Virtual Fight, C'mon WHO ARE YA?

Hello here I AM, CHALLENGING YOU TO FIGHT

RULES: WE FIGHT TO BRUTALITY.
NO ONE CAN DIE UNTIL ROUND 3,

I BEGIN BY COMING TO YOUR YARD, PUNCHING YOU IN THE CROTCH
LEAVING YOU WINDED
I THEN PROCEED TO POKE YOU IN THE EYE AND TAKE YOUR MONEY
BUT THERE IS ONLY 2 DOLLAR IN IT. PISSED I SPIT IN YOUR FACE, AND THEN PUNCH YOU SOME MORE

WHATCHA GONNA DO 'BOUT IT SON.

i pull out my magnum .44 and shoot you

The end
get lost scrub

Severely wounded by this unexpected turn of the tables, I proceed to shout out that you are a pu55y for bringing a gun to a mans fight. Irritated by this you come back to kick me whilst i'm down, with blood all over me, you go to grab something heavy. Whilst you are not looking, I get up and hide behind a dumpster. Confused by this, you call me a sissy. Next thing you know, I'm throwing pepper spray in yo face, and then pull your hair like a primary school girl! Once I have you grounded, I apply a full nelson griplock on you, making you pass out. I then take your gun and keep it as a souvenir.

I then proclaim that I am king of the world, steal your wallet (preferably to pay for hospital treatment), so I walk off laughing in hysterics,...

But I turn around, you are not there anymore. I'm shitting myself. Scared, I hold your gun in my hand, anticipating of your ambush. No bullets left, fuksake, so i'm running on a limp, I call a for cab, get in real quick, but its you, you're the driver AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm trapped!!!!

WHATCHA GONNA DO TO ME BRO?...

you hear a stabbing sound as I stab myself with my sacrificial knife and become one of the devils loyal servants and carry a 7 foot pike I charge at you. as you ran I miss and stabbed you in the foot and now your dangling from my pike screaming in pain. I grab you and throw you on the ground when you start chanting bible verses which drain my satanic powers . all I'm left ed with is a unwieldy pike.
your move bro or rather your crawl bro
i took to steps fowards and you took one step back (yes thats a pun)

Bewildered that you were a demon in disguise. I start crying and bitchin about how I picked the wrong fight. You stand proud n tall ready to slay me, that's when I lowblow you in the groin n escape. Irritated, you come after me, so I return to the dumpster, grab some trash n hide it in my back pocket. I then approach you with my head tilted sideways. Confused, you demand I stop fukn around n fight. Just to pissuoff, I do the opposite n start playing more mindfukery. First I start arguing with myself outloud, Then I flirt vigorously with my shadow, before going on to do some air salsa with it. Totally caught off guard, you can't help but burst out in hysterics. Thats when i come right up to so you get serious again. Thats when I kiss you passionately, rendering you unbalanced, aroused, embarrassed, n completely stunned. Allowing me to stuff the trash in to yo unsuspecting mouth, forcing you to swallow.You then puke up violently. Knowing you'll be struck down by the supreme forces known as diarrhea and gastrointestinal infection, I leave the scene head held high, dancing bhangra style.

I go home to master-de-baite on the picture of yo momma (i nicked it from yo wallet). Satisfied with myself, i turn in for night. For tomorrow I plan on attacking my next victim. Unbeknownst to me, whilst searching the trash, I accidentally pricked myself with a heroin syringe, causing me to faint.

My maid found me unconscious shortly after.

So my friend, WHAT WILL BECOME OF US?, WILL WE SURVIVE?

as you woke up you see your chained to a chair. im standing in front of you with a microphone and i being to tell you bad jokes until you die.
What does a vegetarian zombie eat? "GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!"
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!
Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind... it's tearable.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry we don"t serve food here."
MAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA I WIN