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I can eat more Bacon than you V.2

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 4/7/2014 Category: Funny
Updated: 6 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 1,121 times Debate No: 51816
Debate Rounds (5)
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I believe it is time for us to end this family problem, father.

(Please read through I can Eat more Bacon than you number 1):

If you don't accept I will only assume you submit to me.


how dare you send ME a debate! i raised you since you were just a little metroid, and you still stab me in the back with this rude, domineering gesture! your mother would not be pleased with you, that is if she didn't file a restraining order against you when she found out you were her son! i mean really! you didn't tell her! you fooled YOUR OWN MOTHER about your identity just to get into her pants! thats just sick...

btw your sister woke up from cryostasis yesterday and she is VERY mad at you! what did you do with her! learn to keep it in your pants next time you go back in time so you don't end up as a daddy-uncle! she was only 4 at the time for crying out loud! and you wouldn't believe how mad rice-chan is at you! he's about to go super saiyan 45.5!!! do you even know what that means! that means he will gain the abillity to eat more bacon than both of us combined! quick! we need to work together to destroy your grandfather and bring peace to the bacon dimension!

i'll let you know that the ghost of edgar allen poe is filing charges for using his special move. i told you so...




cats can see in 1/6th the light level required for human vision

Debate Round No. 1


Father it saddens me to see that you need to type in caps to get attention. I see you still have a lack of capitalizing when its most important, it seems your goal is to cap when and where ever as if you'd type like; HeLlO mY NaMe iS Gustav_Adolf_II. I find is funny that the only way you can get at me with by bringing up Sis, and Rice-Chan; for you are to weak to understand or comprehend, the power of my left hand, I'll take a Knife in the right and a Fork in the left to eat all le' Bacon that has ever passed into this dimension. Also when you are in hell tell sis I'll be happy to see her again, I'll be there as soon as I kill an old man. Tell mother I'd be glad if she filed a restraining order against me for I never want to see her face again, I know her my real mother is, Rice-Chan told me. You go onto say 'keep it in your pants', now there is no need to blame your sick crimes on me ol' man. Rice-Chan'd never do such a thing, for he and I know you"re the true evil, He's on my side for this one, sorry dad'.

Two thousand years ago before the time of Bacon a young boy by the name of Rice-Chan was popped into existence, he was a brave man skewering the vast world for his dream fending off Dino's, anything that came in his way to 'meat' his, his one goal to make the ultimate food, BACON! But there was one thing in the way, an older man one that was great than him, for he was just a young child, no match for this pervert of a man, this man was you. You tell me to stay away from time travel when it"s all you, the past events that were pushed on me, forcing me to the dark place, the one only I and Sis know of. Bacon is the one true passion of my, and someone like you would never understand you don't stand to eat Bacon you stand here to devour the souls of innocent children.


A new Rule??????:
From now on 4 lines must be dedicated to rapping.
Also you must incorperate the name of one pokemon in the rap.


A genetic study in 2007 concluded that domestic cats are descended from African wildcats (Felis silvestris lybica) c. 8000 BC, in the Near East


Regardless of whether rice-chan is on your side or not, he is still able to eat more bacon than you and believe me, he will take advantage of that fact. Once, when I was still in my mother's womb, my dad got me up at 3:00 in the morning and run 4000 laps around the track of what would become my middle school. Then, if that wasn't enough, he kicked me when I failed to complete a rubix sphere in under 3 and 1/2 minutes!

And your logic about me forcing my time travel woes on you is flawed as well, my time travel woes can apply to me and only me for all eternity-ever since the great upper upper goddess of the infinity moon created eternity when her daughter who was also her created a square circle before many lab mice and lowland gorillas. The great upper upper goddess of the infinity moon says so and so it is!

And stop trying to avoid the fact that princess peach is your mom-there is nothing else I can do to convince you that you slept with her either. EXEPT THIS!

Son, the following words were typed by your little sister/daughter:

Hello dadbro! I loce yoi! I m not rhat goos at tyoing yet,,, caise my handa are stups??? By'

Well, you convinced yet? I am literally out of tricks here. By the way, the law suit from Edgar's ghost just came through, your court date is 6/17/14, you need to be there or else you will be hunted down by extremely sexy bushes and put into the matrix-and no red pill for you this time!

Cats are in the order Carnivora.

My Pokemon bring all the nerds to the yard
And they're like you wanna trade cards?
Darn right I wanna trade cards!
But I'll trade you this not my charizard!

New rule to this debate, every post must now name a kind of nut!

I hope you can keep up...
Debate Round No. 2


IAlwaysWinDebates forfeited this round.


its ok man, i know those words were strong, too strong for you to reply in time. you just sat there staring at the screen for 3 days wondering how you could go against the great upper upper goddess of the infinity moon whose pin up poster you keep framed in your crappy seattle appartment after all these years-yes, i know that.

i think that round can be exused for now, but i expect you to have a very good response to this question in your next post:
who do you think your mother is IALWAYSWINDEBATES? it's not zelda i already disproved that with the much-respected pickle test. do you think it is Mrs. incredible? Princess Jasmin? Queen Victoria? IS IT-

Debate Round No. 3


Haha father I find it funny once again you think you are better than me, once again I will need you put you back in your place, the forfeit the other day was due to your stupidity, for seeing the over seeing of your "pro" take down of me, but you see, there is no way that one take take down me, You and Sister have both tried, and for Rice-Chan I have taken him down with one strike, now before you go on blabbing on how you'll beat me, let me bring up Peach, you still say that she is my mother when I know different, scene birth I've know who the true ruler is, you are just to scared to admit that I am the rightful holder of the thrown, and next time you seeith' me I'll be bringing you some rich-full' tea. You're not only old but, foolish, Rice-Chan is no more yet you still say he'll beat us your story's of him are just a mash of lifeless emotion t words the great man you thought he was but we all know the truth, you're a useless scum who all they can do is eat.

Father please if you will not get all up in my grill?
You and I both know that I am the superior bacon ea-tor.
As for that next time you see me I'll be gettin' a digit for a midget riding a Diglet.

As for Sis once again I think we both know what happens on that faithful day, you took seven Bacon Chops to her face, in your blasting drunken rage, you are but a disgrace to this family, you are none by but a gone wrong vasectomy; you're a gross use of us food eating kind. You're time has come and passed; you'll be shipped away from earth to space to watch me from afar to sit on the thrown and smile up on yo' so I take over the champion ship Bacon Food Eating King Cup.

Oh yeah father, just in-case you're to dumb to know here you go: ba"con noun \G2;bā-kən sometimes -kə!1;: thin strips of salted and smoked meat from the sides and the back of a pig

Also I'd just like to say that you forgot in your last post to put a kind of nut or a rap. Not to mention that the one rap you did was plagiarized.



first of all, that rap was 3 lines long, not 4 like you said here:

"From now on 4 lines must be dedicated to rapping."

i am deeply disapointed in you son, i thought i raised you better than that. i told your mother about your recent rule-breaking behavior, and to cut out all the curse words she chucked at you at the very mention of your name-she was upset that her son was becoming even worse at the game of life than he already was(real life not the actual game of life mind you, although you are pretty bad at that too).

another word on your son/brother and your sister/daughter, they aren't doing so well. physically they are fine, or at least as fine as stub hands can be. they are actually kinda smart for their age as well, Violet(your daughter/sister) has already come up with the theory of everything and Carl(your son/brother) has a fine future ahead of him in 12th demensional applied physics. but they miss you very much, they haven't seen you since they were born and want to spend this up-and-coming father's day with you. you may think i am trying to trick you or lure you into a trap but i am just telling you what they want to say (since they have stubs for hands and can't type very well).

also, i stoped eating bacon as you know it a long time ago(like before the Q continuum existed long ago!). i now eat ideas of bacon, the souls of bacon and the mere thought of bacon by any living thing becomes a tangible object in my own private dimension(and i am not going to tell you which one). i can consume these bacon-thoughts directly throught my good sunday vest where it is digested and recycled and digested again in a never ending digestion tube i "borrowed" from a certian popular diety. in essence, i will never run out of bacon, even if you kill every living thing so there are no more bacon-thoughts for me to absorb, i will still have the constantly recycled bacon inside of me that will then be the only bacon in the whole multiverse! there is no way you can beat me I AM INVINCIBLE!!!

and with my invincible power i abolish all rules in this debate! who could stop me?

and now for all eternity there must be at least one reference to a true thing in every post!

a paradox is just the truth standing on its head to get attention.
Debate Round No. 4


Well father first look at yours (Children) they're both messed up. Yeah I am talking bad about my self so what, now look at mine, they're both slightly fine, even with out arms they are smarter than you and I. Stub hands don't mean anything if you cannot follow up with it, and once you start dissing on my children that's when I cross the line. Your thoughts of Bacon cannot comprehend for Bacon has no mind let alone one you can mend'. It still saddens me that you think you can win for you're a foolish man with foolish kin.

I brake a slight grin for you life for you say "Invincible", I say Irritable. No one can stand to me even up to Rice-Chan or mommy. You truly arnt one that like rules are you? For it seems each debate you abolish, for you have no creativity, can't even spit simple rhymes.

You fear dead; with invincibility what does that say about a man; a cowardly man, let alone a father or even a man able to comprehend the Bacon eating way that where set in stone by the Elders of Pandaria (Me). Now get out of here son' for you have no place here with that I end this debate; for that there is no need to keep this going we all know who won, but I can't say that was not fun; I schooled you once, now I'll do it again, go back to hell from which you can, I am the man who will see you slayen once again'.

1. unyielding. Invincible, impregnable, indomitable suggest that which cannot be overcome or mastered. Invincible is applied to that which cannot be conquered in combat or war, or overcome or subdued in any manner: an invincible army; invincible courage. Impregnable is applied to a place or position that cannot be taken by assault or siege, and hence to whatever is proof against attack: an impregnable fortress; impregnable virtue. Indomitable implies having an unyielding spirit, or stubborn persistence in the face of opposition or difficulty: indomitable will.


Gustav_Adolf_II forfeited this round.
Debate Round No. 5
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