Pirates are cooler than Ninjas

First, some ground rules for the debate:

1.) No lame defining of terms, unless something has multiple meanings which are drastically different, and a definition is required. Semantic arguments are lame, and everything will be done using the vernacular.

2.) This will be an equal burden debate, meaning that my opponent will have an equal burden to myself. Since I must prove why pirates are cooler than ninjas, he must prove why ninjas are cooler than pirates, not that the two are equally cool.

Now, for my contentions:

1.) Pirates have treasure. Ninjas are broke.

2.) Pirates have really awesome ships with cannons and stuff. You can't beat that.

3.) Pirates have guns. Ninjas have shurikens. A gun is much more reliable.

4.) Pirates get to have sex with loose women at every port.

5.) When they're at sea, pirates get to have awesome gay sex with their shipmates. Who doesn't love hot sweaty pirate gay sex?

6.) Pirates have big crews to back them up in a fight. Ninjas, for the most part, are alone.

7.) Pirate captains get to command people around. Ninjas have no underlings.

8.) Johnny Depp played a pirate, and Johnny Depp is awesome. No awesome actor like Johnny Depp ever played a ninja.

9.) Pirates wear a beard. Chuck Norris also wears a beard. 'Nuff said.

I'll refute his points, then move on to my own. (Screw formalities, dawg)

1.) Pirates have treasure. Ninjas are broke.

This isn't true. Pirates have treasure only if they can procure it from battleships. Ships that may take months to find, and even then they must go to port and find them, whereas Ninjas can procure money anytime they want, they simply must scale a wall or two and reap the rewards.

2.) Pirates have really awesome ships with cannons and stuff. You can't beat that.

Let's assume that by ships we're saying they have superior modes of transportation, especially because of the weapons (cannons and stuff). However, Ninjas rely on their own two feet. This shows great strength, because a ship requires materials and can only run on water, feet can run anywhere on land and can be used to swim in water. As to the guns, Ninjas can easily attach shurikens to their feet in order to execute flying kicks to eliminate foes. That's way better than cannons.

3.) Pirates have guns. Ninjas have shurikens. A gun is much more reliable.

The reliability of a gun comes into question. A ninja can throw a shuriken from 50 feet accurately, whereas a pirate flintlock has horrible accuracy. Furthermore, the reload time on a gun is much more than a shuriken. You see that shurikens can be thrown one after another accurately for 100 yards, whereas a flintlock takes about 30 seconds to reload and is inaccurate after 50 yards or so.

4.) Pirates get to have sex with loose women at every port.

Loose women means disease and drunk sweaty bar sex. Ninjas get to have classy, high-profile sex with Geishas and other women specifically trained to please a man. That's much better than a random bar wench.

5.) When they're at sea, pirates get to have awesome gay sex with their shipmates. Who doesn't love hot sweaty pirate gay sex?

The only difference between Ninjas gay sex and Pirates gay sex is that pirates have to deal with the rocking of the ship. This could be considered pleasurable, however the violent rocking during turbulent storms is infinitely less preferable than the high-class sex that ninja males can have anywhere. What's better, sex on top of Mount Fuji or slippery vomit covered sex?

6.) Pirates have big crews to back them up in a fight. Ninjas, for the most part, are alone.

Pirates REQUIRE big crews because they're weak alone. Ninjas can hold their own against multiple adversaries whereas Pirates are limited by the strength of their men. This also gives Ninjas a coordinating advantage because they know exactly what they're going to do, but Pirates are forced to follow a mass-group.

7.) Pirate captains get to command people around. Ninjas have no underlings.

Look to the coordinating advantage above. Also, Ninjas have no underlings WHEN ON A MISSION. Before and after missions there are clandestine ninja houses in which ninjas are given missions. Ninjas have rankings as well as pirates.

8.) Johnny Depp played a pirate, and Johnny Depp is awesome. No awesome actor like Johnny Depp ever played a ninja.

Jet Li, Jackie Chan, every teenage mutant ninja turtle. I don't see any teenage mutant pirate turtles.

9.) Pirates wear a beard. Chuck Norris also wears a beard. 'Nuff said.

http://en.wikipedia.org...

Chuck Norris was a master of Karate, which is a Ninja art. So instead of having a simple "representation" of Piracy, he actually learned the techniques and practiced the techniques of a Ninja.

To my contentions:

1.) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. There are no mutant animal pirates.

2.) Ninjas were agents of political revolt in Japanese culture. They actually have an intellectual background, making them both physically awesome AND intellectually awesome.

3.) Pirates are forced to use materials and others, whereas Ninjas rely solely on themselves, making them thoroughly stronger than any pirate.

Thanks~

"This isn't true. Pirates have treasure only if they can procure it from battleships. Ships that may take months to find, and even then they must go to port and find them, whereas Ninjas can procure money anytime they want, they simply must scale a wall or two and reap the rewards."

My opponent would have you believe that stealing treasure form a castle is easier than stealing it from an enemy ship. This is not true, it simply takes different approaches. Furthermore, a ninja cannot carry as much as a pirate because the ninja lacks a place to put the treasure. The pirate can just place a treasure chest on his ship. Ninjas have to carry it miles away to their camp. this is terribly inefficient.

"Let's assume that by ships we're saying they have superior modes of transportation, especially because of the weapons (cannons and stuff). However, Ninjas rely on their own two feet. This shows great strength, because a ship requires materials and can only run on water, feet can run anywhere on land and can be used to swim in water. As to the guns, Ninjas can easily attach shurikens to their feet in order to execute flying kicks to eliminate foes. That's way better than cannons."

This isn't about transportation, it's about having an awesome ship. Even if you had a better means of transportation, you'd still want a pirate ship, just like you still want an X-Wing.

"The reliability of a gun comes into question. A ninja can throw a shuriken from 50 feet accurately, whereas a pirate flintlock has horrible accuracy. Furthermore, the reload time on a gun is much more than a shuriken. You see that shurikens can be thrown one after another accurately for 100 yards, whereas a flintlock takes about 30 seconds to reload and is inaccurate after 50 yards or so."

When debating weapons, we have to look as to who would win in a fight. Now, a pirate can obviously survive a shuriken blow, because he's a pirate and he's a beast. Now he can walk up to the unarmed ninja (unarmed because he threw his weapon) and simply shoot him in the face. Pirate wins.

"Loose women means disease and drunk sweaty bar sex. Ninjas get to have classy, high-profile sex with Geishas and other women specifically trained to please a man. That's much better than a random bar wench."

First of all: bar whores KNOW how to please a man. They're very experienced. Second: Ninjas were eunuchs. Sorry.

"The only difference between Ninjas gay sex and Pirates gay sex is that pirates have to deal with the rocking of the ship. This could be considered pleasurable, however the violent rocking during turbulent storms is infinitely less preferable than the high-class sex that ninja males can have anywhere. What's better, sex on top of Mount Fuji or slippery vomit covered sex?"

Once again, ninjas were eunuchs. Furthermore, the rocking ship is a lot kinkier than Mount Fuji. Pirates win the gay sex argument.

"Pirates REQUIRE big crews because they're weak alone. Ninjas can hold their own against multiple adversaries whereas Pirates are limited by the strength of their men. This also gives Ninjas a coordinating advantage because they know exactly what they're going to do, but Pirates are forced to follow a mass-group."

Tell that to Jack Sparrow.

"Look to the coordinating advantage above. Also, Ninjas have no underlings WHEN ON A MISSION. Before and after missions there are clandestine ninja houses in which ninjas are given missions. Ninjas have rankings as well as pirates."

But pirates have rankings on missions and not on missions. Clearly, the PRO outweighs the CON here.

"Jet Li, Jackie Chan, every teenage mutant ninja turtle. I don't see any teenage mutant pirate turtles."

That's because they're all humans, not some wimpy reptile. that retreats into its shell when it gets scared.

As for Jackie Chan, he was in "The Tuxedo", which discredits him from ever being cool. And Jet Li is simply a martial artist actor. I don't recall a film where he played a ninja. If you tell me a film where he did, I'll prove why that film sucked.

"Chuck Norris was a master of Karate, which is a Ninja art. So instead of having a simple "representation" of Piracy, he actually learned the techniques and practiced the techniques of a Ninja."

Fair enough. but Chuck Norris also loves to use guns, just like pirates. He was, after all, Walker: Texas Ranger. Combine the love of guns with the love of beards, and we have two points to one. PRO wins this point.

Also, I refer you to this (and the four arguments that are based within it):

http://www.mentalfloss.com...

Clearly, pirates are a much better group of individuals to honor the great Chuck than ninjas. They weren't cross dressers, and they were actually good at their jobs.

Now for your contentions:

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. There are no mutant animal pirates."

Once again, they're wimpy reptiles that retreat into their shells when they get scared. They're also mutants, which means they should be shunned by the rest of society, because they are freaks.

"Ninjas were agents of political revolt in Japanese culture. They actually have an intellectual background, making them both physically awesome AND intellectually awesome."

Pirates had to strategize sea battles against entire fleets! Clearly, they had strong intellect, as well.

Also, if ninjas were so smart, how come they were eunuchs?

"Pirates are forced to use materials and others, whereas Ninjas rely solely on themselves, making them thoroughly stronger than any pirate."

Ninja don't rely on materials? Excuse me, they rely on large weapons arsenals, whereas a pirate only has a gun and a sword. They also depend on their black clothing so they can keep their wimpy *sses from being seen. Furthermore, a pirate doesn't need to rely on his allies, he simply has them for good measure. He can be totally self-reliant.

Well, my opponent obviously can't deal with the FACTS that ninjas were eunuchs and horrible assassins.

My opponent is unable to disprove the awesomeness that is our pirate brethren!

VOTE AGAINST THOSE EUNUCHS IN BLACK, COMRADES!

bi*ches aint sh*t but hoes and tricks
lick on deez nuts and suck the dick

vote con or you're gay

west side

represent