Should adults be responsible for their elderly parent's care?

  • Yes, it is our duty by Mother Nature to take care of our elderly parents

    They gave me a life and looked after me and helped me to grow up, they do anything for me and to be there for me when I need them, make sure to provide me a roof, protect me if anything bad happens to me. They give me love to live. Without them, I would not be here. I would look after them after what they have done for me. Same goes with family dog, when our family dog was getting old, we look after our family elderly dog after she has been guard us all her life, do you think we should dump her at the shelter? We receive more respect when we live together than lonely elderly parents live, they receive less respect and become target for break ins, robbery, etc. It is full of blessings to take care of our elderly parents.

    Posted by: Debb
  • Adults should be responsibility for their elderly parents' care.

    I believe that adult children should take care of their elderly parents as necessary. Parents provide for the care of their children; this should be a reciprocal relationship when the child grows to adulthood. At the very least, an adult should fund the care of their elderly parent if the parent is unable to do so.

    Posted by: R0n2Iuigi
  • Yes

    I couldn't live with my self if I didn't take care of my mother. She took care of me & I am doing the same for her. I am all she's got & she deserves the best care possible. The best care possible can only come from a loved one. Yes I have a sister that obviously doesn't feel the same as me. It really hurts me that she doesn't care enough about me or her mother to pitch in & give me a well deserved break. I don't understand her at all.

  • Yes, only an evil person wouldn't care for their needy parents!

    Your parents cared for you when you were completely helpless and in need. It is only fitting that their adult children should make sure that their parents have what they need in their old age. In many societies there are no governmental programs to care for the elderly and in those societies children care for the elderly. In our society unfunded liabilities from programs like medicare, medicaid, and social security are crushing our government under debt. They would be much less of a problem if adult children would be willing to carry more of the financial burden in caring for their elderly parents needs. Furthermore, most people whether they believe in God or not will admit that they should honor their mother and father. Caring for the needs of your elderly parents is the bare minimum adult children could do to honor their parents. It appears to me that many people in our society care more about having a big house and big screen TV or an RV and jetskis than they care about their elderly parents needs.

  • They gave life.

    Our parents, or parent figures, have been with us every step of the way. It was not easy for them in fact it was hard. Imagine all the trouble we gave them starting with our none stop crying in infancy, at the age of two when we tore up the library books, at the age of six where we annoyed the baby sitter to the point of angry tears, at the age of thirteen when you broke your brothers fingers in the van door while playing hide and seek, those stupid moments were you get frustrated and your parents back you up. Parents start out as caregivers but later become friends. Soon in their old age they need a companion someone who will look at the world in their point of view, relax, sit, and listen. Some to love and know will be with you to the end. We owe it to the ones who gave us life and helped us flourish into the people we are now today.

  • Yes, They Should

    If it wasn't for your parents you wouldn't be alive! Thank them for being alive and giving you a life by helping them! Some people in this world have no heart. My mom has COPD and problems breathing, and I've been helping her for a good ten years now with no regrets. I'm only 33.

  • Yes - Simple Answer

    Think about this! if your parents hadn't looked after you in the first place where would you be right now? Would you even be in a position to continue your life? No, I didn't think so. And who do u have to thank for this? Your parents. So do the moral thing and look after them and take care over. Your parents should be like God to you. They are the most precious things in your life. Without them there is no you. Simple as.

  • YES

    I believe grown children should be there for their elderly parents. I don't mean financially if they can't afford it. But they should go visit them regularily and they should see they get good medical care. They should show them love and respect. They definitely should do things to add quality to the their elderly parents lives. Old people want to see their kids. They want to know their kids will protect them from abuse in nursing homes and elsewhere. They should take their parents out to dinner if they are able to go and to visit their homes. They should be kept in the family loop ever if they are old.

  • Since parents were responsible for their children's care, there is a moral obligation for those children to take care of their parents when they become elderly.

    Parents are morally and legally obligated to care for their children when they are young. They provide shelter, food, clothes, etc. It is therefore only fair that when those children grow up and their parents become elderly, they take up some responsibility to provide a decent life for their parents. While it is not a legal obligation, it is a moral obligation.

    Posted by: EminentBennett93
  • All siblings should be involved

    Unfortunately, when one decides to take on the responsibility of caring for the elderly parent(s) the other siblings take a hike. I have a brother who is worth millions and has no family of his own (is still single at 63) and doesn't contribute. He could put mom in a good facility, like a nice small group home setting, or pay for a nurse 24/7 and assisted living or apartment for her. Instead, he shifted the entire burden onto myself and my husband. We have been the sole caregivers for nearly five years and it is definitely taking a toll on our lives. We used to have active lives, taking vacations, hiking in the mountains, rollerblading, etc., but no more. Mom takes all of my time and energy now and I should be enjoying my own retirement. It's time for my selfish brother to step up to the plate now that mom is so hard for me to take care of (she's 88 and has severe Alzheimer's, suffered a fractured hip and a stroke). It's not fair if you have sibling ho don't share the load, especially when they are more than capable of doing so financially and otherwise. On the flip side, my husband's parents are being cared for in their home by their children, who take turns preparing meals and taking them to the doctor, etc. There are 14 children and most of them still live in state. The ones who don't live here still chip in financially as well they should.

  • No

    1. Their elderly parents should preplan their own care, as part of being a responsible adult. 2. While everyone should and can be responsible for themselves, not every parent was responsible towards their children. There are plenty of physically and emotionally abused and neglected children. Why should a child that was not financially and emotionally provided for growing up, have to be responsible for the parent when they're an adult? And isn't it more likely that those same irresponsible parents becomes the elders that gets into the most financial problems in old age?

  • I grew up too fast because of this

    My grandmother is my legal guardian and of course she is in old age. I'm only 17 years old and I've literally given up my childhood for my own health issues plus a little bit of hers. I am not giving up most of my adolescence for her because neither my grandfather nor my sister want to step up and help me. It's just my grandmother and I living at home and she is making my life completely miserable. I can't even leave the house without someone calling me telling me something stupid that she did. Today was the second day in a row that she has fallen.

  • This isn't the 1920's

    Adults have full schedules, and more often than not have kids of their own. I think it's extremely selfish for parents of an adult to expect any kind of care from them. As someone stated below, the idea of looking after your parents is very dated. It pains me to read some of these life stories. People wasting decades of their lives in an attempt to avoid some sort of guilt. Other times it seems they're financially forced to look after parents, which is also unfair and shows that the parents just assumed they could take away years of their child's life.

  • Parents make the choice.

    Children should not be obligated to take care of their parents simply because they are your parents. Parents have to take care of their children until adulthood because parents make the choice to have children (either naturally or via adoption) and have to take responsibility for their choices. Children do not make a conscious choice to have parents therefore have no responsibility to take.

    However, if the parent helps the child as an adult (eg. lets their adult child live at home and pays their bills while the child "finds himself") then the adult child makes the choice to accept help from the parents and should pay it back when the time comes.

  • They didn't help me!

    My mother is deceased and my father cheated me out of money my mother had left specifically for myself and my brothers. He will not even bother to visit his grandkids even though he only lives 10 minutes away. He doesn't even bother to call them on birthdays, Easter or Christmas etc. Aside from that he refuses to help in any way and in all honesty this isn't new. As a kid growing up he was extremely abusive, violent and always drinking. He never bothered to have any involvement in my life. I was a national champion in my sport, yet he has never seen me perform.

    He has made provision in his will for my brother's daughter yet made no provision for my children. He has given large sums of money to both my brothers enabling them to buy houses and has left me out. I know that when the time comes he will expect to live with me and my family but this will simply not be possible since my husband and I have to work twice as hard to try and get a house and security for our children and their futures. My husband's family is the same. They help his brother, sister and step-brothers but fail to be there on the rare occasions we may need some family support. The reality is if any of our so-called parents had offered even the most basic of support that would have helped us to build a solid foundation, then maybe then, we would actually have the means to help them when they are elderly. You reap what you sow!

  • No

    No we should not be made to look after our parents,that's what their super /pension is for. Some parents can be down right abusive. However, if we choose to help them that would not be because of obligation that would be because we have a good relationship with them.

  • Worn out with Mother's care needs

    My father died 5 years ago leaving me with a super physically fit 83 year old with dementia. I find I am worn out with juggling a demanding job and a family and really wanted my own time as I approach 50 not a huge and frustrating responsibility. It is a myriad of appointments to achieve anything and all by me. No other relatives to call upon. I feel I need to preserve myself and desperately want to end my caring role. I am being selfish here but after bringing up a child and caring for a sick mother in law and a sick father, my mother's needs are coming when I'm worn out mentally. My mother can express strong views and I find I go along for an easy life. All free time seems to be needed for chiropodists, dentist, hairdresser, doctor etc etc I shower her and wash her hair/trim her nails, do her shopping, change her bed, do her washing, answer her mail and the list goes on but I know this is nothing to some people and it will only get worse. I just want someone to assess her rationally and make arrangements for the appropriate care. I don't care about money and I'm starting to feel numb as I hardly recognise this lady any more. Yes I'm selfish and just hope I get a break soon.

  • No, because it is our responsibility to take care of them.

    Our parents took care of us when we were little and then we will just abandon them when they got old? Don't you have heart? Yeah it is their responsibility to take care of us but we have the responsibility to take care of them too. They don't desrve that guys.

  • PLAN. They should be responsible to plan at least something for their retirement and care.

    A parent's poor planning impacts the life of others, now their poor planning is affecting my life and my future, as well as my kids. What a horrible snowball effect. I cared for my mother, and now my dad. My dad had surgery and came to our home for support after a heart attack. He has a 3000 sq foot home 12 miles away. Refuses to live there, refuses to sell it and refuses to take care of it. I now have him, the pool and yard, as well as a houseful of everything to take care of.
    No I am not the only sibling, however it is obvious the dumb one.

  • Adult caring for elderly parent

    You feel obligated to care for a parent just as they cared for you as a child. I left home when I was 18 and became independent. I am now 52, have raised 4 children (my youngest is 17 and still at home). I have been a parent for 33 years. Although my youngest is still at home, my father lives with us now. He is not physically unable to live alone, just emotionally; as he says he cannot live alone since our Mother passed away. However when he was my age, his youngest had left home, and he was free to enjoy his 50s, 60s, 70s and early 80s without responsibility. I have left my professional job to help care for my father, whom I love. However, he talks about the same things every day and has a very limited range of conversation. This is not good for my own brain and I am now beginning to feel old before my time. I feel my father has taken over my life and he spends more time with me than my husband and children. He has his own ideas on how things are done and has his principals. There are constant debates over the way we do things and what we believe in, however this is our home and our lives he has entered into. He pays minimal board as we don't feel right about charging too much. If my father didn't live with me, I would be visiting him a couple of times a week and bringing him to our place for dinner on Sunday nights and everyone would be calm,happy and relaxed. On the other hand, my teenage daughter does not leave her room, my husband has to listen to me constantly complaining about the daily events and I am quickly loosing respect for the father I love. This is the most difficult time in my life and I feel powerless in my own home.

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Anonymous says2013-05-20T19:11:24.223
Honor your Father and your Mother its in the bible for crying out loud.
Anonymous says2013-05-26T17:34:26.937
We have all honored our parents and we continue to, as evidenced by the fact that we still communicate with them after all of things they have done to us and every other family member on both sides of our family. However, we are not an open checkbook. I am a Christian and I'm fully aware of when the Bible says. You are entitled to your interpretation of what honeor measn, as I am entitled to mine.
Anonymous says2013-07-14T00:58:21.213
Honor, it doesn't say do everything for them. Nor does it say stop your life for theirs. Honor means being kind, and respectful. It doesn't mean go bankrupt trying to keep them living in the lifestyle they are accustom. Honor is just honor, it's not open checkbook, best and only friend, impinging upon your life, etc.
Anonymous says2013-08-03T12:42:47.110
We owe our parents a secure and dignified end of life. They are the people who worked their entire lives to create a better tomorrow for us. It is therefore a privilage for a person if he gets a chance to care for his parents
Anonymous says2013-08-11T21:19:30.377
I am so furious reading the self-righteous, judgmental comment here. I don't owe my parents anything. They abandoned me and an early age. I'm not alone...There are millions of others like me out there. I have young children and can't even pay the bills to feed my own children. My parents meanwhile both live high on the hog and do nothing to help me or their grandkids.
Anonymous says2013-08-22T04:45:45.223
2 COR 12:14...."Now I am ready to visit you for the third time, and I will not be a burden to you, because what I want is not your possessions but you. After all, children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children." EPH 5:31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."
Anonymous says2013-08-25T13:34:47.880
I'll do anything I can to help my 85 year old dad. It's not always pleasant, but nobody else will step up. My mom is sick mentally, so I'm sure the day is fast approaching when I'll be called upon to help in her care. I was raised with a roof over my head, food, clothes. Not much else. It is a sacrifice, but what else can you do? Sit around and listen to the others whine about how they didn't have what they wanted growing up? I just decided to shut up and grow up. I might live to be old. I'd hate to think my kid would let me rot in my own filth and sickness. Your kids are watching. They need to see you do the right thing. Each family is unique, with varying levels of resources. Mine are very limited. I'll do the best I can with what I have.
Anonymous says2013-09-16T11:49:43.647
When you were hungry who fed you ? When you were thirsty who gave you drink, when you were cold who gave you warmth? When you were scared who was there for you? If you understand this then, if our Lord God gave you parents or a love one to look after you, wont you even do the same for them even for the love of God. When they get this old they become no different than when you were born, the want love companion attention and affection, God bless you.
Anonymous says2013-09-24T04:16:36.447
Its our responsibility and now its time for us to payback
jihadomerfatah says2013-10-03T22:06:13.447
For many years elderly were take responsibility to look after the members of family when they were little. There are no place are comfortable to live as live with family. So when we are as a younger far away at home we feel very sad and harry to return bag to home same felling for the elders. There is one day that we be elder, do we like our family do not look after us?
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Hashaam says2013-12-20T07:13:48.227
Why should I care about parents ?

Speaking strictly in logical sense or as in Homo-economicus: Parents gave us birth. So they are responsible for us and not vice versa.

Speaking strictly in social sense or as in social animals: We all need to show love and be loved. Parents are now less able to help themselves. The act of caring may satisfy this need of love.

Speaking of both logical and social sense or as in synthesis: Parents are responsible for every mistake we make. However, since we are social animals and we tend to love each other, it may turn out that, due to our desire to love, we may ignore the logical responsibility and demonstrate love. By doing so, we may end up violating basic logic regarding duty assignment. But then laws and rules are meant to be broken are they not? ;-)

We end up loving, knowing that it is illogical as an act, as an idea and also perhaps cruel since parents might have made mistakes but defying all that logical we may remain loving. Because we are those who choose to act according to our desire and use our will rather than remain imprisoned in a logic not chosen by our freewill.
Jolie1100 says2014-09-24T17:35:26.830
I saddens me as I read through most of these opposing views and comments on adult children's parents who are ageing. Take for example tribes of the bible and more recently in history, tribes of the Indians...It is our social responsibility to care for our own irregardless of consequence or circumstance. Unlike these tribes of old, we are foolishly blind to the best gift of all that they can offer to us, and that is Wisdom, something the Indians knew well and cherished. If people living large and lavishly can hire a maid they can, in turn hire a nurse. I read allot of comments above about how our culture has evolved, not for the better I might add in some respects. We change too much with the culture, if anything we should be counter-cultural game changers and begin taking a stand for what is right and true and lovely. Not what is selfish, self-servient and solely based on "busy theory" crutch leaners too get out of or free from your family responsibilities and obligations. How lame to use "Busy" which has become the "New Label" of I just don't want too. And I'd like to add some other sad reality factors as well, how poorly we respect and mistreat our dear elderly. Individuals who have seen and suffered deep personal wounds for our freedoms. Just as the Indians, who honor and hold in high regard their wise elders, so we should also. Instead we throw them away in a home b/c were to busy to deal with them. Why are we so busy? It's because we buy things which force us to work longer and harder to pay for it, and yet were to selfish to pay for our own loved ones car. This is how our society has seduced us into believing the more we have the more accepted you will be. For shame ! In the famine of Jacob's era, Joseph, the one thrown away by his own brothers, rescued them all. As the commenter stated above so brutally about this not being the 1920's, How awful it must have been to see war and depression with people lying and living in the very streets. I believe our modern century needs a bit of a shake-up to jolt us out out of our "looking out for numero uno" atttitude so we can see more clearly the state of things...The American Dream is not "Stuff"...It is inspiration or better "aspire"..."You" inspire to change the world and after your are long gone, whatever the thing that you did to change the world in making it a better place, will go on forever. From generation to generation...Children, treat your Parents well...Sacrifice something you really could go without, to make a way for them...Teach your children to honor and respect aging people and in turn they will teach their children. Hopefully, the one good thing we can do b/f we leave this world, is to put and end to the abusers in nursing homes who are getting rich off the disadvantaged. As for the commenter on child abuse, does punishing your abuser make you feel better? That is not the way to invoke change. I understand, b/c I was abused too...But I'd rather be free then caged, so I forgive. And if we take this approach rather then the one of punishing, it may very well change a person. Quite possibly the one that abused you. That my friend, is inspiration. I stand in getting back to our roots of strong families. B/c when the family breaks down, then the church breaks down, when the church breaks down, then the community breaks down, and when the community breaks down...Our Government begins to crumble or worse controls...It's the trickle down effect and it's been actively causing the breakdown since the sexual revolution. Honor thy Mother and thy Father and you will live long and be prosperous!
shouterouter says2016-01-22T21:38:45.580
In response to "Honor your Father and Mother its in the bible for crying out loud".
Not everyone believes in God.
Kingsdaughter says2018-04-27T09:44:07.720
Altho I understand, with compassion, neglected children, becoming resentful, & bitter adults; I still disagree with it, entirely. What I Can't understand, is Any Parent, Not Loving their child, & Any Child Not Loving their Parents, tho clearly it happens, & that breaks my heart to its core! Don't get me wrong, I'm not speaking as a person who had the best childhood, because I didn't. I lived my childhood, in fear, inferior, ssd, lonely, & even resentful at times. However, I never for one moment, ever thought of not loving my parents even when i sometimes questioned their love for me. But all that aside, I've grown to become a mother of five beautiful people, who are absolute blessings to me & my life. Because I grew up confused and needy, I probably wasnt the best mother, because I made some very bsd choices that caused so much hardship & really put my children thru alot. But i realized at that point, how glad I was, that I forgave my parents without a second thought, snd Loved them through it sll, because, my children All, stood by me thru every crisis I dragged them thru.They never left my side even given the choice to do so, they refused to and their faithful, loyalty and love got me thru and jept me alive. Today we are all saved, and in love with our Saviour. They are all living wholesome sucessful, functional lives, & they often credit me for it. I can not take that credit with a clear conscience, but i am so proud to be their Mother and infinitely grateful to The Father for my children and my parents. My Daddy has passed & i suffer missing him everyday. My mama is struggling now as we speak, She is the strongest and most generous eoman i know. She gives of herself to a selfless yet unhealthy degree. She deserves help and needs it terribly. I am so far away it kills me. I just spent 2 months eith her helping her snd was very happy to do it. But i had to come bsck home, and it killed me to lesve her. I still check on hrr every single day snd Still wsnt to do all i can for her because I cant bare to see her hurting and struggling so much. It hurts me deeply. I just know, when i was a child, i was powerless to do anything to help, & when I became a mother, & screwed up, I was given so much grace, & shown abundant mercy. I would never dream of making my parents suffer if i could do something about it, even though i suffered a great deal as a child. NEVER would I be happy to see my parent hurting that way. They made many mistakes as parents but they were people first before parents, & far from perfect either way. The Same goes for me, and Every other person here that is a parent. No matter who you are, you are not perfect parents, or people. We have all fallen shortof Gods Glory but He Sacrificed and gave His Life to Save ours & Forgave, even those, who were pounding nails through his body, He forgave as they were doing it. He forgave you for every sin you have ever committed and He forgave Our Parents for what they have done also. Therefore who are we not to forgive? Let go of all that unforgiveness in you heart because its junk! & it isn't hurting them, but it is Killing you! Dont be bittrr and cold because your parents were, becsuse you know that means you are no better! How can you hate, despise, or resent someone, whos just like you. Move on, rise above & conquer with love. You'll not only be the better for it, you will feel Better, & most importantly you will be pleasing to God, The real Father the only Father you are required to answer to. HalleluYah Ahmane!
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