The adopted children have the right to know who their biological parents are, and they should keep in touch with their biological parents because they need their birth parents with them during they are growing up. Some adopter parents don't want to tell the children who their birth parents really are, but I think the children should be given the option whether they want to know their birth parents are. Moreover, the adopted children have blood relationship with their real parents, they are families anyway.
A mother is lied to and told in many cases this is the best for them and the baby. How dare you guys bash on the mothers that gave life so you can have a baby out of lies.Then you cause more lies and pain cause you want to try and hide the truth about the adoption.I very much loved my son and think about him every min of the day and was told i have an open adoption with him but guess what the people you give the honor to raise your kids can lie to them and hide facts so they wont be hurt. Come on can you even be hurt as deeply as a birth mother when she has to face the fact that she cant see her sweet baby.We gave you the honor to raise our kids and keep in mind it was forced on us laws need to change to help honor the mother and kids involved nothing needs to be hidden.
Everybody has a choice on if they want to go looking for their biological parents. Some people do go and they end up having a friendship with them, but some go and it ends up ruining their lives.
When a child comes of age (17-18+) the child should be given the option of whether or not they want to know their real (biological) parents. It should be their choice. Would any of you be able to fully live happily knowing that your bio parents are out there somewhere, and you know nothing about them? Whether or not a reunion happens or goes well, every adoptee has a moral - if not legal - right to know their own biological-medical-cultural heritage, to have access to valid legal identification and to have opportunities to develop relationships with biological kin. An adopted child is often haunted by where he came from and why he was "abandoned" by his natural parents. He doesn't need anyone's permission to find these things out anymore than you or I need permission to find out who our ancestors were. Every person has a right, even a need, to know who he really is and what and who he came from so he can have closure.
When a birth mother gives a baby up for adoption, she moves on, and later on that mom may marry and have children. If the child she gave up for adoption comes back, he/she may disrupt the mother’s life. This is just one to the things that might happen to many adopted kids if they do decide to find their biological parents. I know that a lot of biological parents gave their children up for a reason and it was their choice. I can imagine a situation in which a child given to adoption might want to harm his biological parents for abandoning him. I think if a mother does not wish to be found, the child ought to respect this wish. As children, they may not understand what their biological parents might be like and their biological parents may once again reject them.
There are two sides to every argument. Neither one is right… and neither one is wrong. Everyone has their own choice on what they choose, and in this case I choose that adopted children should have access to their biological parents, if they choose when they turn 18. As I stated earlier I won’t go looking for my father and nobody objects to that. There are other kids though that will go looking for their parents… and I believe that nobody should object to that either. It’s their choice… would your parents have stopped you?
I have regretted giving up my daughter every day since it happened. The Children's Aid workers badgered me into giving her up. I asked them for help with raising her as I was a single dad trying to get my high school diploma as an adult at 21 yrs old. The only options they gave me were take her back from the temp foster care. (I have no family in Canada that could help me with her), give her up for adoption and choose the family she goes to or we will take you to court and you will have no choice in the matter. I told them that I needed help with raising her, that on welfare I basically had to look after her 7 days a week on my own while at the same time going to school so that I could get a job and be able to raise her better and be able to afford babysitters etc... For when I needed a break. I didn't want to give her up or subject her to a life of poverty on Social Welfare. I wanted to give her more than that. And may be now it's different but at the time there were no supports for single dads only single mothers.
My father was adopted in 1955. I'm not even sure he's my biological father, honestly. Get a life. I don't know who I am or where I come from. Who is anybody to keep my history from me, let alone all these insulting sites that want to make money from my desire to even know my heritage or what piece of dirt I come from? Every human being deserves to know the truth of their heritage and where they come from. Good, bad or indifferent, maybe I shouldn't be able to show up on a door step and say, "Here I am." Not that I would.
The process of childbirth makes it very certain who a child's mother is. No child should be deprived of knowing who brought them into the world. It is wrong to coerce women to give away their children and there should be a law against it. Only children who are orphans should be adopted, and these children would still have a right to know who brought them into the world. If the shameful treatment of mothers would end, there would not be the pressure to take a child from the mom and sell it to a family that is headed by a male. This human invention is totally unnatural when comparing how mammal mothers raise their children.
I am an adopted child. I was adopted through an open adoption. I am really blessed and lucky for that. I keep in touch with them. I see them and talk to them. I don't believe in hiding the adoption. If it would have been kept form me and them found out later in life, I would be so mad. I think that we have the right to know. I love the feeling of seeing my biological parents, I also love mom and dad. I think I have the best life and a happy one. It wouldn't be like that if I didn't know my biological parents.
CPS and their sloppy investigations has caused many families to be broken up... this gives us a chance at reunification that CPS didn't give my family. United We Stand to end Clinton's genocide efforts against the poor. The Constitution was supposed to protect its citizens from nightmarish government abuse...I still find it hard to believe that title IV funding was more important than really helping families keep the kids safe.Let NO MAN take what GOD has put together! Evil lives within Child Protective Services..... see " Innocence Destroyed" on You-tube,Senator Scheafer and CPS plus "Lawless America" the movie..you Will find me there...I hope my babies do too. also see "Failed to death" a Denver Post series.More Kids die in the states care than in their own parents home...we don't need CPS... we need family!
Many kids are removed from their homes without legal proven justified cause. When kids find them, They would be surprised at the truth of the matter. Courts hide your cases to prevent them from finding out. In 75% of removals, they were not warranted, but the state was paid a hefty bundle.
Think of this... one day you are walking home from school, ok, and then you get home and your "parents" are already at home and you ask them "where did our family come from?" They just stop and tell you, you are adopted. Would you let it go or would you try to find your birth parents?
IF adoptive parents are against children meeting with biological parents, then when they become of age they should seek birth parents to know of reasons for adoption, health concerns that could be genetic and just know they have extended blood relatives as well as an adoptive family, would make them feel more love than rejected by birth parents for whatever reason
It's an instinctual thing. Adopted children want to know where they came from. I was put into the foster care system and eventually I was adopted. Recently I sought out my biological mother and I'm proud to say I'm proud of her. She used to be an alcoholic and she was involved with some really bad people. But she cleaned herself up and she has a 7 year old son now and she seems happy with her husband. She gave me up in fear of what may have happened if she didn't. If you're looking for your parents at least try to understand the circumstances why they gave you up and think about whether they'd want to see you or not. And of course be absolutely sure that this is somebody that won't hurt you. I know that a lot of kids are taken away because they've been abused. Be sure that you are safe with this person.
Let's not forget that if you needed a kidney or something, then it would be really good to know where your biological parents were.
I am a adopted child. I have known for many years. I have recently found my biological mother. I come to find out that I have 4 sisters. I believe that a child should have the right to find their parents if they want to. I love both my parents but I wanted a relationship with my mother. I got that now and it is great. I was adopted in the 70's where there was not information on my medical history. I got that now.
I was adopted right from birth. And my adoptive mother told me when I was eight years old. It has eaten me alive since that day. My adoptive parents will not allow me to meet my mother, or father. I really have no need to meet my father, but my mother and I have been fighting for years trying to have a relationship with each other. No one will allow it. So I personally think that if the child is in the right state of mind, understands that the outcome might not be as they hope, is responsible and emotionally stable enough, they should be allowed to meet their biological parents.
Yes, adopted children have the right to seek their biological parents without the permission of the adoptive parent. CPS and their sloppy investigations has caused many families to be broken up... this gives us a chance at reunification that CPS didn't give my family. United We Stand to end Clinton's genocide efforts against the poor. The Constitution was supposed to protect its citizens from nightmarish government abuse. I still find it hard to believe that title IV funding was more important than really helping families keep the kids safe. Let NO MAN take what GOD has put together! Evil lives within Child Protective Services..... see " Innocence Destroyed" on Youtube, Senator Scheafer and CPS plus "Lawless America" the movie. You will find me there. I hope my babies do too. Also see "Failed to Death" a Denver Post series. More kids die in state care than in their own parents home. We don't need CPS. We need family!
I was adopted and I wonder sometimes, but if I had an allergic reaction to something I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW what it was so I can stay away from it and not die! Now people who say "no" think about it, if you were adopted wouldn't you like to be able to have a relationship with your biological parents and learn about medical issues and history?
Everyone should be able to seek their biological parents if they wish to and because if there are issues at the foster home they could be positive of having another place to go if there are too many issues at the foster home. Thank you for reading. Sincerely, anonymous writer 1744
If people really want to meet their biological parents then they should be able to. Individuals just have to remember that they could get hurt. If they have a fantasy of what their parents really are and they meet them and they are not what they imagined, they are going to be very disappointed.
Yes, adopted children have the right to seek their biological parents without the permission of the adoptive parent. CPS and their sloppy investigations has caused many families to be broken up... this gives us a chance at reunification that CPS didn't give my family. United We Stand to end Clinton's genocide efforts against the poor. The Constitution was supposed to protect its citizens from nightmarish government abuse.
I still find it hard to believe that title IV funding was more important than really helping families keep the kids safe. Let NO MAN take what GOD has put together! Evil lives within Child Protective Services..... see " Innocence Destroyed" on Youtube, Senator Scheafer and CPS plus "Lawless America" the movie. You will find me there. I hope my babies do too. Also see "Failed to death" a Denver Post series. More kids die in State care than in their own parents home. We don't need CPS. We need family!
As a man that has had to live for over 40 years without knowing my real parents I think it is time to change these laws. What about the rights of the child? Adopted children that are not permuted to find their birth parents are denied the truth of their identity.
Yes I truly do believe that children should be able to meet their biological parents. I have 6 children who were all put up for adoption, not by choice, but because of the system. I never did a thing to my children, I lost my children because of my past history, meaning my little cousin passed away, and I was held accountable. A physical altercation that I was involved in at the time, was a very good one, very violent, abusive, etc. Long story short, while in the process of defending myself, my lil' cuz was assaulted (hit) in the process, I was 15 years old at that time, 1 year later, I gave birth and D.S.S. came and took my children 1, by 1 by 1. I had no money, no one to fight for me. I had D.S.S. for 15 years for the same incident, where I did go to jail for criminally negligent homicide, I guess my actions were criminal (choosing the wrong boy/man), and by him passing away it was very neglectful, why because of the criminal, domestic, and crazy life I had to live at that time, just to have some where to live and feel loved at that time. Anyway, all 6 of my children were adopted through kind ship foster care. My aunt ended up adopting them. My beautiful set of twins were adopted by a total stranger, who too allows me to see my children, so I'm truly blessed, and most definitely believe that children should have contact with their biological parents, without a doubt.
If a child is adopted then they have a right to know who their real parents are so that maybe one day they can find them and reunite the family again. All adopted children have a right to know who they really are so they don't feel like a nobody.
I am adopted and being prepared to see my family for the first time since I was two. Sometimes it doesn't work out, but sometimes it will, so you should let the child see their birth parents to see if they could get on. Everyone wants to see their parents and know their parents, don't they?
I found my mother and father. My mother had been pressured to relinquish and my father had not been told he had a child. I have my family back. The general public does not understand what happened to babies like me and that now I am a grown woman with children of my own.
I especially feel a strong bond with my father. It just is. The truth is way better than lies and secrets. Their have been painful parts as well, but this is all about me, and I had no choices. Non adopted people cannot possibly wrap their brains around this one. There are no laws that promise privacy. No laws at all.
And if there were, have unjust laws ever existed?
My husband's gave up son for adoption before he met me. I always knew about the son.
My husband and I never had children. I tried with my first marriage, husbands first wide did not want children.
His 19 year old son found us, his adopted father passed away from a heart attack a few years before he found us. All is so wonderful. His adoptive mother is so supportive. He is a real joy. All is well and he is a part of our family we are so blessed. He actually is staying with us this semester going to college. We live in a different state his Mom is very supportive and we All get a long beautifully. I know we are very lucky. There are blessings in this world.. He is one.
Hopefully I don't type up my response and hit submit to later find out that I need to sign up. Tricky way to get people to respond.
My answer... Yes, they should. My adopted parents won't assist in finding my birth parents. They find it offensive and sure I can see why, but ever since I was a kid (I was adopted at 8 years old) I wanted to find them. Time went on and I later abandoned the idea due to teenager know it all priorities. I wanted girls, cars, fame, stuff, etc. I wasn't interested in finding parents at that time.
Well I'm now 30 years old and I'm wanting kids of my own. My fiancee and I aren't ready quite yet, but we're almost there. We just want to finish paying off our cars and what not to ensure financial stability.
Actually it benefit children emotionally because they may be confuse when they are not allow for they to find their biological parents.Children ought to have the right to find out why their biological parents gave them to other people.It is all for the children's wellbeing.As to what way they will treat their new parents is another question.
For those of you who believe it's your "privacy right" to not be contacted by the child you gave up, you''re wrong! We thank you for not aborting us, but come one, at least you could have a little respect and let us meet you. I believe the number one reason why bio parents (mom's specifically) don't want to meet their child is simply because they are self absorbed. Take yourself out of the situation and focus on the child....You gave up....For once. Excuse me if I come across a little bitter, but after a very long time searching for my bio mom, I found her and asked for some basic background info for my children, and she denied me. Actually got angry because she has been living her life for 40 years and her other children (who are grown) and her husband, don't know about me. Really?
I think they should be able to find their real parents becuase I would well it depends if u like ur adopted family if I didnt then I would but if I did like them then I wouldn't find my parents. But it's up to the children I think so they should be able to.
As an adopted child I feel this is a basic human right. If you're not adopted your opinion is invalid as you cannot possibly have any insight, therefore you cannot make a judgement. Adopted children spend their lives wondering about genetic make up and perhaps reasons for placement. Should we have to spend our lives in misery constantly living in the unknown? That's an injustice.
As an adoptee, I know my parents did what they felt was best at the time...However, many years later...I can't fill the emptiness that I carry in my heart for my family that I have never met. No one can judge how that feels unless they are able to walk in these shoes. Realizing that it was painful for the parents as much as myself...And that the possibility is huge that they may have never told their current family and friends about the child they surrendered long ago...Sparing their shock and feelings should not out weight the feelings and emptiness that the adoptee has carried around for so many years. We have rights as well...We are all held accountable and must face things that we may regret in our past...PLEASE REACH OUT TO YOUR CHILD!
My wife is adopted. She loves her mother and father that adopted her. She has traveled and has done more things than I would have ever done with my real parents, but the only issue she has with it is that every time she goes to the doctors they ask "Any history of...?" and she has no idea how to answer. She wants to find her real parents only to see the medical history of that family or know of any issues with breast cancer or any other serious issue. She would never leave her adopted family. A lot of people on here keep talking about "contracts" and this is BS. Why do we stick with "paperwork" but don't go with what is right? I don't care if that's how it is. I don't want to lose my wife over something that could have been prevented if medical history was available for her.
Everyone has the right to know from whom, what and where they came. For cultural and health reasons to name just two. No parent should have the right to refuse their child this basic birth right. If the bio parent does not want a relationship with his or her child, no one can force that but the child should be able to know his lineage, history of family illnesses, whether he or she as any siblings, etc.
Adopted children should have the right to search for their biological parents once they are either 18 years of age or older, have parental consent, or have been emancipated.
Un-emancipated minors who do not have the permission of their parents, however, should not be allowed to do so. Parents have the responsibility to protect their children's physical, mental, and emotional well-being and as the child's legal guardians, they have the right to determine when the child is mature enough for such an emotionally-taxing undertaking as searching for a biological parent.
I'm not saying that the children can continually bother the parents, but allowing them to contact the parents about medical history and ethnicity would be great. (I don't even know WHAT I am and I'm adopted, I wish I had the ability to reach out to my parents but I don't.)
Children need to know their real parents. There might be running health issues in your biological family, if the parents are not found, the child will never know. They may unwillingly pass on those problems to future generations. Not knowing can also lead to psychological problems, the feeling of abandonment or other feelings can take over and become too much. It's important for them to at least have the option, the choice to find their biological parents.
Every person wants to know where they come from, and they deserve the opportunity to seek out their roots. Birth parents can never take the place of the adoptive parents any more than I can take the place of my best friends children as their mother. Children will naturally gravitate towards the people that nurtured them, it's selfish on the part of the adoptive parents to hinder that process. Just because your child wants to know their birth parents doesn't mean they're going to abandon you. They already feel abandoned themselves.
I can't even imagine the circumstances under which one does not have a right to seek out one's family members. This question doesn't even make sense to me.
It seems that the implication is that, by adopting, adopters have bought the right to prevent another person from seeking out the truth about his/her beginnings? It's not possible to buy nor legislate away reality.
I was adopted and had medical problems growing up, it did me good to find my birth parents because I was able to get to the root of my problem and now I'm much better! I also understand where I came from and that it was in my best interest. Opinions are like assholes everyone got one! To me everyone need know where they come from, but don't forget who raised you and if your parents raised you accordingly the child would know the difference on the level of understanding who is really Mom and Dad. Knowing your birth parents don't make you love your adopted parents any less.
I have just met my birth mum for the first time in over 40 years, we got along great and it was, put simply, one of the best days of my life. I am now hopeful that there will be many more special days ahead. We have both missed out on so much together but it is the future we now looked too. No child should ever be separated from its mother except when there is a real danger to the child.
I am adopted and personally not knowing where you came from makes it impossible to truly understand oneself. I feel a part of me is missing. Also I have siblings and a father who DONT know about me. Wouldnt you want to know if you had a brother/sister/daughter? Regardless of consequence information should not be withheld.
I have been in and out of foster care for 8 years and lost my brother at the age of 5. Adopted kids should be able to have contact with their biological parents because its not fair if the kids don't know history about themselves and have lived their whole life a secret I think adopting is great but the kids need to have contact with their real parents its for the better. I miss my parents a lot and I'm not allowed any contact not even talking on the phone with is ridiculous.
I am adopted and have found both my mother and my father thanks to my birth certificate and the Internet. Had I not been able to get my birth certificate I never would have found them. They were looking for me but didn't have anywhere to start. They were young but they wanted me and now we are all healing. Yes my b mom got married and had 4 more kids. Don't be so quick to discard us as trash. She never forgot me or hid me from her future relationships just in case I found her. Yes some parents are horrible. But you can't give a fetus rights and be all pro choice and as soon as the baby breathes it's first breath say. Ok now they're worth nothing and worthy of less. It's like being trapped in a tv. Everything around you is fake. You just exist in it. Finding my parents was something I needed. Not something I wanted. They're not perfect either. I never expected them to be. None of that matters though cause they're mine and I belong to someone. Ex a bullet went through my house while my son was home. I got mad and got on Facebook and cursed out whoever it was that thought it was a good idea to fire a gun. My a mom told me to watch my mouth on Facebook. I'm 35 by the way. My b mom called to see if we were ok. An adoptive parent can't ever truly see us as theirs no matter how much they love us or take care of us. Yes my a mom loves me but she'll never be able to connect to me. Now after finding my parents... I don't fear for my sons life anymore which made it hard for me to connect to him. I was afraid he'd die on me and I'd be alone again. To you something as small as a birth certificate is nothing. It freed me and allowed me to breath. You'll never know how that paper changed my life.
Adopted CHILDREN do have feelings about searching but they do not search. They can't. Adopted ADULTS make the decision to search if they want to. It's no one else's business what adults choose to do. We don't require parental permission for any other decision, so adopted people don't need permission to search for their roots.
Do wish the general public would stop addressing adoptees as perpetual children! We were children when relinquished and then adopted, but we seek answers all of our lives. Many of us begin asking questions when we are children, many hide their feelings in order to survive. Many adoptees hide from their own feelings and aren't even aware of how they feel until well into adulthood. Many adoptees were found by natural family at different times. Some adoptees, like me, were found when still in high school. Others are in search and then are found. ..We were never asked to give our consent to being relinquished or adopted. And our natural parents signed away all rights. Adoptees who want to know should not be prevented from searching. We should not be kept from our birth certificates, either, by legislation that keeps our true birth certificates under seal. It is a basic human need to want to know who we are and were we come from. Just ask the millions of people who trace their family trees: no one asks them if they should be allowed to search without consent. It's my life and I shall do with it what I want to. If you search and find someone who does not want a relationship, then those wishes should be respected.
I"m adopted. I was adopted two days after I was born. I don't think it's fair that I can't find out where I came from. When I was in middle school we had a huge culture fest. Out of all the kids in the school, I was the only one with an adoption display. I don't know where I came from. It hurt me. It made me cry. I was the one girl out that didn't know. I want to know. I deserve to know. It's an issue that's been bothering me for awhile. I've cried myself to sleep many nights over this. When people proudly talk about their heritage and where they come from.. And then they ask me. I can't answer. I look away. I think I should have the right to know. I have a huge part of me missing.
Children should know and even contact with their biological parent(s), because they have the right to know. I know many children get emotional knowing that they don't have biological parents, but later in live they will understand. Even if you keep it a secret for your child, sooner or later they will find out and be really upset. But its better to tell them when their between the age 13-17, not sooner because for little kids it a shock to hear that they were adopted
Why not? I am not an adopted kid but i do have many adopted friends, I understand that it isn't the same thing but kids should be given the right to know where they actually came from. I 100% understand why some adoptive parents wouldn't want the kids to know the real parents but sometimes you cant cover everything up with lies. It would just be better to prepare the kid to know IF THEY WANT TO meet the real parents. Then you can help them cope and go from there.
I think as an adopted child you should be able to contact your birth parents with no guilt. I have met my birth mother and that was good for a couple of years, but then she ducked out again. She did tell me who my father was, and his daughter contacted me last year via Facebook to ask if I was her sister. I was stunned. However, since she claims that he was aware that he might have a daughter he has never been totally sure, so perhaps I would agree to a DNA test. Which I did. The test has never been sent to me, and I assume he really doesn't want to own up to the fact that he possibly fathered a daughter 43 years ago. I just think this is so harmful to me. I am tired of these people rearing their heads, and then throwing me away again. At what point do I have the right to just say, I want answers!
I want to know, but not at the expense of my self esteem. Sometimes it feels like a really cruel game.
As an adoptee I was simply told that my mother was in a mental institution and my father was in prison for murder. I always had to question what was so wrong with me that my own mother could not love me. And if she could not love me then how could anyone. I have since learned that she did love me and that has provided a great sense of peace and healing in my life. These children deserve t know the truth and not just some picture of the truth that has been painted for them. They will always wonder where their looks and actions came from. They will wonder about heritage and make up these huge grand stories in their minds. They will not communicate these for fear of how their new family will react. If for no other reason than to understand who they are and where they come from. Accepting blindly is not easy especially when you feel unloved and unwanted by what should b vital person in your life. It is not meant to hurt the adopted family but the human instinct of curiosity is a force beyond comprehension. And when they have kids of their own then the need to know why they were given up becomes stronger. I was 3 when i was adopted and i always had trust issues. Finding the true circumstances of why i was adopted and that it wasn't because i was not loved or wanted gave me the healing i needed. I strongly believe that they should be allowed to search but also that each child has to decide for themselves if they really want to know. I am sure there are some cases where children just do not want to know.
Although birth parents should have the right to keep information and contact to a minimum, I do believe that an adoptee's right to information outweighs any short-term inconvenience placed onto the birth parents.
I think that if the birth parents do not consent to contact, it should remain private and descrete, but they should want the adoptee to get vital information as to their biological background.
A legally binding contract was made when I was born. Never, since slavery times has a contract made by others been binding on a adult. I never agreed to any of this and don't feel bound to comply. Psychologically I have been driven to search, I don't know why. My "drive" to search has been a source of pain my whole life. Those who say "just let it go" are not touched by adoption (unless they are birth parents trying to keep their "dirty little secret") Adult adoptees should be allowed to search.
Me and my sister are suffering because we don't know who our parents are. Yes, we are grateful for the family we have, but i also had two brothers who are seperated from me and my sister. And sometimes we don't feel like we fit into this family. I know why some of you dont agree to this but all adopted children need to know if they have a family disease or just to connect to them.
I am 58 and I would like to know who is my parents and who is the real parents of my brothers and sisters. Who are parents were is our heritage and history. The parents who brought me up we're world war 2 children and many refugees from the nazis came to england and some of them were adopted where they had tragically been separated from the real parents. Unfortunately well meaning of middle class parents believe there children would rather not know the tragic circumstances of the real parents but I can tell you for a fact that I would rather know no matter what the truth was and I am actually angry that this is kept for me
Being a child who is adopted, I would love to meet my birth mother and father. I love my family now, but I always wonder who I am most like. I think that it is a option that should be given. Also, children who were adopted between birth and the age of 8 had no choice. And giving them the option of finding their birth families might help with problems that could occur during the teen years. As a young adult, I would love to meet my birth family.
I was adopted and while i love my parents, my would be flipped upside down if i never met my biological parents. Everyone deserves the chance to see who made them even if they are adopted, I love my parents but if I didnt know my biological mom my life would be changed
Many kids feel as though never wanted because they don't know there real parents all they know are that some random strangers adopted them to raise them and it is usually unknown why the kids are given up and its rare to meet the family therefore the kids feel like an out cast all because they don't know who there parents are so yes they should be allowed to look so that way they don't feel useless or an outcast or unwanted
Yes, everyone should know where they come from, sometimes life is ugly, but grow up people if you want nothing to do with your children you gave up for adoption it's ok, but at least be honest, let them know where they come from. I have a sister, brother and possible other siblings but have no concrete info to find them, I had great parents and I am very grateful for that but would still like to meet my biological family and I am 59.
This is something only the adopted individual should have a say in. (I am adopted, haven't met my birth parents yet. I love my current family and even though we have our disagreements, wouldn't change it!) Even though the person was adopted, by looking for his birth parents doesn't mean that he is being disrespectful!! Some questions do come up at times and I think everyone has the right to be able to answer them!!
If I was adopted I can only imagine that I would be to curious to not look into my parents. However, my friend was adopted and when I spoke with her she was completely opposite of what I expected. She had absolutely no desire to meet her biological parents and brought up some good points.
All children have the rights to this information, if you didn't want the baby maybe you should of used birth control.
That's right there's a word of this is philosophy called consequentialism
As a mother you have responsibilities to the situation
Own it, you created the child ,
The adopted kids should have the right to meet their real parents. Yeah they grow without them but they should sit down and listen to hear to what they have to say. The might have a good reason to why they put them up for adoption. Not all parents have thee money to raise the kid. I think they should be able to meet them.
I was adopted when I was young and grew up knowing very, very little about my biological parents. When I turned 18 I moved out of my adoptive mother's house. When I was 19 (had to move back to adoptive mom's house), I found the info about my bio parents. Because my adoptive mom worked so hard to hide it, I didn't tell her I was looking. I found my biological dad, and decided to move in with him. When I moved, it hurt a lot of people. I also moved to follow a new dream. When I first met my bio dad, I got to work with him as a diesel mechanic, and loved it. I moved to follow that dream of working with him. All my life I have switched what I wanted to do when I got out of school. When I got to work with him, I knew what I wanted to do... If I had grown up knowing him, I would have known what I wanted to do. I would have had the fatherly love that I spent all my life trying to find. Knowing him would also have eliminated the feelings of abandonment, loneliness, feelings that I was alone in the world.
Kids or even grown ups should be kept from knowing there birth parents because it's not fair to the ones without there birth parents. But yeah it's just not fair.. I also think they shouldn't because probably gave there child away on purpose and I just don't think they should meet there birth parent if that had happened
Those that know their parents can never understand the curiosity and driving force to understand your biological traits. I think it is a rarity to find someone that does not know their mother or father, and equally thinks they have no God-given right to know. It is usually the birth parent who is trying to hide their mistakes or lack of interest. All ok to have mistakes and lack of interest, but really uncool to not be honest about the fact.
I think adopted kids should be able to see their biological parents. Its apart of every kid/ adult that is adopted we want to know who our biological parents are. I grew up knowing i was adopted. I hit about 13 and was curious who my biological parents were. I felt a void and i wanted to fill it. Im 15 now and still want to fill it but my parents wont allow me to. I do not thin it is fair.
As far as I know, I was only given up because she was too young and still in college. I know that she herself was adopted, so she should get the curiosity. I understand if it can't be a long term relationship because 18 years later...Odds are she has a family and I'd be an awkward piece of her past. But I need to meet her, and I don't know after that....
Just look up Parental Alienation Syndrome. That should explain it all. Children should be given the option to make their own opinion of their birth parents. 18 years isn't your whole life. I was in foster care for 11 years of my childhood. During that time, I ran away several times (endangering myself) to find my mother, who the state had severed all communication from. I found her. We have a good relationship now. And that's what matters. She didn't have to "raise" me to love me. She may be imperfect, but all parents are. I should know, I had many sets of parents while in states' custody.
I think that adopted children have the right to know exactly who their biological parents are and what exactly happened to them. No matter how horrible the situation might be, I think it's important for an adopted child to know where they came from. It's more than just blood, it's about their identity. It gives them a definition of who they are and what they want to be defined as. Simple titles such as family ancestry or hometowns are luxuries adopted kids might not have. All they might want is an explanation. It shouldn't be that hard to give.
There are so many questions that run through your mind knowing you are adopted. The obvious ones like family medical history (This is annoying, as I've been to many doctors in my life), family heritage (when all the other kids in class could do projects on theirs), and then there are the questions of Nature vs. Nurture, "do I have any siblings?", "What is the REAL story of my adoption". First of all, I love my adoptive parents. They've provided a roof over my head and have loved me. I do agree that if you have loving adoptive parents, they should be included in the process of finding your biological family. However, not everyone's case is the same. You can't say that ALL adoptee's should not be able to seek their bio. Parents without PARENTS consent. And speaking of parents consent - that doesn't mean State consent. So if the person is over the legal age, whatever they do is up to them. Having your parents consent after 18 if just a courtesy. There are also some other things I would LOVE to touch on... For starters, Being adopted was NOT my decision. If I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions just like my biological parents did. If my decision was to search for my bloodline, I shouldn't be called "selfish" for it. I have the right to know about my past, my medical history and where I came from. I think it's very selfish of someone to say that it shouldn't matter to me. Who are you to say that none of that matters in MY life? And on the subject of being selfish, I'd also like to touch up on the biological parents who say they have kept their adopted child a secret, and having the child find them has "ruined their lives". How VERY selfish of you. It was your decision to put your child up for adoption, and you DID get pregnant. The first step of being responsible was the adoption, but it is up to you to own up for the things you have done in your life. If you do not tell your now-husband/wife about your past, that is your mistake. And if your past catches up to you and everyone is surprised - you can ONLY blame you. Ultimately, if you are an adult nobody should be able to tell you that you cannot go on a journey to figure out YOUR past. Even if some people say it's "an invasion of privacy". We can only work with what is legal anyway, so if you're upset that you were found on facebook, maybe you should have changed your privacy settings. I'm just saying.
I found me mother several years ago and discovered she had told her other children / my sisters and brother, she also told me who my father was, he's not on my birth certificate either, I have know found him after several more years, I've made a brief connection with him, but he doesn't want nothing to do with me, this has been a long journey and to have this as the out come is hard and disappointing.
Should I try again or leave it, the trouble is, he's in is 70's and don't want to leave it where it is.
There should absolutely be limitations to how far the adoptee can go as far as seeking contact, but I believe that we have the right. The birth parents made a decision that we had no say in. A decision that leaves a child, and later adult, feeling lost, confused and with a lot of questions. We had nothing to do with being put in that position but I believe we have the right to seek out answers - legally and morally. The parent(s) have had all that time to heal and move on with their lives.. I'm about to turn 33 and I never have.
I'm not adopted but my dad left me and my mom while I was at a very young age. About a decade after he came around again. I wanted to hang out with him. I wanted to know more about him. Also, ask why did you leave me by myself? It's a great benefit because that burning hole inside of them will finally be healed.
To be able to forgive the for how their past ended up as little kids and be able to have a good relationship with them and to be able to know why they did the things they did or why their parents go a divorce and why they were unable to take care of their kids
If I was able to find my birth mother without my parents consent I might actually know my medical history and when I had surgery a few weeks ago I would not have been as afraid and in the dark as I was. It would have helped to calm my nerves.
They might want to know who there real parents are! And to see if they have any sibilings and see who is all in thier family. It's like in the drama. I would be sad if it was me, because I would want to know who my real parents are. Thank You! -Cindy (:
I am a teenager and would love to know about my family. I know they gave me up because they wanted me to have a better life, but I believe I have the rights to know who my parents are. I believe I have the rights to my family medical records, to knowing my extended family and who is in it. I want to know my family and help them out. I'd also want to thank them for putting me up for adoption. If they hadn't, I would've been poor and unhealthy, living off probably only a waitress salary. Now I'm very smart and healthy and I want them to see what they've done. I want them to see how far I've come. I want them to be proud of their decision.
I believe that they should because its there own birth parents. Not knowing who your birth mom and dad can affect you for your whole entire life. Who wants to grow up not knowing who gave birth too you. I think that if the kid is at let 13 they can make that choice for themselves.
I was adopted when I was 6 months old and I did a search for my biological mother with the help of a lady. I think it is a great idea for questions that go unanswered like health issues that could carry over to the child or even just to find out why they put you up for adoption. I met my biological mother although we lost contact I still think of her as a great person for what she did. I see no harm in it.
My mom doesn't know who her parents are and my sister went blind and deaf randomly and they need the health records from the grandparents and we don't have any. She can try to go to court to get them but that process will take to long. Meanwhile my sister is blind and deaf. The kids should get to decide at a certain age.
You see if they could ask the people they want to seek permission, they wouldn't have to seek them. Adopters should stay out of this, it's none of their bussiness whether, though they may help with how. Why should adopters being involved with this? They only ruin the possibility that there is a happy ending.
I was young just finished high school broke up from my boyfriend and I had no job. My family was against the pregnancy most haven't talked to me since but they didn't offer support place to stay nothing. I lived in a friends home temp but after my son was born they said I should get him back how could I there was two parents out there knowing a son will be coming soon. I picked the parents myself threw an agency that does adoption I felt it was the best choice. Next thing I found out had no place to stay so lived on the streets for 3 years I called family but they said suck it up you did it. Then met my boyfriend few years later we hit it off I got employed we got married with a roof over our head food in our stomachs and 25years later I think of my son still. What kind of life would my son have if I kept him threw all that? But the parents who waited and waited for 12years for a baby who had jobs a house everything a boy needed just couldn't have their own, I still cry over the gift of my son to those parents and sometimes wonder what if?
I think children should be able to contact their biological parents regardless of the situation at hand, no matter if its open or closed adoption. Babies dont know that their parents gave them up. They deserve the right to know where their family came from. Children deserve the right to know who their real parents are.
I am adopted and find adoptive parents try to force you to bury your feeling towards your biological family. My parent refuse to even tell me who my birth father is, burning a letter my BM gave me with his name on it. Adoptive parents want to see then selves as the only parents and it simply does not work like that.
I am adopted and get to see both my biological mom and dad (divorced). I love them even if they did leave me and I love my adoptive parents too. I definitely think they should get to see their real parents. It's nice to get to see your real mom and dad. They have the right, and it isn't a bad idea. I visit with my mom every four months, but I miss her still. :)
My biological father and my mother are divorced and in September of 1999 my mother married my adopted father. I know that in two years when I turn 18 I will not go looking for my biological father, only because the few memories I have of him aren’t pleasant. Every child is different though... and I believe that they should be able to find their parent(s) if they choose to.
Whether or not a reunion happens or goes well, every adoptee has a moral - if not legal - right to know their own biological-medical-cultural heritage, to have access to valid legal identification (OBC) and to have opportunities to develop relationships with biological kin. For those who argue the biological parents need privacy - MEH! Perhaps a little more discretion should have been employed before getting pregnant. Biological parents do not surrender all moral obligations to a child that they create by signing away legal responsibilities to adoptive parents. Adopted people do NOT have an obligation of "being grateful" for being adopted by people who Chose to become parents through adoption any more than a child has to be grateful for being raised by biological parents -- if you think they do, then the adoptive parent is not really a parent, but a benefactor.
I feel the child has the right to know. My aunt and uncle adopted my son at birth. It was not a pre-planned adoption. When he was born my "mother" had arranged the adoption and forced me into giving my son up since I was only 16. Now my son being almost 20 has a strong relationship with me, although it is causing problems with my "mother." He and I both feel they are trying to keep us apart. All we do is chat on the phone. We dont hang out together nor have we ever exchanged money or anything. We just have that mother-son bond. It's great and I will continue my relationship with my son and I am so happy to have him in my life along with my 5 other children. I feel whole again and loving it.
yes because you have the right to do anything when your 18. also because you might be blaming things on you and you really aren't. you have the right to make up your own mind you might love your parents that adopted you but you feel empty inside and at lease want to know your mother or something.
When a child comes of age (17-18+) the child should be given the option of weather or not they want to know their real (biological) parents. It should be their choice. Would any of you be able to fully live happily knowing that your bio parents are out there some where, and you know nothing about them? I know i can't but i don't get the choice to see my real mom she passed before I could get the chance. But if the child wishes to seek their real parents there is nothing you can really do to stop them.
we have a right to know hey should make up there own mind also not have a spouse interject there feelings just cause they were adopted and do no want to fin there biological family Some adopted children try to seek out their biologic parents because of a need for closure, or to seek understanding of who they are and why they were given up. At other times, it is due to medical needs
They are going to look for them anyway, it might as well not hard to find. Even though adoptive parents not want there adopted child to know there biological parents cause the child may have diffrent feelings tward there adoptive parents. As hard as it might be for someone to go through life never knowing their parents, it may actually be harder when they do find out.
In my case, all family members were supportive in my decision to find my birth mother. I understand that not all cases turn out this way but I believe all children should be able to locate their biological families due to curiousity or medical reasons. They do deserve to know. When I was adopted, it was closed. At least now, birth parents can chose from the start if they want to be contacted.
I, like many on this site, am adopted, and I love my parents but I do feel very empty and alone knowing that I'm not my mother and father's true daughter. I have two other siblings who are my adoptive parents' "real" childern and one who is not. My sister and I feel left out knowing that we are not related to anyone in our family (we are not actually sisters either, she had different parents than me). I feel a need to know my parents, or at least my mother. All I know is her name and it kills me not to have someone that looks like me or shares the same feelings. I understand that my mother might not share the things I do but I would at least like to meet my REAL mother. This is something very close to my heart.
I'm adopted, and when I was younger (around 12 or 13) I oh so wanted to meet my biological parents. My adoptive parents said that they'd help if I really wanted to but they thought I should wait until I was older and I was mature and knew what I truly wanted. I'm 24 now and I met my biological father and I'm kind of glad I waited because meeting my real father was nothing like I thought, I think if I were younger it would have traumatized me. He said my mother did not want to see me ever and the whole thing was awkward!
I'm adopted, and I know I would love to find my biological parents. Not knowing them just feels like your asking yourself qustions you'll never be able to answer, do I have anyother bothers or sisters? What are my biological parents like? and i think if childs did find there parents they would feel complete.
im adopted and kids should have the right to see there parent, they have every right to.
Any child should be allowed to seek out information regarding their biological parents, without the consent of their adoptive parents, once they reach a certain age. However, if the biological parents do not want to be found or do not give consent for their information to be released, that should also be respected.
Some adopted children try to seek out their biologic parents because of a need for closure, or to seek understanding of who they are and why they were given up. At other times, it is due to medical needs. With current technology, medical procedures are improving, and oftentimes require someone from the same family to be a donor. Because this in turn becomes a life or death situation, it is necessary to allow adopted children to seek their biological parents.
An adopted child is often haunted by where he came from and why he was "abandoned" by his natural parents. He doesn't need anyone's permission to find these things out anymore than you or I need permission to find out who our ancestors were. Every person has a right, even a need, to know who he really is and what and who he came from so he can have closure.
There were certain privacy measures put in place, depending on the adoption agency, that disallows certain information to be disclosed to the adopted child. So, depending on that, one would not necessarily be able to FIND their biological parents in either case. The right to "seek" them though, is inherent in this country. And many have done so (as I have).
Children should always have the right to seek out their biological parents. Children, adopted or not, have free will. They are not to be controlled, like electronic equipment or animals, but they should be guided. When a child is old enough to pursue their biological heritage, on their own, it should be their choice to do so. All folks involved in this kind of situation have the right to participate in the child's quest, or not. But, a child is not a piece of property. And, even when adopted by the best family on earth, a child might still be curious about who created them. Even if just for the sake of closure, why shouldn't they be allowed to make an attempt to satisfy that curiosity?
All of us have backgrounds that we are entitled to know about. If a parent who gives up a child for adoption, gives up the right to be contacted by that child at a later date, then they should not be held to that. Things change, people change and a circumstance in which a child is adopted, might not exist years down the line. Years down the line, the parent may wish to know what became of that child.
On the part of the child, the possibility of rejection is always there...but to have tried is better than never having had the chance to try. They might cope better with rejection from a natural parent, than they would if the law said that they were not allowed to seek their natural parent/s and so never had the opportunity in the first place.
Each individual has a right to ask the questions important to them, and to find out information that might affect their lives. The more accurate the information we have about the world, the better decisions we will make, because they are based on reality, rather than fantasy or untruths or ignorance. And since it's clear that biology is at least 50% of who we are and what we can do in life, knowing as much about our parents as possible is important to our physical and mental health.
When a child is adopted they usually feel like something is missing from their life. I think if they feel like they want to find their parents, it should be their choice. I can see a biological parent having to get consent from the child to see them but not the other way around. They have already been through so much, and they deserve to know about where they came from.
Any human being has the right to know where they came from. I believe, especially for health-related reasons, at the very least, a full medical history should be provided.
Everyone has the right to know where there roots originally comes from! Adopted parents can not fill the existing void! Without this important knowledge a child feels like a square peg trying to fit in a spot that not made for them.
I strongly believe that every child should know who their biological parents are, no matter what occurred int the past. This would help with clousure and may help the adopted person know why he/she is the way they are, and to learn what your health status is, and why you have some disease that you have no idea where it came from.
Adopted adults should have the right to find out who they are and where they come from. They should be allowed to have access to medical background since we all know that our genetics play a huge role in health issues. If we know what our medical background is we may be able to avoid serious health issues.
This should be done, I feel when the 'child' is able to have a calm and reasonable discussion with the adoptive parents; or at the time of legal age. However, if the child/person finds their biological parent, they should be prepared to accept that the parent may not have the same balanced view as he, and may in fact not be prepared to cooperate. Is the child/person ready for that emotional upheaval and unpleasantness that may take place. On the other hand it may turn out to be a very rewarding or a least, an informative experience.
It just drives me crazy when I see kids trying to find their 'real' families. You already have a family, the family that took you in and raised you as their own. Why would you want to find the family that gave you away! Even if they gave you away to give you a better life, adoption means you give the kid away FOREVER! iT'S NOT A DEAL WHERE YOU GIVE SOMEONE YOUR KID TO RAISE FOR THE FIRST 16 YEARS OF THEIR LIVES! Adopted brats need to be more appreciative. (I realize there are other surcomstances, but I'm refering to the ideal family setting.)
Its the law... Just the simple truth. If I dont want to know my adopted child then I dont want to. Its my choice. If I knew that I was giving up a child only to come seek me and remind me that I left a child back then I'd be more inclined to abortion.
It's a can of worms that rarely has a happy Hollywood ending. I find kids who are adopted that want to find their biological parents rather selfish. "But I need to know!" Know what? "That your the product of rape, incest, druggies" Awesome, be proud knowing that. Hey, write that on your Facebook wall! You needed to know! And maybe if you're lucky your biological parents will seize the opportunity to mooch off your adopted parents -- all because you "needed to know." Be grateful that you were adopted and love the family you have. In most cases of adoption the grass is not greener.
While I can understand the desire of an adopted child (minor or adult) to want to know the bio's, I don't think this should ever happen, especially in the case where the bio's have criminal records. The bio's signed away their rights to the child for a reason, let's just leave it that way. The adopted parents (who, by the way, ARE the REAL parents) adopted that child to love and support for a lifetime. The adopted child should get down on his knees and THANK GOD who intervened on the child's behalf and provided warm, stable, loving parents, and I for one (who is an adopted parent, a REAL parent, btw) would be insulted if my kid told me he wanted to seek his bio parent. To call the bio anything more than a sperm/egg donor is a gross overstatement. Adopted kid, stop being so damn selfish for once in your life and think about someone else rather than yourself!! Think about the danger you are putting your whole REAL family in by introducing these bio donor criminals (people who DIDN'T want you btw) into everyone's lives. Leave the situation alone and THANK GOD your REAL parents love you and haven't kicked you to the curb for your selfishness!
A relationship with a birth parent could be a bad influence for a child because the birth parent could be addicted to drugs or alcohol, a criminal, or severely mentally unstable. The child may not consider these possibilities because they are too young. They should wait until they are adults to contact their birth parents because they will be more mature and more able to handle whatever kind of birth parents they discover. Adopted children may contact their birth parents for the wrong reasons as well. They may decide to contact their birth parents for immature reasons such as contacting them to complain about the adoptive parents because they set a 10 pm curfew for the child, which makes the child angry.
Those who chose a closed adoption over an open adoption should be allowed to maintain their privacy.
I was found by 2 daughters adoptive mother and went and met one but the other one didn't want to meet me. i regret the meeting as i was asked to share my past and now she is blaming me for the way their lives are and its their choice to throw away what was given to them. I don't think adopted children should be allowed to meet their birth parents or open sealed adoption records at least until they are in their mid thirties with families of their own, beyond the age of reason and when they are more mature and responsible and able to live their own lives and not blame others for their problems whatever they might be!! They were raised in a nice christian home with a Mom & Dad & extended family which i never had, they had morals, standards and beliefs and had Jesus in their hearts, but now at legal age and making bad choices and using drugs and alcohol and blaming me because i was an active alcoholic/addict but in recovery . They never knew me then only clean & sober, but trash me and blame for for their current using lifestyle. I wish i never met the one daughter who calls me names and trashes me publically on facebook i can't even mention here the things she said to me and i hesitate to ever meet the other one. I never raised any of my kids and three of them drink and do drugs to the point of not holding down jobs, not making right choices for their future and blaming me and i am super angry at all of this and i wish i never knew them at all. My oldest Daughter is married and doing well and a mother of 5 and i am so proud of her for making the right choices & we are currently building on our relationship Anyways, for what its worth, save yourself the pain and sorrow, hurt and anger. I never had a mother and they should be grateful i at least made the right choice to give them what i didn't have..a chance at a normal life with a family and Jesus Christ as the foundation for their upbringing.
In the case of medical emergency, maybe a child should be able to locate their birth parents. But, otherwise, it is the right of the parents to remain unknown to the child. As hard as it might be for someone to go through life never knowing their parents, it may actually be harder when they do find out.
Closed adoptions allow women to choose adoption (perhaps over abortion) without living the rest of their lives in fear that something private could be shared with the world. A recent Dear Prudence letter on slate.com shows what can happen if the adopted child finds the birth mother. In this case the child threatened to contact the rest of the family, extended family and tell them. Women are entitled to confidentiality, especially if it was promised to them. If this changes, then women should be warned of this risk before choosing adoption. I understand the children's desire, but they should not disrupt the lives of someone who was promised privacy. Maybe this isn't fair to their needs and feelings, but life isn't perfectly fair.
Some birth parents give their children up because they feel they are too young or they can't afford a child. However, some birth parents have darker reasons. Maybe the child was a product of rape or incest. Maybe the parent hated children but was against abortion. Maybe the parent wanted to abort but was forced into adoption. Could you imagine the pain a birth parent would go through, if the child was a product of rape or incest, having to relive their trauma? Could you imagine finally finding your birth parents just to learn that they hate you, or that they never wanted you, or that they tried to abort you? Adopted children should be happy for their adoptive parents who love them and not try to open a can of worms.
When a birh mother gives a baby up for adoption, she moves on, and later on that mom may marry and have children. If the child she gave up for adoption comes back, he/she may disrupt the mther's life. This happened to a friend of mine. The child she gave up for adoption showed up one day, and it caused problems, my friend is now divorced and wishes the child had never contacted her. Unless you want to see more abortiions, they need to make adoption laws so that a mother can choose never to hear from the child she gave up.
And think about women who are raped and give the baby up for adoption. That child should not be allowed to contact the mother later on, it would be too painful
I think the adoptive parents should have the right to say no to the child about finding the birth parents, until the child is of legal age. It will give the child something to look forward to. That child belongs to its adoptive parents and the adoptive parents have the right, as that child's legal parents, to raise the child the way they see fit, within the law, of course, without outside interference. Children can get very emotional when it comes to what they think they want. This is why they have wiser adults, i.e.: the adoptive parents, to guide them. You don't have to give in to every little tear a child sheds. You have to be strong enough to stand up for what you believe is right.
Why would you put a child through something like that? These children should be happy that someone was willing to love them when their own parents couldn't or even wouldn't. My parents adopted my nephew when he was really little and if one day he wants to know that would break our hearts. We love him and he is part of our family not theirs. These children's mother gave them up for a reason and it would be painful for everyone some birth parents give their children up because they feel they are too young or they can't afford a child. However, some birth parents have darker reasons. Maybe the child was a product of rape or incest. Maybe the parent hated the children but was against abortion. Maybe the parent wanted to abort but was forced into adoption.
As an adopted child myself, I would have to say no, even though I have always been very curious. But a lot of times, it's for the best. First of all, the adoptees were given away for a reason. There could have been drugs, rape, alcohol or other serious problems involved. Sometimes not knowing is better than finding out. Besides, I have a loving, good, wholesome family that is more than enough. I have also learned that the biological parents need their privacy. My parents have rarely said anything about my biological parents, which makes me think I was adopted for a good reason, and that reason being a safety or privacy issue. If it was a closed adoption, the adopted child definitely should not be allowed to seek their biological parents.
Birth parents should be permitted privacy in closed adoptions. It must be extremely difficult to give a baby away. To reopen those wounds down the road and be forced into a position of explaining something that may not have been discussed with your spouse and children. Also, what happens if they are found? If it does not work out to the benefit of the adoptee. They may feel rejected a second time when their birth parents do not accept the adoptee with open arms. They have moved on with their life. The adoptee should do the same. What does it do to the adoptive parents. The feeling that they raised the child only to lose them if they proceed with a search for their biological parents.
I am strongly against the release of any adoption records/information. I gave a child up for adoption when I was 16 years old - in my situation it was the best for both the child and myself. 45 years later the child called me - I was devastated!! I have kept this secret all of my life - at 65 years old what would my husband and my children of today think of me. If only I had known I could have filed a disclosure veto - now I have someone hounding me all the time. This situation is just devastating. Do these adopted children have no respect for privacy and respect for the parents that raised them? Yes, they may have questions, but there are things that should be left alone.
Devastated birth mother -
Parents do not adopt their children for the biological parent to come back into their life. They made the decision that they did not want to be responsible for their upbringing. I think less people would adopt if they knew that the biological parent would come in and be a large part in their child's life.
I was found by my brother and he took me to meet my mom. It was the worst thing I have ever done. She was crazy and living in a rat whole. All she wanted was money and a handout. Now my brother who I wish I never met has scammed me and my kids out of money and now we are living in an extended stay hotel because my brother and a friend told me about a house for sale and as it turned out there was no house and they got my money. My adopted Mom would always say there was a reason why you were adopted and now I see what she meant! Never go back!
Let me be a bit more specific. I understand that things arise such as medical issues that make it a necessity to find birth parents, but to make it easier on the parents that gave their child up there should be specific parts of the adoption process that 1. Let the adopted person know of the parents wishes with regard to future contact and 2. There should be mandatory medical forms that have to be filled out by the birth parent that includes any and all medical issues that could be of importance to said adopted child in the future. The reason that I say that the adopted person should not be able to just go looking for their biological parents is, there may be reasons that can not even be considered by them to begin with as to why they were given up. For example, maybe the birth was a product of incest or rape and it would be a thoroughly traumatic experience for the birth parent to be confronted with their biological child., or maybe the biological parents current family has no idea that there was ever another child or that an adoption ever took place. The biological child could be going into a situation that their very presence being known about could possibly tear another family apart. I don't want to sound insensitive, but I think that if proper measures were taken at the time of the adoption, as I mentioned at the beginning of this writing that these issues could be avoided for the most part. Of course you are still going to have adopted kids who are now adults that regardless of the biological parents wishes they will still try to contact them. I don't think that that is right . Just as I don't think it would be appropriate for the parent to just up and try to contact the child they gave up for no other reason then just wanting to. There should be a web site (there probably is) where the adopted child and the biological parents that are searching for each other can go to find out if the other is trying to find them too.
There are not enough adoptive parents out there for these children already. It shouldn't be made more difficult by the thought that another mother might come in and take over. In a normal family, a mother would never feel like that. She would always have the security of being that child's mum.
When my adopted child was little, I felt like it was a long time till we had to face the fact that other parents might be involved. Imagine your child's wedding day and there are two mums sat on the front row. Now my child is 20 and at 18 said, she didn't care about me and was going to live with her real mother, only to find her real mother had a new family of her own and hadn't even told them about a child that went to be adopted. Her birth mother wanted to know her but didn't want her living with her.
Now she is 20 she appreciates her adoptive mother and knows what being a mother really is. Being there in the middle of the night when they're ill, giving them a hug when they fall over or come out of school crying because they have been bullied, making their favourite food for tea, passing on the values of unconditional love even when you're not appreciated.
Anyone who can put their child up for adoption doesn't deserve that child.
Our adopted daughter reached out on her own at the age of 17. Thanks to Facebook :(. Now she is leaving with her bio father becaasue the behavior at home got to much. She will be 18 in 4 months so we figured this will not be a bad thing. I am upset that the bio father and mother continued to talk to her on the phone or texting without our knowledge . I feel this was wrong. I do not know what they each have been telling her. The mom and dad were never married. They we young and had a brief affair. Now I am here to wonder if she will ever look back at us as her parents as well that raised her from the age of 6 to 17. I feel contact before being adult is wrong. Everyone needs time to process and adjust. I do hope she will still include us in her life.
As an "adoptive mom" - I can tell you from my very own experience that my now 13 year old daughter is living with her biological mother who happens to be my biological daughter - yes I adopted my maternal grand-daughter. The pain that is felt by my family every day due to this situation cannot even be explained. Yes, I do believe that if an adopted child is interested in looking into who/where the bio parents are "ONCE OF LEGAL AGE" they should do so. Until then, the adoptive family should be able to raise their child in peace and in privacy and not have to experience pain from the biological parents at all.
As someone who was adopted, I say that I would never dream of searching out my birth parents without the support my adoptive parents. I say this with a bit of heartache, but I wouldn't search out my birthmother at all. I remember her, and remember her fondly with love. At a younger age, I dreamt of finding her, but now I realize that could ruin my feelings about her. This is not a decision that is to be made without weighing the consequences. You may embark on a search only to find heartbreaking results. You might find your birth parents, but discover that they are not as you remembered or imagined. If you want to find your birthparents, do so. But only if your adoptive parents agree with the decision and agree to support you whatever the results are.
It is not just the birth mother they are contacting it is the whole family which has been created since the adoption and, if the birth parent does not seek contact, who probably know nothing about the adopted child. One selfish person allowed to destroy the lives of a whole family. How can that be right?
The person who gave birth to you is not your mother, the person who raised you is. I am an adopted child and I am very happy that my biological mother gave me up. If she came to me asking for forgiveness I would say no, I would say that she is not my mother and that although I am not mad at her, that her giving me up means that she gave me up... I'm not her baby, I'm my adoptive mothers. So back to the point, for the mothers: do not look for your child, your child is happy with his/hers family and you will just tear that child apart if you go looking, trust me, I know. For the kids: Looking for your mom will not make you feel better, you were not abandoned, you were given to a better home and you need to be happy with that.
I believe that people should be respectful to their real parents- the one who raised them. No real parent wants to see anyone from the birth family to march right in. They were unwelcomed in closed adoptions and it should remain so. I see no difference between "birth" families and surrogates in that they provided a womb for those who could not have a child themselves. I find it utterly ridiculous that people want to "know who they are!" They should already know being that they are people. Meeting a birth family isn't going to change who a person is, but may lead to many feelings and disappointments. I feel that its completely disrespectful to the real parents to ever have to go through this. Adoptees should be thankful that they are a live and that someone wanted to raise them in the best way they could.
Not every bio parent is pining away for the loss. Some just want to forget about it and move on. An adopted child has no idea of the circumstances surrounding their birth. Birth mom may be perfectly happy with her choice and have absolutely no regrets. She also may not need or want Therapy to help her be more regretful and sad. She may be happily living her life. When a child is born into a family they get what is there. Life is a crap shoot. Maybe you get great parents, maybe you get alcoholics and prostitutes. Who knows. Who would you rather take you chances with, a family that chose you, wanted you or with someone that obviously did not. If,however,you are somehow compelled to seek out a person who, ( had they wanted contact with you would have been seeking you out) then be prepared for rejection. If they do not respond to your requests for contact, STOP. They respected you enough not to destroy your life, pay them the same courtesy by not trying to destroy them because of some emotional issue you are having trouble with. Get some therapy, it may help. Chances are that emotional hole you are trying to fill will only get bigger. Be happy. Live well. Injecting yourself into someone's life that does not want you in it will probably not end well for either of you.....Unless that is your objective. Again, therapy.
Thank about it.
Adoption means "to take into one's family and raise as one's OWN child. The biological parent has given up their rights to this child. That child is yours. If every adoptive parent knew that the biological parent could walk back into their child's life like nothing has happened, I don't feel that anyone would want to adopt. I think the adopted is selfish and ungrateful to his adopted parent. God has given you that family for a reason and to look for something else is what I call coveting (wanting something else than what God has given you).
They should be grateful if they have a loving family. I understand if they were neglected or absurd, but if they had a loving family they have no right. I believe the birth parents have the right to privacy. If people know that if they give a child up they will have no privacy, they will stop giving kids up and just abort.
The birth parent may possibly explain their decision for adoption in a way that is not entirely true in order to "look good". Even when the adopted child is a young adult, the adopted family (who are the "real" parents) should have the opportunity to discuss their story of the adoption AS A FAMILY! This may help the adoptee understand all aspects of their adoption. We always explained to our child that they were born to us through adoption (not adopted). As a spiritual person, there is no doubt in my mind that our childs soul was meant to be with ours. If and when our child chooses to search their biological family, we will support and love her - but I believe we should be included in this journey like all major events (graduations, marriage, illness).
The birth parent may cause stress and anxiety to the adoptee unless the adoptive parents are involved.
When they are still children, I think the adoptive parents should be able to choose how they take care and protect their adopted child. A child is too young to understand what any of it really means, weigh out the possible consequences, or be ready to accept rejection. Children see things differently, and I worry that in the case that the biological parents are not accepting/bad people, the child could be deeply hurt, and it could cause irreparable damage. I do understand the importance of medical history and closure though. I think when the adoptee reaches adulthood, they will at least be more emotionally prepared for a possibly undesirable result. They should still be careful and think thoroughly before seeking contact. Also, they should be respectful to their biological parents and not try to harass or threaten them. Regardless of having deep, upsetting feelings, a decent person shouldn't be okay with making someone else's life horrible to compensate, and especially not a whole group of people (in the case of there being a family). By all means, the adoptee should never be denied his or her medical history, but beyond that, if the biological parents refuse contact, they shouldn't be stalked or tormented. I just don't see how that would make things better for either side. It is very sad for the adoptee, but unfortunately life is not always perfect, for anyone. In a perfect world, I guess there wouldn't be any rape, mistakes, people trying to make decisions for you, etc. As it is though, SOMEONE needs to adopt the children and take care of them. I hope better laws are passed in the future to make things easier and less stressful for everyone involved. As for the biological parents' side trying to seek contact, I think it's highly debatable upon the reason for the adoption, the current state of the biological parents, etc. This could also have a positive or negative outcome, so it should be a careful decision. In the case of the adoptive family being unsuitable, the child should be able to seek out help, of course.
Recently my parents child they gave up for adoption contacted them. They were going on social media etc. Gross violation of my parents privacy. It destroyed our family. They wanted to keep it a secret from me and my sister. My mom felt humiliated. They asked that she not call, and she persisted until recently. What did she want? My parents wanted nothing to do with her. Over the years they had forgotten, but until recently this person who I don't consider a sister in any way has tried forcing her way into our lives. They use all sorts of excuses as to why they need to talk to them. I told her that if she persisted in hounding my parents that I would take her to court. Our family had not legal obligation to her at all. She said mean things to my parents like I guess I was a mistake, sent letters to the house etc. I would have sued the company that helped her find them and then taken care of her. My mom and dad feel humiliated now, they wanted this to be a secret and this person was extremely selfish in her actions. Laws need to be passed to protect birth parents rights from this harassment and humiliation they cause families. She should be thank full that she was not aborted, and my mom now wishes that is what she did. Because of this and the disruption it has caused, I am for abortion rights now. I was not until now.
If the parents do not wish to be contacted then that should be the end of it. What good would it do to force yourself on people who may well have built new families? If they were kind enough to give unplanned or unwanted children to people who wanted them then why would those children - strangers now - be welcome later on in life? If you have been adopted be grateful for the family you have now, do not try to encroach on the lives of people who didn't want to know you. If parents want to be contacted then they can give their consent. If they do not then please respect their decision.
1. It is a violation of the biological parents rights. As long as all medical/cultural and heritage information is disclosed at the time of adoption there should be no reason to compromise the biological parents' privacy.
2. They were put up for adoption for a reason. Having a child is a huge permanent decision, just as putting them up for adoption should be. It shouldn't be treated as nonchalantly as being able to change later on as the potential for disappointment and hurt can be very damaging. You choose a path for them, and for you and if there is a choice to know or not know, finding peace and acceptance can be very hard.
3. The already low numbers of adopting parents can be discouraged from adopting if they think there is potential for interference or preference later on.
My wife inadvertently met her birth parents and at first their relationship was awkward. Neither party knew exactly how to react to the new developments. Their relationship grew over some months and eventually became very positive for everyone. Overtime, however, the complexities of the relationship took their toll and the relationship deteriorated. Eventually my wife and her biological grew apart with a very bitter and saddening end. They now do not speak and most likely never will. In my opinion they all would have been spared a significant amount of emotional turmoil.
The biological parents gave them up for a reason. So why would adopted kids want to see their real parents? Did they ADOPT you? Did they raise you? Did they give you a home,food, the clothes on your back? No they didn't . It just doesn't make sense.
P.S. I am a adopted child and I see no reason so seek someone who gave me up for whatever reason.
While I understand the adoptee's desire to know about his bio's, when there is a criminal history, I don't think the adoptee should be privy to contacting the bio in this case. The bio could go after the adoptee, the adoptee's family and friends...not a good scenario. When there has been criminal activity in the bio's family or with the bio him/herself, then all chances for contact between the adoptee and the bio should be severed.
If someone was adopted, and they are brought up thinking they're a burden on the family because they're not "of blood", if someone raised an adopted child with love and care then they have every right to be called the childs' parent, "biological parent" means nothing if you don't care for the child.
There might be a legitimate, serious reason on why you are not with your biological birth parents anymore. It might be dangerous for you to find and come in contact with them again. They might treat you poorly again or try to take you from the family that raised you. Also they may not want to be contacted.
Most children after meeting their biological parents tend to be disobedient, abrupt, and stubborn. This occurs probably because they see and realize how things really are and they aren't with their biological parents for some reason which would make them deprived from their family, or simply they may feel unloved.
Protect birth parents privacy if she wants it. Today she could choose an open adoption or semi open adoption where information can be shared if she didn't leave her alone. If she changes her mind she will sign up for a mutual consent registry sign up if you want contact.
It should be about mutual consent. Because 65% have responded that they should be able too shows why changing the laws in each state with a no contact preference does not work and why birth mothers don't bother to file a no contact. The adoptee might not be here if their birth mother was not promised privacy. Since the 1970' s a birth mother could have chosen an open adoption. If she wanted contact or was interested she would have chosen an open adoption.
Parental consent is required for minors in general, and adopted children should be required to have the same form of consent when seeking a biological parent. I think every situation is different, and adoptive parents have the right to make decisions in the best interest of their child to protect them.
A child is under the authority of his or her parents until they reach adulthood - and if they are adopted, this means their adoptive parents. If their parents do not consent, they must wait until they reach the age of majority - as with any other decision that their parents determine for them while they are minor.
Consent from parents says that we are talking about children under the age of 18. There should be no contact with the biological givers without the consent of the parents who have adopted. After all that biological parent (s) did consent to someone else raising , providing and caring for that child for the rest of its life. At the age that the child becomes an adult and makes decisions for themselves then they have every right to search their givers out.
I can imagine a situation in which a child given to adoption might want to harm his biological parents for abandoning him. I think if a mother does not wish to be found, the child ought to respect this wish. Adoption is always done for a reason and these reasons are often unpleasant.
I think that many adopted children develop a "fantasy" version of their biological parents. I think that seeking the parent out before they are old enough to understand what they may find at the end of that search could be damaging to the child.
Children who do not have consent to seek their biological parents are at risk of emotional trauma. As children, they do not understand what their biological parents may be like and the biological parents may once again reject them. It is the responsibility for the adoptive parents to provide consent, especially for them to be a source of support for these children through this process.
The biological parents made a decision to place the child for adoption and have gone on with their lives. Being contacted by a child they placed for adoption might cause problems in their current relationships.