You are using physical pain to advocate anger.. What happens when you lose control? You are teaching your child that if someone does not follow their wants or needs to use physical force. It doesn work if youre teaching to stop hitting either. Its counter productive. In the end you end up with a child who resents you and a failed parent child relationship. Its also scaring. How many people remember their parenst beating them? I bet everyone who had parents spank them remember it to this day. Do you really want your child to remember that or would you rather them remember how empathetic you were and understanding? I know I would rather my children remember the good, versus the bad. There are different ways to approach situations like trantrums as opposed to physical consiquence.
Why would it even make sense to spank a child? Scientific study has found that fear inhibits learning, so they wouldn't learn that what they did wasn't acceptable. Instead, teach the child in a calm matter that what they did was unacceptable, and the difference between what is allowed and what isn't. Punishment should make them think, not cower in fear!
1. Spanking lowers a child's trust in you.
2. It's not effective. The child behaves because they're scared of being hit. Not because they know what's right and wrong.
3. Even if it did work, it's wrong to purposely hurt a child even if it's "for their own good".
4. It's actually not biblical. Yes, I've heard "spare the rod, spoil the child", but actually, "rod" refers to something that was used to guide sheep, lead them in the way that is right, which is what it means. To lead our children in the way that is right. Not hurt them because they misbehaved.
5. It hurts the spanker too! If it hurts you to spank your child, then don't do it!
6. Lots of the time spanking is done out of anger and unfairly. The child will trust you less and less each time.
This is from experience with my brother. He used to be spanked a lot, but now whenever he is upset with someone he will start hitting them. My parents stopped spanking, and he doesn't hit as much anymore.
Fear-induced punishment is only short-term and does not change the heart. Discipline (teaching), however, does not focus on scaring/frightening... It focuses on learning the "why" of a wrong-doing -- of discovering empathy if you've (1) hurt a community or (2) hurt someone else or (3) damaged someone's belongings. I grew up in an "Old Testament" based punishment system, but have chosen a grace-filled and communication-rich dialogue with my own children. I know this upsets many friends and family, but my children do not cower before me and they are rather responsive when I make eye-contact with them and respect them enough to come to a combined decision on how best to remedy their mistakes. I also apologize to them when I see they've learned a behavior from me and we discuss the fact that everyone makes mistakes and have to make choices to avoid the same mistakes again in the future.
It is counter productive. You are usuing physical force to discipline. What happens when you lose control? I know a lot of people who were beat as kids and still remember it to this day. You are teaching your child resentment towards you. Wouldnt you rather a child love and respect you, not fear you. Its a failed attempt at teaching right from wrong. Teaching your child not to hit by hitting is confusing to me, its hypocritical and a waste of energy. I would rather my child feel loved and appreciated. Your teaching your child in the end that physical force is the only way to get a point across.
In plain sight, you are hitting your child. This often leads to unnecessary spankings that are unfair from the parent. Psychologists have proven that there are better ways to discipline children without physical harm. Why swat your child and make them afraid of you if you could give them a time-out to think about what they have done? Honestly, parents who have no better ways of discipline, are the ones who are left with the option to spank. How does your child feel? Obviously very resentful and angry that you are hitting them. Even if the spanking is delivered properly, they do not think about how to do better next time. They are just mad at you and have a new pain and reddening on their behind. Even if it is tradition, you can break from tradition and do something that will actually benefit your child. You are the parent, so you should make wise decisions that in the long run, will benefit and not scar your child. Thank you
Instead of focusing on all the bad effects of spanking of which there are many; antisocial behavior, lower iq, relationship problems in the future, ptsd, among other things. Think about this, do you want your children to hate you. Because spanked children are far more likely to want to spend time with their parents after they are adults than non spanked children.
The notion that spanking children makes them more aggressive is nonsense. In other countries its ok to let under aged children drink wine or watch porn and the studies have shown that there isn't an increase in the number of people who become alcoholics or become sexual deviants, the environment of the child has a greater chance of making a child more aggressive than the actual act of spanking. Look at the 70's and 80's where spankings were prevalent there are more criminals and deviants now than it was then... How do you explain the increase of bulling incidents now that cause children to kill themselves than endure mean spirited peers. The bulling comes from children knowing that there is no real punishment for their actions, taking away the phone or putting them on punishment isn't enough of a deterrent to keep a bully from bulling. I spanked my kids and they are the valedictorian of the high school and 2nd highest average in the city I live in. My findings have shown me that spanking has deterred my daughter from doing things that would of warranted a punishment of spanking and thus has averted altercations and recklessness. Now she is 20 years old and looking back she was appreciative of the discipline I gave because looking back at other associates who parents didn't spank their predicaments are hopeless and they have become the deviants that plague many cities and towns and a increase of assaults against their parents.. Its not for everybody and every child but I will continue to use this because these days children are killing their kids, it wont be me.
Spanking does not help, it just makes kids more violent. Many parents claim spanking is needed for good behavior but in reality kids who are not spanked are the best behaved and are less likely to have problems, such as depression, anger issues, and mental problems. Kids today are not more rotten than past generations because they've not been hit enough. Mean spirited people have always made that complaint about the next generation. Quit hitting children it will not help! You say hitting children will make them behave better? Hitting kids is what makes them more likely to become bullies and even adult criminals. Spanking is too harsh to do to kids.
There is no reason to hit your child when they misbehave. At an impressionable young age, children might get the idea that hitting others when they behave poorly is how to correct behavior. It's also incredibly hypocritical on the side of the parent, as they often teach their children not to hit anybody. It can cause anger and resentment to brew in the child's heart, and mentally scar them. An effective parent disciplines in a peaceful, non-violent way.
Without spanking , children gets adults on control.. Children only comprehend fear than other values like respect. It's a waste of time and energy trying to make them understand about what is wrong or right. The core mission is to develop an all-round attitude and when the child had grown up, he will gain the maturity to understand the reason of such act . In a nutshell, I repeat strongly, spanking is a must .
Whoever spares the rod hates their children,
but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
The people on the other side of this argument are what's wrong with America today. Sometimes "talking to them" or "putting them in time out" doesn't work. It's not punishment if they don't HATE it! I know I hated getting spankings with a belt more than anything in the world. But, I now realize that I deserved them and they kept me on the right path. Wish more parents would spank their children. Then, we might see higher morals and more children that show adults respect.
Consequences should be learned early on rather than later. It's horrible if a girl or boy is raped later because they don't think about consequences. Spanking shows that when Johnny steals cookies, he gets punished. Although it may hurt both Johnny and the mother spanking him to spank him, it promotes better life thoughts.
No spanking is not wrong. I was spanked it didn't kill me. As long as its simple spanking and not beatings then its fine. That's part of what's wrong with our kids we fed into the whole "spanking is bad society". Seriously our kids are now spoiled with no one to respect.
It really comes down to the situation for me. If a swat on the butt keeps someone out of danger or harm, then no I don't find it wrong at all. If it's done just to do it, and is a form of abuse, then that is different. So no I don't think spanking necessarily wrong, it just comes down to how it is being used.
Opponents of spanking who say that spanking teaches children that violence is a viable solution are making a huge leap. Based strictly on that logic, I can also make the argument that removing children's toys when they misbehave is teaching them that it is okay to take away someone's property, therefore parents should not do negative reinforcement because it teaches them to become robbers. Also research showing the link between spanking and adult mental problems have not considered the possibility that those children had behavioural issues in the first place (therefore more spanking) which stayed with them in adulthood.
I had wonderful parents, and yeah I got spanked as a kid. It stopped when I was about 12, as they knew it wasn't an age-appropriate method of discipline anymore. But when I was younger if I did something particularly dumb or dangerous then a quick smack on the hand or rear taught me not to do it again. No, it never taught me that hitting was appropriate for problem solving and no, it didn't psychologically scar me for life.
Today we have kids that talk back. Throw fits to get what they want. And are manipulative little tworps because "you cant do anything, you'll go to jail" "ill call children's services" so parents live in fear. Sometimes the time out. Or taking away everything DOES NOT work... Then what do u do? Ignore them as ur in a store, have ppl over, and ur child shames because they cannnnn get away with it. There use to be a time kids would never dare talk back to any elder nvm their mom or dad. A time kids thought about what they did because they knew. Im not promoting an ass whooping. But a slap here an there to keep there ass in check. I dont wrong
Spanking children is not a crime. I agree that there are ways to go about it. A child should not have marks on their body because of a spanking. However, a swat on the butt is sometimes all a child needs to never do that certain thing again. Most of my friends who weren't spanked in college are very loose and behave poorly. The people who generally are more focused and morally sound, got spankings.
You can't just hit them for any reason or for any mistake because that combined with a negative environment will make a child violent (many of my cousins were raised this way). But you also can't just talk to, reason, blackmail, or bribe you children into good behavior either because then they lose respect for you and they learn to manipulate and use you to the point of expectation (my girlfriends kids do this to her at almost every interaction). I was beaten only a handful of times when I was a child and that's all it took. I learned to respect people because of it, I learned to focus because of it, honestly I learned about morals and values from those beatings. So much so that strangers would and still recognize me as a person of integrity, a person with manners and a good moral character. If you're a good parent you lead your children on a positive path and leave them space to grow into their own person. I don't see a need for getting physical with your kids if you lead well but if they decide to cross that line and become disrespectful, you need to definitely knock them straight because at that moment they are testing your leadership and if you don't reinforce it with enough force they will learn to walk all over you and it'll be either subtle or obvious. From my experience growing up, a strong, positive alpha adult figure encouraging positive morals and positive behavior, resorting to physical discipline only if and when the situation demands it, will raise a strong, independent child into a strong, independent adult. To put it simply if you're kids don't listen to you at the after the first time you tell them not to do something or if they are not respectfully disagreeing they probably need to be hit or hit harder than you have been hitting them.