Should a Wood Chuck Chuck Wood If a Wood Chuck Could Chuck Wood?

Asked by: TGambit
  • Woodchuck should chuck wood if it could

    In the event where woodchuck would find himself able to chuck wood it should chuck wood. It's not about if the woodchuck should chuck wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood, it's about could a woodchuck chuck wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood. Therefore, a woodchuck should chuck wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

  • Nothings impossible, people.

    Well, if a wood chuck could chuck wood, then heavens tell me why they can't . Its a free country and the wood chuck isn't harming anybody in the process and there isn't any law against wood chucks not allowed to chuck wood.
    So yes, go chuck wood, you wood chucks.

  • Whats with TGambit

    Of course they should chuck would theyre wood chucks. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck would is irrelevant to the question and I therefore win all arguments brought forward by default and without any further indication of someone else's correctness in the subject. (sorry I needed more words)

  • End the Wood chucking

    Groundhogs, aka woodchucks, aka whistle-pigs aren't hogs (obviously). Instead they are rodents (of the Sciurid family, which I personally feel to be an awesome name). They live all over the US, and it's pretty common to see them along the side of the road (usually as roadkill, but sometimes you get lucky and see a live one).

    They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in.

    The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it.

    All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable.

    So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

    *As the authors have been so gracious as to address the question of woodchucks and wood, I would like to propose to them their next series of studies: how much ground could a groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground? I will look forward to seeing the data.

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