Listen, Love is a special thing that should only be shared, Romantically at least, between two, not three, not four, but TWO people.
I am not saying this because of Religion or because I don't Understand it, but because it's truly just wrong.
Think of it this way, imagine that love is like having two cookies, or something else, you only have enough for two people for each to get enough cookie, similar to how love needs devotion to your partner.
Love is supposed to be a committed and trustful relationship between two people, no matter what race, sexual orientation or identity they are. Polyamory is just an excuse for one of the participants to have more sex. It's like having to choose one of all the 5 delicious deserts on the menu. You can't choose all of them... You have to pick one that you deeply desire.
In fact one 2012 study discovered “significantly higher levels of rape, kidnapping, murder, assault, robbery and fraud in polygamous cultures.
Most polyamorous relationships start when one person in a monogamous relationship starts feeling like there is something missing and that they selfishly want to find this with someone other than their current partner. So they coerce their partner into trying polyamory. This almost always results in resentment and pain for at least one of the people involved. It's selfish and doesn't work out. There is a lot of turnover in poly. It is almost never long-term. Poly usually involves revolving door relationships rather than actually loving long-term. It also requires keeping the next person (or people) on deck in case someone within the relationship leaves to keep the proper balance and ensure that the practitioner is having their needs met. That being the case, it couldn’t possibly be love and must instead be selfishness.
Polyamory requires more time and energy than monogamy making it inefficient. There are greater scheduling and time management issues. It is also typically more exhausting especially for people with already harried lives.
Often practiced by those with low self-esteem, poly is a way of seeking validation through multiple partners for those who have been abused/raped.
Further, Polyamory destroys the innocence of childhood. In an environment where most of the adults are constantly looking for their next intimate escapade, it is impossible for the children to mature at a natural rate. Sexual innuendo, gestures and energies are constantly in the air around them. Perhaps even discussed outright. Children should NOT be exposed to adult sexuality. That's child abuse. Just because you may have suffered it doesn’t mean that other children should.
The claim that children benefit from polyamorous parents by having more people to look after them and that it benefits the parent(s) as they have more support and built in babysitters (which shows the selfishness of the polyamorous) is false. In actuality, surveys show that children of poly are less happy. Also, if all the adults are busy worrying about who they are going to sleep with next, who is worrying about the needs of the children? Polyamory usually makes children into an afterthought, and unsexed "mothers" out of those mature enough to resist the madness of pursuing sexual pleasure above all else.
Claims that polyamory is not about sex is just marketing in attempt to gain greater acceptance and perhaps lure someone into their lifestyle.
That polyamory means many loves, and is not about the sex, it really is about the sex. If it wasn’t about sex then the need for more people in your life could be met through close friendships. Clearly it is about sex.
Dividing attention between multiple partners, by its very nature divides the intimacy whether it is due to time constraints or other factors. Fewer partners equates to greater intimacy with monogamy being the greatest depth of intimacy to be found with others. The argument that one person cannot meet your needs is a fallacy as it has been shown that in monogamy there is a greater level of intimacy and in real needs being met than in polyamory. If there is something missing in a monogamous relationship it can usually be filled by individual pursuits (hobbies, etc,). If the argument that what is missing is sexual intimacy it shows that polyamory IS about sex.
There are some who falsely claim that a poly lifestyle is a "sexual orientation". Polyamory is not a sexual orientation, it is simply a naive lifestyle choice. However, claiming that polyamory is a sexual orientation is simply another demonstration that it is about sex. Usually to keep all partners satisfied in poly relationships the time investment is such that it makes sex central to life. It takes a toll on other aspects of life often only allowing for part-time or underemployment at most in order to practice it and frequently precluding other, non-sexual, pursuits. If you’re good with this, then clearly your reason for polyamory is sex. This is why, "[polyamory] is the choice of overwhelmingly white, affluent, university educated and privileged folk, with too much time on their hands. (Sheff)"
Yes, it is very common to feel sexual attraction toward more than one person at a time. This is nothing new. It is primitive to act on and reduces one to the level of animals. Contrary to the statements of those practicing polyamory, monogamy has been the natural state of humans at least since hunter gatherer societies evolved. Saying poly is natural and dates from early mankind is only saying that poly is more primitive.
There is no factual evidence that polyamory is superior to monogamy in any way other than having selfish needs met. And all the problems that can occur in monogamy occur to a greater degree in polyamory, including cheating. Poly-relationships can often become highly volatile and polarized due to more personalities being involved.
Polyamory is not a demonstration of being able to give more love. Quite the contrary, to give more love would be to love one person with whom you are truly, deeply, and lovingly intimate enough to forego the other temptations that happen in your life. In polyamory you’re not “more special” you are simply one of many.
Polyamory is ethical hedonism. It is focused on pleasure NOT love. If it is what you want, fine, but don't claim it is something that it's not.
The nice thing about having sex is not the orgasm... I can have a better orgasm wanking. The thing i love about it is that it's something you do only with the only person you love. The only person allowed to be this intimate.. If we loose this, then we could wank and it would be even more pleasurable most of the times. So if my partner would go with another man i'd feel really bad... And lonely..Not special for her anymore.. One as the others.. And she would only get a few minutes of pleasure while i'd feel bad for weeks. Do you understand there's a trade off? Then if i love her i want her to feel free but if she loves me she wants me to feel happy. Is she able to not have sex with somebody for my happiness? I dont think 'm asking that much cause it's just an orgasm i ask her to renounce to for my happiness. Otherwise i could say that it makes me happy to beat her everyday..Should she let me do that even if she would be hurt, just to make me happy? And to be sincere, i would prefer to be punched in the face instead of knowing that i'm not special for her anymore.
I feel that it shows that you don’t care about the person in the relationship and just care about the sex.Plus it’ shows that you you don’t understand the concept of love at all.Marrige is suppose to be beweetn two people that have compassion about each other.Polysexaulity on the other hand is multiple people it shows that you don’t like any one in the relationship and only care about the benefits
Love and chemistry are always between two people and polyamorous people just don't find that chemistry between them and their partner so they just feel they want another one while keeping the other or maybe they are not sexually satisfied . I think it's not applicable too bcz there is jealousy and other things. So i think polyamory is in most times about sexual troubles and when someone wants to date another one it's always about sex like you see your partner only as a sex object and he is not enough if you truly love him for who he/she is you won't need another one.
I think most people who do it have stooped to a level where they've given up on finding love with anyone so they make it so they can date a bunch of people at once to cover their actual feeling of loneliness, it's not really "love" but more like a sexual satisfaction that they are trying to use to replace the love that they don't have.
People are unable to maintain balanced, healthy relationships of more than two people; two is hard enough as it is. People get jealous, or start talking behind the other's back, or two people feel more connected than the other... It gets messy really fast. It's unhealthy and a dishonest way to live one's life.
Come on. That's ridiculous. What's the point of marriage then? You can't "love" more than one person romantically at a time, or the word loses its meaning. I think you should have the one person closest to you, and not date other people out of respect for your love for that person.
Since I actually am a polyamory individual, this is an easy answer to give.
We are attracted to who we are attracted to. Morality does not come into play. Two or more consenting adults can give joy to one another without exploiting others. Why would that be wrong?
So long as everyone is honest about their escapades, no one is harmed.
As long as the individuals involved in the relationship are consenting and are aware of the other partners, then what's the issue?
Honestly, if you don't like the idea of polyamory, then YOU don't do it. Don't harass other people just because
A. You don't understand.
B. It's against your religion.
If you truly love someone, you want them to feel free. You want to feel free. Putting limits on a relationships just is unrealistic (we naturally want to share our light with people we come across who speak to us) and stems from our own negative emotions we aren't taking responsibility for. It's okay to feel jealous, and insecure, but it is not your partners job to cut off other people because of it.
Love isn't always sexual. It's in a gaze, a gesture, playfulness, deep communication, so many things that have nothing to do with simply getting off.
I think a lot of people have that misconception, that once there are no limits it'll be a fuckfest.
For some, maybe. But for me, it's about being myself and being honest with how that might naturally grow into something more. We should want to love as much as we can in life. It's ludacris to not in fear of someone else being upset about it - we should want our partners the happiest they can be.
Any intimate relationship between consenting adults is private business. I see no reason to stigmatize polyamory, it does not directly harm non-participants. The same argument can apply to homosexual behavior. Polyamorous relationships are capable of having the same values as monogamy, only polyamorists define these values in a different aspect.
Any intimate relationship between consenting adults is private business. Polyamory does not directly harm non-participants, so I see no reason to stigmatize it. The 2012 film Savages explores a polyamorous relationship between the three main characters, and it seemed to work out for them. Polyamory can have the same values as monogamy, but defined in a different aspect.
I fully support those that are poly. In fact, I respect them for being able to establish a connection with more than two people. It's impressive! I don't think that I could manage to do it (and I'm not sure I'd want to), but it's definitely a lifestyle that shouldn't be bashed so long as the parties have the right reason for being poly.
Okay first off, fuck the morality and stuff. "God" has no fucking business in marriage anyway. But I'm the one who doesn't want it. My wife says she's "poly" and has started dating this guy from her class. Dude is okay, I don't hate him. But he's probably not someone who would have interested me enough to be his friend. But i digress, this was a line I drew I the sand, and she crossed it. I don't feel loved. She spends all her fun time with him, and I get the business end. School, work, bills, housework... I just miss her so much, even when she's around me. I don't have anything against others who are poly, but it just doesn't... And will never, work for me.
A lot of the arguments against polyamory are: it's just about sex, it's dishonest, it's selfish, and it will eventually collapse. So let's check these off.
Polyamory means "many loves." Many polyamorous people (I have some poly friends, although I am not poly myself and am happy with my male partner) stress the fact that polyamory relationships aren't just massive orgies. Often (although not always, but not a lot of things are "always" anyways), a poly relationship will be focused around the emotional and romantic aspect, while the sexual aspect takes the backseat. You might think of a harem, or a man with a bunch of underage wives, when you think polyamory (that's actually polygamy, which isn't something I want to go into). It's not. A lot of communication and open-mindnedness is needed for these relationships to work, which brings us to the next point.
Poly relationships are only dishonest if you make them dishonest, which is the same rule for monogamy. Anyone in the relationship must communicate with the others if they want it to work, moreso than in a monogamous relationship. In fact, a polyamorous person is less likely to cheat than someone in a mono relationship because of the communication needed for it to work. Monogamous people can cheat, too. Anyone using polyamory as an excuse to cheat is ignoring the actual values that go into it.
It's not necessarily selfish, either. Again, open communication. Of course, there are going to be the asshats that cheat on their partners or something, but there are bad spots in literally everything.
And finally, yeah, the polyamorous relationship might not work out. Nothing is assured to be forever. The point is to live your life and be happy.
Love is love (unless it's pedophilia or some harmful messed up shit). No one should be saying that one kind is better than the other (again, ignoring pedophilia).
Not wrong, because it falls under respect for individual choice, with no major concerns- as would arise for sex with minors, for example, or for prostitution. In these two counter examples, free and informed consent is not plausible- you cannot trust the judgement of a minor, or it obviously exploits a power imbalance (i.E. No one should need to sell their body for cash, and it's on us as a society to correct such levels of deprivation).
So polyamory is between consenting adults, even if an argument can be made that some level of emotional/ sexual deprivation can be underlying.
It seems narrow because it neglects a whole very broad area of non-sexual relationships - friendships, creative/ professional collaborations, intellectual rapport, activity partnerships/ common hobbies, support groups etc.
Also, maybe along the same lines, whatever happened to careers, vocations and making a difference? The arrangement seems to be very time consuming, and maybe we own it to the world to reserve a bit of our time for further reaching activities.
If you are poly amorous, you don't really get to decide who you fall in love with. If everything in the relationship is ok with it then what is the problem? If you don't like it, then don't enter a poly relationship in the first place. Sure, some poly relationships do not last as long as monogamous relationships, but what is the problem if you aren't even in a larger relationship in the first place?