Who would win in this theoretical battle? (Read description)Posted by: themightyindividual
France vs. England; year 1390: The French have 1999 Ford Focuses (to replace their horses) and the English have 18" Echo chainsaws (to replace their swords). Each side knows the other has obtained a great technology such as their own but they do not know anything about the others' technology. Neither side can pull in other forces, this battle is between England and France only. Who would win?
England would win this hypothetical battle, as France at no point in their history has had, nor will ever have, a naval force sufficiently large to carry enough troops to successfully invade England. In other words, those Ford Focuses don't float.
The English would win this one, but there's a catch. So here's how it would go: The Frenchmen would roll up and step on the prissy pedal, flooring it the French Calvary would be accelerating at a painfully slow pace of 3 miles per second per second. They would reach a max speed of about 35 MPH (or at least that's as fast as Focus owners drive on the highway LOL) bouncing around like crazy as the light frame can't stick to the ground. Since the Focus roars like a field mouse on Xani Bars, it would appear to the Englishmen as though they were being chased down by a herd of overgrown hornee albino cows. They would promptly throw down their chainsaws which would still be running. Having the worst hygiene known to man, the 30 years of dirty and grime built up on the Englishmen's hands from never showering would get into the trigger mechanisms of the chainsaws and the triggers would be stuck in the "run" position. The chainsaws would be flopping around like an epileptic on the Vegas Strip. The Frenchmen would run over the chainsaws causing tire blowouts followed by chainsaws ripping through the bottom of the Focuses. Some of the Frenchmen die as the chainsaws rip through their seats, s0d0mizing them hard, others die as the gas tanks spark and fuel ignites causing a chain reaction of explosions; Frenchmen wiped out 100% death rate, Englishmen win. Hearing the explosions the Englishmen turn around and start cheering as they see the albino cows bursting into flames. WAIT!!! Don't blink yet because it's not over. Believing God just saved them from being r@ped by albino cows, the Englishmen all drop to their knees in prayer, giving praise to their lord and savior, pledging their endless submission to his will for his intervention. As the prayer and thanks finish, the Englishmen all open their eyes just in time to see blades from the cheep chainsaws breaking and flying toward them, a fraction of a second later the Englishmen are dead, beheaded by their own weapons. If only they didn't drop to their knees in prayer.
Do the French even know how to drive said Focuses? Frenchman sees a third pedal and gasps: "What...is...THAT?"