As a child myself I would not be able to comprehend the fact that my OWN birthparents would leave me to "have their own life" I strongly believe that we children SHOULD be able to know who our biological parents are, why they didn't want us and possibly where they are now. It may cause distress but it would help us be us
Umm I agree as a child too that you are sitting next to right now who has no mum and hasn't had one for 6-7 years and I have a step mum and I do not have any communication to my mum or know where she lives or even if she is alive and that is really hard so I couldn't imagine how hard it would be not knowing who your parents are
if you know a lisa davis please comment and help me find my mum
I support the descision because adopted children should know the story of why they were given up for adoption. It is their decision to choose to keep a relationship with their parents or not. They have the right to know who their parents are and how they should act. If they do not find out who their biological parents are then they will not be able to know their family history.
I would like to know my background.....My life has been good however i would like to know who my parents are. I can respect the fact that they may not want to be involved in my life however, it is my right to know where i come from and i dont need a relationship with those people to know facts.
Children should be able to know their parents and know why they were set up for adoption. Children should know Who, what, when, where, why, and how they were born. Lots of children don't know if they have allergies or a disease. They need to know there Origins the rest of there family
When my daughter was 3 yr's old I done what I felt was best for her and let her be adopted, It was the hardest decision in my life to make , I do not regret it, but at the same time I do, Her adoptive parent's have kept everything about her hid from me, I call her adopted mother often to find out how she's doing and such and she tell's me the same thing every time, That my daughter is a bright and intellegant young lady but at the same time tell's me she's slow and immature and stupid, So how do I as her REAL mother supposed to take this as a response? I have found my daughter in facebook and want nothing more then to let her know that I never gave up on her nor forgot about her!......But how can I do this when the adoptive mother will NOT allow me to speak to her even at the age of 17 yrs old!......Can anyone help me get some answer's on how to approach this situation and or give some idea's of who might be able to help me?....Would greatly appreciate it!
Yes they should so they won't end up marrying into their family. It should be that way no matter what. If the two have kids it will end up harming an innocent baby because the biological parents were to selfish to talk to their child. I'm sure this has happened before... .-.
Everyone deserves to know who are and who you come from is a big part of who you are. Telling an adopted child that they can't see or know their biological parents is basically depriving them of their personal heritage. It's not the same just going by your adopted family......
Many kids feel as though never wanted because they don't know there real parents all they know are that some random strangers adopted them to raise them and it is usually unknown why the kids are given up and its rare to meet the family therefore the kids feel like an out cast all because they don't know who there parents are
They have the right to know where they came from. And if they want to know they have a right to know. Let them meet their biological parents. They want to know who they are like and if the have a certain history they want to know about. And if the biological parents want no contact (dont want to meet them) then dont have the child meet the. Aand at the least tell them about the . Let them look them on the internet or something.
There needs to be laws passed to stop this. Recently my parents kid they gave up to adoption for good reason found them and was very selfish and did not care about their feelings or their family. They pushed and pushed until they got an answer. They went on social media reaching out to people they could find related to us etc. It humiliated my parents and really upset them.
There are two competing "rights" here (whether either of them is actually a right is another question entirely. Of the two I think the biological parent's right is the one closest to being legitimate, but I'll explain that shortly):
1. The right of the child to know who their parents are/were, and
2. The right of the biological parents to preserve their anonymity.
Each side has reasons for wanting to preserve this "right." The parent(s) want(s) anonymity because it could be painful to have the child you gave up track you down years later and start asking questions like "why did you give me away?" When you're giving up a child then in addition to giving up any rights and privileges to that child you're also giving up your responsibilities, and I think that should include "having to explain yourself to the kid(s)." Whatever the reason for choosing adoption, clearly the parent(s) felt that they were not ready at the time. Why do they need to explain that later?
- "Sorry, I was raped, and every day I look at you just reminds me of that horrible trauma. Thanks for walking back into my life and reminding me of that."
- "I was young and reckless and got drunk at a bar. Your daddy is any one of about 15 guys I did in one night. I didn't feel like dealing with the consequences of my action and I waited too long to abort you, my drunken little mistake, and so here you are."
- "It was my first time with a boy, we were in the backseat of his car, and the condom broke. I tried to sue the condom company but got nothing out of it. Anyway, I couldn't afford you or be bothered to deal with you, so adoption it was!"
- "you were born disabled/deformed and I didn't want to deal with it. Uggo!"
Yeah, that's an awesome conversation!
Even if the reason is something happier or nobler (can't think of one right now), it's still the right of the parent to say they don't want to be involved in anyway, shape, or form. Giving a child up means giving up both the privileges and responsibilities. You can't then demand after the fact that the parent accept some form of responsibility with nothing in return. That's not fair.
As a right to know I have to say no. I believe it should be a case by case discussion. Many parents might not want to be found, and many kids might not want to know. I think it should be asked when you put a child up for adoption if you want them to know, then the answer stored in a database and if at anytime you change your mind you can change your answer.
Adopted children do not have the right to know their biological parents. While they have the right to know pertinent medical information about them, the biological parents who gave them up for adoption do not have to have a relationship with these children. Adoptive parents fill the role of caretakers and parents and should thus meet this need in adoptive children's lives.
If the child has a right to know who the parents are then it would follow that the parents have the right to know where the child is. Most people give up the right as a parent because they want what is best for the child. At this point they are no longer parent and child. Your parents are the people who love and raise you.
I gave them up for adoption because I was young, single, jobless, and had disdain at the thought of being burdened because I chose life over abortion. Blood is not what defines you as a family; it's love and affection. If you need to know genetics or metal illness issues, get a DNA test, they're affordable now! I gave you so you could raised in a family that wanted you and could afford you. You have what all these kids who get bumped from home to home in foster care wants. Your desire to know who I am does not outweigh my right to privacy.
Before I met my wife she had a child who was adopted with great secrecy by her family to avoid the scandal at the time.I was not the father. I was told about it just before we were married and was sworn to secrecy. It was never discussed by her family. I kept the secret for 50 years. Then the by now 50 year old adult got into contact. He is not part of my family. He never was and I don't want him to be. This should have stayed as the shameful secret it always has been and there is no rejoicing at the return of the prodigal son as he never was one, he was and is the son of his adopting parents and should stay that way. Exercising his right to know is satisfying his curiosity and inflicting trauma and disruption on a tight and closed family that doesn't need him in it. This should never have been possible.
Some parents put their kids up for adoption because they dont want the kids to know who they are. If they think they are going to be bad parents and they put the kid up for adoption, they may not want to be discovered. Its not fair to the parent if they want to remain away from the child
I am a hetorosextual. I am also a woman. I did not want my child to know that I was a liker of my own kind. I feel so bad about it but it had to be done. I wouldn't want my child to ever know the truth about me.
I have a right to privacy. I've made it very clear to the adoptive mom, the lawyers who drew up the agreement, and the child (now 7) when he tried to contact me that I do not want any relationship whatsoever.
A full, detailed health history was provided as well as pictures of his entire extended birth "family" in the hope he would have all his questions answered without stalking me when he's an adult or ambushing my Dad/brothers. His birth was not a secret to anyone in my family or friend group. My husband knows of his existence.
The amount of hatred and shaming of women like me, in the minority, who refuse contact, is appalling. I'm not a heartless monster, I simply do not wish to relive the nightmare that brought him into existence. I placed him for adoption so he could be raised by someone with the means and desire to do so.
This persistent thread among bitter (and, frankly, delusional) adoptees that they're owed something more than the life they were given with their adopted family is profoundly selfish. Their desire for contact is no more valid than my desire to be left alone.
If the shoe were on the other foot, and a birth mother stalked a child she gave up after being told repeatedly not to, nobody would shame him/her into compliance.