFogHorn wrote:
At 8/4/2012 10:20:35 PM, MouthWash wrote:
At 8/4/2012 9:18:36 PM, TheFogHorn wrote:
Point out to them that their wrath is 'group narcissism' born out of a cult mentality, said cult being a volcano worshipping one. That should shut them up for.....oh.....three minutes. Then there will be a long silence and you might find the next time they speak to you they are far more humble and forgiving. At which point they can honestly call themselves Christians and everyone will live in peace.

What the hell is it with you and religion? The thread that had absolutely nothing to do with it, yet again, here you are, being more obnoxious than any religious person on this site. You assume that your idiotic volcano theory somehow leaves a deep and unhealable gash on all theistic beliefs. Try reading the OP, and you'll see remarkable similarities between what he is referring to and your own conduct. Had I known that you would be the sort of pretentious little fuck I go on DDO to get away from I would not have forfeited our debate.

You didn't forfeit our debate. I sank you in the first round. You admited you accepted the challenge because you believe it would be a walk in the park. Little did you know that there is in fact a lot going for the theory, and you quickly slunked off with your tail between your legs.

I'm on this thread talking about holier than thou people. What group of people in the world believes they were holier than everyone else? What group, born out of a localised 'Pagan' volcano worshipping racial purity obsessed cult, could possibly be more 'holier than thou' in this supposedly modern world if not 'God's CHOSEN people? Talk about a free pass to commit personal and group narcissim!

No wonder you find it so offensive that I speak out against 'holier than thou' religiously motivated 'group-speak' characteristics. That is Judaism in a nutshell.

The truth hurts but it will set you free if you let it.

Very well, you pathetic troll. Rechallenging you.
"Well, that gives whole new meaning to my assassination. If I was going to die anyway, perhaps I should leave the Bolsheviks' descendants some Christmas cookies instead of breaking their dishes and vodka bottles in their sleep." -Tsar Nicholas II (YYW)
YYW
Posts: 19,267
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8/5/2012 1:35:08 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/4/2012 8:59:27 PM, Axiom wrote:
Especially parents or family members?
They tell you what to do. They tell you what's right. They are in constant judgement of you and your beliefs. What do you do?

I hate them and if I am feeling particularly peeved by the content of their vitriol, I will not hesitate to go out of my way to put them in their place. I don't think I am particularly prone to conflict, but where ongoing nonsense continues indefinitely I have generally no problem putting a stop to it. That being said, I have only done that a few times (like three) in real life and twice (on DDO).
<3 Bsh1

Live long and prosper.
Cody_Franklin
Posts: 9,016
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8/5/2012 2:09:22 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
Refuse to acknowledge or comply with their demands, be calm and direct when you respond to their whatever, and neutralize their judgments.
"Method is detour." -- Walter Benjamin
1dustpelt
Posts: 1,970
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8/5/2012 11:11:20 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
Use logic.
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tvellalott
Posts: 10,601
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8/5/2012 8:25:02 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/4/2012 8:59:27 PM, Axiom wrote:
Especially parents or family members?
They tell you what to do. They tell you what's right. They are in constant judgement of you and your beliefs. What do you do?

Tell them to get fvcked by the high horse they rode in on.
Captain Hindsight says "You shouldn't have spent so much time on DDO."
Sidewalker
Posts: 3,094
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8/6/2012 4:12:17 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 8/4/2012 8:59:27 PM, Axiom wrote:
Especially parents or family members?
They tell you what to do. They tell you what's right. They are in constant judgement of you and your beliefs. What do you do?

I hate to tell you this, but these family dynamics rarely change, and as they get older, they harden and it gets worse.

I think all you can do is live with it and try not to let it affect you by recognizing that it isn't really about you, it's about them, it's who they are and it will only change who you are if you let it.

The only person you will always have to live with is yourself, and that is hard to do without self respect, so just be yourself, real and authentic is the only way to live.
Never forget that you are unique, just like everybody else.