Total Posts:23|Showing Posts:1-23
Jump to topic:

Ranting about my problems

missbailey8
Posts: 3,155
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/27/2017 11:19:04 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Well, this has been coming for a while now. Last summer I made a thread about my issues, so I guess it's only fitting that when this summer rolls around, I'm depressed as fuck. (Again.) Sure, I'm at a better place than I was last summer, but not by much. I started having flashbacks related to rape and other trauma way back when, and now they won't stop.

This year has been shit for me. My flashbacks and Bipolar episodes have taken up my life, and I have little time for anything else. Stress has been piling on top of me for a long while now, and now I feel like I have nothing left to lose. The only people that matter in my life right are my boyfriend and my Kenpo students, but I'm failing all of them.

People wonder why I take rape so seriously. This is why. Everything that happened to me between 2011 and 2016 is why. I'm broken because of it. My flashbacks are controlling everything I do. I don't want to go outside because I fear that something will trigger a flashback. I don't want to be around people because I'm afraid to scare anyone if I have one. I'm pushing away everyone I love out of fear of myself.

I hate all this shit.
Devilry
Posts: 5,099
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/27/2017 11:28:57 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
bailey, I just want you to know that Varka or Voiceoftruth or someone is always here to talk if you need it.

*hugs*
: : : At 11/15/2016 6:22:17 PM, Greyparrot wrote:
: That's not racism. Thats economics.
Emilrose
Posts: 6,201
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 12:04:23 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/27/2017 11:28:57 PM, Devilry wrote:
bailey, I just want you to know that Varka or Voiceoftruth or someone is always here to talk if you need it.

*hugs*

*Vaarka...really you spell worse than a badger.
Devilry
Posts: 5,099
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 12:11:47 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/28/2017 12:04:23 AM, Emilrose wrote:
At 5/27/2017 11:28:57 PM, Devilry wrote:
bailey, I just want you to know that Varka or Voiceoftruth or someone is always here to talk if you need it.

*hugs*

*Vaarka...really you spell worse than a badger.

I clearly was not trying.
: : : At 11/15/2016 6:22:17 PM, Greyparrot wrote:
: That's not racism. Thats economics.
Sui_Generis
Posts: 4,650
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 12:17:30 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/27/2017 11:48:11 PM, missbailey8 wrote:
At 5/27/2017 11:38:09 PM, Emilrose wrote:
Want some coke?
Pass.
I'll take it
"How true it is that words are but vague shadows of the volumes we mean. Little audible links they are, chaining together great inaudible feelings and purposes."

"Nobody wants to be in your sig." ~Emilrose
Tree_of_Death
Posts: 1,793
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 12:19:55 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/27/2017 11:19:04 PM, missbailey8 wrote:
*hugs*
" I got thinkin' how we was holy when we was one thing, an' mankin' was holy when it was one thing. An' it on'y got unholy when one mis'able little fella got the bit in his teeth an' run off his own way, kickin' an' draggin' an' fightin'. Fella like that bust the holiness. But when they're all workin' together, not one fella for another fella, but one fella kind of harnessed to the whole shebang--that's right, that's holy."
--Rev. Casy, The Grapes of Wrath
Emilrose
Posts: 6,201
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 12:26:46 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/28/2017 12:17:30 AM, Sui_Generis wrote:
At 5/27/2017 11:48:11 PM, missbailey8 wrote:
At 5/27/2017 11:38:09 PM, Emilrose wrote:
Want some coke?
Pass.
I'll take it

Where do you want me to put it? ;)
missbailey8
Posts: 3,155
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 12:37:23 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/28/2017 12:26:46 AM, Emilrose wrote:
At 5/28/2017 12:17:30 AM, Sui_Generis wrote:
At 5/27/2017 11:48:11 PM, missbailey8 wrote:
At 5/27/2017 11:38:09 PM, Emilrose wrote:
Want some coke?
Pass.
I'll take it

Where do you want me to put it? ;)

Get a room.
Sui_Generis
Posts: 4,650
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 12:39:19 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/28/2017 12:26:46 AM, Emilrose wrote:
probs not the place :x
"How true it is that words are but vague shadows of the volumes we mean. Little audible links they are, chaining together great inaudible feelings and purposes."

"Nobody wants to be in your sig." ~Emilrose
Emilrose
Posts: 6,201
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 12:51:02 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/28/2017 12:39:19 AM, Sui_Generis wrote:
At 5/28/2017 12:26:46 AM, Emilrose wrote:
probs not the place :x

This thread you mean?
Axonly
Posts: 2,621
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 12:51:35 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/27/2017 11:19:04 PM, missbailey8 wrote:
Well, this has been coming for a while now. Last summer I made a thread about my issues, so I guess it's only fitting that when this summer rolls around, I'm depressed as fuck. (Again.) Sure, I'm at a better place than I was last summer, but not by much. I started having flashbacks related to rape and other trauma way back when, and now they won't stop.

This year has been shit for me. My flashbacks and Bipolar episodes have taken up my life, and I have little time for anything else. Stress has been piling on top of me for a long while now, and now I feel like I have nothing left to lose. The only people that matter in my life right are my boyfriend and my Kenpo students, but I'm failing all of them.

People wonder why I take rape so seriously. This is why. Everything that happened to me between 2011 and 2016 is why. I'm broken because of it. My flashbacks are controlling everything I do. I don't want to go outside because I fear that something will trigger a flashback. I don't want to be around people because I'm afraid to scare anyone if I have one. I'm pushing away everyone I love out of fear of myself.

I hate all this shit.

Things will get better. The DDO community is here for you
"Hate begets hate"
missbailey8
Posts: 3,155
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 12:58:00 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/28/2017 12:55:05 AM, Emilrose wrote:
If I can ask, what actually are Kenpo students?

Kenpo is a self-defense martial art. I'm currently a black belt one degree (out of ten). My instructor wanted someone to teach younger students, so I stepped up.
Emilrose
Posts: 6,201
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 1:02:35 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/28/2017 12:58:00 AM, missbailey8 wrote:
At 5/28/2017 12:55:05 AM, Emilrose wrote:
If I can ask, what actually are Kenpo students?

Kenpo is a self-defense martial art. I'm currently a black belt one degree (out of ten). My instructor wanted someone to teach younger students, so I stepped up.

I see, cool. Well it sounds to me like you've got things to distract yourself with.
missbailey8
Posts: 3,155
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 1:04:17 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/28/2017 1:02:35 AM, Emilrose wrote:
At 5/28/2017 12:58:00 AM, missbailey8 wrote:
At 5/28/2017 12:55:05 AM, Emilrose wrote:
If I can ask, what actually are Kenpo students?

Kenpo is a self-defense martial art. I'm currently a black belt one degree (out of ten). My instructor wanted someone to teach younger students, so I stepped up.

I see, cool. Well it sounds to me like you've got things to distract yourself with.

Doesn't help much when I have no motivation to go outside, let alone teach 5 - 10 kids three days a week.
OTempora
Posts: 589
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 1:19:12 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/28/2017 12:58:00 AM, missbailey8 wrote:
At 5/28/2017 12:55:05 AM, Emilrose wrote:
If I can ask, what actually are Kenpo students?

Kenpo is a self-defense martial art. I'm currently a black belt one degree (out of ten). My instructor wanted someone to teach younger students, so I stepped up.

Why don't you learn something realistic and that you could actually use for self defense like aikido?
#NoLoveForZarrothett
OTempora
Posts: 589
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 1:20:23 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/28/2017 12:58:00 AM, missbailey8 wrote:
At 5/28/2017 12:55:05 AM, Emilrose wrote:
If I can ask, what actually are Kenpo students?

Kenpo is a self-defense martial art. I'm currently a black belt one degree (out of ten). My instructor wanted someone to teach younger students, so I stepped up.

Look you could step on peoples feet like this guy:
#NoLoveForZarrothett
missbailey8
Posts: 3,155
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 1:24:36 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/28/2017 1:19:12 AM, OTempora wrote:
At 5/28/2017 12:58:00 AM, missbailey8 wrote:
At 5/28/2017 12:55:05 AM, Emilrose wrote:
If I can ask, what actually are Kenpo students?

Kenpo is a self-defense martial art. I'm currently a black belt one degree (out of ten). My instructor wanted someone to teach younger students, so I stepped up.

Why don't you learn something realistic and that you could actually use for self defense like aikido?

...

Because I have free will and I wanted to pursue Kenpo? Maybe??
Emilrose
Posts: 6,201
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 1:27:42 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/28/2017 1:04:17 AM, missbailey8 wrote:
At 5/28/2017 1:02:35 AM, Emilrose wrote:
At 5/28/2017 12:58:00 AM, missbailey8 wrote:
At 5/28/2017 12:55:05 AM, Emilrose wrote:
If I can ask, what actually are Kenpo students?

Kenpo is a self-defense martial art. I'm currently a black belt one degree (out of ten). My instructor wanted someone to teach younger students, so I stepped up.

I see, cool. Well it sounds to me like you've got things to distract yourself with.

Doesn't help much when I have no motivation to go outside, let alone teach 5 - 10 kids three days a week.

Do you enjoy teaching them? That should provide some motivation; and I'm sure that kind of interaction with other people helps.

It seemed like the not going outside was more fear-based, so perhaps if you keep doing it...things will get easier, especially if each time nothing that bad happens.
OTempora
Posts: 589
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 1:45:57 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/28/2017 1:24:36 AM, missbailey8 wrote:
At 5/28/2017 1:19:12 AM, OTempora wrote:
At 5/28/2017 12:58:00 AM, missbailey8 wrote:
At 5/28/2017 12:55:05 AM, Emilrose wrote:
If I can ask, what actually are Kenpo students?

Kenpo is a self-defense martial art. I'm currently a black belt one degree (out of ten). My instructor wanted someone to teach younger students, so I stepped up.

Why don't you learn something realistic and that you could actually use for self defense like aikido?

...

Because I have free will and I wanted to pursue Kenpo? Maybe??

Free will is an illusion. The world is deterministics. Science.
#NoLoveForZarrothett
Vaarka
Posts: 13,073
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
5/28/2017 3:36:30 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 5/27/2017 11:28:57 PM, Devilry wrote:
bailey, I just want you to know that Varka or Voiceoftruth or someone is always here to talk if you need it.

*hugs*

well I mean he's not wrong
Beginner Series Mafia Mod. PM if interested***
-
"I bet you're thinking right now 'haha I'm a genius'. well you're not" - Valkrin

"You're too young to be so wise, mate. Tone it down a little." - Devilry

*puffs bubble pipe*

By using this site, you agree to our Privacy Policy and our Terms of Use.