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What are your thoughts on cheating?

FREEDO
Posts: 21,806
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1/11/2013 2:58:30 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
I would forgive someone for cheating if I loved them.

I would not cheat, whether I loved them or not.
Grand Poobah of DDO
Kinesis
Posts: 3,667
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1/11/2013 3:02:21 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 2:33:14 PM, Heineken wrote:
At 1/11/2013 1:13:25 PM, bossyburrito wrote:
If people want to have an open relationship, that's fine. If people want to have a closed relationship, that's fine. The problem comes when someone promises something and they break the promise. That's where the trust issue comes into play.

- 1

I promised to take the garbage out this morning. I didn't. Time for a divorce?

You're technically correct. The best kind of correct.
Kinesis
Posts: 3,667
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1/11/2013 3:03:05 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 2:58:30 PM, FREEDO wrote:
I would forgive someone for cheating if I loved them.

I would not cheat, whether I loved them or not.

What if the world literally would explode if you didn't?
johnnyboy54
Posts: 6,362
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1/11/2013 3:05:19 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 2:52:24 PM, tulle wrote:
At 1/11/2013 2:33:14 PM, Heineken wrote:
At 1/11/2013 1:13:25 PM, bossyburrito wrote:
If people want to have an open relationship, that's fine. If people want to have a closed relationship, that's fine. The problem comes when someone promises something and they break the promise. That's where the trust issue comes into play.

- 1

I promised to take the garbage out this morning. I didn't. Time for a divorce?

I would assume he meant if you promise to be monogamous and break that promise.

No Tulle that is not how this works. We have to take everything to far here.
I didn't order assholes with my whiskey.
tBoonePickens
Posts: 3,266
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1/11/2013 3:16:09 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 2:24:49 PM, drafterman wrote:
At 1/11/2013 12:32:46 PM, tBoonePickens wrote:
At 1/11/2013 10:15:47 AM, tulle wrote:
When it comes to relationships, the general consensus tends to be that if someone has cheated, the relationship is over.
Yep yep.

What are your thoughts.
I agree that "if someone has cheated, the relationship is over."

Are there exceptions?
Nope.

Would you forgive someone for cheating?
Nope.

What would it take?
What would it take for what?
A) What would it take to cheat: A totally slutty AND demure chick with big t1ts and an arse that tastes like french vanilla ice cream!

B) What would it take to forgive a cheater: an act of God.

That certainly explains why Joseph and Mary stayed together.
Yes: there were no totally slutty AND demure chicks with big t1ts and an arses that tasted like french vanilla ice cream in Galilee!
WOS
: At 10/3/2012 4:28:52 AM, Wallstreetatheist wrote:
: Without nothing existing, you couldn't have something.
Heineken
Posts: 1,230
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1/11/2013 3:16:27 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 2:52:24 PM, tulle wrote:
At 1/11/2013 2:33:14 PM, Heineken wrote:
At 1/11/2013 1:13:25 PM, bossyburrito wrote:
If people want to have an open relationship, that's fine. If people want to have a closed relationship, that's fine. The problem comes when someone promises something and they break the promise. That's where the trust issue comes into play.

- 1

I promised to take the garbage out this morning. I didn't. Time for a divorce?

I would assume he meant if you promise to be monogamous and break that promise.

Shhhh...don't give her the answer.
Vidi, vici, veni.
(I saw, I conquered, I came.)
tBoonePickens
Posts: 3,266
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1/11/2013 3:18:39 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 3:16:27 PM, Heineken wrote:
At 1/11/2013 2:52:24 PM, tulle wrote:
At 1/11/2013 2:33:14 PM, Heineken wrote:
At 1/11/2013 1:13:25 PM, bossyburrito wrote:
If people want to have an open relationship, that's fine. If people want to have a closed relationship, that's fine. The problem comes when someone promises something and they break the promise. That's where the trust issue comes into play.

- 1

I promised to take the garbage out this morning. I didn't. Time for a divorce?

I would assume he meant if you promise to be monogamous and break that promise.

Shhhh...don't give her the answer.

42. Sorry, I couldn't help myself!
WOS
: At 10/3/2012 4:28:52 AM, Wallstreetatheist wrote:
: Without nothing existing, you couldn't have something.
bossyburrito
Posts: 14,448
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1/11/2013 3:25:25 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 2:33:14 PM, Heineken wrote:
At 1/11/2013 1:13:25 PM, bossyburrito wrote:
If people want to have an open relationship, that's fine. If people want to have a closed relationship, that's fine. The problem comes when someone promises something and they break the promise. That's where the trust issue comes into play.

- 1

I promised to take the garbage out this morning. I didn't. Time for a divorce?

There's a difference between saying "I promise that I won't forget to take the garbage out" and "I love you and I'm never going to leave you for another. I will resist all temptations, and for that you have my word. You are all someone could ever ask for. There is no one who I would rather be with than you. Will you marry me so we shall live together forever?
"
#StandWithBossy

#TheMadmanWasUnbanned
tBoonePickens
Posts: 3,266
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1/11/2013 3:32:09 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 3:25:25 PM, bossyburrito wrote:
At 1/11/2013 2:33:14 PM, Heineken wrote:
At 1/11/2013 1:13:25 PM, bossyburrito wrote:
If people want to have an open relationship, that's fine. If people want to have a closed relationship, that's fine. The problem comes when someone promises something and they break the promise. That's where the trust issue comes into play.

- 1

I promised to take the garbage out this morning. I didn't. Time for a divorce?

There's a difference between saying "I promise that I won't forget to take the garbage out" and "I love you and I'm never going to leave you for another. I will resist all temptations, and for that you have my word. You are all someone could ever ask for. There is no one who I would rather be with than you. Will you marry me so we shall live together forever?"

No, sorry. I don't go that way. But there are plenty of "those" people on DDO!
WOS
: At 10/3/2012 4:28:52 AM, Wallstreetatheist wrote:
: Without nothing existing, you couldn't have something.
sadolite
Posts: 10,006
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1/11/2013 5:46:25 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
"What are your thoughts on cheating?"
Me personally , don't have any and never had. Other people, Why would someone contemplate destroying their character to get a piece of azz is beyond me. I guess you have to be a dumb azz, characterless, pile of crap. If you don't like someone, break up and then go for the other person. Why do people think this will hurt someones feelings more than being a cheating pile of crap with zero character or moral compass.
Beware of the people who are in your circle but are not in your corner.

And with the stroke of a pen people 18 to 21 who own a gun became criminals and public enemy #1 having committed no crime and having said nothing. Just like the Jews in Germany during WW2. Must be a weird feeling.

When I hear people crying and whining about their first world problems I think about the universe with everything in it and people in wheelchairs and all of their problems go away.
tulle
Posts: 4,445
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1/11/2013 6:05:06 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 5:46:25 PM, sadolite wrote:
"What are your thoughts on cheating?"
Me personally , don't have any and never had. Other people, Why would someone contemplate destroying their character to get a piece of azz is beyond me. I guess you have to be a dumb azz, characterless, pile of crap. If you don't like someone, break up and then go for the other person. Why do people think this will hurt someones feelings more than being a cheating pile of crap with zero character or moral compass.

I agree with you on something!
yang.
bossyburrito
Posts: 14,448
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1/11/2013 6:08:04 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 5:46:25 PM, sadolite wrote:
"What are your thoughts on cheating?"
Me personally , don't have any and never had. Other people, Why would someone contemplate destroying their character to get a piece of azz is beyond me. I guess you have to be a dumb azz, characterless, pile of crap. If you don't like someone, break up and then go for the other person. Why do people think this will hurt someones feelings more than being a cheating pile of crap with zero character or moral compass.

The thing is that a lot of people regret cheating after the act. It usually comes from a lack of self control.
#StandWithBossy

#TheMadmanWasUnbanned
FREEDO
Posts: 21,806
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1/11/2013 6:22:16 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 3:03:05 PM, Kinesis wrote:
At 1/11/2013 2:58:30 PM, FREEDO wrote:
I would forgive someone for cheating if I loved them.

I would not cheat, whether I loved them or not.

What if the world literally would explode if you didn't?

Lol.

Then I definitely wouldn't.
Grand Poobah of DDO
Andromeda_Z
Posts: 4,220
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1/11/2013 8:13:34 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
It's the dishonesty that bothers me and i have a hard time forgiving that. If you want an open relationship, just be honest about that - i'm all for it. Don't deceive me because you can't get that trust back and what's the point of a relationship without trust?
Don't take me too seriously plz, i'm rarely on here sober
ConservativePolitico
Posts: 8,041
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1/11/2013 10:13:31 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 10:15:47 AM, tulle wrote:
When it comes to relationships, the general consensus tends to be that if someone has cheated, the relationship is over.

What are your thoughts. Are there exceptions? Would you forgive someone for cheating? What would it take?

I think I could forgive someone for cheating (slowly) if it was a one time offence. Maybe. I'd try to get to the root of the problem and solve it before dumping a relationship completely.

Problem solving for the win. But if it happened more than once it'd be over.

I'd also be heartbroken.
No one normal accomplished anything meaningful in this world.
Ore_Ele
Posts: 26,013
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1/11/2013 11:42:12 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 10:54:57 AM, johnnyboy54 wrote:
At 1/11/2013 10:53:43 AM, Mirza wrote:
At 1/11/2013 10:38:49 AM, drafterman wrote:
At 1/11/2013 10:20:00 AM, Mirza wrote:
I think married couples who have a stable and happy relationship in general should forgive cheating -- if they can work toward improving things. As for girlfriend/boyfriend matters, never!

If they have a stable and happy relationship in general, why is one of them cheating?
Temptation, often due to someone from work. This is quite normal. Cheating doesn't mean you are not in love with your partner or don't feel very good about your relationship.

Yeah but one would have to wonder about the strength of that relationship if your willing to throw it away for a fling.

It's not the strength of the relationship that is at question, but the strength of the individual's willpower.
"Wanting Red Rhino Pill to have gender"
Ore_Ele
Posts: 26,013
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1/11/2013 11:45:18 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 3:25:25 PM, bossyburrito wrote:
At 1/11/2013 2:33:14 PM, Heineken wrote:
At 1/11/2013 1:13:25 PM, bossyburrito wrote:
If people want to have an open relationship, that's fine. If people want to have a closed relationship, that's fine. The problem comes when someone promises something and they break the promise. That's where the trust issue comes into play.

- 1

I promised to take the garbage out this morning. I didn't. Time for a divorce?

There's a difference between saying "I promise that I won't forget to take the garbage out" and "I love you and I'm never going to leave you for another. I will resist all temptations, and for that you have my word. You are all someone could ever ask for. There is no one who I would rather be with than you. Will you marry me so we shall live together forever?
"

That why my vows were, "I'll try my best when I remember."
"Wanting Red Rhino Pill to have gender"
lewis20
Posts: 5,093
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1/12/2013 12:12:50 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 11:42:12 PM, Ore_Ele wrote:
It's not the strength of the relationship that is at question, but the strength of the individual's willpower.

That, it'd take some will power once you get sick of the person.
That's how all relationships work right? Fun for a while until you get sick of each other.
"If you are a racist I will attack you with the north"- Abraham Lincoln

"Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material" - Leviticus 19 19

"War is a racket" - Smedley Butler
Franz_Reynard
Posts: 1,227
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1/12/2013 12:25:48 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Well, it all depends on the relationship, no? For those that haven't lasted very long and/or don't mean very much, they're basically held together almost exclusively by the strength of its exclusivity. As other factors come into the picture, such as familial integration, children, marriage, and conjoined finances, there are other considerations to be made that often trivializes whether either party has slept with someone else.

As far as I'm concerned, what I want more than anything is honesty. If someone cheats on me, it wouldn't be the fact that they slept with someone else so much as the deceit that went into the act. I'm actually an open enough person that one could discuss such things with me.

On the other hand, I've grown accustomed to rather diverse living arrangements, and have had some fairly interesting experiences as a result. For example, as it says in my profile, I most often live with two vixens. That can get frustrating and challenging, but it can also be pretty exciting.

So, if one wants to have an exciting lifestyle without commitment, but with those more sentimental and comforting things like affection and thoughtfulness, one could have both as long as one is willing to define the relationship accordingly. But, to pretend to be in some sort of serious relationship when one isn't committed in that way, that just isn't fair, and rather inconsiderate. In some ways, cold-hearted. I mean, no matter what, when someone says that they're in a relationship with you, they're committing to something. It just depends on whether they're committing to being in a relationship with you, or deceiving and/or hurting you. And, I suppose, that's from where the seriousness in the matter derives.

That, of course, is all not to mention bringing home ugly things, like viruses, bacteria, fungi, and children.
Andromeda_Z
Posts: 4,220
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1/12/2013 1:16:48 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2013 12:25:48 AM, Franz_Reynard wrote:
That, of course, is all not to mention bringing home ugly things, like viruses, bacteria, fungi, and children.

Yep, this. Forgot to mention it but being honest about having every disease known to medicine doesn't make it okay just because you were honest. I don't want that sh!t. Open relationships won't harm me but STI's will.
Don't take me too seriously plz, i'm rarely on here sober
Buddamoose
Posts: 19,636
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1/12/2013 2:38:32 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2013 1:16:48 AM, Andromeda_Z wrote:
At 1/12/2013 12:25:48 AM, Franz_Reynard wrote:
That, of course, is all not to mention bringing home ugly things, like viruses, bacteria, fungi, and children.

Yep, this. Forgot to mention it but being honest about having every disease known to medicine doesn't make it okay just because you were honest. I don't want that sh!t. Open relationships won't harm me but STI's will.

^^this, FVCKIN THIS 100 times over shouting from the rooftops, "I'm not giving you sti's, so dont give them to me!!!"
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

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Khaos_Mage
Posts: 25,031
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1/12/2013 5:12:06 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 10:15:47 AM, tulle wrote:
When it comes to relationships, the general consensus tends to be that if someone has cheated, the relationship is over.

What are your thoughts. Are there exceptions? Would you forgive someone for cheating? What would it take?

It would depend on what happened, how it happened, and, most importantly, why it happened.

Moment of weakness is not the same as lusting after someone.
A one-night stand is not the same as having a mistress.
An underappreciated wife stuck with a husband with no sex drive is not the same as a woman that just can't get enough.

If I am reasonably to blame for her straying, it should not end the relationship.
At least the noble sheep provides us warm sweaters. All your hides would provide are coward pants. - Dick Solomon

"I call albatross!" - seventhprofessor
WW
Posts: 100
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1/12/2013 6:53:36 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 10:15:47 AM, tulle wrote:
When it comes to relationships, the general consensus tends to be that if someone has cheated, the relationship is over.

What are your thoughts. Are there exceptions? Would you forgive someone for cheating? What would it take?

1: No
2: Forgive, but not forget.
3: To forgive, nothing. To forget, 3.1463 by ten to the power of a trillion millenniums.
WW
Posts: 100
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1/12/2013 7:06:13 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2013 12:25:48 AM, Franz_Reynard wrote:
Well, it all depends on the relationship, no? For those that haven't lasted very long and/or don't mean very much, they're basically held together almost exclusively by the strength of its exclusivity. As other factors come into the picture, such as familial integration, children, marriage, and conjoined finances, there are other considerations to be made that often trivializes whether either party has slept with someone else.

As far as I'm concerned, what I want more than anything is honesty. If someone cheats on me, it wouldn't be the fact that they slept with someone else so much as the deceit that went into the act. I'm actually an open enough person that one could discuss such things with me.

On the other hand, I've grown accustomed to rather diverse living arrangements, and have had some fairly interesting experiences as a result. For example, as it says in my profile, I most often live with two vixens. That can get frustrating and challenging, but it can also be pretty exciting.

So, if one wants to have an exciting lifestyle without commitment, but with those more sentimental and comforting things like affection and thoughtfulness, one could have both as long as one is willing to define the relationship accordingly. But, to pretend to be in some sort of serious relationship when one isn't committed in that way, that just isn't fair, and rather inconsiderate. In some ways, cold-hearted. I mean, no matter what, when someone says that they're in a relationship with you, they're committing to something. It just depends on whether they're committing to being in a relationship with you, or deceiving and/or hurting you. And, I suppose, that's from where the seriousness in the matter derives.

That, of course, is all not to mention bringing home ugly things, like viruses, bacteria, fungi, and children.

That's a good post actually. Why the deceit? I am quite honest about how I feel. I don't understand why others aren't the same. The only exception I can think of is family relatives as you're stuck with them, lol, but even then I wouldn't lie as much as I would stretch the truth around.
sadolite
Posts: 10,006
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1/12/2013 8:09:26 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/11/2013 6:08:04 PM, bossyburrito wrote:
At 1/11/2013 5:46:25 PM, sadolite wrote:
"What are your thoughts on cheating?"
Me personally , don't have any and never had. Other people, Why would someone contemplate destroying their character to get a piece of azz is beyond me. I guess you have to be a dumb azz, characterless, pile of crap. If you don't like someone, break up and then go for the other person. Why do people think this will hurt someones feelings more than being a cheating pile of crap with zero character or moral compass.

The thing is that a lot of people regret cheating after the act. It usually comes from a lack of self control.

"It usually comes from a lack of self control." No, it comes from a lack of character and the absence of a moral compass. Regret is a reaction to being caught.
Beware of the people who are in your circle but are not in your corner.

And with the stroke of a pen people 18 to 21 who own a gun became criminals and public enemy #1 having committed no crime and having said nothing. Just like the Jews in Germany during WW2. Must be a weird feeling.

When I hear people crying and whining about their first world problems I think about the universe with everything in it and people in wheelchairs and all of their problems go away.
TheElderScroll
Posts: 643
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1/12/2013 8:28:55 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Cheating is considered a social taboo, primarily because it violates the trust established on the mutual agreement. As far as I know, most people hold word "trust" dearly. The most famous cheating in history (or since 1990s) is President Bill Clinton"s "Zippergate" which eventually evolves to impeachment. So my thoughts on cheating? Don"t do it unless you are prepared to face the harsh criticisms. But of course there are some exceptions. Cheating resulting from family abuses should not be considered a violation of mutual trust since the trust has already been violated.
TheElderScroll
Posts: 643
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1/12/2013 8:35:05 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2013 8:09:26 AM, sadolite wrote:
At 1/11/2013 6:08:04 PM, bossyburrito wrote:
At 1/11/2013 5:46:25 PM, sadolite wrote:
"What are your thoughts on cheating?"
Me personally , don't have any and never had. Other people, Why would someone contemplate destroying their character to get a piece of azz is beyond me. I guess you have to be a dumb azz, characterless, pile of crap. If you don't like someone, break up and then go for the other person. Why do people think this will hurt someones feelings more than being a cheating pile of crap with zero character or moral compass.

The thing is that a lot of people regret cheating after the act. It usually comes from a lack of self control.

"It usually comes from a lack of self control." No, it comes from a lack of character and the absence of a moral compass. Regret is a reaction to being caught.

Not necessarily. Cheating could be an impetuous action, which would not involve "moral compass."

Regret is a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done. It does not have to be a "reaction to being caught."
Danielle
Posts: 26,599
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1/12/2013 8:47:16 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
I've been cheated on and I've cheated.

Every situation is different, and tulle, be careful about considering the opinions of those who haven't been in serious relationships before. They don't understand the complexity of these situations. Walking away is a lot easier said than done in most cases. I have mixed feelings about it, and don't think there's an objective right or wrong-- there are a lot of factors to consider. The nature of the affair is pretty important, as is the nature of the relationship.
Danielle
Posts: 26,599
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1/12/2013 8:56:53 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Another thing: People's opinions are going to be shaped by their own experiences. If someone was cheated on (or never cheated) they might be like "OMFG CHEATERZ OMG DIE YOU HAVE NO MORALZ OMG SUFFER!111!!" and that's understandable given the social taboo, and whatever pain they might have gone through. However, it's complicated, and while I definitely don't condone cheating (or tolerate it in my own experiences), I don't necessarily think that cheating in itself without considering any other factors should be an automatic case for dismissal. PM me if you're asking for personal reasons and I can explain further.
sadolite
Posts: 10,006
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1/12/2013 9:41:29 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2013 8:35:05 AM, TheElderScroll wrote:
At 1/12/2013 8:09:26 AM, sadolite wrote:
At 1/11/2013 6:08:04 PM, bossyburrito wrote:
At 1/11/2013 5:46:25 PM, sadolite wrote:
"What are your thoughts on cheating?"
Me personally , don't have any and never had. Other people, Why would someone contemplate destroying their character to get a piece of azz is beyond me. I guess you have to be a dumb azz, characterless, pile of crap. If you don't like someone, break up and then go for the other person. Why do people think this will hurt someones feelings more than being a cheating pile of crap with zero character or moral compass.

The thing is that a lot of people regret cheating after the act. It usually comes from a lack of self control.

"It usually comes from a lack of self control." No, it comes from a lack of character and the absence of a moral compass. Regret is a reaction to being caught.

Not necessarily. Cheating could be an impetuous action, which would not involve "moral compass."

Regret is a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done. It does not have to be a "reaction to being caught."

What ever you say. Reality check.
Beware of the people who are in your circle but are not in your corner.

And with the stroke of a pen people 18 to 21 who own a gun became criminals and public enemy #1 having committed no crime and having said nothing. Just like the Jews in Germany during WW2. Must be a weird feeling.

When I hear people crying and whining about their first world problems I think about the universe with everything in it and people in wheelchairs and all of their problems go away.

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