I was adopted in 1968 (closed adoption) and in October 2012, aged 44, I traced my birth mother. It has been an unbelieveably wonderful experience and we both love one another dearly, however I have experienced such terrible pain and sorrow at what I have lost by not being with her when I was growing up. I did hot have a better life being sent to live with strangers. Throughout my whole life I longed for my mummy to come and bring me home to her. Only now was I brave enough to go looking for her, knowing that there was a real possibility she may reject me once again. I know that she felt there was no option but to give me up, however no matter how hard I try not to I feel that I wasn't good enough - how could she have given me away if I was? I was incomplete in so many ways until I knew my mother. However, I know that we can never make up for those lost yers and it really hurts. I was torn away from my mother as a week old baby - she was my world and I relied on her and trusted her to love me and take care of me. Instead, I was taken away from her and placed with strangers. How on earth must I have felt?
I realise that many people in my mother's position believe they had no option other than to give their children away, but if adoption wasn't there it wouldn't have been an option! Being an adopted person has affected me profoundly and I wish, every day of my life, that I had been allowed to stay with my mother where I belonged. I will never recover from being adopted.
The biological link between parents and children can't be ignored. We are who we are because of genes. We are 50% the genetic material of our father and 50% the genetic material of our mother. That is far more powerful and natural than a piece of paper that pretends that a person is the "father" of a children who is not his blood.
Adoption is not a natural life process. A mother and child did not evolve separately but together. To separate a mother from her child disrupts the continuity of bonding. "One of the most painful traumas relived by many primal patients, is being separated from the mother directly after birth. The baby 'knows' instinctively it cannot stay alive without its mother. It is completely helpless and totally dependent on her for survival. The baby feels instinctively that to be separated from her is to die. It cannot be made to understand that it has not been abandoned, but is simply waiting in a central nursery, and will be taken to its mother eventually. The baby has no way of interpreting what is happening to it, or of knowing that the separation and abandonment it is experiencing are ever going to end. The only way the baby can shut off the pain of the long hours without its mother, is by using sleep as a defense." Adoption is basically child abuse.
I was adopted from birth, 2 years later my parents adopted another baby girl before they had 4 children of their own. B and I were no longer wanted or needed and no one cared that we were treated badly. 2 lives ruined, no love, no kindness - just pain.
I've always thought there was something missing and I have sought my real parents. I think every other adopted person I've met feels the same. Some feel like they can't say that out loud, but it's there. That missing part of you. That idea that you were not good enough to keep.
I think that people who believe that love (in and of itself) is enough (in adoption) are so wrong. No amount of love will replace the unalterable fact of biology. We only ever have two parents. One mother. One father. No court and no act of will can ever undo that. It's nature. It’s biology. Children want to know where the come from - who they come from and should. I think most adoptees look for that missing part of themselves - if they admit it or not. Adoption is an unnatural state – but I think a necessary one.
There are so many children in the world who don't have anything. Whatever the individual situation is, it is all of our responsibilities to care for these children. We all have that parental instinct; an instinct to care for a child who is yours. It doesn't matter how that child came to you, it is your child, and nothing can change that.
My view is clear and it is obvious to all the adoption is an amazing amazing process. I really believe that adoption is one of the most beneficial choices anyone can make. It benefits not only the child but the family. I think everybody should consider adoption because it really can change lives. My friend was adopted at a very young age and has recently had the chance to get back in contact with her biological parents but she turned that chance down, it was a hard choice for her but I support her decision because she told me why she did that and it was because her adopted parents had socialized her had brought her up hate taught her everything she knows and they have loved and cared for her more than anyone in the world. She really believes that her adopted parents have saved her life have made her feel that she is worth is where as her biological parents didn't want her they picked not to be part of her life and they do not have the right to just come back into it when they please. So NO it is not unnatural because it gives a better standard of life to thousands of children.
Adoption is absolutely not unnatural. It involves a child being taken in and raised by parents who want and love it. How is it any different from the child being raised by his or her own birth parents? Considering many children would not even be alive if it were not for adoption, it is a wonderful thing. I myself was basically adopted by my grandparents because my parents did not want me.
I do not think adoption is unnatural. Humans might go about it in a different way than other species, but it is not exclusive to mankind. There are plenty of examples in the animal kingdom. Among mammals, mothers have been known to nurse babies from other species who have lost their own mothers. It is perfectly natural for creatures (mankind or animal) to care for abandoned or orphaned young.
There are so many children that are born in this world needing good parents. What is unnatural is mothers having children and leaving them in trash cans, having abortions, and being an abusive and neglectful parent. There are so many people who want children and cannot have them, so adoption is natural.
You will find adoption very easily if you look for it in the natural world. If an animal's parents are killed, other animals will readily accept it and virtually adopt it as their own. You can see elephants doing this with other elephants and even sometimes cats and dogs will adopt other cats or dogs of the other species! Adoption is absolutely a natural event!