I believe that adult children should take care of their elderly parents as necessary. Parents provide for the care of their children; this should be a reciprocal relationship when the child grows to adulthood. At the very least, an adult should fund the care of their elderly parent if the parent is unable to do so.
Our parents, or parent figures, have been with us every step of the way. It was not easy for them in fact it was hard. Imagine all the trouble we gave them starting with our none stop crying in infancy, at the age of two when we tore up the library books, at the age of six where we annoyed the baby sitter to the point of angry tears, at the age of thirteen when you broke your brothers fingers in the van door while playing hide and seek, those stupid moments were you get frustrated and your parents back you up. Parents start out as caregivers but later become friends. Soon in their old age they need a companion someone who will look at the world in their point of view, relax, sit, and listen. Some to love and know will be with you to the end. We owe it to the ones who gave us life and helped us flourish into the people we are now today.
If it wasn't for your parents you wouldn't be alive! Thank them for being alive and giving you a life by helping them! Some people in this world have no heart. My mom has COPD and problems breathing, and I've been helping her for a good ten years now with no regrets. I'm only 33.
They gave me a life and looked after me and helped me to grow up, they do anything for me and to be there for me when I need them, make sure to provide me a roof, protect me if anything bad happens to me. They give me love to live. Without them, I would not be here. I would look after them after what they have done for me. Same goes with family dog, when our family dog was getting old, we look after our family elderly dog after she has been guard us all her life, do you think we should dump her at the shelter? We receive more respect when we live together than lonely elderly parents live, they receive less respect and become target for break ins, robbery, etc. It is full of blessings to take care of our elderly parents.
When in childhood, parent's take care of their children until majority, and even a little longer in some cases, providing food, home, safety and money. So when they come to an older age, is definitely their obligation to take care of their parents, providing all needs for them, not only material needs, but also affection needs.
Some elderly people are afraid of nursing homes, It would make them feel more loved if they stay at your house as long as you have the room. Its a kind and loving thing to do and all people want respect, but if you cant do it you cant change that. Anyway what would you want if you were in this position?
Parents are morally and legally obligated to care for their children when they are young. They provide shelter, food, clothes, etc. It is therefore only fair that when those children grow up and their parents become elderly, they take up some responsibility to provide a decent life for their parents. While it is not a legal obligation, it is a moral obligation.
Adults must be responsible towards taking care of their elderly parents. It is mutual love and affection that is required. There are expectations from children and parents grow their dreams in them. Sometimes they even kill their own desires to make their children succeed. It is definitely responsibility of children to return the affection, when they are grown themselves. It is nature and mankind that needs to be kept in mind.
Think about this! if your parents hadn't looked after you in the first place where would you be right now? Would you even be in a position to continue your life? No, I didn't think so. And who do u have to thank for this? Your parents. So do the moral thing and look after them and take care over. Your parents should be like God to you. They are the most precious things in your life. Without them there is no you. Simple as.
Species survival... Just like we care for our children when they are unable to care for themselves.
Your parent(s) have earned respect (hopefully). They would never let you suffer or see you go without. If they are unable to live comfortably when they are unable to continue to take care of their own needs, it's a family's responsibility to do so.
Your parents cared for you when you were completely helpless and in need. It is only fitting that their adult children should make sure that their parents have what they need in their old age. In many societies there are no governmental programs to care for the elderly and in those societies children care for the elderly. In our society unfunded liabilities from programs like medicare, medicaid, and social security are crushing our government under debt. They would be much less of a problem if adult children would be willing to carry more of the financial burden in caring for their elderly parents needs. Furthermore, most people whether they believe in God or not will admit that they should honor their mother and father. Caring for the needs of your elderly parents is the bare minimum adult children could do to honor their parents. It appears to me that many people in our society care more about having a big house and big screen TV or an RV and jetskis than they care about their elderly parents needs.
I believe grown children should be there for their elderly parents. I don't mean financially if they can't afford it. But they should go visit them regularily and they should see they get good medical care. They should show them love and respect. They definitely should do things to add quality to the their elderly parents lives. Old people want to see their kids. They want to know their kids will protect them from abuse in nursing homes and elsewhere. They should take their parents out to dinner if they are able to go and to visit their homes. They should be kept in the family loop ever if they are old.
In our society, the elderly have become throw-a-way people. They are people who worked their entire lives to support their families. We owe them so much. It is a privilege to care for our elderly parents. It is exhausting and often inconvenient, but it is our duty. Our parents become vulnerable and dependent, and we should be there for them.
I couldn't live with my self if I didn't take care of my mother. She took care of me & I am doing the same for her. I am all she's got & she deserves the best care possible. The best care possible can only come from a loved one. Yes I have a sister that obviously doesn't feel the same as me. It really hurts me that she doesn't care enough about me or her mother to pitch in & give me a well deserved break. I don't understand her at all.
The golden rule, it is the hardest thing to be a good example, but I hope my children will treat me like I treat my mother. I have invited my mom to live in my basement and she loves being close to family but also in charge of her own space.
Part of our family responsibility is to take care of each other. Parents take care of young children provide for their needs. These roles are reversed when parents become very old and it is an expression of gratitude to take care of a parent when possible.
It is the responsibility of each and every one of us to help any family member in need. Our family has raised us and helped to shape us in our future, so why shouldn't we help out when our parents reach an age where they need our assistance? As a matter of fact, I am at this moment saving money to move to Florida next month to move in with my parents to help my mother take care of my father. He has been going downhill over the last few years. He has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Both of my parents are elderly, and my mother cannot take care of him alone. She has been doing it for a few years now, and there are times that she needs a break. So I have been working at Amazon Mechanical Turk night and day since January 1st making peanuts, trying to make some extra money to fly to Florida to help my parents.
If it goes down to financially supporting, I say that adults should be responsible for their elderly parent's care. Obviously, at senior age, people are to retire and if help is needed, financially for health, their adult children must oblige. It would be unfair to the parents if their children were to simply not take part of the money needed for their health.
No matter what age, the parents will always be humans and always parents. The children must also take part in responsibility for their family. The answer is yes, adults should be responsible for their elderly parent's care FINANCIALLY.
Plus, if there is an emotional sickness or disorder or the parents happen to be lonely, the adult daughter or son MUST take care of them ignoring whatever happened before, or whatever excuse there is for why someone would not take responsibility for their parents.
It's shocking to me how adult children don't want to take any responsibility. I'm the youngest of three children, only turned 30 the other day, and I'm taking care of our parents and my handicapped brother. They've lived with us for almost seventh months. My other brother just feels that it's not his responsibility but its amazing that he feels that it's mine. All that I can say: Follow your heart and do what feels right for you! We are blessed everyday and for me that's healing.
My wife , myself and 3 teenage kids lived together in a four bedroom apartment. We should be responsible for their needs and have housed them for more than 10 years with the help of two caregivers. I feel it is our responsibility to care for their well being and my kids could see the sacrifice we made for them and learn to take on responsibilities should the need arise. Housing them in the nursing home is not a good option and it costs much more than caring for them at home.
But, on the side of caution, I would say yes. However, there are just too many variables. A parent may be in need, and if the child is able to help, they should. However, there are other things to take into account like the family relationship. Was the parent neglectful? It's just not an easy thing to answer with a simple yes or no.
You don't have to take care of your elderly parent in your home, but do make sure they aren't homeless and have 24-hour care. Trust me, if you didn't do that you would have to live with it the rest of your life. My parents are both gone and I miss them every day. Now that I have the time with my children being out on their own and independent, I take care of the elderly in my town. I volunteer for Faith and Action in Edwardsville, Glen Carbon. I love the elderly people. I drive them to doctors and grocery shopping and to visit nursing home friends. I miss my parents so much, I had to find something to do to help the elderly. So yes, I did take care of my parents, and I did have help from my brother Tom and my wonderful husband.
My parents need a lot of care. They lived hard and their bodies are showing the damage from lifetimes of alcohol, smoking and obesity. Caring for them is exhausting. I do it out of a sense of obligation and it is very painful. My parents were terribly abusive and while they are kinder today, those old scars have left me feeling terribly resentful. I will care for them, but I will also insure that my own children are never in the position that I am.
Today Our Parents have become old and depending on us. It doesn't mean that we should feel burden about them.
One should not forget that "today we are at this stage is just because of their blood and sweat and efforts and blessings."
Tomorrow we will attain age of our Old Parents but they cannot come back to our Age.
Hence to all my friends of our young generation to take care of our parents with huge amount of love and affection at their old age time.
Even before you were born, your parents were your protectors. Parents take care of their children all their lives and even there for them after they move out and really start their own journey. The least children can do after all those years of being sheltered by their parents is to return the favour when their parents are as helpless as they were. Although I believe that children should take care of their elderly parents, I do not think that it should be a law because some parents are abusive and it would be unfair to ask someone to take care of their tormentors.
Of course, they should take care of their parents as their family members. They have given their whole lives to their children and they are old, weak, dependent, and need more time, love and affection. If they have their own family then there is no need to go to old age home for the shelters. We should protect the lives of those who have given life to us.
I was a single mom. I poured everything I had into my daughters, heart and soul. I may not have much in my bank account but I know that my house, once sold, should pay for my care. I do not think it is fair to expect your children to pay for your medical expenses. And they should not be expected to chase after you to change your diaper or give you a bath after you have smeared yourself filthy. If my mind were that gone, I don't think I would care where I lived. But if I am still inside of my old and crumbling body, please do not leave me to live my days alone and lonely. I want to hear the sound of my family as they live their lives and my grandchildren grow up. I promise to stay out of the way. I promise not to break any of your rules. I just don't want to be alone.
Taking care of a parent does not mean that they have to live with you. In my case my father-in-law does live with us as a result of a heart attack. He is active and for the most part is able to take care of himself. We make sure he eats and takes his meds. So my question to those who don't think you should take care of a parent is: How would you have felt it they hadn't taken care of you as a child? If they had disowned you as though you were a "nobody"? You are missing the blessing of a lifetime. I didn't say it was easy but I know this is the right thing to do for our family.
Especially with how the current economic situation is in America, I think it should almost be required. A lot of people's IRAs and 401Ks that they thought they'd live off of in their golden years have dwindled down to almost nothing. If you as their child have the ability to take care of them, you should do exactly that. Most parents would do anything for their children; you should if you have the ability, do the same thing for your parents.
I am twenty one years of age right now. My mom and dad have been separated since I was one. My mom and dad continued on and had more children with different people, however my dad was able to stabilize himself and start a family a wife and 4 kids. My mom on the other hand has yet to get married and has three children. I know that the day will come when my mom will no longer be able to support herself and my younger brothers. So it will be my moral obligation to be by her side and help her out. I cannot do this at the moment because I am busy with school and work. But once I get my degree and my career I will be there for my mom and younger brothers. I will not be selfish and start a family and get married knowing that my duty lies with helping my mom and brothers with money, encouragement, and support with school.
Elderly parents need care, attention and love as we did when we were their children. Laws in the United States focus on child care only and are very stringent with negligent parents. The same should apply for negligent children who do not care for their elderly parents. If, for any reason, we cannot take care of our elderly parents ourselves, we should provide them with proper shelter, care and attention, and most importantly, with LOVE. It is just a repayment for all the love and affection they filled our lives with when we - and they - were young.
I have realized that sometimes you have to let nature take its course one day at a time. My Dad is a nasty old cuss and has always been so. His decline has sped up greatly over the past 3 months. He's refused his doctor appointments, and has lost a great deal of weight from refusal to eat. His Dr. says there is nothing he or anyone can do right now, but to continue to try our best to make him comfortable, and to just wait. I personally hope, his wish for dying peacefully at home, comes before we have to forcefully move him due to injury or illness - he has no major medical concerns. We all do our best to take care of those we love, but know it is not neglect on our part, when they are stubbornly refusing our care. My only concern now is for my mom, that she is not injured caring for dad, and that she will be able to enjoy life awhile longer when this all passes.
They are our parents of course they need our help we must give them emotional support. They took care of us till now and now they need our help so we must help them as they do. We must be responsible. Every kindness always comes back to us and do not forget. Do not put them in a nursing home; do as they say.
1 mother can take care of 6 children, but 6 children cant take care of 1 mother! HOW AWFUL! No matter what the circumstance, no matter how awful they were, its a child's responsibility to provide food and shelter to their parents, if necessary. Its the right thing to do and no argument can change that reality.
A good Human Being, will return what he takes from others. As parents helped their children's to grow, So Adults should help them back when parents goes older. Definitely, if adult tries his best of the best to return what his/her parents did for him/her, he/she can't.
When parents can help their children's to take their first step, then why not children's can help their parents, when they feel hard to walk.
If your parents brought you into this world and have given you everything you needed for your well-being that you should be more than willing to return the favor, especially because nursing homes often time will not treat their elderly with the respect and care that they need. It is worth it to care for your elderly parents because you will provide them with a safe, comforting, loving environment that can make all the difference. It allows you to grow closer to each other before there is no time left. Not only closer with your parents, but closer with the family around you that helps you through it.
Why not? You wont understand till you are old. There wont be anyone to take cake of you. People who say that adults should not be responsible should be beaten up. Our parents are the one who gave us every thing we want, taught us how to behave etc etc. So please understand.
Unfortunately, when one decides to take on the responsibility of caring for the elderly parent(s) the other siblings take a hike. I have a brother who is worth millions and has no family of his own (is still single at 63) and doesn't contribute. He could put mom in a good facility, like a nice small group home setting, or pay for a nurse 24/7 and assisted living or apartment for her. Instead, he shifted the entire burden onto myself and my husband. We have been the sole caregivers for nearly five years and it is definitely taking a toll on our lives. We used to have active lives, taking vacations, hiking in the mountains, rollerblading, etc., but no more. Mom takes all of my time and energy now and I should be enjoying my own retirement. It's time for my selfish brother to step up to the plate now that mom is so hard for me to take care of (she's 88 and has severe Alzheimer's, suffered a fractured hip and a stroke). It's not fair if you have sibling ho don't share the load, especially when they are more than capable of doing so financially and otherwise. On the flip side, my husband's parents are being cared for in their home by their children, who take turns preparing meals and taking them to the doctor, etc. There are 14 children and most of them still live in state. The ones who don't live here still chip in financially as well they should.
My parents had me late in life and I am honored that I was the one that they called when they first needed help. They have since gone downhill with the health issues but I deal with it. The only issue I have is that I need financial help even though I now live with them I still have to support my own children and I am getting to the point where I will need to be with them all the time which means either an extended leave from work which I have already taken using up my EI or I will have to quit my job. I am honored to take care of them and conside it a privledge.
I feel it is the minimum duty of a child to take care of his/her elderly parents when they are incapable of doing so themselves. This is the very basis of a good and strong family. It is what has been said in all scriptures and faiths. Caring for parents is part of being human.
A simple yes or no answer is not adequate to cover all the variables. How is "parent" defined? I have a wonderful loving relationship with my parents and fully intend to care for them should the need arise. Regardless of the cost to me. On the other hand, my mother's biological parents horribly abused her which, in my opinion, absolved her from any moral duty to care for either of them.
I really can't understand people who are saying we don't need to take care our parents. Our parents have taken care of us. So I think we need to do it, too.
Parents are really important to us. They cooked food, and gave money, we are now rich because of our parents.
As a mom myself, I know how much energy, time and love I spend on each of my naughty kids. When each kid was born, my husband and I felt the responsibilities right away, and we work harder and harder to ensure my kids have a better life and better future. We worry about their health, behavior and study at school... As kids get older, sometimes we don't get along each other, but as parents we always love them, crazily care about them. Being a parent makes me understand my parents better. I don't expect my kids really take care of me when I get old, but if any of them say anything like those comments, my heart would be broken. Even though, sometimes, you don't get along with each other, that's just a communication problem, it does not mean parents don't love you.
Yes because parent need to love your children so much. They need to take good care and need be healthy and spend time. They need to go to school every years and to learn the subject. Children want to find friend and spend time together. Children want a parent to feed them and good excersie
My mom was a single parent that raised my brother and me in very difficult circumstances She worked meager jobs and could not afford a house. I firmly believe that in this particular case, it is my responsibility to take care of her. It can be difficult sometimes but there is no other option.
Your parents are the ones who gave you life and tried to instill morals and love in your life. They were responsible for you and your safety when you were young and could not take care of yourself. Once you are old enough and they are no longer capable, due to age or illness, it is, in my opinion, your responsibility to take care of them! It is our time to pay back all of the sleepless nights and running ragged that our parents did for us when we were small.
In most, normal circumstances adults should be responsible for their parent's care. They owe it to their parents in exchange for the gift of life and for taking care of them. Adults should be responsible for the care of their parents - meaning those that raised them. I don't believe that should totally replace social service programs or other benefits that the elderly are entitled to. But, the facilitation of the care of the elderly should be up to their grown children.
It's a little disheartening to read peoples comments in the "no" side. Your parents have loved and taken care of you from the second you were born, so unless there is some other reason that might have strained your relationship with your parents I do not understand how you can turn your back on them when they need you the most. As the one person wrote even if you aren't financially able to take care of them you should go visit them as much as possible and try to help them as best as you can. As adults it is now our opportunity to repay our parents for all the love and support they have given us growing up.
They gave up their pleasures in life, time and health for our upbringing in their yesterdays. Why then adult children can't take care of them in their old age? We the children only know what is their emotional, physical and material needs. Oftentimes, aging parents fear “being a burden” to their adult children. But our love and care to them brings us blessings too.
I could argue this for both yes and no. However, I chose yes. I do not think of my parents care but where my personal care will come from in the future. I have worked in care homes and I honestly would not want to be in one. I also wouldn't want to put burden on my child. The government should be providing more workers for at home care(where has all the tax money gone?). As the baby boomer's get older we should also be teaching and hiring more health care professionals. So, you can't take care of your parents(though you want to) and neither can anyone else. Our parents worked hard for us, for everyone one and they deserve better than this!
They took care of you when you were a baby and were helpless. They raised you up and made you what you are today. And if you can't care for your parents then it's a big shame to humanity.
Remember today it's our parents asking for our help, tomorrow it could be us.
Think about it and make your decision.
They provide us with all the support we need, devote their love to us wholeheartedly, and protect us from threats. Our parents are like the sunlight nurturing seedlings to grow into mature plants. Without parents, we cannot survive without parents. Because they are the ones who guide us when we are lost.
I think we should take care of our elderly parents. My mum is 59, and my dad is 74. My parents have worked so hard to give me everything in my life, food, clothing, shelter, love, an education, a home where I've had a sense of belonging, for 20 years now. I think it's brutal to leave them to rot, after shunting them into a retirement home, or into an apartment on their own. I've heard horrific stories in the news of elderly people dying in their apartments, and their decomposing, rotting, foul-smelling, body only being found 3 weeks after they died, because none of their neighbours cared enough about them to realise that they had died. O_O It's horrible. I don't want that news story to happen to my lovely parents. I would like to move out, but I'm not sure what would happen to them if I did move out. S: My 25 year old sister doesn't want to take them in, so I'm not sure what to do. S:
I have a father who is disabled and has cancer. He has also been an alcoholic his whole life. I had to leave home becuase he was abusive at the age of 16. I am now faced with the sole responsibility of his care as the Government has no services available to him.
1. Their elderly parents should preplan their own care, as part of being a responsible adult. 2. While everyone should and can be responsible for themselves, not every parent was responsible towards their children. There are plenty of physically and emotionally abused and neglected children. Why should a child that was not financially and emotionally provided for growing up, have to be responsible for the parent when they're an adult? And isn't it more likely that those same irresponsible parents becomes the elders that gets into the most financial problems in old age?
No we should not be made to look after our parents,that's what their super /pension is for. Some parents can be down right abusive. However, if we choose to help them that would not be because of obligation that would be because we have a good relationship with them.
My parents abused me. They should be in prison. I will never care for them in any way. I don't care what happens to them. If they or anyone else attempt to force me to be responsible for them, I will expose all their disgusting secrets and destroy their reputation. If they have any brains at all, they will leave me and my family alone.
They must have come from traditional loving families. Many do not. My parents thought they had all the answers; were terrible money mangers and would never listen to any of their adult children regarding decisions of any sort. Particularly for their retirement. They spent literally down to their last dime. "I don't care; I deserve this." You reap what you sow. My husband and I have worked hard to prepare for our retirement and now my widowed mother doesn't have money to buy diapers, (just dog food). If she can't budget within her income (ss check), she's living beyond her means. (something she said to me when I got married, by the way) it's hard to have sympathy for a self-absorbed, narcissistic hypochondriac. And I'm sure there are many more out there. (this is where you ask, so, how do you really feel?"
My father has cut off all communication with me. He is emotionally abusive, and squandered the money he made as a tech industry manager for many years by gambling in las vegas and buying crazy real estate deals. Why on earth would I be obligated to help him one whit? My mother will live with me to the end, because she cares about me. My father has chosen his path. These laws are antiquated, and are just a method of theft. Universal health care, universal long term care. That is what a civilized society does. On a good note, I've read that in states where these old laws are still on the books, they are never enforced, and are easily defeated in court. American constitutional law is based on the idea of individual responsibility, not random genetic associations.
My grandmother is my legal guardian and of course she is in old age. I'm only 17 years old and I've literally given up my childhood for my own health issues plus a little bit of hers. I am not giving up most of my adolescence for her because neither my grandfather nor my sister want to step up and help me. It's just my grandmother and I living at home and she is making my life completely miserable. I can't even leave the house without someone calling me telling me something stupid that she did. Today was the second day in a row that she has fallen.
Adults have full schedules, and more often than not have kids of their own. I think it's extremely selfish for parents of an adult to expect any kind of care from them. As someone stated below, the idea of looking after your parents is very dated. It pains me to read some of these life stories. People wasting decades of their lives in an attempt to avoid some sort of guilt. Other times it seems they're financially forced to look after parents, which is also unfair and shows that the parents just assumed they could take away years of their child's life.
My mother is deceased and my father cheated me out of money my mother had left specifically for myself and my brothers. He will not even bother to visit his grandkids even though he only lives 10 minutes away. He doesn't even bother to call them on birthdays, Easter or Christmas etc. Aside from that he refuses to help in any way and in all honesty this isn't new. As a kid growing up he was extremely abusive, violent and always drinking. He never bothered to have any involvement in my life. I was a national champion in my sport, yet he has never seen me perform.
He has made provision in his will for my brother's daughter yet made no provision for my children. He has given large sums of money to both my brothers enabling them to buy houses and has left me out. I know that when the time comes he will expect to live with me and my family but this will simply not be possible since my husband and I have to work twice as hard to try and get a house and security for our children and their futures. My husband's family is the same. They help his brother, sister and step-brothers but fail to be there on the rare occasions we may need some family support. The reality is if any of our so-called parents had offered even the most basic of support that would have helped us to build a solid foundation, then maybe then, we would actually have the means to help them when they are elderly. You reap what you sow!
Children should not be obligated to take care of their parents simply because they are your parents. Parents have to take care of their children until adulthood because parents make the choice to have children (either naturally or via adoption) and have to take responsibility for their choices. Children do not make a conscious choice to have parents therefore have no responsibility to take.
However, if the parent helps the child as an adult (eg. lets their adult child live at home and pays their bills while the child "finds himself") then the adult child makes the choice to accept help from the parents and should pay it back when the time comes.
It's not a bad idea to take care of your elderly parent, but I feel they too have to take part-responsibility for themselves, rather than leaving it entirely for their children to take 100% responsibility for them, it then becomes too much of a burden on their children, who themselves have their own lives, as well as looking after their own children. Looking after our children is an obligation because we chose to have them, but taking care of our elderly parents physically, emotionally, and financially should be a choice as it places a huge burden on the adult children. A lot of people make very poor decisions/judgments in life with regards to their finances and expect their children to pay the price for their poor decisions. As much as it is a good idea to try and help, I honestly think they have to take a huge part of the responsibility.
Adult children should not be required to provide care for their parents if this represents a burden for the care provider. I have been struggling with a father who is able to stand on his own but refuses to do it. Every morning we carry him to the toilet and he refuses to defecate in the toilet. After 30 to 50 minutes sitting on the toilet, we take him to the shower and he immediately defecates as soon as he is in the shower. He then lies in the shower floor on top of the feces. You can only imagine how difficult it is to shower him and clean him. If I put a diaper and let him defecate in it, he gets his hand in there and plays with his own feces, getting them everywhere. He refuses to eat, take his medicine, drink water, etc. He also opposes resistance when we try to move him, grabbing onto things to avoid being carried. He hurts himself on purpose to mortify us. He makes our lives a living hell. I do not think we should be forced to care for somebody that bitter and stubborn. I would gladly take care of a lovely human being, no matter how difficult the care was, but not of somebody with an attitude. We should be free to have a choice.
We all have our own lives and responsibilities. I work full time and have three children, if I had to give up work we would be homeless, it is up to parents to arrange their own future care when they are well enough to do so. I am not close to my parents and never have been, I had an unhappy neglected childhood.
I think it depends on the situation. If children want to take care of their elderly parents, it should be up to them. My sister and I have been in this situation now for 12 years. Growing up our dad was an angry person who cheated on our mom. Life in our house was dependent upon what kind of mood he was in. Our dad had a serious accident many years ago and since then whenever he has a health problem, all life comes to a screeching halt because my sister feels guilty and expects his care to be 100 percent perfect. I quit my job after the accident to be there taking care of him and spending time with him and that's what happens every time there's a health problem. After all these years, I'm sick of putting my life on hold for him. I would never in a million years expect my son to put his life on hold for me later in my life.
Parents will take advantage of their children especially if they have a generous one. Refuses to look for a job because they could just lay down, watch TV and beg money to pay the bills and demand for an allowance. Most of them thinks at the back of their mind that children should be responsible for them because they nurture them since they were born. It's nobody's mistake having children. Nobody is responsible but you as a parent and don't ask for any payback to your adult children. Your children was not in any way involve in your family planning decision. So deal with it. Too bad I'm just so abused financially.
Unfortunately I have tried everything you have suggested but my controlling, manipulative, angry, aggressive father has it all covered. He has spent all of his life professionally manipulating people (including me) into doing his bidding. He successfully carries this out in such away as he does not have to part with any gratitude what-so-ever. He has nothing to give but orders. He sucks the living matter from your soul. My mother has had schizophrenia since I was born; she has neither logic nor emotion. She is a cold, quiet natured woman in her 80th year. My father is 87. They both suffer from age related ill health and have used this to emotionally blackmail me into caring for them. My father has been on his death bed for the last 20 years. I don’t know how much more I can take. In the UK forced marriages are frowned upon by society but forced carers afford a cheap solution for caring for the elderly. I have never taken money from my father for caring for them. I realised early in life that anything you took from my parents automatically entered you into an invisible job description that had no boundaries or time l. As the next of kin I have found myself in an impossible situation with the NHS whereby it is assumed that I have a duty of care to look after my parents. It is a constant battle to maintain any control over my life. I have grown to hate my parents. I was groomed into caring for them as a child and have never been able to escape from them or their expected demands. They have managed to present a perfect image to the world that makes them look like the walking wounded and me look like an ungrateful daughter. My only brother was smart enough to immigrate over 20 years ago. He admitted that he cannot tolerate our parents. My parent’s expectations are unrealistic and inherited from an era when servants were the norm.
Responsible is the wrong word. In some cases, the elderly parent has abused their adult child in the past, and may continue to do so. If caring for a parent will put the adult in danger of being re-victimized, the the elderly parent should make other arrangements and have no expectation of care by their victim. If the relationship is not dangerous to the adult child, then the adult child will most likely feel that caring their parent is the right thing to do.
Having cared for my elderly parent for 5 years, I have neglected my own health, my broken marriage, my home, my own children. As I have said at times, "I need help helping you". I am emotionally, mentally, physically drained. I have no support, husband is gone, kids behind on their work, kids behavior is changing, moneys running out. I would never ever ever would want to do that to my children. Id rather die alone in the woods, honorably and peacefully knowing my children would live full lives, and I wouldn't have been the cause for them not doing so.
I have cared for my mother since being a child. I just cannot do it anymore yet more and more is needed. It is a tough, thankless task which I did not ask for and have borne too long. I am now nearly 50 and long for the time when it is over.
It's our parents, without them we wouldn't be here, simple. However, not everyone can financially support themselves, let alone their parents. In addition, some children were abused, why should they have to look after their parents when they got abused? They should not have to because they were abused unnecessarily.
It makes me sad to be on this side of the debate. In the past I would have said that it was my moral obligation to help me parents at the end of their lives. After all,I bought a house for them about one mile from my family home when I thought I could still help. Well that did not work out because he still abuses alcohol and everyone around him. He is 91 years old and the meanest person I have ever met. He has had psychiatric help..rejected, social services...rejected...family pleading...rejected. No, I am not responsible for him or my mother who had a very large role in this situation. Maybe god can help them because I can not
Granted, I appreciate my parents for giving me life, but I often wonder if that "tradition" of caring for one's elderly and/or disabled parents is starting to get extremely dated. My parents and whatever relatives that were in their generation never really seemed happy doing it back in their days and I figured once future generations came along not many of the adult children would be willing participants to provide for their aging parents either in such current and future economies.
I will help out when I can but I have my own life. My parents did not give me enough love and always made me feel I had to be grateful for everything they did. Yet now I am expected to help out at the drop of a hat. Yes they helped me sometimes but they did everything begrudgingly and boy did they make sure I knew they had done me a favor. It's okay if you have had support and love from your parents but what if you haven't! To get next to no gratitude or appreciation for going completely out of your way to help them and just having it constantly expected of you is not right.
To say they looked after you growing up and you owe them is silly in my opinion. THEY chose to have YOU and all the responsibility that came with it, I certainly didn't choose to be on this earth, they certainly did, so therefore I am not supposed to have a choice as to whether I want to look after them because they bought me into this world and looked after me! that is called being a parent and is what they chose to do! So now I look after them and it is all expected of me with little gratitude. Gratitude isn't expected when you are a young child but it should be expected when you are an adult helping out another adult.
I have saved hard and saved a bit to help me now I am retired. My father is 92 and has never bothered to save - so are you saying I should contribute the small amount I have to fund his care?His age group were told they would be cared for from the cradle to the grave!
There are a number of reasons why children shouldn't be held accountable for taking care of the parents such as bad personal or financial decisions on their part, an already hectic lifestyle, bad relationships... Parents should have planned for their eventual care in advance and the gov't makes allowances for such situations. Part of having children is letting them go make their own way in the world and being obligated to care for someone would severely interfere with one's plans. I personally don't intend to care for my parents and I shouldn't have to.
When I was 10 yrs old, my mother told me and my siblings that the only reason she had children was to take care of her in her old age. She has only used people around her for years. I feel no responsibility for her at this time. I will visit and do what I can for her, but I will always put my family first
Abusive, neglectful, or absentee parents should be left to rot, unless their son or daughter decides to "be the bigger person" of their own accord. If there are laws requiring such, they should have strict criterion on financial contribution on financial contribution and presence during childhood, and any conviction for abuse or negligence should utterly erase any future obligation the child would otherwise have to the parent.
While most people do help out their elders, I do not think there should be a requirement. Everyone should be able to make their own choice on this matter, and it is not the job of the government or some other agency to run our lives in this aspect. It is hardly a problem anyway in developed nations, as the vast majority of senior citizens are cared for.
Whenever parents dont save for their retirement, not because they are physically handicapped, but because
they rather socialize with neighbors and relatives, and waist money on unproductive things, those parents are not worthy to be cared for. Its called adulthood. Adult children should not be kept responsible for their adult
parents lack of financial education. Ignorance is not an excuse. If that were right, we should pay for their credit card debts also. Lets not stop there, why not keep adult children responsible for their adult parents lost lawsuits. Hey there is more than one way to keep your children in the gutter...
Alot of people don't want to admit the fact that there are parents out there that are mean, abusive, manipulative, and self-absorbed. My elderly parents have always been that way. Beyond food and a roof over my head, they provided me with nothing in the way of emotional support or financial help--even though they have always been very comfortable financially.
Some people have kids for the wrong reasons. Like they want a cute little kid to get unconditional love and affection from--then when the kid grows up its "you're on your own buddy".
There shouldn't be a legal obligation to care for them. It should be ruled by common sense, and elderly parents should reap what they sow--whether it is good care from loving kids, or whether it is nothing.
My father died 5 years ago leaving me with a super physically fit 83 year old with dementia. I find I am worn out with juggling a demanding job and a family and really wanted my own time as I approach 50 not a huge and frustrating responsibility. It is a myriad of appointments to achieve anything and all by me. No other relatives to call upon. I feel I need to preserve myself and desperately want to end my caring role. I am being selfish here but after bringing up a child and caring for a sick mother in law and a sick father, my mother's needs are coming when I'm worn out mentally. My mother can express strong views and I find I go along for an easy life. All free time seems to be needed for chiropodists, dentist, hairdresser, doctor etc etc I shower her and wash her hair/trim her nails, do her shopping, change her bed, do her washing, answer her mail and the list goes on but I know this is nothing to some people and it will only get worse. I just want someone to assess her rationally and make arrangements for the appropriate care. I don't care about money and I'm starting to feel numb as I hardly recognise this lady any more. Yes I'm selfish and just hope I get a break soon.
When you have a serious chronic illness, which requires you to be in the hospital for IV treatments, you should not have to take your parent with Alzheimer's with you. It is not right to sacrifice your own health to care for an elderly parent, because you just get sicker. I have been taking care of my mom since I was a kid and teenager for many of her physical needs. After she had a double hip replacement when I was in high school, I would leave school at lunch to feed her lunch and do exercises with her. I have been ill for 12 years, have two children and now my mother. I am an only child burning out from taking care of her, but not myself. It is altogether too much.
As people are living longer, it's become a strain on the middle generation that is raising their kids and taking responsibility for aging parents. However, if an adult child wants to bring a parent to live with them or pay for elderly housing, then that should be their choice. There should not be any law or legal obligation for a child to take care of a parent because the state of each parent/child relationship is different.
Let's face it, financial stress is real for families. In fact, it's the main reason of divorce these days. As parents we struggle to put 10% in the bank every month let alone education fund for our children. More burdens placed upon adult children that have more than enough on their shoulders will lead to financial ruins and hopelessness.
Why do we pay taxes then? Isn't it for insurance of a safety net to catch us when we are down and in need?
In my opinion, caring for your parents is generally a sweet idea. If they where good to you, and they supported you mentally and financially, then I think it should be entirely up to your mental conscience on whether or not you want to care for them. My first reason for this is what if you have your own family to support and you just don't have the money? My second reason for this is what if they are perfectly capable of caring for themselves, but they are lazy or feel like they can take advantage of you? My third reason for this is what if they where abusive or denied you their love or where irresponsible parents or favored one of your siblings over you? My fourth and finale reason is what if you have your own ambitions in life and they are in the way or are a burden? This is my stance and opinion.
If we want life expectancy to rise then give it to the young. India is a good example. By focusing on the young now instead of the old life expectancy has increased by 20 years in about 50 Years. Also they will feel out of place. Look how much the world has changed.
My parents were and still are horrible to me. I don't want to have anything to do with them. Plus I plan on saving up all the money to spend on my own old age. I don't plan on burdening my child. I do not want to live that way.
Adult children have their own responsibilities and shouldn't be expected to put those aside to care for a parent. A child can still be supportive of their parent if they are open to it by helping them find a place to live where they can receive the care they need and still maintain their own independence. That way both child and parent can continue to live their own lives.
I recently moved my dad in with me after a brief illness. He has been irresponsible with money over the years and squanders what he has on junk food and crap that he hoards. In just six weeks he has made my peaceful home into hell. He wants to call the shots, tell me how live, and he insults my young daughter. He complains about the size of his bedroom (I moved my office/art studio to the garage to make room for him on short notice) and he whines about all of his stuff that I threw away. Social workers would not allow him to return to his apartment - think "Hoarders". I limited the amount of stuff he could bring but I was careful to keep things that seemed meaningful to him.
He is completely unappreciative despite the fact that I spent a full month of my taking care of his personal business while he was hospitalized, breaking my back cleaning out his filthy apartment, and rearranging my home to make room for him. And did I mention that he brought along a dog that nips my legs, pees everywhere and chases my cat? He is well enough to drive to get a haircut and shave, visit every pet store in town, and he has carried in a giant tub full of sodas that sit under his TV, but he claims that he can't take out the trash or recycling. Yesterday he flipped because we ran out of milk and he said he didn't have money to buy milk - yet he went to Denny's for breakfast.
He was not exactly a model parent and he should consider himself lucky that I speak to him - my other siblings don't. His gripe now is that I haven't done enough to make him feel welcome and comfortable. His expectations are unrealistic and he is always the victim. Everything is always someone else's fault. I wouldn't let my own husband treat me with such disrespect, so why should I let my father? He needs to go and the next time he needs help he can call on one of his other children. I'm done being his punching bag.
Sometimes in the beginning you can handle it, but as their condition worsens it becomes too difficult and they need professional help. When I started caring for my mom, she could still get up and walk with a walker. I just needed to fix her meals, clean her apartment and give her a bath. Now she cannot get out of the chair without two people to help her. I am 57 now. I quit my job to take care of her, I have no money to hire anyone, and she has been turned down for Medicaid twice. When she finally passes, I will find it difficult to pick up the pieces of my own life.
My mother is 60 now and showing signs on dementia. She had brain and lung cancer years ago and the illness has forced her to age faster. I and my brother and being forced to care for her more and more. Every person she encounters she has to give her life's story and they all say the same thing; "Your children should take care of you". It's all I hear and she constantly reminds me of that and all she did for me as a child. The difference is that she CHOSE to have me. She made the decision to have children as every parent does. Whether the child they raised was planned or a happy accident, they still made the choice to be a responsible adult. I did not choose to be her caretaker, I am FORCED into it by a social sense of familial obligation. I love my mother but I haven't liked her for years. I understand that we will all get old, but I pray to God that when I am old if I ever have children that I will not EXPECT them to put the brakes on their young lives simple because mine is coming to an end. Children are meant to be brought up and sent off to continue the bloodline and have children of their own. It is a natural progression. Having to take care of old parents is kind of a retrograde motion. The elderly should be put in nice places where people are paid to give them great care. It's crazy expensive but it shouldn't be. Every child has to go to school and it's free (except private ones of course) therefore places for the elderly should be made more affordable since they are a necessity.
We have tried to care for our mother with Alzheimer's disease. No one can talk unless they step in others shoes. To demand someone to care for their elderly parent who refuses to eat and then be to blame is not the answer either. Also, an elderly who also hits you or puts you down is not good and it takes the joy from anyone away. We feel like our hearts are in pain and burden to the point of getting sick. We also have small children who see her act in this manner. This is not healthy for us or our families. It is also a marriage breaker. I will not talk about anyone because all parents are different with different mood swings. I will not judge those who has to make the decision to place parents in a nursing home. You can care for them in such places. I am not saying to abandon them. For those people who talk about no resources or help in other countries; this is true but, do you know if they are also dying of diseases and neglect? Do your research. I can't live in a depression state and neither can my siblings. We tried our best to care of my 79 year old mother. We are trying to hold on taking care of her but, it is very, very difficult for all of us. You are not here wiping our tears. I appreciate you placing yourself in our shoes.
If a person has not lived with their parents for many years and finds them difficult to get
on with, they will find the responsibility of taking on elderly parents very stressful indeed. I am 55, work full time and have young adults living at home too. I think it is fine for those people who have plenty of time/money and space but lots of us don't, so don't judge us.
My children will have families of their own by the time I need help, and their time and resources should be spent taking care of their nuclear family, not me. I have a retirement plan to take care of myself, as does my husband. Poor planning on another person's part, does not constitute an emergency on mine. Even if the poor planner is my own father and mother.
I'm actually not 100% sure how I stand on this issue, as it is a huge issue. I am in my mid 30's and have been left with a disabled mother to take care of. My mother is in her early 60's and is still mobile on her own, but there are many normal tasks that are hard for her to do. My father and she separated and he left her to live in a foreign country. The reason why he left is that she, though very loving and well meaning, is fairly manipulative and can be rather difficult to deal with. Of course there were also financial problems and she has not been left with a lot of money. I am sure that without my financial help, she will be bankrupt in a few short years. The problem lies in that I really want to help her, but can not possibly give her what she wants to make her happy. She is very pick and rarely ever pleased with things, she has been this way with me all my life. I currently live near her and do what I can but I myself am unemployed and in the midst of a bankruptcy and a divorce. I am in desperate need of a job, however, finding a job where I currently live is nearly impossible. She knows this and does not want me to leave her alone. However, if I do not work I can not help her with money. If I move back in with her, which is what she most desires, I may not be able to find work for a very long time and we will struggle with money. On top of that she will try to run and take over my life. I've not lived with her for over 10 years so the transition would be a very difficult one for me. I am trying to find a balance between having a life of my own and helping her out. As I want to help her. I , however, do not feel that I owe her my life, just because she cared for me and chose to have me. In her mind it is my obligation to take care of her and she can not have a conversation with me about this without getting defensive, trying to make me feel guilty and lashing out at me. I can not seem to make her understand that unless I receive some miracle from God, that I will not be able to fix her declining health, the matter that my dad left her, her finances, and the fact that I can not be there for her as much as she would want me to be. I know that at this point, most likely not matter what I do, it will not be the correct thing and it will not be enough. I have to hope for middle ground and hope fore a miracle!
Why should an adult who was abused by his parents have to care for them when they are elderly? Why should these survivors have to go to court and prove that they were abused. It was bad enough as a child - survivors should be able to move on with their lives.
The government requires that almost all individuals pay into Social Security on the assumption that many cannot adequately plan for their own retirement. The government requires most pay into Medicare and Medicaid because too many cannot pay for their own health-care when unemployed, disabled, or elderly. The government requires that we pay unemployment insurance taxes because too many do not save enough to cover their bills when unemployed. Why then, should adults that the government does not expect to save for their own retirement and unemployment be held responsible to pay for the care of their parents? And what then would be done for the 10-20% of adults without children, or for those who did not bother to support the children they had? Shall the burden be spread to next of kin? Or shall it be upon society at large, as all our other burdens shall be? Either we hold individuals responsible for these burdens, or all of society. But do not assume that adult children alone should shoulder the burden of an elder's care.
Social Services expect me to care for elderly parents, despite living over 100 miles away and being disabled myself (I have my own carer!) My experience has been to witness an exercise of 'pass the parcel' as their case got handed around professionals before I was told I was on my own to sort out their needs myself.
If your parents are too much to handle or if they were abusive toward you, you shouldn't feel that you have to take care of them. However, I feel that many of you have issues that can probably be resolved with outside help, and the government can step in if your parent's resources are limited and/or you can't pay for support.
It is down to the indidvidual, and their own personal relationship with thier parents. I would and do, call my mother if she needs me to, and would and do visit, but we both have our own life. She is 78 and I'm 55 [female]. She has enough money to provide for her own care.
As a child of emotionally distant (neglectful) parents, I have found after three years of trying to get them to take care of their health that they have made the choices that led them to living in poverty and substandard conditions. I am not responsible for their choices - they are. I chose to stop trying when they began to take advantage of me. I will happily refer them to resources that can help them but refuse to accept responsibility for their poor decision making.
If you love your children you should not be a burden on them just because you have birth to them and supported them for few years - it does not mean you can retire early and just depend on your children for rest of your life. Every adult first should take care of his future and then only he should have kids, kids can have their own lives otherwise its like born into slavery.
Although my parents were good to me as I grew up and even in adulthood, it's a bit much to ask of a 50-year-old. Would probably be easier if their minds have given out before their bodies but my parents not only expect me to take care of all their needs, they still give me orders on exactly how it must be done. They think that my looking after them is expected, so they don't pay me anything for doing so. They show no appreciation whatsoever. On numerous occasions, I've thought about moving out without notice and let whatever fate God has in store for them happen. The problem with doing that is my conscience would make me miserable. I wish I could find some way to over-ride my conscience and go on and do what I want to do in life no matter how selfish the people in my home town think I am.
You feel obligated to care for a parent just as they cared for you as a child. I left home when I was 18 and became independent. I am now 52, have raised 4 children (my youngest is 17 and still at home). I have been a parent for 33 years. Although my youngest is still at home, my father lives with us now. He is not physically unable to live alone, just emotionally; as he says he cannot live alone since our Mother passed away. However when he was my age, his youngest had left home, and he was free to enjoy his 50s, 60s, 70s and early 80s without responsibility. I have left my professional job to help care for my father, whom I love. However, he talks about the same things every day and has a very limited range of conversation. This is not good for my own brain and I am now beginning to feel old before my time. I feel my father has taken over my life and he spends more time with me than my husband and children. He has his own ideas on how things are done and has his principals. There are constant debates over the way we do things and what we believe in, however this is our home and our lives he has entered into. He pays minimal board as we don't feel right about charging too much. If my father didn't live with me, I would be visiting him a couple of times a week and bringing him to our place for dinner on Sunday nights and everyone would be calm,happy and relaxed. On the other hand, my teenage daughter does not leave her room, my husband has to listen to me constantly complaining about the daily events and I am quickly loosing respect for the father I love. This is the most difficult time in my life and I feel powerless in my own home.
We are the first generation that will not be as prosperous as our parents. In a nation riddled with looming tax debts, and increased costs of living we are expected to bear the burden of supporting our elderly parents. What ever happened to personal accountability for our wellbeing? Our parents should be responsible for their retirement and long term care. I have a mother in law that lives in a half million dollar home, drinks expensive wine, eats chateaubriand, drives a foreign luxury import, works only two days a week, and calls my husband crying about her tax bill. Completely pathetic. I do and will not support that. She better start saving!
No, we should be focused on our personal life, building our future instead of being stuck in this kind of swamp. Old parents can easily ruin lives, goals and dreams. It may be cruel, but sometimes people feel regret when they don't realize their dreams. They blame parents for the missed chance.
I would gladly help out my parents in any way necessary when/if that time comes, however, I do not believe it should be an obligation. They raised me and provided for me, and now I am paying that forward by raising my own children in the same manner. I did not have children so that they can take care of me when I am older.
I have two special need children and my hands are full. Our savings will be needed for our own retirement and some disability savings for each child. We can not spare much for our parents. Besides, my parents already owe me. I have looked after their mother (my grandma) for 10 years, because they somehow "don't get along" with their mother. I'm her power of attorney and give her a room in my home and food and everything free of charge. My parents never contributed a cent even though they're affluent. My husband said he's learned the lesson and will never do it again.
By becoming a parent you are legally responsibility to raise that child until they are 18 years old. It is at that point that my parents told me I was completely on my own. I am a parent myself, and I am willingly helping out and supporting my young adult sons who are wonderful young men but haven't been able to find their independent way yet. My parents over the past 30 years have not given me a dime or a minute of assistance, have been critical of much that I do, do not trust me, and have built and maintained a relationship of emotional distance and disregard. The thought of having to care for someone who has created and sustained over many decades such a negative relationship makes me physically ill, and I truly don't see how it would be possible. My parents are still able to live on their own but I worry constantly over when that inevitable phone call will come and what it will bring.
The child has an obligation to be sensitive and do what he can but only to the limits of logic and reason. You cannot ask the child to sacrifice his own physical health from stress of round the clock care or to risk savings the child has responsibly set aside for when he eventually needs care himself.