It was the Christmas Eve of 2000, My mom came upstairs to tuck me in bed. She went downstairs and I went to sleep. Than I had this nervous feeling that I was being watched, So I went downstairs and tried to sleep on the couch. All of a sudden I hear this weird scraping down my chimney. I was excited, Thinking in my head, ”omg it’s Santa”. I believe this scraping noise woke my mother up. My mom was saying, “Johnny is that you? Not answer, But this weird noise coming from the chimney hohoho. Suddenly this man grabbed my mother and he started kissing her. I was shocked, Mad, Scared quickly I ran to the police station but they said Santa wasn’t real. I heard him in joy like he wasn’t ashamed of what he did. I haven’t been the same since. I want him to suffer for his sins.
Please ignore my horrible lyrics- Thanks.
List of Illegal Activities Possibly Done By Santa:
- the fact that Santa keeps hundreds of toy-crafting elves in his basement, is no doubt alarming. There are multiple theories I have about this- my biggest being that Santa has committed a genocide against the legendary and mythical race of creatures and of the ones captured, have held them against their will and forced them into labor in exchange for their life.
2. Stalking and surveillance
- the concept of keeping a watchful eye on children is not only border-line perversion, but also criminal when it comes to laws against surveillance and stalking.
3. Animal cruelty
- the amount of reindeer pulling Santa's sleigh is a considerable burden and can be considered animal cruelty. No animal, by law, should be put under these conditions.
This concludes just a sample of the illegal activities done by Santa since his first crime, hundreds of years ago.
Thanks everyone, and stick close to your friends and family this Christmas- Santa's coming to town... God, look after us-
#1. He watches you while you sleep
This is creepy on any level. I had a roommate in college who would watch me sleep and never did he bring me a gift
#2. He watches when you’re awake
Even when I shower? Or even worse, sitting at the computer for my “alone” time?
#3. He sneaks into your house when every one is in bed
That’s a breaking and entering! How is it OK to break the law Santa?
#4. He has been alive for hundreds of years
How can a man who clearly has been at serious risk of type 2 diabetes for centuries still be alive? That’s some hocus pocus S*** and I can’t trust a man like that.
#5. He always wants you to sit on his lap
I had an uncle who always insisted I sit on his lap as well. “Happy graduation Dalton! Now, come sit on uncle kith’s lap”. Sorry Santa, these days that's not so normal.
#6. He lives with reindeer
The implications I could make, however I will let your imagination run wild instead.
#7. He has a gigantic beard
There is no telling what has fallen into that beard of his and judging by his diet of cookies & milk it has got to smell pretty rank. I spilled milk in my car once and it smelled like vomit for weeks! Santa has been alive for how long?
#8. He Puts his finger ever so close to his nose
That finger is going in some day…or has. Do not shake his hand.
#9. He lives in a secluded area away from society
You know who else lived like this? Ted Kaczynski!
#10. He wears the color red
The key to prosecuting anyone successfully is providing proof of that crime, and showing a motive. As far as I can tell, even with all the modern technology used to protect our homes, Santa has never been caught on camera inside someones home, As to motive for B&E, he allegedly leaves gifts rather than steeling anything.
Lets now talk about the elves.....For slavery to be considered in this case, it would need to be proven that there is no compensation for the elves, and that they are not free to leave. Although this is worth investigating, there is no proof that they are not happy in the basement making toys. Genocide.... I ask where are the bodies?
The US Government has not been prosecuted when they have been caught spying on other countries and it's own people. Someone wrote a song claiming that Santa watches you all the time, that person could be sued for defamation as no evidence was provided to back this claim.
Finally I come to the animal abuse claim....Again I ask for proof? Allegedly Santa forces 9 reindeer to fly to every house around the world in one night....And that would be cruel, but what if he switched reindeer at intervals like the old USPS, I feel that until proof of any crime is given, Santa should be free to go about his life without abuse from the fake news media (fox and friends).
-Santa's humble lawyer - Mrs Clause