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best jokes

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 1/28/2013 Category: Arts
Updated: 5 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 705 times Debate No: 29631
Debate Rounds (5)
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rules: only funny jokes, then the users get to vote to see who is funnier. simpl enough. i will start off...
a man walked into a bar. or maybe its was a museum,. or a store. STUPID APPLE MAPS!!!!


You set no limit on number of jokes so I shall take my liberty to post as many as possible.

Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music... Oh...

A Chinese went to a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the counter, he sat next to a famous Hollywood producer, Steven Spielberg, who was already ahead by a quart of alcohol.

After a round of beer the Chinese sensed that the famous producer was glaring at him.

Suddenly, in a flash, the Chinese crashed down from his stool, felled by a vicious hook from the producer.

Picking himself up, he yelled, "What the hell was that for?" The producer ranted: "That's for the bombing of Pearl Harbor, you #$@#$@!!#! My dad perished in that bombing!".

"I am not Japanese, you stupid Nincompoop! I am a Chinese !". "Yeah yeah yeah ...Japanese, Burmese, Chinese, are all the same!"

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. He was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a three-man business.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"Excuse me?" the young accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the young accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

"I will start you at eighty-five thousand dollars"

"Eighty-five thousand dollars!" the young man exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God.

While he was praying, he asked God, "How long is 10 million years to you?"

God replied, "One second."

The next day the preacher asked God, "God, how much is 10 million dollars to you?"

And God replied, "A penny."

Then finally the next day the preacher asked God, "God, can I have one of your pennies?"

And God replied, "Just wait a second."

A man flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie.

The cabbie said: "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!"

So the man was forced to hitch-hike to the airport. One year later the man returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.

At the end of a long line of cabs was his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The man thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The man got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked?

"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.

"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"

"What?! Get the hell out of my cab." said the cabbie.

The man got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?"

The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The man said "ok" and off they went.

Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the man gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!

The CEO walks up the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $200.00 a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters.........

"He's the pizza delivery guy!"

Regaining his composure, the Chinese took his seat and ordered a double from the bartender. A few seconds later, the Chinese turned around and delivered a deadly snake fist to the producer, sending him flat to the floor.

"What was that for?!!" exclaimed the producer.

"That's for the sinking of the TITANIC! I had ancestors on that ship!" the Chinese replied.

"You ignorant chink! The TITANIC was sunk by an iceberg!" shouted the producer.

"Yeah yeah yeah...Iceberg, Spielberg, are all the same!"
Debate Round No. 1


I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you"re open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."

If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We"ll see about that.

A friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move a body.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life... unless I buy something.

I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.


I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts.

"Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."

After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.

"Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born on?"

"Yesterday?" I replied.
Debate Round No. 2


fuegodemonio forfeited this round.


LatentDebater forfeited this round.
Debate Round No. 3


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Debate Round No. 4


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LatentDebater forfeited this round.
Debate Round No. 5
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