Yes America is going soft—but the reason is America was rushed to the hospital to receive a medical procedure to induce “softness,” after experiencing side effects from an erection that lasted more than several decades. So, while it is soft now, it will soon be hard again, so…so…hard. Hopefully, we will all see the day when America’s nuclear arsenal with erect so straight and so hard it will splatter its reaction all over Putin’s well-defined pecks and buttocks. Only after such a sweet eruption, can America become the international leader of hardness. USA! USA! USA! (no one gets hard like the USA)
I thought it was important to point out that Dexter Beagle is their misinformed or paid/working for the Russian government. The reason I am led to make this charge is, first the claim that America had a procedure to induce softness is simply propaganda manufactured by the Kremlin. I do not have enough evidence at this point but from what I can infer Dexter Beagle watches too much Russia Today. Second, the claim that America is using performance-enhancing drugs to create artificial hardness is simply not true. Show me the medical records. As a patriotic American who wears American flag underwear seven days a week around the clock (see condition known as Never-Nude/Tobias Fünke, an Analrapist or dual psychoanalyst/therapist for clarification) I am willing to swear on the bones of George Washington’s corpse America has always been hard, naturally hard, and that hardness is a gift from God, a special gift that makes America truly exceptional. To think otherwise is akin to ejaculating on the Constitution, Ronald Regan, and the almighty, Jesus (who is also two other people, see Bible for details; the Bible can be found in the fiction section of your local library, unless your living in the former Confederate states). While I have been harsh to Dexter Beagle, I believe there is something we can both agree on: America is going to splatter its awe-inspiring mess all over Putin including his eyes, tongue, and feet. My only addition would be that America is going to continue doing that until the end of the world, and were not just going to get hard to Putin, we are going to get so hard for every major leader that defies our will. So much out. USA! USA! USA! A country harder than God before coming inside the womb of the Virgin Mary—again, check out the Bible for details.