I believe that the personality of the person who has passed should be the main influence on the tone of the funeral. I personally have written out the music which I would like played and would not want for it to be a depressing affair. Far better to celebrate the life of someone we have lost, than merely to mourn their passing.
I personally think calling it a party is more disrespectful than the fact that alcohol was there. And aside from that, why were you obligated to mention that the person was a woman? Should the funeral have been any different otherwise? Aside from that, light beers and wine are usually consumed for the taste, anybody who were to act out of line and/or become intoxicated would be looked down upon and possibly kicked out, out of respect for the fact they are mourning a death.
It all depends on the person, their wishes, and the way their friends and family wish to say their goodbyes. If the person was perhaps lacked back and enjoyed a good party, then why not send them off with one last celebration in their honor? There is no rule saying that every single death has to be met with only sadness.
I am assuming that this is what the deceased had planned for her funeral so then I believe it is completely appropriate to have a party. I don't think there is anything wrong with alcohol in moderation and funerals should be no exception. Many people want their lives to be celebrated instead of their death being mourned and there is nothing wrong with that.
I believe that serving alcohol at a funeral would be appropriate. All parties present at a funeral should understand the seriousness accompanied at a funeral. Alcohol is just another refreshment that may be offered at a funeral such as water, soda, and coffee. Drinking liquids at a funeral is fine, and alcohol is just one other beverage.
I've never been to a funeral where alcohol was served. Christian funerals are full of the hope of the Resurrection and so are mournful yet incredibly hope filled. We wouldn't turn to drink afterwards because our hope comes from Jesus, not booze. Drinking alcohol would be disrespectful as it's a,sign you're celebrating the occasion
'That parents, when alive, be served according to propriety; that, when dead, they should be buried according to propriety; and that they should be sacrificed to according to propriety.' (Analects 2.5) That applies to funerals in general: Having alcohol at funerals is a very funny idea of propriety. No meat, alcohol, or any food intended to arouse sensual enjoyment should be served at a funeral. A funeral is a solemn ceremony. The family (and friends, if present) of the deceased should treat it with the utmost respect, and express their heartfelt sorrow over the death of the friend/relative. 'But a superior man, during the whole period of mourning, does not enjoy pleasant food which he may eat, nor derive pleasure from music which he may hear. He also does not feel at ease, if he is comfortably lodged.' (Analects 17.21)