There was a scene in "Flicka" when Tim McGraw and Maria Bello's characters chastizes the main daughter in the movie. I believe sometimes, as much as it hurts, a simple, "I'm disappointed in you" can do a lot to shame a child into doing better -- in a good way. There's more.
Sometimes, you need to treat a person with tough love. Doing so doesn't always feel right, but it can get a person to do what they need to to better themselves. Tough love is inherently both a good and a bad thing, so you need to be careful about giving someone else tough love.
Sometimes tough love is genuine and you really are capable of having a heated discussion or being the recipient of a tirade. There are a lot of things to consider here: how well you know the person, how savvy they are about that particular topic, etc.
But guess what?
Sometimes tough love is malicious, sometimes it’s self serving, and sometimes it’s flat out bullshit.
People will tell you that they screamed at you because they care, and if they didn’t they would not have wasted their breath bothering to say anything at all.
Other people will tell you that they had to resort to ‘those measures’ to finally get your attention.
There are times that this is probably true.
In my experience though, there’s something that separates really successful people from those that get flustered and defeated, incapable of learning from the experience.
Successful people, people that know how to react to tough love don’t need a 5 step process. All they need is the ability to control their own perception. You see, people that react to tough love the best are always capable of turning it around and convincing themselves that whoever gave them the tough love HAD to in order for them to see through the fog.
Is it true? Probably not, but it doesn’t matter because these people absorb the blows, assess the situation and extract the important message out of all the yelling. Provided there is one (a valuable message) of course. If there’s not, they shake it off, learn that they don’t trust that person giving them advice about that particular topic and move on with their lives.