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Joke contest

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after 2 votes the winner is...
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 3/19/2014 Category: Funny
Updated: 7 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 799 times Debate No: 49474
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (1)
Votes (2)




1 round for acceptance, each other round can have two jokes only on it, failure to apply to this rule will result in 5 point drop.


I accept.

Make me laugh!
Debate Round No. 1


Who was the worst Dictator in the ocean?

Adolphin Hitler

Yo Mama so fat she's the reason the Earth tilts on it's axis!


So, one with animals and humans? You're on:

A duck comes into a bar and asks the bartender: "Have any bread?"
The bartender is baffled and replies: "Um, no? This is a bar."
The duck nods slowly, and asks: "Have any - bread?"
The bartender gets irritated: "No. As I said: this is a bar, we don't serve BREAD!"
The duck thinks for a while and inquires: "Have any bread?"
"NO!" shouts the barkeeper. "And if you stupid beast ask me that ONE MORE TIME, I'll NAIL YOUR STUPID BEAK TO THE COUNTER!"
The duck hesitates for a second, then asks: "Have any nails?"
"What? No! None of those, either!" the barkeeper angrily snarls.

"Have any bread?" the duck asks.

And another about mothers. Let's see:

What does an experienced, hardened policeman do if he's sent to arrest his own mother? - Call for backup, and as much as he can possibly get!
Debate Round No. 2


so we're doing short stories now too huh? ok then!

What happens to a frog's car when it gets a flat tire?

It gets toad away!

A electrical outlet walks into a bar, and the bartender says "now don't you start anything!"


Seriously: See the comments for the proper definition of "joke". Since it is well known, I must assume you were joking when you asked: "so we're doing short stories now too huh?"
So you made THREE jokes on your round 3 entry, which is against the rules. I leave it to the audience to be the judge on this and proceed with another two jokes.

Joke 1:
Two lunatics prepare to escape from the asylum. The first one tells his plan:
"Here, mate! I stole this torchlight from one of the guards. When night comes, I'll shine a beam of light over the fence. You slide down, I throw you the torch, you shine a beam right up to this here window and I'll come sliding down, too!"
The other replies: "You think I'm crazy? So that you can turn the light off when I'm halfway down and I'll fall?"

Joke 2:
A big animal with a trunk is an elephant. And a SMALL animal with a trunk?
Well, that's a mouse packing for the holidays.
Debate Round No. 3


now ur starting to be a smart alek, the toad one was only ONE joke!


There were three people who went to hell for bad things they did, as a punishment, they went into a romm with up to their bottom lips in poop. The stupidest of the bunch screams "don't make a ripple!"

Joke 2: Yo mama so fat she puts on a belt with a boomerang!


I'm not talking about the toad one, I'm talking about you calling a joke a "short story". Which is laughable, and hence a joke.

Joke 1:
A man died and found himself in Hell. He demanded to speak to the Devil because there must have been a mistake, because he had never done anything bad in his life. The Devil appeared in a puff of smoke and said: "Nobody comes here without reason. You MUST have done something wrong. Murder?"
"No!", the man claimed. "I saw a murder in the back of my house once, but I closed the window and curtains, so I wasn't even close and never got in touch with it!"
"Theft?", the Devil inquired.
"Never!", the man insisted. "I lived in a neighbourhood where a lot of others stole, but I never got involved and looked away, so I would not be tainted by it all!"
"So, you really saw all this happening, but never got yourself involved?"
"By the life of my children, I swear!" The man now had really high hopes of getting out of this fix.
"Well, then it's settled." The Devil smiled and shook his head. "You're right where you belong. Have a nice time, you merciless little man!"

Joke 2:
What's a sweater? It's that thing you had to wear as a child whenever your mother was cold.
Debate Round No. 4


Joke: 1

There were two people who hated each other on different sides of the beach. One found a lamp, polished it, and out pops a genie! The genie says "You get three wishes, but when you wish for something, the guy on the other side of this beach gets double!" His first wish was a million bucks, and when it puffed up, the other guy was jumping up and down: he had found 2 million bucks. His second wish was a beautiful wife, and when he got it, the other guy got two beautiful wives. "What will be your final wish?" the genie asked. The guy thought for a moment, looked at the other guy, with 2 million bucks and 2 beautiful wives, and said "beat me half to death!"

Joke 2: Yo momma so ugly when she goes to a strip club, she gets payed to keep her clothes ON.


"Make a wish" it is:

Joke 1:
A bear and a hare meet a fairy in the woods. The Fairy grants each three wishes, because they've been good animals. She tells them, however, that they need to take turns, so that everything stays nice and fair.
The hare lets the bear go first, and the bear stands up on his hind legs, punches his chest with a mighty paw and declares: "I wish for all bears in this forest except for me to be females!"
The good Fairy waves her wand, and *poof*: it is done.
The hare wishes for a helmet, and the Fairy gives him one.
The bear looks down at the hare and tells him: "You don't know a thing about wishes. Who wants a helmet, when he can turn all bears in the whole country into females, all except for himself?"
And *poof* - the Fairy changes all those bears into females.
The hare wishes for a motorcycle.
The bear laughs. "Better, little one, but your motorcycle will never get you this far: I wish for all bear in the world except for me to be females!"
And *poof* it is done.
The hare has meanwhile climbed his machine and started it. He puts on his helmet and speeds away, yelling over his shoulder: "I WISH FOR HIM TO BE GAY!"

Joke 2:
A man once wished from a Fairy that his c*ck would reach the floor. And *poof*! There he stood on his two inch legs.

Have a great time, this was fun!
Debate Round No. 5
1 comment has been posted on this debate.
Posted by The_Scapegoat_bleats 7 years ago
noun \G2;j!3;k
: something said or done to cause laughter

: a brief story with a surprising and funny ending

: someone or something that is not worth taking seriously
Full Definition of JOKE
a : something said or done to provoke laughter; especially : a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist
b (1) : the humorous or ridiculous element in something (2) : an instance of jesting : kidding <can't take a joke>
c : practical joke
d : laughingstock
: something not to be taken seriously : a trifling matter <consider his skiing a joke " Harold Callender> "often used in negative constructions <it is no joke to be lost in the desert>
2 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 2 records.
Vote Placed by Defro 7 years ago
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Total points awarded:07 
Reasons for voting decision: Con has proven that Pro made 3 jokes in one round, which according to Pro must result in a 5 point deduction. I could not understand Con's first joke because it contained spelling errors. A lot of Pro's jokes were puns and were not very funny, so arguments go to Con.
Vote Placed by Geogeer 7 years ago
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: Con's jokes were better.

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