Mutual Masturbation Should Be The New Form of Handshake

When I meet a stranger, right away a imagine them naked. Woman only of course (and Cary Grant if he was still alive). So instead of shaking an AIDS ridden hand, why do we both just strip down and touch each other inappropriately. I have all the facts right here so someone please accept this. For instance, there is a 97 percent better chance you get a STD from a simple handshake then from making sweet whopee with a girl. And afterall there is no condom for the hand.

As wonderful as this new form of greeting would be, it is extremely flawed.

1)My opponent does not take into consideration how time consuming such a process would be. If I were to mutually masturbate with everyone, or even just every member of a certain sex, then I would never be able to accomplish anything for I would be constantly masturbating. And unless anyone is willing to admit to having premature ejaculation problems, then every simple encounter requiring a handshake, spanning several seconds, would take minutes to simply give acknowledgment.

2)If we were constantly taking off our clothes in order to mutually masturbate, then there would be no need for clothes and they would simply become a hassle. With that, clothing will eventually become obsolete and therefore the entire industry built around clothing will collapse. This may not seem terrible, but that would mean that all employees of the clothing companies across the entire world would lose their jobs. Fashion would also become obsolete and therefore fashion designers, models, and magazines would be eliminated. This would be a devastating economic and social blow to our world. I don't want to live in a world without America's Next Top Model.

3) If nudity and mutual masturbation become widespread, so will an acceptance of sex and other sexual behavior. Sex becoming more accepted will lead to movies being more risque, which would mean that the MPAA is essentially worthless and the porn industry would be pointless as their movies would be only slightly more entertaining than regular movies. I think it is obvious how this would end.

And for these reasons, I implore everyone to see the dangers of public mutual masturbation in the place of a handshake.

Well I am glad that we both share an opinion that this form of greeting would be nice, we disagree if it is realistic. And I am here to tell you it is! For your first point, it takes me a good 20 seconds for ejaculation and I am normal, so does it really matter if we are forced to give up an extra 12 seconds of our busy schedule just to give strangers the greeting they deserve. and if it takes you minutes, you should probably see a doctor. For my next point, I was thinking of crotchless pants. Call me crazy but imagine pants just without cloth over the penis and vagina. Therefore, it is easy access for masturbation. Fasion would just change, not be eliminated. And for your last point, either the porn industry would need to step up the anti, and blow out mind with something new and unbelievable or they would have to combine to make a super sex movie industry. However, if neither of these work, we come up with laws that restict the amount of nudity to a film and leave all the fetishes to the porn industry. Nicely thought points my friend.

When I came up with the time of minutes, I was including the process by which people remove clothes, become aroused, and finally reach orgasm. While the idea of crotchless clothing is a possible solution I can see a few issues with it. For one thing, what about winter? And for another, what if someone was secretly hiding their genitalia for various reasons: intersexed, STDs, etc. Also, if everyone is bearing their genitalia to everyone else, then we will become desensitized to nudity, therefore nudity would become meaningless. While fashion may change initially, it will eventually become obsolete with the exception of weather protection.

And my final point is in regards to sexual education. With everyone masturbating with one another frequently, supposedly, we would need to educate our children on how to do it correctly and how to protect themselves by an accidental pregnancy (not necessarily simply from the masturbation). If we masturbate with one another, it could lead to sex, and if we our children don't know how to use condoms correctly, then all hell will break loose.

Although I do agree, it is nice that we both enjoy the idea.

I feel that crotchless pants would work and nudity would not become a normal thing. Crotchless pants would and fashion designers would make them glamourous and appealing to the public. For winter, our privates would have little coats that we would be able to slip on and off with ease. And in the world I one day want to live in ( where men do not need to hide erections but flaunt them in crotchless pants) people will not be critical of STD's and other odd "things". A STD would be like a battle scar. And in terms of sexual education, our children and the next generations to come will be brought up in this society and wearing condoms and protection would be second-nature for them. Instead of a father teaching their children how to ride a bike, instead he teaches them the old missionary position and so on. It has been fun debating with such a down to Earth person and together we will make this dream come true.

As a hedonist, I have some difficulty finding a response that properly refutes my opponents my points. However, I will try my best.

Even with crotchless pants that would accommodate for the winter, the seperation between the pants and the crotch attachment would still cause a draft. Quite an unpleasant one. And as most of us know, a man's penis is not exactly at its regular glory when exposed to extreme cold. Keeping this in mind, it would be an embarrassing event for men to expose their less than proud genitals.

If we were to embrace crotchless pants then the need for pants would only become a matter of weather and season. In winter pants would be necessary but in the summer there would be no point, and there is a strong possibility that a society so open with nudity would inevitably abandon the useless clothing. Even if fashion remained in some small part, the industry would undoubtedly be downsized.

Finally, in a society where a father is able to teach children the missionary position, the question of pedophilia arises. If this practice becomes acceptable, which I think it should, then how would we be able to discern the difference between father/son bonding and pedophilia? There are obvious examples of when it would easy to say that a father was pedophiling his son, however there are a number of possible situations where the truth would be difficult to discern.

Thank you. This was a wonderful debate. Go hedonism!