People say that it's not about what's between the legs but between the ears. If all they meant was that some people want something different between their legs or even if not there then for their body in general then I could understand. But it's not. They say even if someone doesn't want to change body parts or even the shape of their body then they may still not be the gender that matches the sex they were born as.
Why are we complicating discourse like this? Why not just say men can do everything women do and vice versa?
How about this: If you have male genitals and a male-shaped body or would desire such you're male. If you have female genitals and a female-shaped body or would desire such you're female.
If we're not even going to make that stipulation then why not retire the term "gender" from everyday speech altogether? Otherwise two people can have exactly the same bodies, same clothes even, even same personality speech mannerisms and one can be one gender and another can be another gender and then gender just means what ever a person likes to call themselves and then there's really no point in even using the term "gender" anymore.
The idea that the two real genders are just two of a vast number of "gender identities" is ridiculous. As is the idea that there is a "gender spectrum". It creates confusion and requires the definition of gender to be constantly changing. This vastly overcomplicates what should be a binary question.
Also, focus on gender issues also overcomplicates gender because it promotes a tribalist alliance with others of one's own gender. Feminism markets itself exclusively to women. (Especially "sisterhood" focussed varieties) Feminist narrative also holds that all women should be independent, not be traditional home-making mothers, and get careers, even if some women simply choose not to do these things. Feminists are generally hugely contemptuous of women who choose more traditional lives, often suggesting that they are brainwashed. The reasoning behind such contempt is that all women should behave in a certain way just because they are women, and should act as soldiers working for the advancement of their gender. Such a tribalist men versus women mentality obscures the truth that gender is just an aspect of individual persons who make their own choices for their own lives and owe no allegiance to people they are arbitrarily classified with.
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Gender, as in male or female, is an easy way of describing which sex chromosomes a human being has. A normal, functional human being has one of two possibilities: XX and XY pairings. Instead of referring to each other as "humans with XX sex chromosomes" and "humans with XY sex chromosomes", we refer to each other as "female" and "male", respectively. Hence, there are two genders.
But what's all this about people saying they're psychologically a different gender than they actually are? Does that mean they are that gender?
Well, I could honestly believe I was a plastic fork, but that wouldn't make me a plastic fork. Simple as that.
The whole reason people are worried about this is for issues based upon equality and legal issues. Equality and law are both logical in practice, so which seems more logical: Treating a person based upon what gender they THINK they are, or what they REALLY are?
Gender isn't about what sex organs a person has. Gender is about emotional and biological identity. It's about how a person feels, and how they interact with others.
Some people who possess a penis, don't feel like men or male individuals. They feel like their bodies don't represent what their biological drivers encourage. This doesn't necessarily mean they desire a transsexual lifestyle.
Gender identity is highly nuanced. An individual can identify as gender male, but with a gay sexual orientation.
There are other men who may identify as gender-queer, where they feel like a women, but with a penis, and are still attracted to women.
Gender identity and orientation are very different things, and this is a nuance which is often lost to those who have not invested time studying the LGBTQ movement.
The term gender cannot be retired, because it is useful for the LGBTQ community in defining and clarifying an emerging reality: They are here, they are queer, get used to it.
Two people can have the exact same genitalia, yet one can identify as gender male, while the other can identify as gender female.
The term gender is being redefined every day. It can't be retired, because it is necessary to examine the reality of life.