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evilsorcerer1
Posts: 2
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9/18/2017 11:43:32 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
why the bible had periods without new prophecies- {a} this year's grape harvest not done fermenting; {b} bad grape harvest that year; {c} writers passed out;

I think the hard part for noah probably wasn't building the ark, it was picking up the animals off all the different continents;

Gen 9:20- "And Noah began to be an farmer, and he planted a vineyard: And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent."
tent- something someone lives in that doesn"t know how to build a house . . . {or boat}; arch- something a rainbow or curve has; ark- something an angle has; angle, line- something the bible has; ark- angle of a writing instrument & lying;

when did god shorten their lives to 120 years? when they learned how to count;

how do i know crucifying jesus was the toughest sacrifice people ever made?; because he didn't exist, was a made up story, and nothing must have hurt worse than telling a tale about sacrifice with no actual blood being shed.;

there is no forgiveness of sins without the shedding of blood- all I have to say is no wonder so many people are going to heaven.

there is no forgiveness of sins without the shedding of innocent blood- changed because innocent people might run faster
Gentorev
Posts: 6,038
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9/19/2017 6:57:46 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/18/2017 11:43:32 PM, evilsorcerer1 wrote:
why the bible had periods without new prophecies- {a} this year's grape harvest not done fermenting; {b} bad grape harvest that year; {c} writers passed out;

I think the hard part for noah probably wasn't building the ark, it was picking up the animals off all the different continents;

Gen 9:20- "And Noah began to be an farmer, and he planted a vineyard: And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent."
tent- something someone lives in that doesn"t know how to build a house . . . {or boat}; arch- something a rainbow or curve has; ark- something an angle has; angle, line- something the bible has; ark- angle of a writing instrument & lying;

when did god shorten their lives to 120 years? when they learned how to count;

how do i know crucifying jesus was the toughest sacrifice people ever made?; because he didn't exist, was a made up story, and nothing must have hurt worse than telling a tale about sacrifice with no actual blood being shed.;

there is no forgiveness of sins without the shedding of blood- all I have to say is no wonder so many people are going to heaven.

there is no forgiveness of sins without the shedding of innocent blood- changed because innocent people might run faster

Haa Haaa Haaaaa, O please stop, your jokes are so hilarious, my sides are hurting from laughing at you, what a clown you make. Haa Haaa Haaaaa.
The S-word of God. The sharp two edged Tongue, that cuts all the way through to the division of the Soul and the spirit.
GrimlyF
Posts: 1,305
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9/21/2017 3:37:06 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
The biggest religious joke on this site is Gentorev. You can't keep those old zealots down.
Gentorev
Posts: 6,038
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9/21/2017 4:39:31 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/21/2017 3:37:06 AM, GrimlyF wrote:
The biggest religious joke on this site is Gentorev. You can't keep those old zealots down.

GrimlyF is sixty eight
His mummy still must wipe his date
He scratches his elbow all the while
Cos the old bloke suffers bad with piles
But why scratch his elbow? I hear you ask.
Cos he don't know his elbow from his arce.

You got to reap that which you sow old fellow.

Did you hear about the catholic and protestant priest, who were fishing with a Muslim Imam. The catholic priest needed to relieve himself, so stepping out of the boat, he walked across the water and urinated behind a tree, later on the protestant priest did the same, all the while the Muslim Imam was watching with amazement.

Finally the Imam decided that he too had to go, so stepping out of the boat he sank into the depths and had to be pulled back into the boat by the priests, determined not to be beaten, he stepped out of the boat again with the same result.

Soaking wet and spitting out water, he stood up once more, and it was then that one priest said to the other; "You had better show the poor bugger where that sand bar is before he drowns himself."
The S-word of God. The sharp two edged Tongue, that cuts all the way through to the division of the Soul and the spirit.
Perussi
Posts: 3,687
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9/25/2017 12:18:20 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Jesus-
So i come back to earth and they've put all these crosses everywhere and i'm like wtf? You think if JFK comes back he wants to see sniper rifles all over?
Perussi
Posts: 3,687
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9/25/2017 7:36:41 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
So, Michael Jordan dies and goes to heaven where he is greeted by Jesus. Hey, i'm your biggest fan! I've kept up on your throughout you whole career, how about a 1v1 to lighten the mood since you just, you know, died? Michael Jordan replies, okay, let's do it. They get on the basketball court, are ready to spring into action, and an angel is ready to serve the ball when God and the Holy Spirit get into position on Jesus's side of the court. I thought you said this was a 1v1? Yeah, it is.
Mharman
Posts: 5,030
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9/25/2017 9:34:58 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/18/2017 11:43:32 PM, evilsorcerer1 wrote:
why the bible had periods without new prophecies- {a} this year's grape harvest not done fermenting; {b} bad grape harvest that year; {c} writers passed out;

I think the hard part for noah probably wasn't building the ark, it was picking up the animals off all the different continents;

Gen 9:20- "And Noah began to be an farmer, and he planted a vineyard: And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent."
tent- something someone lives in that doesn"t know how to build a house . . . {or boat}; arch- something a rainbow or curve has; ark- something an angle has; angle, line- something the bible has; ark- angle of a writing instrument & lying;

when did god shorten their lives to 120 years? when they learned how to count;

how do i know crucifying jesus was the toughest sacrifice people ever made?; because he didn't exist, was a made up story, and nothing must have hurt worse than telling a tale about sacrifice with no actual blood being shed.;

there is no forgiveness of sins without the shedding of blood- all I have to say is no wonder so many people are going to heaven.

there is no forgiveness of sins without the shedding of innocent blood- changed because innocent people might run faster

These aren't jokes. It's just downright bigotry.
Rest in Peace, Lannan13. You will be missed.

"I didn't spend much time talking to Lannan, and I wish I had. He was a chill guy. Really kind, too. Not once did I ever see him get angry. Lannan and Anger were polar opposites, never coming in contact." -Mharman
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Gentorev
Posts: 6,038
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9/27/2017 5:51:54 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/25/2017 9:34:58 PM, Mharman wrote:
At 9/18/2017 11:43:32 PM, evilsorcerer1 wrote:
why the bible had periods without new prophecies- {a} this year's grape harvest not done fermenting; {b} bad grape harvest that year; {c} writers passed out;

I think the hard part for noah probably wasn't building the ark, it was picking up the animals off all the different continents;

Gen 9:20- "And Noah began to be an farmer, and he planted a vineyard: And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent."
tent- something someone lives in that doesn"t know how to build a house . . . {or boat}; arch- something a rainbow or curve has; ark- something an angle has; angle, line- something the bible has; ark- angle of a writing instrument & lying;

when did god shorten their lives to 120 years? when they learned how to count;

how do i know crucifying jesus was the toughest sacrifice people ever made?; because he didn't exist, was a made up story, and nothing must have hurt worse than telling a tale about sacrifice with no actual blood being shed.;

there is no forgiveness of sins without the shedding of blood- all I have to say is no wonder so many people are going to heaven.

there is no forgiveness of sins without the shedding of innocent blood- changed because innocent people might run faster

These aren't jokes. It's just downright bigotry.

I was given a card by an atheist mate of mine, the caption on the cover said; "Mary and Joseph," and depicted Mary in a sexy night gown, sitting on her bed leaning up against her pillows with a disgusted look on her face, and Joseph sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands, sobbing bitterly.

Inside was written; "God is a hard act to follow."

I don't laugh with these clowns, I laugh at them.
The S-word of God. The sharp two edged Tongue, that cuts all the way through to the division of the Soul and the spirit.
evilsorcerer1
Posts: 2
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10/8/2017 2:20:51 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/27/2017 5:51:54 AM, Gentorev wrote:
At 9/25/2017 9:34:58 PM, Mharman wrote:
At 9/18/2017 11:43:32 PM, evilsorcerer1 wrote:
why the bible had periods without new prophecies- {a} this year's grape harvest not done fermenting; {b} bad grape harvest that year; {c} writers passed out;

I think the hard part for noah probably wasn't building the ark, it was picking up the animals off all the different continents;

Gen 9:20- "And Noah began to be an farmer, and he planted a vineyard: And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent."
tent- something someone lives in that doesn"t know how to build a house . . . {or boat}; arch- something a rainbow or curve has; ark- something an angle has; angle, line- something the bible has; ark- angle of a writing instrument & lying;

when did god shorten their lives to 120 years? when they learned how to count;

how do i know crucifying jesus was the toughest sacrifice people ever made?; because he didn't exist, was a made up story, and nothing must have hurt worse than telling a tale about sacrifice with no actual blood being shed.;

there is no forgiveness of sins without the shedding of blood- all I have to say is no wonder so many people are going to heaven.

there is no forgiveness of sins without the shedding of innocent blood- changed because innocent people might run faster

These aren't jokes. It's just downright bigotry.

I was given a card by an atheist mate of mine, the caption on the cover said; "Mary and Joseph," and depicted Mary in a sexy night gown, sitting on her bed leaning up against her pillows with a disgusted look on her face, and Joseph sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands, sobbing bitterly.

Inside was written; "God is a hard act to follow."

I don't laugh with these clowns, I laugh at them.

I am a bigot, and very much against christianity and any belief that says man can be forgiven, redeemed. But I have a lot to back it up, although others might disagree. Their beliefs are so rapist it's unbelievable.
Here are some more jokes -
1. Why did everyone want to kill jesus? He said he was god, and one thing people can't tolerate is blasphemy. Okay, two things. Also identity theft.
2. Gen 11:12-13 e37; "Arphaxad lived thirty-five years, and begot Salah. After he begot Salah, Arphaxad lived four hundred and three years, and begot sons and daughters."
Possibly the most inappropriate name in the bibel- Arphaxad {Ar' Facts Add}
3. What is the 1,000 rain of peace - 10 days of flood waters on the earth.
4. Ephesians 6: "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise. Yeah, I hope you have better luck with this one too.
5. Why did they crucify jesus? He was a liar; He said he was the king of the jews, and everyone knows thats gold.
6. How long were the children of israel in bondage? 400 years. How long did they wander in the wilderness? 40 years. 20 listening to moses' recite laws and 20 trying to find the way back to egypt so they could ask for their old job back.
Gentorev
Posts: 6,038
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10/8/2017 4:36:19 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 10/8/2017 2:20:51 AM, evilsorcerer1 wrote:
Although this should really be discussed on the religion forum, seeing as you are no more than a mentally unstable ignorant clown, we will accommodate your hilarious rubbish.


1. Why did everyone want to kill jesus?


Only the Jewish authorities wanted him dead you ignorant clown.


He said he was god, and one thing people can't tolerate is blasphemy.

No where in the bible did Jesus claim to be God you ignorant clown.

Okay, two things. Also identity theft.


The definition of the word 'THEFT:' (1) The act or instance of stealing: (2) The dishonest taking and removal of someone's personal ) property with the intent to permanently deprive the owner.

2. Gen 11:12-13 e37; "Arphaxad lived thirty-five years, and begot Salah. After he begot Salah, Arphaxad lived four hundred and three years, and begot sons and daughters."
Possibly the most inappropriate name in the bibel- Arphaxad {Ar' Facts Add}

According to my Bible, Gen 11: 12-13; "When Arpachshad was 135, he sired Canaim, who at the age of 130, sired Shelah. You funny ignorant dumb clown. And Luke 3: 35-46; Heber who was the son of Salah, who was the son of Cainam, who was the son of Arpachshad. Gord, you're a dumb clown aren't you?


3. What is the 1,000 rain of peace - 10 days of flood waters on the earth.


I don't know what the 1,000 rain of peace is, you miserable dumb clown. But I do know what the 1,000 year REIGN of peace is.


4. Ephesians 6: "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise. Yeah, I hope you have better luck with this one too.


Hey mate, if you spat in the face of your parents and refused to obey them, how can you expect your children to obey you?
\:
5. Why did they crucify jesus? He was a liar; He said he was the king of the jews, and everyone knows thats gold.


Never told a lie in his life mate and soon he will gather all the surrounding nations who would drive Israel into the sea, and flog the crap out of them before establishing his throne in Jerusalem/


6. How long were the children of israel in bondage? 400 years.


215 Years you dumb funny child.


How long did they wander in the wilderness? 40 years. 20 listening to moses' recite laws and 20 trying to find the way back to egypt so they could ask for their old job back.


BS You dumb comedian; After the Shepherd kings left Egypt, their only intention was to reclaim the land that Canaan had occupied illegally.

OK, You can piss off now, If you want to continue debating religion, start a thread on the Religion Forum.
The S-word of God. The sharp two edged Tongue, that cuts all the way through to the division of the Soul and the spirit.
SecularMerlin
Posts: 7,228
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11/27/2017 5:12:58 AM
Posted: 10 months ago
So there I was three stanzas deep into Jesus Loves the Little Children when I realized I was at a meeting for sex offenders. I said to myself that's never going to happen to me again. That's why I sang You'll Never Walk Alone Again at the paraplegic chilli supper. Which was a mess by the way, chilli was not the only thing those monkeys were throwing.

Three men walk into a bar.
A priest an alcoholic and a child molester
But the other two were just normal guys

My favorite bible passage goes
"And Jesus came upon the fishermen, and then said I'll make you fishers of men ;)" and if you say that to some Christians they get all offended.
The only true wisdom lies in knowing that you know nothing.
-Socrates

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality
-Lewis Carrol
Mharman
Posts: 5,030
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11/27/2017 3:47:47 PM
Posted: 10 months ago
At 11/27/2017 5:12:58 AM, SecularMerlin wrote:
So there I was three stanzas deep into Jesus Loves the Little Children when I realized I was at a meeting for sex offenders. I said to myself that's never going to happen to me again. That's why I sang You'll Never Walk Alone Again at the paraplegic chilli supper. Which was a mess by the way, chilli was not the only thing those monkeys were throwing.

Three men walk into a bar.
A priest an alcoholic and a child molester
But the other two were just normal guys

My favorite bible passage goes
"And Jesus came upon the fishermen, and then said I'll make you fishers of men ;)" and if you say that to some Christians they get all offended.

Dumbest post in the history of this site.
Rest in Peace, Lannan13. You will be missed.

"I didn't spend much time talking to Lannan, and I wish I had. He was a chill guy. Really kind, too. Not once did I ever see him get angry. Lannan and Anger were polar opposites, never coming in contact." -Mharman
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A category 7 hurricane of spam has struck DDO. It is advised to go to the nearest nuclear bomb shelter. The outside threads have been decimated.
SecularMerlin
Posts: 7,228
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11/27/2017 3:57:29 PM
Posted: 10 months ago
At 11/27/2017 3:47:47 PM, Mharman wrote:
At 11/27/2017 5:12:58 AM, SecularMerlin wrote:
So there I was three stanzas deep into Jesus Loves the Little Children when I realized I was at a meeting for sex offenders. I said to myself that's never going to happen to me again. That's why I sang You'll Never Walk Alone Again at the paraplegic chilli supper. Which was a mess by the way, chilli was not the only thing those monkeys were throwing.

Three men walk into a bar.
A priest an alcoholic and a child molester
But the other two were just normal guys

My favorite bible passage goes
"And Jesus came upon the fishermen, and then said I'll make you fishers of men ;)" and if you say that to some Christians they get all offended.

Dumbest post in the history of this site.

How many atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Probe there's a lightbulb.

What did the bhuddist say to the hotdog vendor?
Can yout make me one with everything?

What did the creationists dog say?
If we is descended from wolves then why is there still wolves?
The only true wisdom lies in knowing that you know nothing.
-Socrates

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality
-Lewis Carrol
Mharman
Posts: 5,030
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11/27/2017 4:00:24 PM
Posted: 10 months ago
At 11/27/2017 3:57:29 PM, SecularMerlin wrote:
At 11/27/2017 3:47:47 PM, Mharman wrote:
At 11/27/2017 5:12:58 AM, SecularMerlin wrote:
So there I was three stanzas deep into Jesus Loves the Little Children when I realized I was at a meeting for sex offenders. I said to myself that's never going to happen to me again. That's why I sang You'll Never Walk Alone Again at the paraplegic chilli supper. Which was a mess by the way, chilli was not the only thing those monkeys were throwing.

Three men walk into a bar.
A priest an alcoholic and a child molester
But the other two were just normal guys

My favorite bible passage goes
"And Jesus came upon the fishermen, and then said I'll make you fishers of men ;)" and if you say that to some Christians they get all offended.

Dumbest post in the history of this site.

How many atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Probe there's a lightbulb.

What did the bhuddist say to the hotdog vendor?
Can yout make me one with everything?

What did the creationists dog say?
If we is descended from wolves then why is there still wolves?

I misjudged you. In fact, looking at it from a teasing perspective, they're actually kinda funny.
Rest in Peace, Lannan13. You will be missed.

"I didn't spend much time talking to Lannan, and I wish I had. He was a chill guy. Really kind, too. Not once did I ever see him get angry. Lannan and Anger were polar opposites, never coming in contact." -Mharman
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A category 7 hurricane of spam has struck DDO. It is advised to go to the nearest nuclear bomb shelter. The outside threads have been decimated.
SecularMerlin
Posts: 7,228
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11/27/2017 4:09:42 PM
Posted: 10 months ago
At 11/27/2017 4:00:24 PM, Mharman wrote:
At 11/27/2017 3:57:29 PM, SecularMerlin wrote:
At 11/27/2017 3:47:47 PM, Mharman wrote:
At 11/27/2017 5:12:58 AM, SecularMerlin wrote:
So there I was three stanzas deep into Jesus Loves the Little Children when I realized I was at a meeting for sex offenders. I said to myself that's never going to happen to me again. That's why I sang You'll Never Walk Alone Again at the paraplegic chilli supper. Which was a mess by the way, chilli was not the only thing those monkeys were throwing.

Three men walk into a bar.
A priest an alcoholic and a child molester
But the other two were just normal guys

My favorite bible passage goes
"And Jesus came upon the fishermen, and then said I'll make you fishers of men ;)" and if you say that to some Christians they get all offended.

Dumbest post in the history of this site.

How many atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Probe there's a lightbulb.

What did the bhuddist say to the hotdog vendor?
Can yout make me one with everything?

What did the creationists dog say?
If we is descended from wolves then why is there still wolves?

I misjudged you. In fact, looking at it from a teasing perspective, they're actually kinda funny.

How many Christian councilors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one but it takes a long time and the lightbulb has to except Jesus into its heart.

A priest and a rabbi are walking past an all boys school.
The priest turns to the rabbi and says
"I'd sure like to screw that one."
The rabbi replied
"Ok out of what?"
The only true wisdom lies in knowing that you know nothing.
-Socrates

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality
-Lewis Carrol
TheMarketLibertarian
Posts: 543
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12/1/2017 9:33:51 PM
Posted: 10 months ago
At 9/21/2017 3:37:06 AM, GrimlyF wrote:
The biggest religious joke on this site is Gentorev. You can't keep those old zealots down.

It's actually Followerofchrist1955
Mharman
Posts: 5,030
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12/1/2017 11:05:27 PM
Posted: 10 months ago
At 12/1/2017 9:33:51 PM, TheMarketLibertarian wrote:
At 9/21/2017 3:37:06 AM, GrimlyF wrote:
The biggest religious joke on this site is Gentorev. You can't keep those old zealots down.

It's actually Followerofchrist1955

Oh please, those are both intelligent people.

Purushadasa and ViceRegent on the other hand...
Rest in Peace, Lannan13. You will be missed.

"I didn't spend much time talking to Lannan, and I wish I had. He was a chill guy. Really kind, too. Not once did I ever see him get angry. Lannan and Anger were polar opposites, never coming in contact." -Mharman
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A category 7 hurricane of spam has struck DDO. It is advised to go to the nearest nuclear bomb shelter. The outside threads have been decimated.
SecularMerlin
Posts: 7,228
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12/8/2017 9:48:06 PM
Posted: 10 months ago
What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah witness? Someone knocking on your door for no reason.
The only true wisdom lies in knowing that you know nothing.
-Socrates

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality
-Lewis Carrol
SecularMerlin
Posts: 7,228
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12/9/2017 4:41:55 PM
Posted: 10 months ago
What do you get when you cross an agnostic with a Mormon? Somebody who doesn't know why he has so many wives.

What's the difference between an agnostic and a hipster? I don't know and I don't care.
The only true wisdom lies in knowing that you know nothing.
-Socrates

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality
-Lewis Carrol
SecularMerlin
Posts: 7,228
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1/25/2018 4:05:31 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
How many catholics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two but they have to be small enough to fit into the lightbulb and they can't use a condom.
The only true wisdom lies in knowing that you know nothing.
-Socrates

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality
-Lewis Carrol