You define yourself and your life by what you do. Other people define you and your life by what you do. You are entirely the sum of your behaviors, accomplishments, and physical form. When people react to a stimulus by never (or always) pursuing it that decision, presuming it is not a disorder, is not damaging unless they also choose to no longer work around or with that decision and it impedes them. Most decisions I would suggest are not of this nature.
Almost everybody has had some sort of unpleasant experience in their lifetime, but if you allow that to define yourself and your life, the rest of your life will be limited. For instance, there is a secretary in my dad's office who was in a car accident (as a passenger) 20-30 years ago and she has not driven since. Now she will never have the freedom of movement that comes with driving.
You chose what defines you, whether it's your morals or your experiences or even the people around you. It can be anything you choose that has had great affect on your life including your experiences but it is entirely your choice on it and not engraved in stone that it must be your experiences.