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  • Not only have I seen him,

    I am him.

    Looking up and down, I noticed that the bananas were getting closer. Their red eyes lit up the dark room with a sinister glow. I could hear their sharp teeth grind and chomp in unison, as if they were a hivemind, coordinating perfectly to eviscerate me at most efficient capacity.

  • He's real I tells ya!

    While I have never seen Bigfoot with my eyes I once saw him in a dream. Every word I'm about to tell ya is true I dare say. It was a cold, winter's night when I, having passed out on the pull-out couch in front of the TV after God-knows-how-much alcohol, had the most fantastic dream. I can never seem to recall what in tarnation I watching that night, although I think it may have been My Name Is Earl, you know the episode where its Y2K and they live in the store? Anyway, that's not important. Now, where was I? Ah yes, the dream. Now for the most part it was a fairly average dream, nudity, flying while nude and of course flying while nude and eating a pizza. When all of a sudden it all just went black, and a saw a light shining down upon me. Then, lo behold, I saw him in all of his glory, Bigfoot himself descending majestically towards me. I was silent. Never in all of my life had I witnessed such beauty. Not even the beauty of seeing the birth of a baby, the Northern Lights or a lifetime's prize of chicken soup could compare to this. And then, lifting his head he spoke to me.
    "My son, he said, the second coming draws near. Soon our race shall return to this earth and reclaim it as our own. You must tell all who will listen, and forcibly make those who will not, that I and my brothers will return."
    I woke up immediately after this in a pile of my own puke and excrement, some Gay-ass news channel was on the TV, which I switched off immediately and I appeared to have wet myself. However, one things for sure. He is real, and it is only a matter of time before Bigfoot and his race reclaims this planet as his own. If you need any more information then just speak to the crazy naked guy at the corner of a 7/11 near you. I'll be the raving lunatic flinging faeces at passers by. God bless ya'll now, and keep watching the skies!

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