As a child myself I would not be able to comprehend the fact that my OWN birthparents would leave me to "have their own life" I strongly believe that we children SHOULD be able to know who our biological parents are, why they didn't want us and possibly where they are now. It may cause distress but it would help us be us
When my daughter was 3 yr's old I done what I felt was best for her and let her be adopted, It was the hardest decision in my life to make , I do not regret it, but at the same time I do, Her adoptive parent's have kept everything about her hid from me, I call her adopted mother often to find out how she's doing and such and she tell's me the same thing every time, That my daughter is a bright and intellegant young lady but at the same time tell's me she's slow and immature and stupid, So how do I as her REAL mother supposed to take this as a response? I have found my daughter in facebook and want nothing more then to let her know that I never gave up on her nor forgot about her!......But how can I do this when the adoptive mother will NOT allow me to speak to her even at the age of 17 yrs old!......Can anyone help me get some answer's on how to approach this situation and or give some idea's of who might be able to help me?....Would greatly appreciate it!
Umm I agree as a child too that you are sitting next to right now who has no mum and hasn't had one for 6-7 years and I have a step mum and I do not have any communication to my mum or know where she lives or even if she is alive and that is really hard so I couldn't imagine how hard it would be not knowing who your parents are
if you know a lisa davis please comment and help me find my mum
I support the descision because adopted children should know the story of why they were given up for adoption. It is their decision to choose to keep a relationship with their parents or not. They have the right to know who their parents are and how they should act. If they do not find out who their biological parents are then they will not be able to know their family history.
I would like to know my background.....My life has been good however i would like to know who my parents are. I can respect the fact that they may not want to be involved in my life however, it is my right to know where i come from and i dont need a relationship with those people to know facts.
Children should be able to know their parents and know why they were set up for adoption. Children should know Who, what, when, where, why, and how they were born. Lots of children don't know if they have allergies or a disease. They need to know there Origins the rest of there family
Biological parents don't just mean possible siblings. How about grandparents, uncles, cousins, aunts, your country of origin -your own personal history. As much as I think it sucks if the parents don't want to see the child after they try to contact them thats' one thing and I could see someone wanting to not reconnect but should they be able to cut you off from all of your family? Some of whom may accept and love you? Some of whom you may get along with very well. Some of whom may have just the right connections you need or teach you about the world. I think of Oprah's sister. The sister tried to reach out to the mother after connecting the dots that she was her birth mother and the mother didn't want to see her then she reached out to Oprah and Oprah did and they become good friends. Oprah helped her pursue her life long dream of going to college and they have gotten along ever since (As far as I know). Oprah also gained a niece and nephew, the sister learned about the amazing strength of her grandmother, etc. You don't know what wonderful people could be hiding in your family tree. Why should anyone be denied the right to explore? If your birth parent doesn't want to see you, fine and they like anyone else have the right to issue restringing orders or and other law to enforce they are not bothered. But they shouldn't be allowed to refuse you the chance at know your own history, it simply isn't fair.
Every adopted child has the right to meet there biological parent. It is there right from birth. I've read the statement "parents have rights to" yes they do but not allowing the child to know who they are should not be one. Parents gave up that right whenever they gave birth to adopted child.I Know in some circumstances Its not the parents fault for having the child , but it is still the childs right to know who they are. I will say it is not the childs right to have a relationship with the bilogical pearent , but the child has the right to want a relationship.
As an adopted child on my dad's side, I find it EXTREMELY important for children to know about their biological parents. Kids that aren't adopted get to know about their family history and get to know about any medical conditions in their family, so why aren't adopted kids allowed this? It is a basic human right in my book to be able to know this type of stuff. It creates a sense of self when kids are allowed this. Adopted kids, I believe at the very least, deserve a letter explaining who their biological parent(s) are; their quirks, things they like, medical conditions, etc. because then the kids can know that they share this and can develop a sure sense of who they are. It isn't right to deprive them of knowing who they are and where they come from.
Listen, this is not a debate about having relationships with those bio parents. This is the right to know of the bio parents and most importantly their HERITAGE. A human being that doesn't know where they come from or what they are derived of is one who lacks identity. The foundation of who we are as people starts with our heritage and the culture that follows it. We like what we Luke, act like we act, and know what we know all because of our heritage and related culture. Anyone who says otherwise is either an adoptive parent who is obsessed with having their ideal family or not a human at all.
Before I met my wife she had a child who was adopted with great secrecy by her family to avoid the scandal at the time.I was not the father. I was told about it just before we were married and was sworn to secrecy. It was never discussed by her family. I kept the secret for 50 years. Then the by now 50 year old adult got into contact. He is not part of my family. He never was and I don't want him to be. This should have stayed as the shameful secret it always has been and there is no rejoicing at the return of the prodigal son as he never was one, he was and is the son of his adopting parents and should stay that way. Exercising his right to know is satisfying his curiosity and inflicting trauma and disruption on a tight and closed family that doesn't need him in it. This should never have been possible.
There needs to be laws passed to stop this. Recently my parents kid they gave up to adoption for good reason found them and was very selfish and did not care about their feelings or their family. They pushed and pushed until they got an answer. They went on social media reaching out to people they could find related to us etc. It humiliated my parents and really upset them.
There are two competing "rights" here (whether either of them is actually a right is another question entirely. Of the two I think the biological parent's right is the one closest to being legitimate, but I'll explain that shortly):
1. The right of the child to know who their parents are/were, and
2. The right of the biological parents to preserve their anonymity.
Each side has reasons for wanting to preserve this "right." The parent(s) want(s) anonymity because it could be painful to have the child you gave up track you down years later and start asking questions like "why did you give me away?" When you're giving up a child then in addition to giving up any rights and privileges to that child you're also giving up your responsibilities, and I think that should include "having to explain yourself to the kid(s)." Whatever the reason for choosing adoption, clearly the parent(s) felt that they were not ready at the time. Why do they need to explain that later?
- "Sorry, I was raped, and every day I look at you just reminds me of that horrible trauma. Thanks for walking back into my life and reminding me of that."
- "I was young and reckless and got drunk at a bar. Your daddy is any one of about 15 guys I did in one night. I didn't feel like dealing with the consequences of my action and I waited too long to abort you, my drunken little mistake, and so here you are."
- "It was my first time with a boy, we were in the backseat of his car, and the condom broke. I tried to sue the condom company but got nothing out of it. Anyway, I couldn't afford you or be bothered to deal with you, so adoption it was!"
- "you were born disabled/deformed and I didn't want to deal with it. Uggo!"
Yeah, that's an awesome conversation!
Even if the reason is something happier or nobler (can't think of one right now), it's still the right of the parent to say they don't want to be involved in anyway, shape, or form. Giving a child up means giving up both the privileges and responsibilities. You can't then demand after the fact that the parent accept some form of responsibility with nothing in return. That's not fair.
If the child has a right to know who the parents are then it would follow that the parents have the right to know where the child is. Most people give up the right as a parent because they want what is best for the child. At this point they are no longer parent and child. Your parents are the people who love and raise you.
As a right to know I have to say no. I believe it should be a case by case discussion. Many parents might not want to be found, and many kids might not want to know. I think it should be asked when you put a child up for adoption if you want them to know, then the answer stored in a database and if at anytime you change your mind you can change your answer.
I have a right to privacy. I've made it very clear to the adoptive mom, the lawyers who drew up the agreement, and the child (now 7) when he tried to contact me that I do not want any relationship whatsoever.
A full, detailed health history was provided as well as pictures of his entire extended birth "family" in the hope he would have all his questions answered without stalking me when he's an adult or ambushing my Dad/brothers. His birth was not a secret to anyone in my family or friend group. My husband knows of his existence.
The amount of hatred and shaming of women like me, in the minority, who refuse contact, is appalling. I'm not a heartless monster, I simply do not wish to relive the nightmare that brought him into existence. I placed him for adoption so he could be raised by someone with the means and desire to do so.
This persistent thread among bitter (and, frankly, delusional) adoptees that they're owed something more than the life they were given with their adopted family is profoundly selfish. Their desire for contact is no more valid than my desire to be left alone.
If the shoe were on the other foot, and a birth mother stalked a child she gave up after being told repeatedly not to, nobody would shame him/her into compliance.
I gave them up for adoption because I was young, single, jobless, and had disdain at the thought of being burdened because I chose life over abortion. Blood is not what defines you as a family; it's love and affection. If you need to know genetics or metal illness issues, get a DNA test, they're affordable now! I gave you so you could raised in a family that wanted you and could afford you. You have what all these kids who get bumped from home to home in foster care wants. Your desire to know who I am does not outweigh my right to privacy.
Some parents put their kids up for adoption because they dont want the kids to know who they are. If they think they are going to be bad parents and they put the kid up for adoption, they may not want to be discovered. Its not fair to the parent if they want to remain away from the child
I am a hetorosextual. I am also a woman. I did not want my child to know that I was a liker of my own kind. I feel so bad about it but it had to be done. I wouldn't want my child to ever know the truth about me.
Adopted children do not have the right to know their biological parents. While they have the right to know pertinent medical information about them, the biological parents who gave them up for adoption do not have to have a relationship with these children. Adoptive parents fill the role of caretakers and parents and should thus meet this need in adoptive children's lives.