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Changes in Toy Circulation Around World

12/24/2012 4:31:20 AM
Posted: 8 years ago
NORTH POLE, THE- The Easter Bunny, Chief Operating Officer of Claus and Associates, Inc. released a public report this morning indicating dynamic shifts in global toy circulation thanks to the recently released "Elf On The Shelf." Santa Claus, President and CEO of Claus and Associates in an exclusive interview celebrated the increasing efficiency stemming from an unprecedented shift in "naughtiness" oversight of the first world's children.

"We launched the test program in Germany four years ago but were disappointed by the low distinction between previous reports of 'niceness' and reports following the introduction of the Elf on the Shelf." Santa described. "What we didn't take into account was that German children are among the most well-behaved in the world. We noticed a similar phenomenon in France and Belgium."

But American children, statistical analysis revealed, significantly over reported niceness and under reported naughtiness by as much as 1000% more than German children.

"We didn't expect American children to be so misbehaved." Santa continued. "Our researchers discovered that it wasn't just the children that were misbehaving but parents too." Santa explained that this discovery has sent shockwaves throughout the Group of Imaginary Holiday Symbols community. In his other capacity, as honorary chairman of the Easter Board, the Easter Bunny commented "While we always expected that children weren't being entirely forthcoming about their annual misgivings, we never expected such a high degree of naughtyness throughout the United States."

Drastic measures were proposed by the Board of Directors of Claus and Associates, Inc. including the revision of a previously agreed upon cost cutting strategy of replacing coal in naughty children's stockings with packing peanuts. However, because local subcontractors to distribute packing peanuts had already been organized, it was decided by the Executive Team that it was too late to revise the plan. Cupid, who was formerly the Chairman of the Board raised concerns about the environmental impact of so many packing peanuts being disposed of.

"In a country with more than 300 million people, where approximately 78% will receive packing peanuts instead of presents there are real ecological implications which must be taken into consideration." Cupid has proposed replacing packing peanuts with letters that indicate that a donation has been made to restoring trees in the Amazon Rain Forrest. "That way, people not only realize they have been punished but their doing wrong benefits the environment."

Santa has expressed his support for the idea, and believes that by increasing naughtyness oversight over time that either Global Warming will be solved or people of the world will come to live in harmony with one another.
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12/25/2012 2:00:59 PM
Posted: 8 years ago
"Well, that gives whole new meaning to my assassination. If I was going to die anyway, perhaps I should leave the Bolsheviks' descendants some Christmas cookies instead of breaking their dishes and vodka bottles in their sleep." -Tsar Nicholas II (YYW)

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